Volume 6 - CH 1.7

As I opened my eyes, a thick blanket of darkness greeted me.

The scents of medicine and chocolate filled my nostrils, mixing into an odd concoction that seemed all too familiar. I heaved myself up, feeling a hard bed underneath me. I opened my eyes, but saw nothing.

When did I lose consciousness? The pain that ravaged my body was gone.

Yet, my eyes remained unresponsive. Bewildered, I scanned my surroundings.

It was then that I heard a faint sound, a noise that I knew all too well. A sense of relief washed over me.

“Don’t worry. Your blindness is only temporary,” Mayuzumi murmured softly. “Your mind couldn’t bear the shock of having your eyeballs gouged out, and it influenced your body. You didn’t actually suffer any injuries. It’s an unusual form of blindness, but it should heal in due time.”

She chewed on a piece of chocolate. I could sense her sitting by my bedside. The shock of losing my sight was too much, but I knew better than to question Mayuzumi’s words. If she said it would heal, then heal it would. I had to stay focused, lest I risked my stomach ripping open again.

Instead I asked about the one thing that weighed heavy in my mind.

“Mayu-san, what happened to the man?”

“Ah, I knew you’d be curious.”

Mayuzumi let out a sigh. Her clothes rustled. I could picture her black lace swaying.

Delicate fingers touched my palm. Mayuzumi took my hand.

“Do you want to meet him?”

Mayuzumi led me by the hand down the hallway. The soft touch of her fingers on my palm was odd, and at the same time being in direct contact with a part of her was unsettling. I followed her anyway, dumbfounded.

“Mayu-san, what are you plotting?” I asked.

“How rude. I don’t want to employ any more people to help you, but at the same time, I don’t want you to stumble and hurt yourself. Today is an exception. Enjoy it to your heart’s content,” Mayuzumi said with a light chuckle.

Enjoy what exactly?

I followed her silently. Cautiously. The darkness seemed to go on forever. I held tight to Mayuzumi’s hand, the only tangible thing in the void. Eventually, she came to a stop. I wasn’t sure how far we walked. I silently waited for Mayuzumi to open the door.

Then I heard the door creak open, and a gust of autumn wind brushed against my cheeks. The window was open. Mayuzumi pulled me into the room. The warmth of the sun announced a clear sky.

“Ah, hello,” a voice spoke calmly. It was not the voice of someone who was injured.

I felt a sense of relief wash over me at the thought that he had not gouged out his own eyes.

“Um, Mayuzumi-san… You said that your companion became like me. Is he okay? If it won’t heal, I’m truly sorry. My apology might not change anything, but I’m sorry.”

His words left me speechless. What did he mean by ‘became like me’? I couldn’t see at the moment. There could only be one explanation.

“Correct. He’s become just like you,” Mayuzumi answered nonchalantly. “But don’t worry. His blindness is temporary, unlike yours.”

She took my hand and guided it towards the man. My fingers brushed against his hair. I could feel dry bandages below it.

To my surprise, the man let out a soft laugh.

“When I lost my sight, I stopped being afraid.” His voice was serene. “I’m not afraid anymore. The things that tormented me are no longer within my sight. Finally, I can be normal. Finally, finally… I am free from myself.”

He let out a sigh of relief. His tone was more composed than when he could see. I pulled my hand away, and his figure vanished in the darkness.

“I want to tell the police everything. I can’t make up for what I’ve done. It’s already too late. But I’ve decided to face the consequences.” His voice was now cheerful, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

My discomposure was impossible to conceal. My insides twisted and turned, and my fingers twitched.

His eyes no longer worked, a fact that left my head numb.

“Was it impossible for you to face others when you could see?” I asked.

My voice was but a low echo, as though it belonged to someone else. Silence ensued. The wind howled in my ears.

I knew the answer already. He took his time, and finally spoke.

“I couldn’t do it,” he answered. “I’m a pathetic and miserable human being who finds pleasure and pain in the act of gouging out eyes. There was no salvation for me until it came to this.”

Then, something hit my hand. He was holding it, grasping at me with a desperate fervor.

“This was the best thing that could have happened. Thank you so much.”

His words were genuine, coming from the depths of his heart, but I couldn’t acknowledge them. They were like a form of madness, an expression of a mind unhinged. I couldn’t muster a response.

What purpose would it serve to make someone who could never be happy even more unhappy?

It would be nothing but self-indulgence. So I swallowed my words and kept the thoughts to myself.

The light of autumn seared my eyelids, but even with it, the world around me remained shrouded in darkness.

As we stepped out of the room, I let go of Mayuzumi’s hand, and she merged with the darkness.

“He’s grateful, that much is certain,” I muttered. “But was there really no other way? That choice was too cruel.”

There was a long pause before Mayuzumi chuckled. In the darkness, I imagined the curve of her crimson lips.

“A person’s happiness is not something you decide, Odagiri-kun. Whether one’s place is heaven or hell is determined solely by the person’s mind. He should have been left in hell, able to see, forced to atone for his sins. Isn’t that what you’re saying?”

If the world his eyes beheld was unbearable, did he not make the right choice?

Others would see that as hell. Far from true paradise.

I clenched my fists, but Mayuzumi seemed unbothered by my inner turmoil.

“Well, it doesn’t matter to me either way,” Mayuzumi went on coldly. “I was simply fulfilling a request. And the fact is, this outcome expedited matters.”

I turned towards the direction of the door, biting my lip hard.

“But still, I…”

I couldn’t see the face of the man behind the door. What was seared in my mind was the image of him writhing in agony. I never saw his smile.

“Thank you so much.”

I mulled over his words. His eyesight would never return.

I could only hope that the place he had found was paradise.

Crimson leaves fell before my eyes, piling up on the garden that lay beyond the porch. My younger sister lifted her face slightly, broom in hand. I watched her with a soft smile on my lips. She must have sensed my gaze, for she turned to face me, regarding me with big, clear eyes.

In her eyes was a deep sorrow that reminded me of a dark sea. But more than anything, they were filled with compassion and concern for me.

No longer did I fear her eyes. After confronting and reliving memories that I had long avoided, I came upon a realization. Her eyes were not condemning me, but mourning for me.

She was simply grieving for me.

I wanted to beg her to smile. I wanted to embrace her, tell her to be happy, to have fun. She must have felt the same way about me.

We should have laughed together like children, without a care in the world.

“Are you angry, Brother?”

“There’s nothing to be angry about. Really, there isn’t,” I replied in a whisper that could no longer reach her.

But she smiled anyway, that same endearing smile that lit up her face. Her eyes sparkled with joy as she nodded innocently.

It was nothing but a figment of my imagination, but I knew she would have smiled for me.

I lifted my face gently. A breeze caressed my cheek. The autumn sun streamed through the window. I was certain the same azure sky was filled with clouds as white as milk. My sister smiled and looked up at the sky, just as I did.

“It’s bright, Brother,” she said, like we were back in our younger days.

“It is,” I replied out loud.

“The sky is beautiful.”

“I think so too.”

To others, it might seem like the mutterings of a madman. But I was sane.

As I watched her smile, a smile that was no longer around, I reflected upon the past.

I couldn’t protect you, the person dearest to me.

You showed me more kindness and concern than anyone else ever did.

But now, just like back then, we could finally laugh together.

Under the clear blue sky, we faced each other.

Both you and I, just like in our childhood days.

We stand here, without any worries or troubles.

“Ah…”

The beauty of that day endured even now.

That fact alone gave me solace.

In the darkness where I couldn’t see anything, I took my sister’s hand.

And, from the bottom of my heart, I whispered.

“I am happy.”