Book 3: Chapter 9: Elemental, my dear Bando

Book 3: Chapter 9: Elemental, my dear Bando

Everyone stared at Bando incredulously, then spoke in unison. A TIE!?

Bando laughed darkly. Called em both terrible. Oh, but also, theys wantin more.

There was a chorus of groans and cursing.

Swhat ya get fer usin a buncha elfin nobs. Bando sneered.

Rosie shook her finger at him. Dont you be speakin ill o our guests, Bando Digger!

Bah! Bando muttered a few more choice expletives then stalked off in a teenage funk.

In the meantime I was feverishly trying to remember what happened with a Feud in the case of a tie. As best I could recall, according to Nation of Crack Ordinances Ver. 1130, Chapter 1, Section 4, Subsection 28, Feuds kept going until someone won. Each time, the party that got to set the Contest switched, so technically the Diggers got to pick the next task.

They could also choose to end the Feud.

The eyes of everyone turned to Darrel and Bran. The two chefs looked miffed at the description of their hard work, so we waited in silence while they decided what to do.

Then they locked eyes, rolled them simultaneously and began laughing.

Darrel wiped away tears. Its always tha same with em. Theyre just hankerin fer more free food. Nobs got the deepest pockets and the thinnest beards.

Bran nodded. We had a few of em in the Goat during the contests. They could be a right pain. Well need to tell you about Blackbeard.

So, the Feud? Annie hazarded.

Imma thinkin its yer win. Darrel said. I burned one, but you made em all perfect. Ifn theyre thinkin its a tie, then thats our next judge.

Bran shook his head. The only true judge of food is the customer. The customers said its a tie, so its a tie.

Well, mighty gracious of ya. Well end the Feud there on a tie then. Darrel smiled, then went ramrod straight.

I groaned. Here we go.

Darrel jumped to his feet. I just got a Blessin!!!

Rosie jumped to her feet as well a moment later. YOU DID!?

Those of us from the Goat glanced around the table. Or rather, everyone glanced at me. Some pointedly. Annie looked wistful, likely imagining selling me as Blessing bait again. Dammit! It wasnt my fault the creepy stalker Gods were handing Blessings out like candy to everyone around me!!

Darrel was staring at a little blue box only he could see. Its its from Aaron. Fer challengin a champion of dwarves to a Feud in his field and me not losin.

Rosie turned shocked eyes on us. By all o them Bits o tha Gods, what does that mean?

Opal answered before Bran could, practically preening at hearing Bran described as a champion of the dwarves. Bran here won the regional Octamillenial cooking contest in Minnova. Hes the champion chef of Minnova.

Rosie looked simultaneously shamefaced and bursting with pride. And I insulted yer cookin. I oughta give ma beard to yall.

Thats not necessary Rosie. Annie waved her apology off. Congratulations on your Blessing! Youre finally Titled!

Darrel couldnt even nod, he was so shocked. I never thought

Aaron and Barck are a good set. Bran said, Its what Ive got. [Artisan] is excellent for a chef.

As a Canadian, I of course had to support anything democratic.

Bandos eyes sparkled. Oh? Youve heard o Harmsson as far as Minnova? I knew he was on the up and up!

I wouldnt go that

Ma friend Mica has been talkin bout joining the march and I want ta go with him! His pa owns tha general store. Coupla the bigger clans here in Gemena are too. Were sick o bein treated like tha nobs toys. They come in here and take our diamonds, then leave us with bare silver. We merchants make tha country run, and we should have some say! Its not the days o wild frontiers no more! City Halls enough, we dont need no Lords to protect us!

Bando finished setting up the mug and tea then leaned into the kitchen serving window and shouted, Pa! Hot water!

I watched in interest as a tiny blue elemental floated in from the kitchen. It squeezed its face, like when I made faces at Sammy as a baby, and hot steaming water poured from its lips into the mug. That was either neat, or gross. I tried to figure out which while asking, yer ma doesnt like Harmsson?

Naw. She thinks hes a lyin snake, but I think he really wants to help. Hes done so much good in Kinshasa already! He helped solve tha problem with tha refugees, and got Kinshasa City Hall ta fix the roads! Hes only a minor Lord, but hes done so much!

Yaknow, we had a lot of refugees at Minnova too. Whats up with that?

Bando poured my tea before replying, his voice growing concerned. Lots more monster attacks and Dungeon Breaks right now. Dunno whats goin on, but theyre comin out from their regular haunts.

When Id first arrived in this world, thered been muttering about a Monster Stampede at Greentree Dungeon. That was when the Mana within a dungeon spiked, resulting in a mass creation and exodus of monsters. In the end, beyond an increase in the number of singular Dungeon Breaks, and some inter-dungeon boss changeups, not much had come of it. Could it be related?

Is it safe for us to be travelling? We hadnt been told the road was dangerous when we were leaving Minnova!

Yup, sure. Its only a real problem off the main routes. Its not till ya get to the outskirts, or right near the dungeons that youll see it. The young dwarf came and handed me the mug. I took a deep sniff and closed my eyes with pleasure. While the alcohol in this world was a disappointment, the tea was everything I loved from back home.

Bando was still standing at my side, shuffling from side to side nervously. Exactly like Sammy when she wanted something, or had been naughty and was about to get caught.

Yeeees? I hazarded.

See, Ma dont want me goin with Mica. Shes all distracted cause o Pa tonight, but shell be on me harder than a [Brewer] on a bootlegger startin tomorrow. No offence.

I smiled at the image. None taken.

So I was wonderin... ifn you lot could take me with you tomorrow. You seem like nice folk, and Guard Gloin approves of ya. Without tellin ma Ma or Pa, that is. He shuffled nervously from foot to foot.

I raised an eyebrow. You seem a little young?

Bando guffawed. Heck naw, Im over one hunnerd! I can take carea myself in Kinshasa. I just needs ta get there.

DAMN! He was older than me! Age really was just a number around here!

I considered the bashful boy. One hundred really was old enough in dwarven society for him to be out on his own. At the same time, Rosie had been more than accommodating, and I didnt want to get on her bad side when she could easily get our home address from the beer merchants.

So I made it someone elses problem.

Youll want to ask Annie. Shes the one in charge of personnel on this trip. Yeah, I hadnt even known Malt was coming with us until the last second. Let her fret over it.

Bando gave me a look that combined disappointment with hope. Aight, thankee Brewer.

He wandered off to find Annie while I drank my tea and wondered what the laws were about kidnapping adult children in Crack.

We had the Blessing Party for Darrel that evening. Even the nobles came and had a wonderful time. Then we slept the sleep of those sleeping with feather beds for the first time in weeks. I didnt think more about my conversation with Bando until the morning.

And then it was too late.