CH 44

When I arrived at Choi Sung-hoon’s house, I changed into comfortable clothes and went out to the living room. I found the owner of the house sitting on a chair in front of the fireplace, cautiously looking at the tablet PC. He was so handsome with his hair down and casual attire that I was taken aback and my heart was pounding hard.



Even though the house was warm as spring, I sat in front of the fireplace. It was reminiscent of Choi Sung-hoon’s home in Bucheon.



On the table in front of the fireplace lay the marriage certificate. When did he bring it… A pen was neatly placed next to it.



When I pretended not to notice, Choi Sung-hoon said,



“Seo-yu ssi, aren’t you tired? It’s going to hurt a lot, so how about sleeping?”



“It’s not even 9 o’clock yet. I don’t want to sleep yet because I don’t want to waste my time.”



“…Then let’s read a book together.”



Heh, reading a book. He read a book with such a scar on his cheek.



Choi Sung-hoon dragged his chair over to me and sat. And I used a tablet or something to open the book file. When I saw the title, I laughed to myself.



It was a book that was recommended to me when I first started seeing a psychiatric counselor. This was a book that would aid in the healing of your wounds. I hadn’t expected to see it after ten years.



“I read it and it was very good. You should read it as well, Seo-yu ssi.”



“I stopped reading books and smoking when I graduated from high school, but Choi Sung-hoon recommended it, so I’ll read it.”



“…” 



A worry-filled wrinkle appeared again between Choi Sung-hoon’s brows, and I assumed he didn’t like something I said. Something must have bothered him because he was sensitive about me.



We put our heads together and began reading.



Warm, drowsy, and peaceful… I felt like I was going to get drunk in the atmosphere.



I raised my head after a long period of reading because I had a stiff neck.



“Should I give you a paper book if you can’t concentrate?”



“Whoa… Look. I read three lines. You’ll get a headache if you read for too long, so let’s take a break.”



“…”



Choi Sung-hoon smiled and looked at me with loving eyes. Another thing he adored about me…



In fact, it was also true that I couldn’t concentrate. I have one thing to ask him.



I’ve wanted to ask since I heard the story, but something big happened and I couldn’t.



I put down what I was holding and looked at Choi Sung-hoon. Just in time, I made eye contact with Choi Sung-hoon, who was staring at me. Choi Sung-hoon was always paying attention to me, so when I looked at him, our gazes quickly met.



“I heard it from mother… When did you start counseling?”



“…”



Choi Sung-hoon raised one eyebrow and then relaxed his mouth. He seemed surprised to hear the unexpected words, but soon he spoke for me, who was waiting for a response.



“It hasn’t been long. Since you were admitted to the hospital and after learning that the fetus’s life was in danger.”



“Did you start getting counseling so that you don’t feel sad after losing Kongkongi?”



“No, to be sad.”



Choi Sung-hoon’s gaze was very warm as he looked at me.



I made sure he wouldn’t be offended if I asked him something very private, and, as expected, he was as gentle as warm milk.



“When I first heard about it, I thought you’d be sad if the fetus ended up gone, but I wouldn’t be.”



“…”



“I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to comfort you. So I received counseling to be sad and to sympathize with your sadness. So that I’ll be able to comfort you.”



“…”



“Of course, I’m learning a lot of other things as well. As Seo-yu ssi knows, I’m not good with emotions, so I may inadvertently hurt and made you misunderstand in the future. I don’t want it to happen again, so I try to do my best.”



“…”



“Someday… so that you can trust me.”



After saying that Choi Sung-hoon turned his gaze to the paper on the table.



A marriage certificate with one blank side.



As if that side would be filled if he had my trust.



“I have to talk to her separately. So that Seo-yu ssi doesn’t have to worry about something like that.”



“Mother? Don’t… Then it would be obvious I said it. And mother said it by mistake as well. She mistook me for the person who persuaded Choi Sung-hoon ssi to get counseling. I can’t be that nosy.”



“Of course, if Seo-yu ssi advised me to go, I would have gotten it immediately. It can’t be classified as nosy.”



“… Do you think counseling is effective?”



“Well. What do you think, Seo-yu ssi?”



I stood up and placed the tablet on the table. And when I was about to sat in Choi Sung-hoon’s arms, he opened his arms and hugged me. It was a good thing because he was a big guy who could easily embrace the 178cm Omega.



I hugged him, he hugged me and looked into my eyes. Choi Sung-hoon’s eyes were overflowing with warmth.



“I don’t know. If it’s effective… ”



“Oh… I’ll try my best.”



“It’s not like that, Choi Sung-hoon was already a warm person before the consultation. Because you’ve always been warm to me… I don’t know.”



Whether he liked or disliked my answer, Choi Sung-hoon made a mysterious expression.



We approached each other while still staring at each other and kissing, regardless of who went first.



That night, I cried again while sleeping on Choi Sung-hoon’s arm pillow. Choi Sung-hoon, who I thought was sleeping, immediately woke up and turned on the stand light, and hugged me.



As I felt the pat on my back, I thought of many things.



Choi Sung-hoon was making an effort. Someone who was as clumsy as that.



For my own sake.



So far, I’ve never read a book recommended by my counselor. I’ve never been serious about counseling, and if I was given medicine, I just ate it.



He didn’t even ask me to go to counseling because he was skeptical of it. As if he knows I’ve already counseled myself to the point of exhaustion.



But now I thought about getting counseling.



It was a night filled with many thoughts.



* * *



After spending a few days luxuriously at Choi Sung-hoon’s house, I went to the center for a post-surgery check-up.



Choi Sung-hoon tried to make time somehow, but he couldn’t accompany me to the hospital because he was too busy. At the same time, a light spring rain was falling, so he was very sorry. Instead, I went to the hospital while being guarded by the gangster-like brother.



The test results were very good, and the doctor said there was no need to come again. However, the mustached gangster-like brother was very solemn-.



“Can I tell Director Choi that Professor Chae said he doesn’t need to come again?”



When asked, the doctor reversed his words.



“After all, it’s not enough to get tested once… I could be doing it carelessly… Let’s come one more time. Yes… Let’s do that.”



I wondered for a moment that I wouldn’t have to attend the examination after today.



The doctor said that my nutritional status was not good, so I went up to the special room where I had been staying for three weeks and was given an IV.



I slept while drooling.



It was 5 p.m. when I drove back to Choi Sung-hoon’s house in the car driven by the gangster-like brother. Choi Sung-hoon usually leaves work at 3 p.m., but something appears to have happened at the company today.



– I’m sorry. Something happened at the factory in Yangju. I won’t be home late.



“Don’t worry about me. If you’re really sorry, please take selfies from time to time and send them to me.”



– A…selfie.



“Yes! I‘ll be waiting for you.”



Choi Sung-hoon sent a selfie five minutes after hanging up the phone. As I looked at the tightly closed mouth and blunt eyes, I burst out laughing.



While I was waiting, I ate a meal prepared by the chef, read some books, and jumped into bed. The marriage certificate, which waiting to be filled on one side, was still on the bed. I was amazed again as I looked over the personal information of Choi Sung-hoon that I had read and memorized.



How could such a person like me… It seems that the world must also live to know.



As I smiled, I realized that one of my hands was on my lower abdomen. It became a habit in two weeks.



Kongkongi stayed like a dream for two weeks and then disappeared.



Now it was time for me to make up my mind.



Then my phone vibrated. I thought it was Choi Sung-hoon’s selfie, but it was actually a phone call. It was from Ho-in.



“Hello.”



– Oh, it’s me, Seo-yu ssi. This is Park Ho-in.



“Yes, it’s been a while.”



– Yeah, I just… I heard from your co-workers… Really… I’m sorry…



It was clear that he had only just heard it. He was shocked and didn’t know what to do. The same as Won-jo and Sung-hyun.



He was a person who was friendly and warm. I was surprised at times by his change, but he was a  warm person in the end. Always consistently.



“Kongkonggi must have gone to a good place. Thank you, Ho-in ssi.”



-…Did your Alpha give you a lot of comforts?



“Yes, a lot. He comforted me more than my sorrow. I wouldn’t have endured it without him.”



I was so comforted that I wondered if I should act even sadder. I was so comforted that my eyes transformed into crucian carp.



– Seo-yu’s ssi voice is so warm.



Ho-in’s voice had a little cold tone to it.



-… He’s an extremely dominant Alpha, it’s like he’s really in love.



“That’s right, Ho-in ssi. He also loves me.”



The sound of breathing in my ensuing words came over the phone. I said it while looking at the three words ‘Choi Sung-hoon’s’ in the marriage certificate.



“An extremely dominant Alpha and a recessive Omega, maybe an Omega and an Omega. I suppose it doesn’t matter in the face of love. As Ho-in said before. I found out too late.”



-…You have changed, Seo-yu ssi. You’ve changed a lot.



“I’ve changed?”



– Yes, you’ve changed. For the better… I guess that person changed Seo-yu ssi.



Ho-in’s voice cracked.



I could see it now with my eyes open. The reason for Park Ho-in’s strange behavior.



This was the reason why such a gentle and kind person spoke harshly to me. I think I’ve figured it out.



At the same time, I realized that I should pretend I didn’t know what I had just noticed for the rest of my life.



– I’m glad you’re happy. Are you planning to return to work now?



“No, I left the company altogether.”



– So what are you going to do now?



That was the problem that kept me locked up.



What to do now and what to do next.



… I kept thinking.



– Even if it is impossible to return to work, please drop by at least once… I really want to apologize. In the meantime, about my words.



“Of course. I’ll stop by later, so please make some delicious citron tea. At that time, I will go with Choi Sung-hoon.”



-…Yes, Seo-yu ssi.



He was the one who sent me a bad message while I was in the hospital, but now that I found out the reason, I could understand him.



I wanted to tell Choi Sung-hoon that I could now understand what I would not have understood for the rest of my life if I hadn’t changed, but I’ll have to put up with it.



After I hung up the phone, I closed my eyes and placed my hand on my chest to feel my heartbeat.



I’ve made my decision.



‘You have changed, Seo-yu ssi. You’ve changed a lot.’



Because I’ve changed.



I called Choi Sung-hoon. He picked it up as soon as it rang twice.



– Seo-yu ssi.



“Where are you now?”



– I’m still in Yangju. I’ll be arriving after midnight because I’m traveling by car.



“What time is it at midnight? Where are you coming from? What kind of car did you drive?”



-… If you intend to pick me up, please wait at home because it is raining and cold.



“Ah.”



I hadn’t considered picking him up, but I was surprised because Choi Sung-hoon was making such significant progress. It was so adorable that I thought I was going to die. I wanted to record every conversation because it was so lovely.



My heart was racing. I was overwhelmed as the tip of my nose turned sour with such vigor. I wasn’t a crybaby.



“Choi Sung-hoon ssi, do you know this?”



– This?



“I think I like Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”



-…Did you realize it now?



He pretends to respond calmly, but I know he paused for a moment. Choi Sung-hoon responded that he had known for a long time and that I still had a long way to go before I could follow him.



Choi Sung-hoon was so stupid that he has no idea how much I love him. I love him enough to make a decision.



“I’m going to say goodbye now, Choi Sung-hoon ssi.”



What?



“Thank you so much for everything you’ve done so far. When you’re at your happiest, it’s easy to get into an accident, so drive carefully. Okay?



– What do you mean? What do you mean goodbye?



I told him I loved him and then hung up because he was busy. I received a call right away, but I was in a rush and did not answer.



I was ready to go out right away.



After putting on clothes, I packed Kongkongi’s shoes and moved the marriage certificate onto the table. So that Choi Sung-hoon could see it as soon as he comes back.



I ran through the residential area in Hannam-dong with an umbrella. By the time I arrived by the road, a black car ran at a tremendous speed from afar and almost got into an accident. It dashed to a nearby building’s parking lot and escaped the crisis.



Choi Sung-hoon must drive safely.



I was going to stop by my house, but I got on the bus as soon as I got off. The area was surrounded by familiar gangster-like brothers. If they found me, they would immediately seize me and bring me back home to Hannam-dong.



I hopped back on the bus and left the neighborhood. I’d been alive far too long, so I had a lot of memories of my mother, father, and older brother in many places.



A two-story chartered house where I couldn’t throw away a toothbrush or a spoon, a sushi restaurant where my father insisted on eating out occasionally, a PC room where I was with my older brother during his rebellious days, and the market entrance where my mother asked me to pick her up saying she had a lot of luggage.



I was sad just passing by, and I was sad just being there, so I never went to a sushi restaurant, PC room, or market. I haven’t been anywhere in the neighborhood in ten years. It was time to say goodbye to places I tried to erase from my mind but couldn’t.



The bus goes around the neighborhood and arrived at its destination after a while.



It was a dark and audacious night, but there were a lot of people waiting at the train station for the last train. I was the only one who got off.



The rain was falling heavily. I considered opening an umbrella, but it didn’t come very often, so I just walked in the rain.



As I walked slowly there, I looked around the scenery with regret.



My heart has changed since last year, but the scenery I could see has not.



The river was flowing under the bridge.



The surface of the black water, swaying in the rain, resembled the night sky.



I gripped the railing firmly.



Many thoughts raced through my mind, but that was all I did.