CH 39

In the short time it took to go into the corridor and head to Yulia's room, Carus' head was tangled with various thoughts.

'The Emperor is a subtle person.'

The Emperor of Baikan was a very mysterious monarch. Some called him a merciless tyrant, others a generous sage.

At the height of the conquest war, there was no day for blood to dry up where his eyes touched, but he turned a blind eye and forgave Empress Denebra who ignored her husband, the Emperor, and obsessed over Carus Lankea.

Even those who served him the closest could not read his mind, so they always lived in anxiety. It wasn't different for Carus.

However, Yulia already knew what decision such an emperor would make.

Her words that she was living her ninth life kept ringing inside his head. If that was the truth, Carus had to obtain Yulia Arte by all means.

'It sounds ridiculous, but if it's true...'

Just the thought of it would make anyone laugh out loud, but he could no longer ignore it now.

Carus paused for a moment in front of the room where Yulia was sleeping. Then, he thought about her.

About the past that Yulia couldn't choose and the tragedy that she couldn't avoid, from their first meeting to the present.

About the fact that he wasn't being able to get rid of her even though he had many chances to cut it off.

*****

The night was dark. Yulia had a nightmare for the first time in a while.

Rather than overcoming her fear of death, she chose to use that fear to grow her anger, and whenever she suffered from nightmares, she would bitterly resent her past self.

'How much longer will I get to live this time?'

Yulia woke up and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes with her fingers. The smile that was like a habit lingered on her face as she silently looked at her wet fingertips.

'Tears? It's not even funny...'

What kind of dream was it? A dream where she died? How did she die in that dream? There were times when she was strangled or beaten to death, and times when she was executed. Come to think of it, since when did she stop screaming when having these kind of dreams?

Was it her fourth life? Or her fifth?

There was a time when she thought it would be better to die first than to see loved ones die before her. After that, she decided to survive and pursue her revenge despite witnessing the death of her loved ones.

Now, she knows that her will alone cannot make all of that happen. Because although people don't easily change, the world changes too easily. A huge flowing river cannot be changed by human power.

"Did you have a nightmare?", Carus asked.

She thought she was feeling someone's presence, and there was Carus, observing Yulia with emotionless eyes from one side of the dark room.

"What are you doing here?"

A cracked voice flowed from Yulia's mouth. Not surprised to see Carus standing there like a ghost, she got up and sat down on the bed.

"It looked like you were having a nightmare."

Carus was standing against the wall. Yulia had the feeling that he was trying to keep his distance from her.

A nightmare. What should she answer? Yulia, who was thinking about what to respond, briefly smiled.

"Sir Carus, what do you think a nightmare is?"

"It's a bad dream."

"I don’t have anything like that."

It was a light, but firm tone. Perhaps he didn't like that answer, Carus hardened his face.

He understood the meaning of Yulia's words.

Her reality was far worse than any nightmare.

"How annoying", Carus said coldly. It was close to self-talk or mumbling.

She could have just pretended not to hear, but Yulia held his attention tenaciously and wouldn't let go.

"You seem to hate it when a woman cries. Don't pay attention to it. It's not tears, it's just a conditioned response."

"What?"

"Similar to tears that come out when you yawn. So there is no need to feel sorry, or worry about it."

"What the hell are you..."

She was doing it again. Yulia was a woman who took her pain more lightly than anyone else in the world. In Carus' eyes, she had the tendency to treat herself like a tool.

"A hangnail on my finger is more painful than a knife pierced through someone else's heart. It's only human. But you do the opposite. It would be strange not to care."

"Why are you worried about me?", Yulia asked.

It was a needle-like question.

"Why is Sir Carus worried about me?", Yulia said again.

It was a soft voice as if meant to soothe. Although it wasn't clear who exactly she was trying to soothe. It could have been Carus, or it could have been Yulia herself. Her words also meant to spell out the relationship between the two, who were only strangers at this point.

There was still no change in expression on Carus' face, but his heart sank coldly, as if covered with ice water, as he stood in front of the line she had drawn.

"You said that you don't believe me, but... there are things I realized while going through nine lives. Do you know what one of them is?"

"I don't know."

“When you decide to kill someone, you have to risk your own life. I bet my everything on this. Among them, of course, life is included."

"Those eyes again."

An endless forest. A stormy sea.

Yulia's eyes had a depth similar to those. A ferocious nature that sucks people in, and devours them without leaving a trace. As he faced her in the dark, the wildness in her eyes felt even more stark.

She was also a woman with good eyes. Carus let out a laugh.

It was like that from the first time they met. He couldn't even remember what color the eyes of the women he met every day in the Empire was, but Yulia's dark green eyes were clearly imprinted in his mind from their very first meeting.

It was because of those eyes. Dark green, full of poison. If there was truly an abyss at the bottom of the ocean, that's what it would look like.

How could he kill a woman like that? It would be a waste, so he could never do that.

"Fine. I will be honest."

Carus strode towards Yulia's bed, and brought his face closer to her.

His black eyes were right in front of her. Yulia didn't avoid him, and looked straight into them.

"His Majesty has some intringuing birds. They quickly deliver orders to those who are far away."

The Emperor had sent one of those birds to Carus.

"His Majesty made me the new admiral of the Southern Fleet of the Imperial Army."

His voice was completely devoid of emotion. Yulia just sat still and listened.

"Yulia. This is what you told Maxwell before. Whatever meager evidence I send to His Majesty the Emperor, it will be enough. You said I would understand once I see the results. As if you knew in advance what orders he would give."

Yulia stayed silent.

"You already knew that I wouldn't be able to return to the Empire."

Of course. He became the new Admiral of the Southern Fleet by order of the Emperor in every single one of her past lives.

"Are you a prophet? Or, should I believe you when you say you've lived nine times? How am I supposed to take it?"

"Sir Carus."

"I don’t believe in curses. I hate uncertainty."

"I understand."

"But now I can't help but believe it. Because your damn prophecy has never been wrong."

He knew it too. That all of this didn't make sense. However, since they met on that day in the middle of the blizzard, Yulia's words, clearer than an oracle, have always come true.

"Especially on that day", Carus murmured. "On the way to Ortega, in the field where we spent the night, you told me."

Yulia also remembered.

"That you will cut off Marjoram's head."

Then, the grin of a ferocious beast appeared on the girl's face. Carus asked in a harsh voice as if growling.

"Tell me. Did you expect everything from then on? His Majesty the Emperor also ordered me to investigate the Marquis of Marjoram and his crimes. He said the arrogant nobleman of Ortega dared to scorn the honorable imperial army."

She expected it. However, Yulia still kept her mouth shut. There was no need for her to answer, but it was also because Carus didn't seem to want an answer from her.

"Yulia."

"Yes."

"Don't you want to give up?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Don't you want to forget about a fool like Vasily, and live your life freely? I'll stop all the hyenas from hurting you. You can leave Ortega, and go to my territory in the Baikan Empire. I'll grant all of your requests, and I'll give you as much support as you want. So that you can lead an abundant and leisurely life."

"Sir Carus, why are you doing this?"

Carus' breath was close. He was talking like someone who was heated and angry, but his eyes looking at her were as cold as frost.

Yulia liked that temperature difference. She believed that gap was created thanks to the experience and ability he had accumulated over time. A hot head and cold eyes, or a cold face and a hot heart. That's how that devilish control of emotions was made possible.

A wolf.

Carus Lankea was a wolf.

"If you still won't give up on your revenge...", he started.

The moonlight shone on his face, revealing his red lips. Yulia was mesmerized by his lips, and was absorbed in his words.

"Take my hand."