CH 78

I Don't Like Men

"The white robes are plain, it is inevitable that you will get tired after looking at them for a long time. Qingmei said that the basalt robes show off your temperament, so I asked someone to make a few of them."

“… They don't look good?"

From the time they met, Ning Zhiyu loved to wear white robes and only occasionally changed, but they were also light blue or light green. Since becoming Empress, Ning Zhiyu has not worn any colour other than white robes, except for the special fire-colored phoenix robes that he must wear at state banquets.

It was the first time he had seen him wear such a heavy colour on a normal day, and it was basalt.

Remembering the dragon that he had deliberately neglected, Yan Yuan shook his head and took a seat beside Ning Zhiyu with a bit of absentmindedness that he did not even notice: "Silly A'Yu, you look good in anything. No matter how you look, I will like you."

Ning Zhiyu's hands, hidden in his sleeves and robe, curled up nervously, with sadness hidden in his heart, and said with a forced smile, "It's fine if it looks good to you."

Yan Yuan picked up his chopsticks and put a crystal shrimp dumpling into a small bowl for him, "Eat, don't wait for me, the food is getting cold."

“It's not." Ning Zhiyu replied in a small voice, picking up his chopsticks.

Yan Yuan took the hot chicken soup served by Qingmei and took a sip: "It will be your birthday in a few days, do you have anything in particular you want?"

“A'Yu?"

Ning Zhiyu's head was bowed in thought, his chopsticks were poking at the shrimp dumplings, the skin about to break, but he hadn't picked them up yet. Yan Yuan called him several times before Ning Zhiyu turned his head to look at him.

"... Ah?"

Yan Yuan smiled and raised his hand to scratch the bridge of his nose: "What's wrong with you today, why are you so inattentive even when eating a meal? Are you unwell again?"

"No, I've taken dragon scales, I'm much better." Ning Zhiyu smiled.

Yan Yuan repeated patiently, "I just said that your birthday is coming up next month. The birthday ceremony, which only comes once a year, must be well organized. At that time, we will invite all the officials to the palace to celebrate you, the country will be exempted from taxes for one month, and the prisoners who were imprisoned last month will be pardoned, so as to accumulate blessings for you."

He had been neglected since he was a child in the Prime Minister's residence, his father did not love him and his mother did not love him, and he had never celebrated his birthday. Looking at Yan Yuan's smiling face, Ning Zhiyu was happy and sad at the same time.

He was happy that he thought so much of him, that he remembered his birthday every year more carefully than he did.

He was sad that all this goodness was something he had shamelessly stolen from others. He already has what he should have lost, and does not dare to be insatiable for more. He only wants the person in front of him to be with him in this life, and no matter what happens, he will live and die with him, and will never leave him.

Ning Zhiyu's eyes were red at the corners as he looked at Yan Yuan and smiled, "I just want to find that lost silver hairpin. There are birthdays every year, so don't make a big deal out of it, it's always bad to be wasteful."

Yan Yuan put down his chopsticks, took Ning Zhiyu's hand on his lap and said intimately, "This is easy, I will ask someone to go out to the palace tomorrow to buy a hundred identical silver hairpins, and put one on your bed, one on your body, one in front of the bronze mirror, one everywhere you can see. Even if you lose ten of them, there will still be ninety of them."

Ning Zhiyu knew that Yan Yuan was coaxing him to be happy, and was amused by him, but the red in his eyes had not receded. Gazing at the other man, he said softly, "I only want that one, it's unique, no mountain of gold or silver can replace it."

Yan Yuan pinched his nose: "Silly A'Yu, how can you be so stubborn... Then, I promise you that I will try my best to help you find it, and if I really can't find it, I can only send you a new one."

"Mm." Ning Zhiyu said mutely.

As he was not well, he was often depressed. Yan Yuan was aware of this and took extra care of him, asking Qingmei to step aside and personally serve Ning Zhiyu his food.

After about half a stick of incense had passed, Ning Zhiyu put down his chopsticks, picked up the light green jade wine pot at his hand and poured a cup of wine into Yan Yuan's cup, “A'Yuan, this is the Daughter’s Wine that Father sent the day before yesterday, it has been buried underground for twenty years and was brewed by his own hands, try it, see if it is to your liking..."

Yan Yuan actually did not like wine, whether it was Daughter's Wine or Drunken Chunlan, he felt that they were both too strong. Instead, the sweet fruit wine was more to his taste. However, Ning Zhiyu had some good intentions, so he could not refuse, and he picked up the wine cup, “Okay, since it is made by the Prime Minister himself, I should try it."

Yan Yuan took the cup and was about to take it, when Ning Zhiyu suddenly raised his hand and grabbed his arm, “A'Yuan..."

"Hm?" Yan Yuan turned his head to look.

A basalt robe made Ning Zhiyu's face too pale, and his smile was light, no different from his usual, but for no reason showed an indescribably strong emotion... like despair.

"I love you."

Xuan Long's handsome face appeared in Yan Yuan's mind at an inopportune moment, thinking that the silent dragon also loved him very much. But who told him to love Ning Zhiyu? He pushed down the distracting thoughts in his mind, then raised his hand and caressed Ning Zhiyu's warm cheek, "Why are you talking about this all of a sudden? I love you too."

Ning Zhiyu's hand was on Yan Yuan's against his cheek, and he had some courage in his heart: "If you want to say it, just say it."

Yan Yuan smiled and drew back, raising his wine cup. Ning Zhiyu apprehensively stared at his movements, seeing that the wall of the cup was about to touch Yan Yuan's lips, when an eunuch hurried in from outside the hall.

"Your Majesty, it is not good..."

Yan Yuan's brows tightened and he put down the cup, "What's wrong?"

Chen Yan bowed to Yan Yuan's ear and whispered, "News came from Qiankun Palace saying that Master Han is seriously ill and has not risen for three days, he may be close to death..."

Yan Yuan stood up from the chair: "What did you say?!"

Chen Yan's face was grave as he said in a low voice, "It was Xiao Zhanzi who is serving at Master Han's side who came to report this."

"Damned servant, how dare he hide it until now, he even blocked the door that day and didn't let me in!" Yan Yuan's face sank and he was about to leave.

Ning Zhiyu grabbed his wrist: “A'Yuan..."

Yan Yuan turned around and touched Ning Zhiyu's face, softening his tone: "I have something to do, I have to go, I can't accompany you for dinner tonight, I will come back for you tomorrow."

"Good boy, rest early."

Ning Zhiyu was always docile and obedient in the past, but this time, when Yan Yuan withdrew his hand, he grabbed it and didn't let go, pressing it against his face, saying meekly, "What if I don't let you go?"

Looking at him like this, Yan Yuan finally could not bear it: "It is Xuan Long who is in trouble. If he dies, who will save you? I have to go and take a look quickly."

Ning Zhiyu had tears in his eyes as he shook his head, "I don't want him to save me... I just want to be alone at the moment, with you watching over me. To live long and prosper is all fate..."

Yan Yuan's pretty eyebrows wrinkled up: "If you say silly things again, I'm really going to get angry."

Panicked in his heart, Yan Yuan gave Ning Zhiyu a few random words of comfort and left without looking back.

Knowing full well that Xuan Long was Yan Yuan’s true love and being abandoned by him, Ning Zhiyu felt at a loss. Looking down at his empty palms, tears fell silently down his cheeks.

"Pathetic, lamentable, ridiculous."

"Look at yourself, you're still the empress, you're afraid you're not even as good as the little herdsmen in your human race's kilna. That little herdsman has a thousand others collapse with a smile, how about you?..."

"Fortunately, you didn't take off your clothes and give yourself up directly, otherwise you would have been a disgrace."

“This honourable one advises you not to play these useless tricks, you should do the right thing by urging Yan Yuan to dig out Xuan Long's heart. Once Xuan Long is dead, Yan Yuan will be yours for the rest of his life, so why do you have to cling to these useless trivialities? What does it matter if he loves you or not, it's just as well that he is by your side."

From the beginning, the demon had been talking to him, but Ning Zhiyu had not paid any attention to him. At this moment, he did not pay any attention either. He retreated from the palace and took up the cup of wine that Yan Yuan had not drunk, drinking it in one gulp. As he tilted his head, tears streaked across the corners of his eyes. 

The demon spoke in shock, "This wine has Acacia in it, are you crazy?"

Ning Zhiyu was not a good drinker, and after just one glass, there was drunkenness in his eyes. He smiled and continued to fill himself up, pouring one glass after another into his mouth.

It didn't matter if there was Acacia or not.

After about five or six cups had gone down, a shadow began to appear in front of him, and Ning Zhiyu stared lazily at the tiny wine cup between his fingers, muttering a soft laugh.

"You're right, I'm just cheap..."

"There are some people who are born to be lowly... even if they sit in the position of empress, they will not change."

"But why would I ever want to sit in that position... I just want someone who will treat me well..."

"Someone who doesn't mind that I'm lowly, that I'm not humble..."

"He's the only one who treats me well... After I met him, I felt I wasn't just an animal to be trampled on, I was a living human being..."

Ning Zhiyu closed his eyes and drank the wine in the cup, his wrist shook as he poured it again, tears streaming down his face, "But why did God even have to take back this little bit of goodness..."

"Hey... you're actually not that bad." The voice in his head said.

Ning Zhiyu smiled indifferently, "Is that so? How could you ever look down on me..."

The voice coughed twice, "If I looked down on you, I wouldn't have taken up residence inside you."

Ning Zhiyu laughed lowly, his body slumped over the wine table, knocking over the wine jug. He rested on his arm, squinting at the dim candle flame in the distance: "I don't care what other people do... I'm satisfied as long as he alone treats me well."

The demon: "Hmph, then you are really easy to satisfy."

When the wine entered his stomach, he should have fallen asleep, but with the Acacia in it, it was a different story.

An irresistible heat rose up in his body, and his throat felt like it had been swallowed by fire. With what little consciousness he had left, Ning Zhiyu staggered up and climbed into bed, curling himself up.

But the heat intensified and he couldn't help but tug at his collar, a suppressed whimper of pain escaping from his throat.

After hearing that if you do not have intercourse with someone after taking Acacia, you will bleed to death, Ning Zhiyu was not afraid at all. He thought that if he died like this, he might still be able to leave an undying memory in Yan Yuan's heart, and he would not have to struggle with love and conscience.

The demon asked him anxiously in his head if he was alright. Ning Zhiyu found it noisy and told him not to speak, but the demon was probably guilty of being temperamental again and scolded him angrily, but finally quieted down.

A tall figure gradually appeared beside the bed, turning from fiction to reality. The man had a black and red iron battle robe and long, fire-red hair that flowed without wind. He was born with an overly handsome and flamboyant face and the pupils of his eyes were a natural scarlet, with a cold fury.

Ning Zhiyu's clothes were half receding, the basalt robe hanging from his chest revealed his almost transparent white skin and deep collarbones, and his ink hair spread all over the bed underneath him. He vaguely felt that someone was watching him, and unconsciously looked towards the side of the bed, but it just so happened that cold sweat slipped into his eyes, so he couldn't see the person's face.

“A'Yuan..."

The man's expression changed slightly, his tragic white and powerful finger bones pinched Ning Zhiyu's chin, and he said coldly, "Stupid human, open your eyes and see clearly, this honourable one’s name is Mo Zun, not your A'Yuan."

Ning Zhiyu was forced to tilt his head up, his eyelashes trembling: “A'Yuan..."

The demon looked at him, "Hmph, you look better in white. This basalt coloured robe doesn't suit you, it's an eyesore, so I'll be merciful and take it off for you."

After he said that, he raised his hand to pull Ning Zhiyu's clothes, and the tough fabric was torn at once. Ning Zhiyu had long been delirious, so he easily let the demon take off his clothes. His skin was originally white, and at that moment, he seemed like a piece of white jade falling on the golden mattress. His slender legs curled up instinctively, and he grabbed that hand and wouldn't let go, mumbling with tears on his face and moistening his eyelashes.

Candlelight enveloped the dimly lit hall as the demon bent his tall body and cupped Ning Zhiyu's cheeks, frowning in disgust, "This honourable one does not like men."