Chapter 504: Bloopers/Interlude - Shenanigans of the Sixth

Chapter 504: Bloopers/Interlude - Shenanigans of the Sixth

The men and women of the Sixth Legion were just that - men and women. Predominantly human, at that. They were good. Well-trained, well-equipped, drilled and practiced.

But they were only human. And like all people, they made mistakes, little ones that skills didnt always catch. There were errors. Pranks. And the occasional malicious compliance with stupid orders.

During the war seasons, a good amount of the bullshit was put to the side in favor of staying alive, of presenting a united front and fighting well.

During the winter, when people were bored?

Thats when the shenanigans happened.

Detail! I want my wagon shining clean! [Centurion] Astenies roared. His wagon - his personal wagon, the one hed always rode in - had been an unfortunate victim of the mornings drills, having been splattered from top to bottom with mud. Nothing too unfortunate, but it would stick out like a sore thumb. Not only that, but the soldiers had nothing to do. Keeping them busy with something was better than letting a dozen idle hands figure out mischief.

All in all, something of a win for the [Centurion]. He adjusted his cloak against the bitingly cold wind.

But- One of the hapless soldiers started to say something. Astenies turned and roared at him.

But nothing! Are the Han descending upon us? Are dinosaurs attacking? Has the alarm been sounded? What was that? No? Thats what I thought! Now get to it!

Perhaps if the line leader had said something Astenies wouldve been more inclined to listen, but the woman in question was standing ramrod straight, saluting her understanding of the orders.

You heard the [Centurion]! She barked out, Astenies missing the glimmer of mischief entirely. Were going to make this wagon shine!

Very good. Astenies said, huddling a little deeper into his cloak and wishing for the warmth of his tent and the small brazier he had going there. He turned and left, visions of hot food and warm furs dancing through his mind.

A malicious gleam entered the line leaders eyes.

Right then! He wanted his wagon to shine. Septimus, Octavius, start working on the mud. The rest of you, start hauling buckets of water. Need to make it nice and clean after all.

Octavius furrowed his eyebrows.

But its freezing out. He protested.

Exactly.

[Centurion] Astenies emerged from his tent the next morning to find his beloved wagon shining and gleaming in the early morning sun, the attention of half the Legion on it as sparkling light caught the block of ice freezing it solid.

I know [Camp Prefect] Robin has a duty roster, but this is stupid. Legionnaire Bunny complained to Specs. Rain was pouring around them in great sheets of water. The clever location and design of the Legions winter fortress meant it wasnt too much of a concern, the water captured and funneled away before it could do too much harm.

Specs pushed some water around with his broom, giving Bunny a strange look.

This your first time in the army or something? He asked.

Bunny shut up, and continued sweeping the dirt roads.

In the pouring rain.

Why?

Because the duty roster said so.

I am an [Alchemist]! Not some two-bit jar-headed grunt that doesnt know the difference between a reagent and a solvent! Orhun protested.

Tribune Hazel shook her head. Optio Maxlin was on a well-earned temporary leave, and Hazel had taken command of the alchemist lines in his absence.

Everyone rotates through. Would you rather have this duty during the summer? Hazel was a big believer in convince people youre right when she had the opportunity to. She knew she could pull out the Im your commanding officer and Im ordering you to do this, but that didnt work long-term for herding the collection of egos and specialized skills that was the Specialist Cohort.

No. Orhun defeatedly admitted. I wouldnt. Alright, hand over the manual. Its just one night duty right?

Hazel glared at the alchemist-soldier.

You will be getting the manual yourself from the [Scribes], and I didnt hear how youre unfamiliar with some of our standard operating procedures.

Orhun felt a shiver run down his back.

Right.

[Tribune] Hazel, not [Optio] Maxlin. He had to watch his words.

But imagine if they do! Well drink like emperors! Mogna encouraged.

It took four beers for Nesmuss good judgment to be impaired enough to go along with his friends hare-brained scheme. One very large purchase and Mogna retrieving their lines wagon later, and they were heading back to the Legions fortress.

Bunny was on guard duty, and even drunk, even not part of her cohort, Bunny scared Nesmus. She looked friendly and happy enough.

Hed met a few strong people over the course of his life, and Bunny reminded him of them. It wasnt anything obvious, it was simply the way she could perfectly control her presence. Hed missed her entirely passing through the gates one too many times, only noticing her lurking in the shadows when he was only two steps away from the woman. Hed also seen how, in spite of her tiny size, she could tower like a titan and yell down a dozen people, each with a foot and a hundred levels on her.

That sort of presence control and complete unflappability in the face of power was not normal. The only reason she could possibly be unscared of so many large warriors looming over her tiny self was, Nesmus reasoned, if they were weak compared to her.

His mouth dried up as they approached the gate, and the guards naturally barred their entry. An entire keg was too much, let alone six. Mogna flourished the paper like it was a sword.

As you can see! Regulations permit us to bring six whole drinks in with us! One, two, three, four, five, SIX! Mogna weaved unsteadily on top of the barrels as the guards looked at the paperwork with furrowed eyebrows.

Well, she is technically correct. One of the guards mentioned. The senior one sighed, but Nesmus only had eyes on Bunny. He was sure she was the real boss here.

She wasnt moving, which was an encouraging sign in his books.

Alright, you lot, get through. Dont do it again, and you better invite us to the party! The senior guard waved them through, and Nesmus couldnt believe his luck.

They were going to drink like emperors indeed.

At least, until the regulations were amended.

A few years after the conclusion of the Han Civil War.

Silver-clad Li Wenxian stared at the numbers in front of him, trying to work out who he could reasonably make take the fall for this disaster.

It wasnt his fault. It wasnt his responsibility.

But he had been tasked with finding out, and the results were terrible. Heads were going to roll, and he needed to figure out a way to make sure it wasnt his.

The [Scholar] went back to the old records, hoping to find an error there, one that would demonstrate that he was in the clear.

Census Records: Year 711 of the Han Dynasty

Households: 10,677,960

Population: 56,486,856

It was only 60 years ago. Were the [Scholars] then corrupt? Did the [Court Officials] change their numbers to make themselves look better?

It was impossible. Li Wenxians report had radically different numbers. Things had settled down enough that he couldnt even try to claim disharmony from the rebuilding!

Census Records: Year 3 of the Zhao Dynasty

Households: 2,459,840

Population: 16,163,863

Were in agreement then? Selene asked Lunaris. The two vibed on a deep level together, able to know each others thoughts sometimes before they even had them. Still, for the important things, they communicated directly, making sure there were no issues.

Yes. We need to tell Iona. Lunaris agreed.

Communication on Pallos was difficult. It took a long time for word to spread from one nation to another, and that was in the great civilized south.

In the north, things were even harder.

It had taken Reinhard the kirin a good deal of time to get home from the School of Sorcery and Spellcraft. Time to reintegrate back home. Time to do the thousand and one welcome home! tasks and activities. Time to refind her place among her people, to settle back down.

Only when everything was set and settled did one of her lowest-priority tasks finally bubble up towards the surface. A little note from one of her roommates that she was to pass on. That they were going in a direction, and might settle down there.

Reinhard dutifully passed it along, and it took time for the right kirin with the message to meet one of the reclusive and elusive phoenixes, and let them know that a long-lost sister of theirs was traveling through the southern continent. A burning needle in a gigantic haystack.

The message had been garbled as it was passed along from one place to another, and the myriad of languages it went through didnt help. The phoenixes got the general idea.

One of their own was being held by a human in the Exterreri Empire.