CH 82

When I came to, I was home. When did we come back? I have no recollection of afternoon classes. What time is it now? Have I eaten dinner? Or is it not dinner time yet?

It is useless. I can’t concentrate on anything because I think about Alexandra all the time.

Alexandra and I must have been on good terms until then. It wasn’t like we had a fight and we didn’t hate each other… that should have been the case.

But what of Alexandra’s attitude today? She was looking at me like she was looking at a stone on the side of the road with no interest in me. Well, speaking of her face alone, Alexandra’s face is that of a villainess, so even if she’s just acting normal, she’ll look like she’s glaring, or she’ll look scary, but that’s not the point. If you think about her words together with that, it’s clear that Alexandra knew it was me and she told me not to get involved with her ever again.

What happened to Alexandra? Or maybe I did something that made Alexandra angry without knowing it.

After Alexandra moved to the royal capital, I asked Father to deliver letters several times. But I never got a reply. I sent letters several times but never received a reply, so I thought I was annoying her and stopped sending them.

Could it be that my letters didn’t reach Alexandra? So was she mad at me for not contacting her at all? Or did she get angry because the letters arrived properly and I stopped contacting her halfway through?

In the first place, if I was really worried about Alexandra, shouldn’t I have sent a letter myself, asked for her address in the royal capital, and visited her when I came to the royal capital?

Even though I verbally said that I was worried about Alexandra, I didn’t do anything. I just sent her a letter a few times and didn’t get a reply, so I just left her alone.

… I’m the worst. I don’t know if Alexandra got mad about it or not. The only thing that is clear is that I pretended to be worried about Alexandra and did nothing.

After the number of Oliver and the other Caan soldiers increased, I investigated the Lingerburg incident. I also investigated the relatives of House Lingerburg who had disappeared since Alexandra and her remaining family went to the royal capital. But in the end, I couldn’t even grasp the truth of the incident, and I couldn’t find any relatives.

It’s possible that they went to the royal capital with Alexandra, but as far as I know, Alexandra and her mother had no one else from their House accompanying them from Carruzan. If they did, it would just be a coachman at most…

Come to think of it, the whereabouts of the man named Kaspar, the driver of House Lingerburg, is unknown. Normally, Kaspar would be their driver, so the carriage headed for the royal capital would have had him as the driver, you’d guess, but…

It is useless. I do not understand. I ended up doing nothing. When Alexandra was having a hard time, I was living comfortably in my territory. It can’t be helped if Alexandra hates me…

What should I do…….? At least like how we were before… is that a luxury? What is Alexandra angry about? why is she avoiding me? If only I knew that, there might be a solution, but…

All right! Let’s do a little research. About Alexandra and the Lingerburgs since they headed to the royal capital. What happened? Why did Alexandra say that to me? Let’s at least find out why!

Nothing will be solved by just sitting around, so just move. The plan was decided last night, so I told Isabella to do it.

…… Yes. I just asked Isabella to look into it again. I can only ask people like this. I don’t sweat and check it myself, I just order people to do it. Maybe that’s why Alexandra has run out of love for me.

Still, I can’t go out alone. I am aware that I am naive. Even if I try to investigate on my own, it will only fail and make things even more complicated. Best to leave it to the professionals.

That’s why I headed to the school after being nearly killed by Mother several times during that morning’s training.

Classes are over and I wait for the carriage bringing me back home. It’s coming, but it’s a crowded time, so I’m waiting for my turn. You have to get on in order from the front, so just because you came to the entrance doesn’t mean you can go home right away.

I indulge in my thoughts while waiting for the carriage. I couldn’t see Alexandra today. Or rather, in the first place, I rarely meet people from other classes. There may be joint lessons in the future, but right now the classes are scattered and I don’t even visit other classrooms during breaks.

Furthermore, Class 1 and Class 2, Class 3 and Class 4 seem to be on relatively good terms with each other, but there is almost no relationship between the two halves.

If I had a chance to meet other classes, would it be at the cafeteria? The only time I met Alexandra in the cafeteria was yesterday. It was just a chance encounter in the hallway on her way back. Alexandra had a lot of people around her, so it would be difficult to find her alone.

Considering Alexandra’s circumstances, even if I could meet her, she couldn’t carelessly say something in the presence of her entourage. If you want to have a long talk, I need to meet Alexandra alone.

“Um…”

The only problem is how to meet in person. As long as the other side is saying not to get involved with them, I don’t think I’ll be able to meet honestly even if I call or visit. Somewhere, by chance, we meet at a time when there are no members of her entourage. Unless something like that miracle happens, it will be difficult…

“Excuse me……?”

I want to do something instead of just waiting for a miracle. If I don’t think of a good way, it will be impossible to have a long talk with Alexandra forever.

“Pardon…!”

“Yes?” I said.

I heard someone calling for attention a few times, but I didn’t expect it was directed at me. Almost no one talks to me at this school. Occasionally, when I thought I was being talked to, that quintet would be sarcastic or swear at me. It’s not unreasonable to think that no one would want to talk to me specifically.

“Ah… you’re from the Royal Guard Division…”

So it seemed the person trying to catch my attention was part of the Royal Guards attached to Ludwig’s escort detail. He’s so beautiful that he looks like a girl… hmm? A girl in the Royal Guard Division?

“May I have a moment? It’s hard to talk about it here, so I’d like to talk to you over there!” he said.

“Ah, yeah… sure,” I said.

I follow the handsome knight away from the entrance. I carefully observe his profile and back. After all…there is a resemblance somewhere… this person is…….

“Floto! I’m sorry about that time! I know it may not be something you can forgive me for, but again, I’d like to beg for your forgiveness! I’m so sorry!”

In the back of the school building where there was no one around, that person bowed toward me. What he holds tightly in his hand is a blue sachet… no need to confirm it. This person… this young lady is…

“Raise your head, Claudia,” I said.

“My name…” Claudia said.

When I finally figured out who that person was, I called out her name and put my hand on her shoulder to make her raise her head. I thought she was a handsome young man, so I didn’t recognize her at all. When I thought he was a girl and looked at her closely, there were so many traces of her left as she was then, but I wonder why I didn’t notice them when I thought she was a man. Assumptions and cognition are strange things.

“It’s been a little over five years… I think,” Claudia said.

“Yeah……” I replied.

We speak very little to each other. I was completely rejected by Claudia. Even so, I can’t say anything unnecessary from my side. If I say unnecessary things, it will only cause trouble for Claudia again.

“Claudia, you have nothing to apologize for,” I said. “It’s my fault… I’m sorry, Claudia.”

“That’s not…! It’s not your fault, Floto! I just misunderstood and hurt you! Besides, it doesn’t matter if you’re Floto or Flora! It was stupid of me to get hung up on whether you were a man or a woman! I’m really sorry!”

Claudia lowers her head again. I’m going to make her raise her head again, but if this keeps up, it’s going to be a constant repetition of this.

“Hey, Claudia, do you have time now? Can we talk at my home for a while?” I said.

This is a gamble. Claudia might think I’m disgusting again. But I don’t feel comfortable having a long discussion here. If you want to talk from your heart, you should go to a more calm place. I will try to persuade her.

“…Is it okay for me to go? I hurt you by saying such a terrible thing, Floto…” Claudia said.

“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m the one inviting you. Right? It’s okay if I’m with you, Claudia, let’s go to my home and talk it over.”

“…… Mm,” Claudia went.

What a relief. Let’s just say it’s good that I wasn’t turned down for the time being. It’s about time for my carriage to come to the entrance. Let’s go home with Claudia and have a long talk.

After returning to the Carruthers Residence, we sat face to face in my private room and drank tea. It’s an imported green tea, but the source is unknown. There is nothing more suspicious than that. It tastes good and doesn’t contain poison. However, the tea traders claim they can’t say where it came from. Why are you so insistent on keeping your mouths shut?

I have one guess in mind. Perhaps this tea comes from the same place as rice and soybeans. I think they’re buying from a place where you can’t say what it is to others.

The northeastern sea is also monitored as our territorial waters, and since our ships come and go, suspicious trading ships are inspected. The fact that there is no such thing means that it must be transported overland from the northwestern sea via the Kingdom of Frasia. If you use such an import method, the tea will become a high-class product.

“So this is tea…” Claudia said.

“Claudia, was this your first time having tea?” I asked.

I talk to Claudia in a friendly manner while being careful not to sound too much like a noble young lady. Yes. The ideal is like the days when Floto and Claudio were… talking like intimate friends.

“Yeah…” Claudia said. “I often see Prince Ludwig and the people around him drinking it, but it’s the first time I’ve had it myself. It’s really delicious.”

“I see. I’m glad you liked it,” I said.

Don’t panic yet. It comes from casual conversation. Don’t cling to her.

“So… why did you want to apologize to me, Claudia?” I said. “It was my fault, wasn’t it? I was the one who made you uncomfortable even though we were the same sex, right?”

“No, that’s not right!” Claudia said. “I’ve always liked girls! That’s why I was trying to think of myself as a man! I was told it was disgusting to fall in love with someone of the same sex. Then if I was a man, thought it would be okay to fall in love with a girl!”

While listening intently to Claudia’s confession, I fixed my eyes on her.

“And yet I fell in love with you, Floto! Even though I’m a man, I can’t fall in love with another man like Floto! That’s what I was thinking!” Claudia said.

Hmm? Is Floto a girl? Since I’m both Floto and Flora, both identities are women, right? I’m a man at heart, but… in this case, it would be fine.

“That’s why I said to you, Floto, ‘It’s disgusting to fall in love with another man!’ But I finally found out when I met you the first and last time as Flora that you weren’t a man, you were a girl!” Claudia said.

I see. Is that so? He’s been trying to be a man for a long time, but if he falls in love with someone he thought was a man, that would be a problem. She was a child who was around 10 years old at the time. Claudia must have been troubled by the fact that she was trying to become a man because of her gender issues, and that she was gradually attracted to the person she thought was a man and of the same sex as “him”.

“But… after I broke up with you, Floto, Flora, I realized that being a man or a woman is a small matter! It really doesn’t matter at all! Whether you’re Floto or Flora, if I was a man or a woman, I finally realized that I loved you regardless of what you are! I hurt my beloved and said such terrible things because I was stuck between being a man or a woman instead! So I’m sorry!” Claudia yelled.

This girl… I wonder how worried she was about that. Her position is completely different from mine, but even so, I intend to understand some of Claudia’s internal conflicts. Even though I’m a man at heart, if I’m given a male marriage candidate and told that I have to get married to him in the future and have an heir, it will take time to sort out my mind.

Moreover, Claudia at the time was only around 10 years old, and she must have been told by those around her that it was disgusting and strange to fall in love with someone of the same sex.

“It’s fine… it’s fine, Claudia,” I said.

All I can do is gently hug Claudia’s head and stroke it. I can’t really understand Claudia’s conflicts and suffering, so whatever I say will only be superficial words.

That’s why I can only forgive Claudia. It’s a small thing that I got hurt. If Claudia, who suffered more than I did, would feel better, I would forgive and comfort her as much as I could.

In the first place, I’m not angry with Claudia and I have nothing to forgive her for, but if I can make Claudia feel a little better, I’ll say it as much as she wants.

In the twilight, I and Claudia were hugging each other for what seemed like forever.