Chapter 149 - Appreciation and Care (3)

[ A quick recap ]

"Brother, what are you thinking?" Curiosity already takes control of her body. She was curious, it was like Christian is a puzzle she was trying to solve for a long time. When she asked him that, she grabbed his attention making him turn his head in her direction, a confused look plastered on his face. His eyebrows were knitted and he blinked multiple times, "Nothing. Why do you ask?" He said. Almost the whole time while they were having their tea party, he was either spacing out or was just silent. Alexandra was worried for him and at the same time, curious about what he was thinking. Even when he had a gentle look on his face and is always smiling, nobody knows what he truly feels. That's why it was hard to understand him.

For a long time, this question bugged her. This question was one of those things that she thinks every night. Alexandra gulped and turned her body to face him, "Brother, do you really not hate me?" Alexandra asked him in a curious tone of voice. There was something different from his gaze whenever she is with her father and acting sweet and close with him while he just stands by. Alexandra thought that it was probably just her imagination but earlier while she was hugging her father, she could see what his gaze was. Like there was something in that gaze, she wasn't sure of it but she thinks it was jealousy. Hatred.

Christian still looked confused and he let out a light awkward laugh. "What are you suddenly saying, Alexandra? Are you still hungry?" He asked her as he let out a laugh. It looked like he was trying to avoid the question. Alexandra's expression remained the same, she stared at him with a serious look on her face. Her lips pursed into a thin line. She wants to know, she badly wants to know what he truly feels. "Brother, I am serious. Please answer my question, do you really not hate me?" Alexandra asked him once again. This time, a sad smile on her lips. Her eyebrows were up-turned.

Christian's eyes widened and she stared at Alexandra before he let out a sigh and looked down, the gentle look on his face was now gone and replaced with a blank one. Ah, it seems like he does, she thought to herself and couldn't help but feel an aching pain in her chest. Alexandra gulped. She was about to open her mouth to speak but Christian did it first, interrupting what she was about to say. "It's not like I hate you, it's just that… I find it unfair," He said, sadness lacing his tone of voice. Alexandra's gaze softened as she stared at him.

"Even though I was the one who requested you to do all of this, I just can't help but find it unfair. Why do I don't have the same courage like you, whose freedom was limited and who was hated by us, even when I have plenty of chances yet I didn't do anything? In fact, we're almost the same except that almost everyone thought of you as a wish or bad luck when you were born even father hated you yet I just did nothing. I could have done it but I didn't have the courage or the will," Christian started, his voice was low and it sounded like a mutter but Alexandra heard it loud and clear. It was like his voice was booming all over the place and ringing inside her ears. His voice was like a whisper yet it sounded very loud to me.

"I didn't hate you. I never did. Rather, when I heard about your existence, I felt pity for you. You were still a person, a human, yet everybody thought that you were bad luck or a curse just because you were born in a bloodline with boys only. So when I met you and you became close with father, at first, all I felt was a relief and hope to know that this dead-like palace would be alive and lively yet as time passed by and you became closer with father and everyone while I am just on the side, watching, I felt envy. I was jealous but that wasn't enough for me to make you hate you. I wasn't close with my father nor any of my brothers except for Brother Gilbert, it's probably because he also likes books, I never listened to what my brothers say," Christian continued to speak. I didn't think all the time, he was jealous and envious. No wonder there was something different from his gaze, she thought to herself.

"Not until you arrived. Everything changed. It was much livelier and fun than before. To think that just by one simple kid could have this much of an impact. I wish I was you yet I know that wouldn't happen," Christian said, his voice starting to crack. Sadness lacing his tone of voice and he averted his gaze once again. Alexandra felt a stinging pain in her heart, she got nothing to say. In this kind of situation, she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to comfort him, sugar-coated words like: "That isn't it, I think you are luckier than me. I was really envious of you," or something like that wouldn't do anything. It would probably just make the situation worst. Instead of saying anything, Alexandra just remained silent. She didn't move from her position and when Christian looked at her, he let out a sigh. He took out one random book from the shelf, "Forget that I said anything," He said before he started walking past her, going towards the stairs heading towards their usual spot.

--

That night, Alexandra laid in her bed as she was being tucked in by Diana. She looked distracted as if there were multiple thoughts running inside her head. Diana noticed this and became worried, ever since the miss arrived back from the palace, she was distracted and silent. There was something bugging her, I'm sure of it, she thought to herself. "Did something happened back in the palace, young miss? You looked distracted," Diana said as she sat down on the edge of the bed. A worried look on her face as she stared at Alexandra. "Diana, can I ask you something?" Alexandra responded, not answering Diana's question nevertheless Diana nodded, "Of course, you can. What is it?" Was what Diana said.

"What would you do if you learned that someone close to you was envious of you? Like that person who you are really close with and spend most of your time with was envious and jealous of you," Alexandra asked Diana, meeting her gaze as she spoke. Diana was taken aback by Alexandra's question, catching her off-guarded. However, she still responded to the question. "That depends on the situation. I really don't know how to answer that question properly. Well, the other maids are envious of me because I am really close to you and I always get to see you every day. So as much as possible, we switch tasks every day the ones where we get to see you like the one before when Carlos still hasn't arrived, where we would guard you," Diana said.

Alexandra never experienced having someone being envious or jealous of her in her previous life. Why would someone be envious of her when she is suffering from so many things already? She doesn't know her father, she lost her mother when she was 10. The only relative who accepted and took her in died a year later. She escaped the orphanage and I started living on my own. She did everything on her own starting from there, she has to work multiple jobs and shifts just to survive yet she died when she was 18 because of a car accident. She wasn't rich nor pretty in her previous life. She didn't have friends, she didn't even have a lover. So having someone to be envious of her was a new feeling especially that the person was her brother who lived a better life than her.

But then knowing what he felt, Alexandra felt relief. It was hard trying to guess what he truly feels when he only just smiles when she is around. But then, she was stuck in a situation in which she doesn't know what to do. "Why is it that you ask, young miss?" Diana spoke, snapping her out of her thoughts and pulling her back to reality. "Ah, it's nothing. I was just really curious about it," Alexandra said and let out a small and awkward laugh hoping that Diana would believe her and won't ask her any more questions. "If you say so, young miss," Diana said. Silence surrounded them and Alexandra just stared at the white ceiling of her room, Diana still hasn't left yet.

"Would you like me to tell you a story? It looks like you aren't sleepy yet. Maybe telling you a story would make you sleepy," Diana said and smiled at Alexandra. Alexandra smiled back at her and nodded, yeah, maybe that would help. "Then, let me tell you the story of The Bogey Beast. This was one of the stories that my mother would tell me, it was one of my favorite ones," Diana said and took in a deep breath.

"There was once a woman who was very, very cheerful, though she had little to make her so; for she was old, and poor, and lonely. She lived in a little bit of a cottage and earned a scant living by running errands for her neighbors, getting a bite here, a sup there, as reward for her services. So she made a shift to get on, and always looked as spry and cheery as if she had not wanted in the world.

Now one summer evening, as she was trotting, full of smiles as ever, along the high road to her hovel, what should she see but a big black pot lying in the ditch!

"Goodness me!" she cried, "that would be just the very thing for me if I only had something to put in it! But I haven't! Now who could have left it in the ditch?" And she looked about her expecting the owner would not be far off, but she could see nobody.

"Maybe there is a hole in it," she went on, "and that's why it has been cast away. But it would do fine to put a flower in for my window; so I'll just take it home with me." And with that, she lifted the lid and looked inside. "Mercy me!" she cried, fair amazed. "If it isn't full of gold pieces. Here's luck!"

And so it was, brimful of great gold coins. Well, at first she simply stood stock-still, wondering if she was standing on her head or her heels. Then she began saying: "Lawks! But I do feel rich. I feel awful rich!"

After she had said this many times, she began to wonder how she was to get her treasure home. It was too heavy for her to carry, and she could see no better way than to tie the end of her shawl to it and drag it behind her like a go-cart. "It will soon be dark," she said to herself as she trotted along. "So much the better! The neighbors will not see what I'm bringing home, and I shall have all the night to myself, and be able to think what I'll do! Mayhap I'll buy a grand house and just sit by the fire with a cup o' tea and do no work at all like a queen. Or maybe I'll bury it at the garden foot and just keep a bit in the old china teapot on the chimney-piece. Or maybe—Goody! Goody! I feel that grand I don't know myself."

By this time she was a bit tired of dragging such a heavyweight, and, stopping to rest awhile, turned to look at her treasure.

And lo! it wasn't a pot of gold at all! It was nothing but a lump of silver. She stared at it, and rubbed her eyes, and stared at it again. "Well! I never!" she said at last. "And me thinking it was a pot of gold! I must have been dreaming. But this is luck! Silver is far less trouble—easier to mind, and not so easily stolen. Them gold pieces would have been the death o' me, and with this great lump of silver—"

So she went off again planning what she would do, and feeling as rich, until becoming a bit tired again she stopped to rest and gave a look round to see if her treasure was safe; and she saw nothing but a great lump of iron!

"Well! I never!" says she again. "And I mistaking it for silver! I must have been dreaming. But this is luck! It's convenient. I can get penny pieces for old iron, and penny pieces are a deal handier for me than your gold and silver. Why! I should never have slept a wink for fear of being robbed. But a penny piece comes in useful, and I shall sell that iron for a lot and be real rich—rolling rich." So on she trotted full of plans as to how she would spend her penny pieces, till once more she stopped to rest and looked round to see her treasure was safe. And this time she saw nothing but a big stone.

"Well! I never!" she cried, full of smiles. "And to think I mistook it for iron. I must have been dreaming. But here's luck indeed, and me wanting a stone terrible bad to stick open the gate. Oh my! but it's a change for the better! It's a fine thing to have good luck."

So, all in a hurry to see how the stone would keep the gate open, she trotted off down the hill till she came to her own cottage. She unlatched the gate and then turned to unfasten her shawl from the stone which lay on the path behind her. Aye! It was a stone sure enough. There was plenty of light to see it lying there, douce and peaceable as a stone should. So she bent over it to unfasten the shawl end, when—"Oh my!" All of a sudden it gave a jump, a squeal, and in one moment was as big as a haystack. Then it let down four great lanky legs and threw out two long ears, nourished a great long tail and romped off, kicking and squealing and whinnying and laughing like a naughty, mischievous boy!

The old woman stared after it till it was fairly out of sight, then she burst out laughing too. "Well!" she chuckled, "I am in luck! Quite the luckiest body hereabouts. Fancy my seeing the Bogey-Beast all to myself, and making myself so free with it too! My goodness! I do feel that uplifted—that GRAND!"—

So she went into her cottage and spent the evening chuckling over her good luck,"

And by the time that Diana was already finished telling a story, the young miss was already asleep. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was normal. She looked relaxed and comfortable as she slept. Diana couldn't help but smile, she caressed Alexandra's hair and kissed her forehead before she bid her goodnight and left the room, not forgetting to turn off the lights.