Chapter 236: Butcher

Chapter 236: Butcher

The smell of blood is something I will never be able to eradicate from my olphactory memories. And its usually associated with burnt, with something charred. But in this case, even though for a second I can feel the terrible smell of something burning, I quickly come back to reality and something meaty. When I look at the huge window of Marzalliums Books, I dont see the books. No, I just see a bunch of random meats placed on a counter and a guy at the counter.

I enter the place with a smile.

Hello! Is this place new?

Hello! A Human! Welcome! Yes, I just opened last week!

Oh, what happened to the book shop?

My father unfortunately passed away. Thankfully, some people came forward and bought all the books in one big batch. And I thought that a good [Butcher] would be much more helpful than a stupid repository of books no one was buying, right? the man erupts in genuine laughter as if he had not just said that his father died.

Oh my, you have quite the selection, I say while looking around at the few carcasses I can spot, badly chopped, with cut that look all but clean.

Yes, and we just got some new cuts of beef as well! But I got them down in the basement.

Would you mind giving me a tour of the basement? Ive always been curious of how a place like this works. And dont worry, Im here for business, I say taking out ten gold coins and placing them on the counter. Im organizing a party, sort of. I need the best you can get me.

As soon as he sees the money, the fake smile he had donned turns into genuine joy. It looks like not many people have come here for business yet.

Good.

Sure! We have some prime ribs that you can

I turn off the buzzing noise in my head and I start pondering.

And not on what Im supposed to do.

I know that.

Im just wondering what information I need about the old man. When I think about the little volume full of poems, I almost cry. A tear threatens to escape my eye while I follow the idiot son of the one person I really respected in this town.

My father was not a present figure while I was growing up. But he instilled in me something, a lesson that I will never forget. Be good to those who are good to you. If your parents treat you well, treat them well back. He had not studied nor he had a culture; but he had principles and values. And the two values he passed onto me are good work and being grateful for what I got. When my father fell sick, Id take over the shop without saying a world. Even when I had already some money of mine already, I would never forget what the man did for me. There would be no discussion, no arguing. He didnt even need to call for help, I would just know that he couldnt work in his conditions and take over for a while.

For some reason, whoever shot the documentary thought well to include the gruesome scene of two chimps killing another with rocks. But while I look at the scene, I feel a sense of calm settle in. Its impossible to describe. It has nothing to do with the act itself, but more with the whole context.

I abandon the soft and warm blanket on the couch and I stand up, stretching out. I dont do anything like laughing out loud or having a manic attack. I go to the kitchen and pour myself a big glass of water. For the first time in a very long time, I turn off the television, left alone with the silence. And for the first time since I have memory, Im fine in the darkness and the silenceI dont crave the loud sounds no more. I just soak in the silence, washing away the dark thoughts with the knowledge that nothing means anything.

We are chimps.

Its so silly.

It has always been so silly.

We are no more than chimps. We are animals who evolved a bit too much and built a monster of a framework on top of our animal instincts. Then, when we go crazy, we blame ourselves, not the pillars of steel that are now rusted by the blood of entire generations. Its not about the buildings, its not about the economy, capitalism or whatever. Its just that we are cursed. We are cursed to live an existence that is made of inane laws we made for each other. But we are the same chimps that bash each others heads in when they need to. We are just afraid to follow what we were always supposed to do because now someone says its wrong.

We want to feel comfortable, but that never was how we were supposed to leave. We are supposed to be uncomfortable most of the time, or just accept that someone might bash our head in at any moment. We look for comfort among the structures, among the fake world we have built for ourselves. And maybe, if we are stupid enough, we look for comfort in the chimps. But the reality is that everyone is restless, that everyone should be restless. We are no more than chimps, and thats as bad as the structures, the prisons we built for ourselves.

But if being chimps is bad and being Humans is equally bad, what is good? What is it that makes it worth it?

Nothing.

And so why do I feel like this, liberated?

I put the glass of water back on the table.

I guess because if nothing makes sense, I might as well do something worth my time and not overthink it. If everything is stupid, it doesnt make sense to worry about making mistakes and thinking about what we are supposed to do. Theres nothing we are supposed to do. What we are supposed to do is a framework built by other people who were most likely wrong about it and that we just follow out of habit, but what we want is just bashing each others head in. And so, why worry? Want and moral constraints are equally bad.

The best shot is just looking for a cause just enough to die for.

I look at my laptop on the Ikea coffee table in front of my couch. Theres the 3D model of a gun I was studying out of pure curiosity. I always found guns and weapons stupid tools, something we should never have made. But now, I think that some of the wrongs in this world, or at least in this country, could be solved with a bit of gunpowder. Even if I cant know what Im supposed to do, I can still try to do something that will net a positive for humanity. And its better if I do something that no one else would ever think of doing, something so radical and crazy that makes the chimps go into hiding and the framework we built crumble. Our tyrannical system and our terrible nature will both succumb to the simple calm utilitarianism of doing a favor to humanity.

Its that simple.

Or maybe

Theres really not an answer to anything.