Prologue
Original Length: 862 words.
Post Revision Length: 1148 words.
Sometimes, a book is a book.
When you are on the sweaty subway, though, its an excuse to stare at some weirdos without being punched in the face. Or maybe, to stare at the ladies!
And sure, my dear Dostoevskij, you might be right when you write that murder is indeed an interesting dilemma. But see, 150 pages just to ponder about it, thats a bit too much, isnt it? You could have trimmed it down to twenty, maybe even ten!
Maybe its not just about the Russian accent sounding so mercurial; maybe your people do like to brood over things until the sun goes out. And looking at how long some of those books are, I mean when the sun literally stops working.
Now, look at that lady over there, my loquacious writer. She looks like my future wife, doesnt she? Wholesome, classy, and a bit bookish, huh?
I mean, she doesnt have a book, but she looks like she reads them, I think! But, even if she didnt, would that turn me off? For all I love to be transported in St. Petersburgs streets with you, I wouldnt mind if this girl wanted to bring me to Arbys.
But you, Fdor, you know that I will indeed ponder for much more than 150 pages before mustering the courage to ask her out. I mean, if I were to kill someone, I would ponder nothing near 150 pages, just some advice for you, Fdor. So next time, please make it shorter. But here, here we are talking about asking my charming subway crush! Its a much more serious matter!
Killing someone is easy! And why should I care about it? But romance? Despite all the crime shows popping up in the last fifty years, my dear Fdor, romance is still worthy of more thought than murder itself.
Oh no, shes staring back. Goddammit, come on, Fdor, do me a favor and shield me from having to grow a pair, you damn gambling addict! Make this thick unreadable thing worth its retail price! Please!
Im trying to look inconspicuous, but I fear my presence has been noted. Alas, it is time to commit seppuku. Goodbye life, its time for me to ascend to another world, and
Oh man, shes still looking at me!
And not just looking!
Oh my
Hi!
Now that shes up close and we are both standing, I can see that her whole face smiles. Her eyes are sparkling, and two tiny pearls at her ears somehow drag my attention to her toothy smile.
Here we go, couldnt be a normal one? Nope, not for me! She has a tic! Those are too many winks, arent they? But should I ask her if she has a tic? It doesnt seem like the wisest dating move.
What do I do? Im way too deep already to pull back now!
Im Joey, I wink back.
So, putting the tic questions aside for another moment, I start spelling out my phone number, and she gives me a ring; and now I have her phone number.
She smiles again and, in the same way it happens in films, the subway stops precisely at the right moment; she smiles at me one last time, making my heart jump out of my chest, and then she gets off.
Holy moly, I am living the dream!
Emboldened by Lady Luck, I try the unthinkable.
Its time for the cheesiest move in the world! Its time to ask her out to dinner tonight, right here and now! Maybe even Ill even give her a kiss! Why not! Today, nothing can go wrong! Nothing! I feel like Im on top of the world! The cutest girl just asked me out! Im invincible! I have defeated luck, finally!
I jump out of the seat, and I start running at the closing doors, barely making it through them. Not even Brad Pitt could have looked that cool and unfazed as I just did!
Then, I blink.
I blink, once again.
And I blink, another time, just to make sure.
Yeah, this is not New Yorks subway, is it?
A vast treasury with enormous riches and artifacts stands before me. Swords, your standard straight-out-of-a-comic golden coins, some more glittering swords, armors on mannequins, or just armor pieces thrown around in the golden coins to make it look fancier.
A truly artistic and well-placed hoard, I find myself sighing with a hint of boredom.
See, I am not shocked.
What did you expect from me?
Should I be surprised that I just traveled in space, time or whatever, when my subway crush just asked to exchange numbers? What did you expect exactly? Because, Im telling you, this is exactly what I would have expected.