Chapter 34 - Pure Emotions (1)

She arrived in front of the throne room's door. Carlos was about to open the door when it was opened by somebody. After a boy came out, 2 followed and looked at her. They have the same silver hair and eyes with different shades of blue yet the aura they held was like the emperor when Alexandra and he first met. Judging from their appearances and clothes, they aren't knights.

Silver hair, gem-like blue eyes, blank expressions, and a cold and domineering aura. Alexandra was used to this because of her father. This was no doubt, her other older brothers.

Alexandra slightly tilted her head down showing a hostile reaction which showed that she wasn't afraid of them but she was panicking inside her mind.

"I thought the maids got disposed of the rats in the palace, why did they leave one?" The taller and older looking guy said, looking down on her with a cold expression and piercing gaze, the color of his eyes was blue but it was a dark or deep shape of blue. His voice sent a chill down her spine yet Alexandra remained still. She clenched her small fists and looked at the three with a gentle yet brave expression. I have seen those eyes before, I'm sure it's not from the emperor, but it looks familiar, his voice too, Alexandra thought to herself and remain silent as she stared at the three men.

Alexandra tried to recall what she has written in her notebook when she asked Christian about her brothers, she wrote it all down adding some information that might help her. The guy who spoke earlier was about to speak when Carlos suddenly butt in. "Blessings for the Queenilia Empire, Prince Calixander, Prince Gilbert, and Prince Chandler. We need to have a talk with his highness, your father if you allow us to pass," Carlos spoke in a gentle and polite tone of voice, if he just let the 4 be, something bad might happen to know that they hate Alexandra. Alexandra somehow wanted to go back to the palace.

"Shut your mouth," Alexandra's just guessing but the one who called her a rat must be the oldest one, Calixander because of the color of his eyes and height. Wow, disrespectful, Alexandra thought to herself. Alexandra still remained silent thinking of what she should say. "The last time that I saw you, you were still small. Where was it again?" Calixander said, glaring at her, speaking in a voice filled with hatred and anger.

Eh? Did we meet before? When? Was it when I was a baby or not? Alexandra asked herself and was about to open her mouth to speak when she was interrupted by him again. "I remember, it was at the forest," He said, the atmosphere of the place somehow got cold and it was choking her. This feeling, Alexandra thought to herself as she furrowed her eyebrows. Forest? What do you mean by forest? She asked herself once again and recalled any encounters that she had in the forest.

And that's where she realized, the memory that she almost has forgotten when she was a child. So, it was him, she thought and she narrowed her eyes. The encounter at the forest 2 years ago which almost traumatized her, where she was threatened and almost killed by him, it was him. A voice rang multiple times inside her head as she recalled everything:

"Who are you?!" The voice was loud and it boomed over the place like a lion's roar.

"I'll slash your neck if you don't answer us," A very frightening voice threatened her.

"Go back to your place," It was cold, his voice was cold.

But right now, she was standing in front of them, her eyes narrowed somewhat glaring at him. What she felt right now wasn't fear nor she wasn't feeling nervous, what she felt right now was pure hatred from what he did in the past.

"Calixander, let's go. You might anger father if you continued to act like this," And finally, a boy slightly smaller than him carrying a book spoke. His eyes were a beautiful color of blue, it looked like a sapphire. Calixander clicked his tongue before he turned around and the other two followed. The smallest but taller than Alexandra looked back at her first before he followed his brothers. His eyes were light or a cool shade of blue. Somehow, relief washed over her face when they left and she can finally breathe. "Are you okay, Miss Alexandra?" Carlos asked her with a worried face.

"I'm sorry if I can't protect you or defend you even though it was one of my duties to do so," Carlos apologized with a downcast face. He was disappointed by his self as her personal knight. Alexandra showed a faint smile, "I'm okay, Carlos, you don't need to apologize. I'm already used to that type of treatment," She said, her voice gentle and soothing. Even in her previous life, she experienced that when she was doing her part-time job especially at restaurants with rude and rich costumers who always think that they are right when they aren't. That's what annoyed her especially that when she can't talk back because the manager will fire her if she does so.

Seeing this expression on Alexandra's face, his features soften. "Will you still meet his highness and go to the library or should we go back to your palace?" He asked. Alexandra thought for a moment, if she remained in the palace, there might be a chance that she will meet them and talk with them, in that way she can get close to one of her brothers and he will somehow like her well, the cold or harsh treatment would still be there but she can overcome it, if she successfully did it with her father, then she can overcome it with her brothers but if she goes back to her palace, she might lose the opportunity or chance but she will be able to relax. Choosing the latter wouldn't do any benefit to her, she picked the first choice.

Carlos opened the door of the throne and he entered first before me. He said something before she let Alexandra in. "Father…" She called out to him somewhat down because of what happened earlier. "You look down, what happened?" His voice was called but there was a hint of worry in his tone. Alexandra looked up at him and smiled at him. She didn't speak but rather just smiled. Alexander somehow sighed and showed a frown that was removed from his face after a few seconds. "You met them," Said her father and Alexandra knows who he was talking about and nodded as an answer.

"They will be like that, talk with them more and they will accept you and they will open up to you," He advised. Alexandra's eyebrows knitted for a moment before her features soften. This was the first time he gave a piece of advice to her but his voice was still cold and his face was still blank as ever, Alexandra smiled. She doesn't want to look pitiful and she held her chin high with a determined expression and smile plastered on her face. Right, right, be positive, be positive, Alexandra thought to herself.

"So what brings you here?" Oh, right, Alexandra still hasn't told him about her purpose of coming here. "I'm here to have a visit to the library, that's all I want to tell you" Alexandra simply stated with a smile plastered on her face and her father just nodded and hummed. She doesn't want to remain any longer and bowed before she turned around and left.

--

Alexandra head straight to her usual spot at the library where there are two desks and stacks of books surrounding it. It was the place where she would usually read with Harrison. Upon arriving there, she saw Christian reading a thick history book with a serious expression on his face. "Brother," She called out to him grabbing his attention and he looked up. He smiled at her and his eyes darted at the knight behind her back who held a gentle expression on his face. "May the Queenilia's sun shine down upon you, Prince Christian," He was the personal knight of Alexandra who was appointed by the emperor and he was there when it happened.

"Good afternoon to you too, Sir Carlos," Christian said in a polite tone of voice and she walked towards the empty chair behind the desk and sat on it. "Did you meet them?" Christian suddenly asked and Alexandra looked at him in the corner of her eyes. Them? As in my older brothers? She asked herself and stared at him. "If you mean my or our older brothers, yes, then if not, I don't who you are talking about," She replied with a gentle tone of voice. Christian sighed and continued reading the book but having a conversation with her. Alexandra was looking for a book among the stacks of books on her desks.

"Did you have a hard time while having a conversation with them? Or did you not talk with them?" He asked.

"If having a conversation with them includes me speaking then we didn't have a conversation. One of them called me a rat and told me about a past memory," The memory of an encounter at the forest which almost traumatized her. Christian placed down his book and looked at her, a hint of worry in his eyes. Her brothers hate her except for Christian because of the reason: She killed their mother, she was the reason why she died. Even her father hated her but as he spent some time with her, the hatred he felt slowly faded but even so, there are still some left inside his heart.

Christian was born a year earlier before Alexandra, so he doesn't have that many memories of his mother. However he would sometimes dream of a woman singing at her in a soft and gentle voice that is like silk, whose eyes were beautiful as the ocean and held hope and joy, her hair was golden and bright like the morning sun, her smile was warm and gentle like the spring breeze, and her embrace was tight yet filled with love and warm. He once saw a portrait of her inside his father's office and it showed how much he loved her from the way the frame was gold and decorated with her favorite flowers. And that's how he knew that the woman from his dreams is his mother. Although it hurts, he can't bring himself to hate Alexandra who was innocent but what was unusual that she was born in an all-male family.

His oldest brother, Calixander, told him to not get close with her because she was an epitome of bad luck or their family is cursed because of her. However, he didn't take his advice and treated Alexandra as his sister, she was innocent and gentle, she was like the woman in his dreams. She looked very much like his mother, was that the reason why father got close to her or not? Maybe the fact that she looks like their mother made them want to hate and love her at the same time.

Unlike him, her older brothers have memories with their mother, he just doesn't know about Chandler though since he was 2 years older than him. Maybe he has some memories which he can recall.

Carlos smiled gently, "They are like that from the start, they are hostile towards other people but as you get to know them, they will open up to you," He said. That's what father also told me, she thought to herself. Alexandra opened her mouth to speak but it ended up as a whisper, "I hope so." The problem is, how could she talk with Calixander if what she felt towards him was pure hatred and anger from what he called her and from what he did in the past. Maybe, she'll need to be careful when she's with him.