Volume 5 - CH 3.5

First, there was fear. Then there was sadness.

Even these emotions faded until I couldn’t feel anything.

I gazed blankly at the scene before me.

Three people were arguing.

Heated words were hurled back and forth, then flesh struck flesh. Two people were hitting each other. Silhouettes entwined and separated several times. The other was screaming beside them.

Saori and Ruiko were beating each other up. Tsubaki was screeching like a crow beside them. I didn’t know what she was saying. Suddenly, Shizuki stood up and grabbed Ruiko’s hand to stop her. But Ruiko shook her hand off and raised her arm.

A stone came down. Saori screamed. Red blood blocked her vision, and she staggered back a step. Ruiko looked around, bewildered. She didn’t quite understand what she had done. Saori stared at her wet palm. Something had spilled from her cracked head, sticking to her fingers.

Saori’s legs went lax, and she slid down the slope.

I didn’t actually know at what point she died.

I looked to the side.

A refreshing breeze brushed against my cheeks. I was sitting in an outdoor café, my whole body stiff, holding a cup of hot chocolate.

At the far end of the café located in the academy’s central plaza, the familiar seats were occupied by the usual people. Naturally, one seat was vacant. We always just silently acknowledged that empty space.

But right now, a different person was sitting on it.

She munched on a sugar cube and regarded us with a smile.

A smile that reminded me of a cat.

“I see,” she said. “You girls really don’t know where she is. That’s a shame. Ah, it must be sad to know that a good friend of yours is missing. Whenever I see you having tea like this, I wonder how sad you are.”

She shook the cup of tea vigorously, spilling its contents on the table. We exchanged looks. No one knew why she was here.

“But I apparently lack imagination,” the girl continued casually. “I can’t for the life of me see you girls as being sad.” She winked.

A chill ran down my spine. Ruiko, the aggressive one, started talking, trying to get rid of the stranger with her snide remarks. But the cat-like girl did not care. A moment later, Shizuki, who had been silent until now, struck the table.

“I’m grieving,” she said.

Silence fell. The girl paused. She closed her eyes and sipped her tea.

Opening one eye, she mumbled, “I mourn for my love. I’ll be chief mourner.”

Was that some kind of poem?

Her smile deepened. “So you’re the only one who claims they’re grieving.”

Shizuki nodded firmly. I studied the stranger. My hackles rose. Indescribable fear gripped me.

She didn’t seem human.

“I hated you all, by the way,” she whispered softly from my bedside.

I couldn’t say anything back.

I pulled the comforter. I wanted to close my eyes. Cover my ears. I wanted to fall asleep.

How nice it would be if I could hide under the covers. Yet I couldn’t even do that.

“I was the one who killed them both,” Shizuki said, stroking my hair. “And I’m the one who drove you mad.”

She took a tuft of my hair and kissed it. Then she pulled hard. I felt a sharp pain in my scalp. I couldn’t even move as she pulled my hair out. Trembling, I just waited for her to leave.

“Hey, is it frustrating?” She giggled. “Are you frustrated?”

Tears blurred my vision.

Shizuki’s fingers gently wiped away the tears.

“Now if you could just die, it would be perfect,” she said melodiously.

I was scared. Terrified. I’d been frightened for a while now.

Ever since Saori’s death, I feared I’d share the same fate as her.

And my fear was amplified when the flowers bloomed. Tsubaki’s death drove it home.

One day I would become like that. I would be killed and become a corpse.

Yes, I was terrified of being punished by the flowers.

“I see. So you wish to overcome your fear. Then the fastest way to do that is to ■■■ with the subject. It’s really quite simple, young lady. Humans are trash. ■■■ are far better. I don’t think it’s so bad to be a ■. Yes, and then you’ll never have to be afraid again,” the cat said cheerfully.

I happily agreed. Shedding tears, I accepted her proposal.

When was this? I couldn’t remember.

I hated that I couldn’t hear the important parts.

I was standing under a blue sky.

At my feet was a dry rooftop. In the center of the white-and-blue world stood a girl. Her arms were outstretched, tears streaming down her face. Suddenly, she started running, crossing the roof. I didn’t know her. But I did.

My memories became muddled.

I knew that it was bad, but this was my decision. Borders blurred, existences fused. The boundary between me and myself disappeared, and we became one. Uterus was embedded in my belly, and the taste of flowers filled my mouth. Saori fell off in front of me, and the dog bit off its owner’s head.

The taste of flesh filled my mouth. Mayuzumi twirled her red parasol.

“And… by eating… tried to… god.”

Mayuzumi Chihana tried to become a god by eating the flesh of a god.

“Eating flowers is a metaphor.”

I took a deep breath. Opening my eyes, I struggled to emerge from the sea of memories. The answer was on this side. I recalled the girl eating flowers. The cat’s words spun through my mind. Then it all melted again.

The scene before me turned cloudy, like water dropped on paint. Words came rushing in as a muddy stream of incoherent nonsense. I just cowered in the midst of it, holding my head in my hands.

A sea of crimson flowers stretched on beneath my feet.

Flowers are scary, so I have to eat them. They say that those who eat demons become demons themselves. Then you will never be afraid again. If you eat a god, you will become a god. The truth is, Shizuki. If you don’t want me to die, then stay with me. Won’t you die, Kotori? Hey, Odagiri. A womb in the belly. Flowers into fingers.

My consciousness melted. My existence became vague, and words lost their meaning.

Just before everything turned to nothing, something warm touched my hand.

Papa.

Something warm descended on my hand as I drowned in a sea of stupor. It wrapped its tiny arms around me, clinging to my neck. It smelled of milk and blood. It was heavy. It moved its arms and legs as it tried to tell me something.

A small tongue licked my face like a puppy, slithering over my cheeks again and again. It kept repeating the same words.

Papa, no.

A child—Uka was calling me.

I embraced the being in my arms and established my own existence around the child. I lifted my own consciousness from Kotori’s memories.

“I know. I’m sorry,” I whispered to the child in my arms.

I almost lost myself.

The child beat on my chest, sobbing. I hugged her tightly. I pressed my cheek in her hair and whispered.

“I will never forget.”

I should never lose it. I promised Shizuka. I promised to remember her. I must not lose sight of myself. I must not forget my promise to her.

“I am your father,” I said.

A declaration. Acknowledgement.

Then all of a sudden, my vision rapidly returned.

I let out the breath that I had been holding, coughing repeatedly. I was actually suffocating to death. I almost drowned in a sea of memories.

Kotori looked frightened. What just happened was something I alone experienced through Uka. I doubt the girl knew what actually occurred.

I took a deep breath, exhaled, and pulled my wounded palm away. She quickly held her wrist close.

Kotori resumed tearing the flowers, bringing them to her mouth.

Her eyes were glazed over. I studied her.

Would my words really reach her? I wasn’t sure. But my only choice was to hit her hard with the answer I found.

“Eating flowers and becoming a flower won’t make your fear go away,” I said.

Kotori froze. Her eyes widened. Her pale lips quivered.

A glimmer of sanity appeared in her cloudy eyes.

I was sure. This was the answer.

Eating flowers is a metaphor.

Eating flowers had the same significance as eating human flesh.

She tried to become a flower by eating flowers.

Like the woman who once tried to eat a god to become a god.

I repeated what the cat said. “I see. So you wish to overcome your fear. Then the fastest way to do that is to fuse with the subject. It’s really quite simple, young lady. Humans are trash. Red flowers are far better. I don’t think it’s so bad to be a flower. Yes, and then you’ll never have to be afraid again.”

Kotori’s fingers creaked. She tore off the flower in her hand and pressed it to her lips. A red drop dribbled down her chin. But her eyes were definitely looking at me. Confident that my words had reached her, I continued on.

“That’s what the cat told you. But that’s nothing more than sophism.”

Humans cannot be flowers.

To “become a flower” probably meant to be poisoned by a flower and die.