CH 47

A rumbling carriage. Scenery flows beyond the window. As if all the blood had suddenly been drained from my body, my head was spinning and I couldn’t think of anything. It’s pitch black in front of my eyes and I can’t see anything…

“……Sir…… Sir Floto. Sir Floto! Sir Floto…! We’re here!” Isabella yelled.

“Huh? Aah… yes,” I said, getting off the carriage then.

What was it…? What was I supposed to do next?

“… Haah, Sir Floto, let’s get you out of that suit and head back to the mansion for today…” Isabella said.

“Yes…” I said.

I enter the hut with Isabella holding my hand and helping me change my clothes. After dressing back into my usual rough dress and getting back into the carriage, I returned to Manor Carruthers on the carriage once more.

As I lay in bed at home, I think absentmindedly. It was no good. I was thinking of persuading Alexandra’s parents to let us become friends but it doesn’t seem possible anymore.

Nikolaus was right. That’s right. Normally, this is the busiest time for children. During this period, children interact with other children to form horizontal connections and establish relationships with each other. If you’re a normal child, your schedule should be full of going somewhere or having someone visit you every day.

Meanwhile, Alexandra came all the way to my place. I’m sure she had other plans, but she forced herself to come all the way to me. No wonder Nikolaus was worried.

Normally, there is a difference in status between the knights and the counts. No matter how much I am a direct vassal of the royal family and House Lingerburg is a vassal of a margrave, it would be better to think that there is a decisive difference that cannot be bridged. Moreover, House Lingerburg stands at the top of House Carruthers’s vassals by status alone. Nicklaus was completely correct to say that the child of such a noble family had no spare time to deal with a knight during this busy season.

Until I met Nikolaus, I had hoped that somehow I could persuade Alexandra’s parents to at least let us be friends… but that’s no good. I don’t have what it takes to convince him. It’s just my personal desire that I want to be friends with Alexandra. Nikolaus, on the other hand, is absolutely right.

Considering the future of Alexandra’s life and the future of the House Lingerburg, Alexandra could be in trouble in the future if she spends time on unnecessary things at this crucial period. It would be even better if I could help Alexandra then.

But even now, I’m cut off from House Carruthers, and maybe I’ll be married somewhere else later. There is no certainty that I am in a position to interfere with House Lingerburg, the vassals of the House Carruthers, and there is no guarantee that I will be able to help Alexandra.

To begin with, there was no match between my selfishness and taking Alexandra’s time and Nikolaus, her father, thinking of his daughter’s future and the future of their House as its Head…

I can’t think of anything that could convince Nikolaus. It was never okay to mess up Alexandra’s life just because I want friends. This is true, after all… as Nikolaus said, maybe I should forget about Alexandra and go our separate ways…

It was still good, wasn’t it? We only met each other once. If it’s still now, breaking up here won’t hurt so much.

“… Uuuh, guh…”

I pressed my face against the pillow so I couldn’t see anything with my blurry vision. The pillow that gradually got wet and soggy felt disgusting. While my head was spinning in circles without any real direction, it was light outside before I knew it.

I wonder what I should do today…? I’m sitting at my desk in the shack and I feel like I’ve been doing nothing for the past few days. I originally had a plan set to some extent, so even if I don’t do anything now, things will proceed on their own. If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be better if I wasn’t here…? If I get this far, I wonder if it will proceed on its own without me doing anything.

“Sir Floto… no, Miss Flora! I still think we should go to Manor Lingerburg once more!”

“Helmut…” I said.

At that moment, Helmut went from standing still by the door to speaking up, a rather unusual thing. But what are we going to do? Even if I do go, I will only cause trouble for Alexandra.

“Sir Floto, a letter has arrived for you,” Isabella said as she entered the hut.

My shoulders jumped at the mention. “Is-Is it from Alexandra?” I asked.

My hands are shaking involuntarily. What should I do now that I have received a letter from Alexandra?

“… There are two letters,” Isabella said as she came over to me.

She puts them down on my desk. I look at the names. One is from Alexandra. The other was from Nikolaus.

“-!”

I can imagine what they’re about. Which one to look at…? Even though my heart was beating so hard, my head suddenly stopped working, as if all the blood had drained. With trembling hands, I open Alexandra’s letter first.

“… Just like I thought,” I said.

The contents of the letter from Alexandra were mostly as expected. It started with the fact that she had fun last time, and since she came to my house last time, this time she wanted to invite me to her home. She offered next week.

And one more letter. Even though my heart was beating pounding, I cut the seal on Nikolaus’s letter with my pale hands as I felt sick.

“—!?”

After reading the letter, I covered my mouth and put my elbows on the desk. I feel ill and almost like I’m going to hurl.

In Nikolaus’s letter, he said if I had any feelings about Alexandra, I should decline the invitation. Perhaps Nikolaus knew that Alexandra was going to write to me, and had written this letter to be sent alongside hers.

If you open it and read the contents, you will know that the wax seal has been damaged, so it seems that you haven’t seen the contents, but anyone could guess the contents of Alexandra’s letter. That’s why Nikolaus likely attached a letter like this, assuming it was a letter to make an appointment to meet again.

With trembling hands, I took a pen and paper. The contents of the reply have been decided…

“I’m sorry… Alexandra…I’m so sorry…”

My hands trembled, the words were jumbled, the paper was wet and crumpled, the ink was bleeding, until finally, I had written my reply in full.

A few days later, I received another pair of letters.

“Sir Floto…” Isabella said.

“It’s alright,” I said. “Thank you, Isabella.”

She looks apologetic as she hands it to me, almost as if it were as in to do so. The senders are Alexandra and Nikolaus. Cut the seal from Alexandra’s letter again.

“-! Alexandra…”

The letter from Alexandra spelled out that she was sorry for the sudden request, and it was written that she would like a reply along with the date when it would be convenient for me to visit Manor Lingerburg. The hand holding the letter trembles and my eyes start to blur. I wonder how Alexandra felt when she wrote this letter.

I lied to Alexandra and wrote that I couldn’t go because it was inconvenient… How should I respond to this letter where Alexandra apologized despite having done no wrong?

And Nikolaus’ letter reminds me again that if I receive an invitation, I should refuse it.

Over and over…, over and over I tried to write a reply but I couldn’t. My hands tremble, my vision blurs, and the ink smears on the wet paper making all the writing illegible. I can’t write long sentences. In the letter I finally managed to write, I wrote only one sentence, “I can never see you again, Alexandra.”

The last time she visited Floto’s house was a good time. At first, Alexandra was surprised by the shack in the woods, but she enjoyed talking with Floto so much that she didn’t care.

She wanted to meet her again. She wanted to meet and talk.

For Alexandra, who hadn’t been able to make any friends until now, Floto was the first friend she could make. When she debuted in her neighborhood group, the people around her seemed more like minions than friends. And as they grew older, everyone gradually left Alexandra. Floto is the first friend that Alexandra feels comfortable with.

She wants to send another letter. But it may be annoying if you put it out too soon in a row. Let’s take a break. How long should the break be? Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? She can’t wait for that day to come. She spends her days thinking that she wants to send a letter to Floto as soon as possible.

Alexandra spends her free time without receiving letters from anyone or visiting her, other than leaving home to do some errands that her father Nikolaus told her to do. She’s about to have enough days between letters, so she writes one to Floto. Last time Alexandra was visiting, so she wanted Floto to come to her house this time. She would like to introduce her to her parents and include her as part of their family.

She writes a letter to Floto with the thoughts that she really enjoyed last time. If she’s able, she can visit Alexandra tomorrow instead of next week. But that would cause trouble for Floto as well. So next week. She’ll be patient until next week. She can talk to Floto again next week. Thinking that Alexandra couldn’t sleep at night.

The next day, Alexandra had been wandering around the front door many times to see if A letter had arrived, and when one did, she grabbed it and rushed into her room. Then, in excitement, she unsealed the letter, read it, and froze up.

It seems to be inconvenient for Floto next week. It’s her fault for suddenly saying that. Even Floto has her business. Se should not be arbitrarily hopeful and was arbitrarily disappointed. First, she’ll apologize to Floto for saying something so sudden and ask her when it would be convenient for her. That’s it. Normally, you have to listen to the other person’s circumstances. She was in a hurry and got ahead of herself. Thinking it was her fault for being so flustered, she sent the letter again.

Floto always responds by the next day. She sent the letter yesterday, so it should arrive today. She will meet Floto again. Thinking that Alexandra had been waiting for the letter at the entrance all this time, and snatched the letter that arrived, and then immediately rushed into the room.

“……Huh?”

There is no doubt that you listen to the other party’s circumstances. Alexandra can be free anytime. If Floto says next week is good, then next week, if the week after next is good, then the week after next, she can’t wait to see her, but she can always make it convenient for her. That’s what she thought… but there was only one sentence in the letter:

“I can never see you again, Alexandra.”

It was all that was written.

She can’t understand the meaning. Can’t they meet? Why? Is it because she’s unavailable? Then you should write it like that. She asked for a convenient day because any day for Alexandra would be good. Whether it’s next month, the month after next, or next year, she’s certain she’ll be free at least some time. There is no human being who has plans for all their life. What does this mean?

Why is it? Why is this happening? Isn’t she friends with Floto? Wasn’t it the first time they became friends who called each other by name, without titles?

There’s no need to think about it. It’s the same as before. Because she is the daughter of the declining Count of Lingerburg…

It’s always been that way. All the children she thought of as friends left Alexandra when they were old enough to understand the situation in Alexandra’s House. After that, when they heard about her, she was not even given their attention, to begin with. It’s always the same.

But then why did she accept the visit once? Just because she wanted Alexandra to make a fool of herself? Is it because she wanted to make her wait for a moment and then push her down?

Or did Floto not know about House Lingerburg at first? And after her first visit, did she learn about the current state of House Lingerburg and cut ties with her? Someone else may have told her about the Lingerburgs.

“Fuu… aha… ahahaha…!” Alexandra laughed.

That was it. It’s as usual. This always happens… so it’s not like anything like it is going to hurt her now…”

“Ahaha…! Fuguh… uuu… uuaaaahhhh…!” Alexandra cried.

She’s used to this kind of thing. Because this is always what happens. That’s why she’ll just cry a bit, just a bit, and she’ll be back to her normal self again…

Alexandra kept telling herself that as she continued to cry.