CH 131

He's the Only One Standing Still

Even if Xuan Long hated Yan Yuan, just because Yan Yuan was the Heavenly Emperor and A'Zhi's father, he would not stand by and watch Yan Yuan go down the road to death.

Moreover, he had no deep-seated hatred for Yan Yuan, just hard feelings about his past.

However, Ye Ling Shenjun told him that Yan Yuan had entered Nuwa's Realm alone in order to save him, thus losing his two emotions and three desires, which surprised him and made him feel a sense of loss at the same time.

It turned out that he was not the only one who had lost himself in this love affair; Yan Yuan also struggled, worked and suffered in a way he could not see.

Before Ye Ling left, he conjured up a mirror of the past and asked Xuan Long to look at it. The scene that appeared in the mirror was the scene of Yan Yuan being infected with the demonic compulsion on earth, and his paranoia, madness and cruelty suddenly had an explanation.

Then he saw that after his death, Yan Yuan had come to his senses and spent five years in the mortal world as a human being for self-punishment, and Xuan Long's heart was clogged.

He knew that the Heavenly Way was merciless, but he did not want it to be so cruel that it did not let any of them have a good time.

The past, whether painful or grumbling, was suddenly relieved, and since they were not destined to spend ten thousand lifetimes together, he hoped that Yan Yuan would be able to live forever in peace, forgetting the past and starting over.

... At least they had walked together for forty thousand years.

Neither had ever let go of the other's hand on that journey; it was death that separated them.

Xuan Long agreed to Ye Ling's request.

The matter was not resolved, so Ye Ling did not feel like sitting still for long, and left after telling Xuan Long to take care of his body.

After all, his soul had been reshaped and his divine power was much weaker than before, he would probably have to recuperate for ten thousand years before the cracks in his soul could be completely healed.

Early the next morning, Xuan Long asked Lian Bi to send a message to the Dongji Hall. To persuade Yan Yuan to marry a new empress and avoid heavenly punishment, he must meet with that person before he can say anything.

He and Yan Yuan arranged to meet at the usual place.

It was a deserted pavilion in the Immortal Realm. As there was no one around to guard it, Yan Yuan used to coax him to this place before they were married, to do something unseemly.

At that time, Yan Yuan was so young and exuberant that he was always embarrassed by his strong desires and lack of discipline, and he was always worried that people would see a flaw in the way he walked.

He knew that it was impossible for him to be with Yan Yuan, perhaps it was because Yan Yuan had suddenly seen Yan Huo Heng confess his feelings for him and found it strange that someone like him could be liked, or because he was worried that the stupid dragon that had been running behind him since he was a child would be taken away from him and become someone else's follower, and felt resentful, so he made some small, irrelevant jokes with him. After his anger, he found that he could not stop Yan Huo Heng, so he followed Yan Huo Heng's example and said that he liked him.

A long time ago, he realised that he could not refuse any of Yan Yuan's requests, including the courtship. He knew it was a joke, but he still pushed back while leaning closer, acquiescing to his partner's outlandish behaviour.

He listened to everything Yan Yuan said, but would not take it seriously. He waited quietly, and when Yan Yuan got tired of him, he returned to his old position. He was still the general guarding the Heavenly Realm and the Crown Prince, and had no business thinking of anything that did not belong to him.

But there were also many times when Yan Yuan did nothing but take his hand, interlock their fingers and sit snugly with each other in that little gazebo, looking at the cranes that swept by in the distance, saying that he wanted to be married to him.

He asked if he was willing.

It was rare to see such an apprehensive look on Yan Yuan's face. If he had been late in answering, Yan Yuan would have been furious, saying that he had not been true to his heart, and would have been angry enough to leave. He caught up with him and said that he was happy as long as the Crown Prince was happy. Yan Yuan knew that he was willing, so he became happy again, jumping up and down like a child.

He knew in his heart that Yan Jing and Ye Ling would never let them be together, that each god had their own destined marriage, and that he was the Lonely Heavenly Star, destined to grow old alone.

He had never thought that Yan Yuan would be willing to defy Heaven's destiny for him.

Accustomed to being at the mercy of fate, he had never had the intention of defying the Heavenly Way; it was Yan Yuan's determination that gave him the courage to go forward.

It's a pity that if you go in the wrong direction, no matter how hard you try, you'll make the same mistake again and again... Returning to his hometown, he inevitably remembered all the things he used to do, and his memories of the past came flooding back to him like sea water, causing Xuan Long to be a bit disoriented.

"… A'Po."

When Yan Yuan called out from behind him, Xuan Long's body paused slightly before slowly turning around.

They had an appointment in the morning, but Yan Yuan had been delayed for some reason and had come a little late.

He was dressed in a silver and white imperial robe, his black hair was neatly tied up in a jade crown, which had been specially groomed, and his appearance was as charming as ever, except that he looked pale.

"I had some business to attend to in the morning, so I came a little late. You wanted to see me about something..."

Seeing him smiling like that, Xuan Long recalled Ye Ling's words and felt uncomfortable, withdrawing his gaze lightly,“En."

Yan Yuan couldn't hear this ‘en’ and couldn't read it from his lips. He didn't know what Xuan Long was thinking, but anyway, whatever the reason, he was happy that Xuan Long was still willing to see him, and racked his brains to find a topic to talk to the man in the pavilion.

"Have you... had breakfast yet?"

"Not yet."

"Why not?" Yan Yuan smiled and asked softly.

"......"

Immortals don't need to eat meals in the first place, so this was pure nonsense. Xuan Long hesitated on how to cut to the chase and wandered off without answering. Yan Yuan was worried that he was annoying him like this, so he didn't continue on.

The buildings in the Heavenly Realm were mostly silvery white, and so was the pavilion here. It had a light white gauze tent hanging from the top, which was gently blown by the wind, and Xuan Long's figure appeared and disappeared in the pavilion.

"I know everything."

The words were spoken using his voice transmission technique.

Yan Yuan did not react.

Xuan Long stood to the side, his eyes downcast and not looking at him: “Ye Ling Shenjun came to see me today."

Yan Yuan immediately understood that Xuan Long probably knew, but to what extent, he was not sure, so he tentatively asked, "Oh... what did Mother tell you?"

"He said that you were badly wounded and lost your two emotions and three desires in order to save me."

“It's true."

Yan Yuan did not intend to let Xuan Long know about this, he and Xuan Long were no longer possible, so saying this would just cause the other side to carry more burden, but if Xuan Long already knew about it, there was no way to hide it.

He walked into the pavilion, looked at the man's profile, and pretended to be relaxed and smiled.

"It's just a small injury, not as serious as Mother said, but I've lost something unimportant. As you can see, I'm still alive and well even though I can't hear."

"You don't have to feel sad for me."

Xuan Long frowned slightly, as if he was not very happy, and he said in a low voice: "I have never been sad."

If he was sad for him, Yan Yuan would definitely be sad with him, but if he was not sad for him, Yan Yuan still felt bitterness in his heart. Love is such a complicated thing, it becomes addictive when it is tainted, and it is impossible to quit. 

The only thing left to do was to live with it.

“En."

"That's good."

"I owe you this."

Xuan Long didn't want to talk to him about this. It was impossible to tell who owed more to whom between them. Even if it was clear, it was still meaningless. He did not want to see Yan Yuan smile again, so he turned his back.

“A’Zhi needs his father, and the Heavenly Realm needs its monarch, you should live well, you should not let your selfish desires... put millions of immortal gods at risk."

"Immortal Monarch Zhiyu is the one you are destined to marry, you should marry him and follow the Heavenly Way."

To be pushed aside by the one you love without a care in the world would be an extremely cruel thing for anyone, and it meant that Xuan Long had completely let go of their past.

He was the only one left standing.

Yan Yuan knew he should be happy, it meant that Xuan Long would have a good life ahead of him.

He tried his best to maintain a smile, yet still, somewhat embarrassingly, his eyes reddened, "You asked me to meet you here today, just to talk to me about this..."

A hoarse voice came from behind him.

Xuan Long's throat throbbed, and he pursed his lips without speaking.

People always like to think of whimsical things or to argue for something that they know the answer to. Yan Yuan was tempted to ask Xuan Long if he still cared for him even a little bit, and if so, even a little bit, he could have the courage to fight against the Heavenly Way.

Heavenly punishment was nothing, as long as he held on to his last breath, he would survive.

As long as his A'Po was happy.

He really wanted to hear the answer so much, so he asked:

"If I live... will you be happy?"

Xuan Long was still as calm as ever: "If you live, the thousands of immortal gods and goddesses will have a leader, A’Zhi will have his father to keep him company, and Emperor Yan Jing and Ye Ling Shenjun will enjoy the happiness of family."

"You being alive, is good for all the gods."

Yan Yuan pursued with hope, "What about you... would you be okay?"

"If there is a future for us, can you... can..." Look, he was thinking whimsical thoughts again.

"We are already over." Xuan Long interrupted indifferently.

Yan Yuan's words got stuck in his throat, unable to speak or swallow, and Xuan Long's figure became a blur.

"I understand."

He was alive, it was good for everyone, except for Xuan Long.

His intention was clearly expressed, and Yan Yuan no longer struggled in vain.

He suddenly felt relieved; most people become relieved like this when they let go of all their obsessions, and the pain on their souls briefly lifted.

There was a clear sky lake in the Nine Heavens, which could be seen from afar from the gazebo here. The lake was in an irregular circle, surrounded by a sea of pure white irises.

Yan Yuan's gaze was distant as he looked over and spoke softly to the man beside him.

“A'Po... look."

"When we were little, we always played in that lake. Then when you grew up, that lake became smaller, and when you transformed into your original body it became a bit narrow, so you didn't really want to go there anymore."

"After we got married, you said you wanted to go to the Eight Wastelands to see the sea, but I knew you didn't want to see the sea, but wanted to go into the deep sea to play in the water. At that time, I had just assumed the position of Emperor, I was busy with all the big and small things in the Heavenly Realm and I had no time to accompany you.

“When I was able to do so, you were pregnant and I didn't want to let you go and play at will, so I didn't take you." 

"Later..." Later, before he could fulfil Xuan Long's little wish, Xuan Long died in battle at the border of the gods and demons, and lost their first child along with him.

Yan Yuan hid his sorrow and laughed.

"In the future, if you have free time, I'll take you to see the sea in the Eight Wastelands, okay?..."

"Do you want to go to the East Sea, or the West Sea?"

"The North Sea is also good, the climate there is pleasant. If you want to stay longer, you can borrow a temple from the Dragon King of the North Sea and stay for a while."

"No need." Xuan Long said.

"In the future, if I want to see the sea, I will go by myself."

Yan Yuan was thinking that what he had promised once should be fulfilled somehow, but since Xuan Long did not need it, there was no need to force it. He nodded.

“That’s also good... we have dissolved the contract after all, it is indeed not good to get too close."

"......" Xuan Long did not say anything.

His eyes were hot and the wind blew over, making it so cool that it produced a stinging pain. Yan Yuan only thought that he did not want to talk to him, so he took the initiative to find a step for himself.

"I've got some things to finish, so I'll go back first."

“En."

Xuan Long turned his head and saw Yan Yuan's back fading away.

"The 15th of next month..."

Yan Yuan sniffed, paused his steps and hung his head.

"Don't worry, I'll try to avoid you, I won't get in your way in the future."

Xuan Long frowned, that was not what he meant. But Yan Yuan disappeared in front of him without giving him the chance to continue speaking.

Explanations were most useless to them these days anyway. Xuan Long thought of Yan Yuan's 'I understand' and felt that he should have figured it out.

If he married that person, he could live well and continue to be the ruler of the Nine Heavens above the millions of immortal gods, what was wrong with that?

There was no reason for Yan Yuan not to let him go.