Chapter 151 - Appreciation and Care (5)

2 days have passed yet Alexandra and Christian didn't even talk with each other. Even though he said that she should just forget about it, she can't. It was bugging her, she doesn't know how to react or respond. She wants to talk with him but she doesn't know how to start or approach. What if he doesn't want to and she said something that he didn't like? That would just make the situation worse than it was. Harrison didn't help her at all but it was her problem anyway, she has to solve it on her own.

Gathering up all the courage she could muster, she decided that she will talk with him today. Even though she is still not sure about what she should say. She made her way to the library with Carlos following behind her, there was a serious look on her face. For the past two days, Carlos noticed that Alexandra wasn't talking about Christian nor did she even went to the library to visit. Even though she wasn't busy during that time and she was just either at the garden talking with her friend, Arthur, or inside her room reading books that she either got from the library or inside her room. Something must have happened between them. "Young miss, may I ask you something?" Carlos called out to her as they walked up the stairs. Alexandra hummed before she spoke, "What is it?" She said.

"Did something happened with you and Prince Christian? Did both of you argue about something? I just noticed that you didn't visit the library for the two days not until now," Carlos said, curiosity lacing his tone of voice. Alexandra suddenly slowed down her pace and she gulped before she fastened her pace again, "It wasn't an argument. We didn't argue. It's just that, I asked or told him something that offended him," Yeah, I'll just say that, she thought to herself and let out a sigh right after.

It looks like the young miss doesn't want to talk about it, I'll just let her be, Carlos thought to himself and just continued walking silently. After a few minutes of walking up the stairs, they finally arrived at the floor where the library is. They made their way towards the door, their footsteps resonated inside the place. It was the only sound heard and piercing through the silence as they weren't talking. Alexandra could feel herself getting nervous every step she take and as she got near the library. Anxiety slowly started to creep up to her and conquer her whole system.

Despite that, she just hoped that everything will still go well and smoothly. They arrived in front of the huge wooden door of the library and Alexandra let out a shaky sigh, she smoothened out the wrinkles of her clothes and made herself look presentable even though she is just going to meet Christian. She is sure that he is inside there because where else would Christian be if he is not inside the library? That is his paradise, the place that he is really comfortable with so it's rather rare or impossible for him to not be there during this time of the afternoon. Carlos held the cold knob of the door before he twisted it and gently swung the door open for her.

She took a step inside and began walking towards the stairs, heading towards the second floor of the library. Christian would still be in his favorite spot reading tons of books while sitting on the chair behind his desk. Come to think of it, I wasn't able to borrow a book here even though there were new ones already. Alexandra climbed up the stairs quietly while Carlos followed behind her as usual. What should I tell him? Wait, how should I start? She asked herself multiple questions regarding what she is about to do. She was already a few steps away from the spot when she started to panic and realize that she still doesn't know what to tell him first.

Maybe I should just ask him if we could talk. Yeah, I should start with that, she thought to herself and took the one last step before she arrived at the spot. There, she saw Christian with a stack of books on his desk while he was sitting on the chair behind it. He was holding a book and Alexandra's eyes darted at Gabriel, his personal knight. He was just staring at her as if he got something to say but Alexandra just smiled at him before she looked at Christian who was still reading. She walked silently towards his direction, trying her best to be silent as much as possible.

She stopped a few steps away from the desk and she cleared her throat before she spoke, grabbing his attention making him lift his gaze and put down the book. When their gazes met and he saw who it was, his eyes widened in surprise and he quickly averted his gaze. I guess, he still hasn't moved on or forgotten what he said the other day. Alexandra fiddled with her fingers and with a low and gentle tone of voice, she spoke, "Brother, can we have a talk?" Was what she said.

--

Now, Alexandra and Christian are walking around the garden together. They were silent as they walked around. Up until now, nobody spoke. Carlos and Gabriel were walking behind them at a distance so that they couldn't hear what they are going to talk about yet they weren't talking. The atmosphere that surrounded them was awkward and it feels like her voice was snatched away. She wants to break the silence but how, she doesn't even know how to start the conversation. She looked up the sky filled with clouds, the sun wasn't that bright today as it was being covered by the clouds and it was windy.

"The weather today is nice," She said, a gentle smile on her lips. She didn't look at Christian's direction but he knew that she was trying to start a conversation with him. He hummed and nodded as an answer. He, too, was awkward and doesn't know what to do in this situation. After Alexandra spoke, it became more awkward than ever. Even with the cool and nice weather, they weren't in a good mood. Alexandra was getting more and more nervous as seconds passed by and they walked around the garden, she fiddled with her fingers. She was about to open her mouth to speak but she heard a voice coming from her side interrupting what she was about to say.

"About what I said the other day, I'm sorry," It came from Christian. Alexandra turned her head in his direction and looked at him, her gaze softens. He had his head lowered down and he was afraid to meet her gaze. I hurt her because of what I said, I probably hurt her and that would make us distant from each other, he thought to himself. I don't want that to happen, I should have probably kept my mouth shut during that time. This is why I don't want to tell others what I am really thinking and what I truly feel, I would just hurt his or her feelings and we would become distant with each other, we won't be close like before again. I don't want that. I don't want that to happen, he thought to himself and clenched his fist. She probably doesn't want me to be her brother anymore.

"Brother…" Alexandra called out to him, her voice was gentle and smooth as she spoke. Her gaze was soft and gentle, there was a faint and tender smile on her lips that was tainted with sadness and worry. Her eyebrows were upturned. This is it, she is going to tell me that she doesn't want—Then his train of thoughts was interrupted when he heard Alexandra speak once again.

"Look at me, brother. Look at me," She said but he still kept his head down low. He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to see her expression as she says those words he doesn't want to hear. They stopped from their tracks and Alexandra faced his direction. "I don't want to look at you right now. I probably have hurt you because of what I said, Christian said and Alexandra's eyebrows knitted. She clasped his cheeks and lifted his head so that he will look at her. "I am not hurt. Rather, I was glad that I was able to learn what you truly feel. Your feelings are valid, I understand why you felt that and I was so dense to not notice it," Alexandra said while still clasping both of his cheeks with her hands. She was staring at him and she doesn't want to avert her gaze.

His eyes widened and Alexandra slowly withdrew her hands and let it fall to her sides. "I really don't like to tell others about my opinions, problems, my true feelings, and what I am thinking. I don't want them to hate me or get hurt because of it especially the people I am close with, that's why I just kept it a secret from you and tried to hide it. I guess you were still able to notice it," He said and let out a sigh. He didn't avert his gaze and just looked at her. Alexandra showed him a faint and gentle smile. "If you have any troubles or problems, you can tell me about it. I remember you telling me that before," Alexandra said.

"It would be hard for me to truly understand you when I don't know what you feel. There is nothing bad about telling others what you feel. I want you to fully trust me and I want to fully trust you, so please, starting from now, tell me what you truly feel. I want to help you as much as possible. I will listen to your problems just like how you listened to me before. If you continue to bottle up your feelings, it would just get bigger and it would probably consume you. We're siblings, right? I want us to help each other," Alexandra said and smiled at him, her eyes closing at the process. Some of the words that she has said was what Christian said to her before. He would always listen to her and help her.

This time, she wants to be the one who will listen and help him. Christian wasn't really that close with any of her brothers and he rarely talks and sees his father, he could only rely on Alexandra who he is really close with.

After hearing what Alexandra said, his eyes widened. He could feel her eyes getting hot, it wasn't burning or something, rather it felt like tears were about to come out of his eyes. It felt like there was a lump on his throat and he doesn't know what to say. Alexandra noticed the tears that were about to escape his eyes and she panicked, "E-Eh? Brother? Did I say something bad? Tell me, did I said something that hurt you or made you cry?" Alexandra started to attack him with questions as she panicked and don't know what to do. A tear escaped from Christian's eye and he immediately wipes it while he let out a soft and short laugh. This is the first time that she saw her cry.

"No, it's nothing. I never thought that hearing those words would make me feel like this. I was the one who said that to you before so I never knew what it felt. That is also the first time that somebody told me that, it feels so warm. I just couldn't help but cry," Christian said and continued to wipe the tears that escaped his eyes. Alexandra's eyes widened and she started to look for her handkerchief inside her pockets but as she was looking for it, she felt two arms wrap around her figure.

"Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for existing," Christian said as he hugged her.