CH 103

His breath reached my ears, and my shoulders shuddered. There had never been any sexual contact between us. Even if we held hands, it was just a sign of closeness rather than a heart-pounding between lovers. I mean, even now…

“Anyway, it’s fascinating that you care about me.”

As his lips began to cling to my ears, I couldn’t breathe.

“I guess I… I don’t want to remain as a thirteen-year-old kid for you. Actually, what I want from you is not a worry.”

My heart was beating like crazy.

“You… You have no idea what I want.”

The sticky voice was burning.

“What I want to be crazy about is…”

I held my breath without saying anything. As my whole body stiffened, it felt like my heart was pounding.

“Ah… Am I really a bastard moving on instinct?”

Evan hurriedly pulled himself off me and banged his head on a nearby tree.

“Forget it, Laria. I didn’t mean what I said. I was out of my mind.”

“….”

“Let’s just continue the conversation we had earlier. My childhood is nothing much.”

“Evan, that’s…”

“Thinking if mother was alive every day. It’s incredibly pathetic.”

Looking at his diary, I had already guessed.

“It’s not pathetic. Why is that pathetic?”

I asked impulsively, gazing at Evan, who was not looking into my eyes.

“Would your life have changed a lot if Miss Matilda had been alive?”

“…Perhaps, it would be.”

The sound of birds chirping in the distance and the rustling of leaves in the wind filled the silence between us. I stood still, not knowing what to say, while Evan turned around slowly. He then took off his jacket and laid it on the flat rock beside the path.

“Evan?”

“Sit down, Laria.”

“…So suddenly?”

“You hurt your ankle, so you can’t stand for long.”

He looked around a while ago, showing a nervous look, he must have been thinking about my ankle.

“No. It’s not too much, so I don’t even have to sit down…”

“Hurry.”

“It’s okay… Ack!”

Suddenly, my feet lifted off the ground. It was because Evan lifted me up. Startled, I put my hand on his shoulder and realized that our faces were closer than I thought, so I swallowed a gulp. It was rather unknown whether the pounding heart was mine or his.

“I’m holding you, so you can’t even hit my cheek anymore.”

He grinned and started to put me down on the rock quickly, so I quickly hung around his neck.

“Then, you’ll have to keep on holding me. So I can’t hit you.”

“Laria, don’t do this. Really. I don’t want to make any more mistakes with you.”

“Even if you don’t like it, hold me.”

At the masquerade, I was told that he didn’t want to have skin contact with a woman though it was Evan’s situation anyway.

“I don’t want to hit my husband.”

Evan sighed softly, and I grinned, wondering if my wish was fulfilled again this time. He carried me to the front of the rock. Eventually, though I didn’t get down all the way, he sat himself on the rock, and we got into a cuddled posture with me sitting on his lap.

“It’s been a long time.”

“…What?”

“When we were young, you used to hug me often. It reminded me about it.”

“….”

“You asked me to touch you in the tower. Even if you hate other women, you’re okay with me? We used to do this a lot when we were children, so it’s not a particularly strange contact.”

Evan’s ears lit up in an instant.

I spoke in a whisper.

“You hate being treated like a child, but now you can’t refuse because of the truth drug, right? So just hold me while it is still in effect. Don’t be shy.”

Whether it was valid reasoning or not, Evan said nothing. Because of that, I decided to ask him, who was still silent.

“By the way… Isn’t thirty minutes gone by now?”

“It wouldn’t be.”

His answer was swift.

“I think there are still some of the effects.”

“…Really?”

While it was a bit dubious, it was something to be checked soon.

I knew very well how to check. Besides, since I was hugged by him after a long time, I also felt good remembering the old days.

Wrapping my arms around his neck as I clung closer to his chest, each time his refreshing scent tickled my nose. Evan was awkwardly supporting my back so that I wouldn’t fall, but it was very uncomfortable, so there was a lot of tension in his body.

“Laria, I don’t know why I only feel pathetic when I’m in front of you.”

Evan muttered a little.

“If you ask me to destroy the world, I can destroy it without asking why, but there is really nothing I can do for you.”

No, why were there so many people talking about the destruction of the world in front of me? After Sven and the Scroll Book, now Evan…

“You’ve done a lot. There really are too many to count.”

I leaned against him and spoke slowly.

“For example… As soon as we started walking on the trail, you went to look for a place where I could sit.”

“What?”

“Walking while always giving me shade when the sun is strong.”

Even if it was the kindness that was hiding something, even if he said he didn’t want me as a woman, there were many things I was grateful for.

“When I fall asleep in the carriage, you always cover me with a blanket. I can say a hundred more of these things.”

Evan replied with a smirk at my words.

“It’s all trivial things.”

“There are so many trivial things that it’s not trivial at all. And, the person who treated me like that…”

Even though I wasn’t under the effect of the truth drug, I didn’t know why I was speaking my heart like this.

“…There is only you.”

Maybe, it was because he’s going to leave soon, so I might have wanted to tell him before that. Evan paused for a moment before speaking in a hoarse voice.

“Strange. It seems like you’ve been through all sorts of things in the tower…”

He groaned and put his forehead on my shoulder.

“I think only this moment with you right now will be clear.”

Somehow, I felt that I would never forget this moment. However, on the other hand, it felt like thirty minutes had already passed, so I asked quietly to confirm the truth drug’s efficacy.

“Evan, do you like sweets?”

“No.”

“…Let’s go. Thirty minutes have passed.”

I released my arm from him. Come to think of it, Evan never said ‘something is good’ with his mouth. Perhaps during his childhood, when he could not bear to say he liked something, it seemed to have hardened over time.

‘So, it doesn’t make any sense to ask if he likes me anyway.’

Evan also carefully picked me up and put me back on the path.

“Right.”

His red eyes avoided me again.

“I feel like my head is finally clearing up a bit.”

I felt a little sad looking at his friendly face.

“Come on, let’s go now.”

After speaking plainly, as usual, he walked along the forest path in line with my stride. After we got to the carriage, we parted as usual.

“See you in two months, Laria.”

Evan got on his horse, Lawrence, and smiled kindly.

“Take care.”

“Yes, you take care too. Lawrence, take good care of Evan all the way.”

I kissed Lawrence lightly on the cheek and brushed his mane.

It was a flat farewell as if nothing had happened in the tower, and I got back into the carriage with a heart as heavy as wet cotton. I didn’t want to think too deeply about Evan. Still, my head ached from counting all the possibilities in my mind.

…Two months.

A week after the Imperial Palace banquet, Elanie would declare her marriage. Time was running out, and I quietly fiddled with the teleportation scroll in my pocket.

“I think only this moment with you right now will be clear.”

So do I.