Chapter 81 - 81

Chapter 81: Chapter 81

"And now its time for some, snicker snicker, popular songs in our 1 hour block. And totally not Weird Al parodies!"

I frowned as I reached out for my alarm only to find a whoopee cushion on top of it. I tossed the stupid thing away and shut the alarm off, head rolling to check the time before I felt a familiar elegant hand reach out and grasp my head, rolling it back.

"Don't," Mai said, words slurred with sleep, "we aren't on the blimp."

"...oh fuck no," I groaned as I instantly came a wake. Mai, interestingly enough, managed to stay relatively sleepy despite finding ourselves ripped away from the norm.

"Uh huh. Filler arc."

"God damn it!"

"I wish I could," Mai complained, burrowing deeper under the covers. "I woke up before you and I've been... trying to muster the energy to care."

I sighed, shutting my eyes. "Halloween? Christmas YET AGAIN?"

"Look at our pajamas."

I frowned, lifting up the sheets to see our matching sleepwear was decorated with banana peels and whoopee cushions.

"April Fool's Day?" I moaned, letting the blankets fall back down over me. "An entire day of stupid pranks and jokes?"

"Starting off with matching jam-jams," Mai complained.

"I would love to focus on how utterly cute it is you call them jam-jams but... April Fool's Day? I HATE that holiday!"

That caused Mai to lift her head up, propping it up on her hand. "YOU... hate April's Fools Day."

"I have trust issues," I muttered. "I got pranked at work once only they didn't tell me it was a prank for hours and it caused... issues. Every since then I've done all I could to avoid it but the world seems determined I have to deal. So yeah, I hate the holiday." I smacked the bed in frustration. "Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!"

Mai let out her own groan, flopping down and pulling her hair so it have hid her face. And considering how much of it she had that was an easy task. Honestly I'd once considered braiding a jump rope out of her locks. "This is going to be a nightmare, right? We'll probably have to deal with... people being the opposite. Like Kaiba being nice or Tea being a slut." She paused, snickering slightly. "Renard settling on an accent."

"Fuck."

"Probably you'll duel someone. You ever hear of Prankid?"

"Fuck."

"Ah, so you have." Mai sighed and slowly sat up. "Well, unless you can think of a way out of this let's get going. Might as well not linger on the pain."

"...fuck."

"Yeah. This is going to-"

"No," I said, slowly smiling as I looked at her, "that's how we get out of this."

Mai frowned at that. "Edwin? I might be cunning but you sometimes need to explain things slowly to me..."

"Why get up? Why go along with this? Why even get out of bed?"

Mai let out a yelp when I grabbed her and yanked her back down onto the mattress. I rolled on top of her, running my hands along her sides.

"I think the solution is rather simple," I stated as I reached over to my end table and pulled open a drawer, yanking out a box of condoms. I checked them over and seeing that they were brightly colored decided that was probably the biggest 'prank' with them. "We spend the entire day fucking like rabbits."

"...and if someone tries to stop us?" she asked.

"Millennium Key and Moon Goddess." I waved my hand, Shadow Realm magic shooting out and sealing the door. "No one is getting in."

"...we'll have to get water so we stay hydrated."

"We'll drink in the shower when we move to there." I leaned down and began to nibble at her neck.

Mai arched a bit before moving to unbottom my pajama top. "Heh... worst case we'll call this the best prank ever."

"That's my girl," I whispered. "Besides, the world can survive without us for one day..."

~MC~MC~MC~

Aria had to fight the urge to bang her head against her desk. Normally she loved her job working as Head of the Beta Testing...but unfortunately two new employees were driving her insane!

More than her boss ever could with his need to make every invention have to do with something Blue-Eyes. She was still glad to this day that Martin had said no to the Blue Eyes Jet but she feared for the day Kaiba goes over his head and creates it anyway . "Because then I'll have to test it.."

She shivers a bit but she begins to twitch her eyes as the two idiots keep talking. Taking a deep breath she places the packet of paperwork down, and stands up. "Will you two please stop fooling around and actually work!" she spins on her heel, looking at the two men whose names she couldn't remember, "Thanks to you two not showing up, we're already behind! We need to get this stuff finished and then tested,"

The taller man snorts, putting down his monster, "What are you talking about? We didn't miss a day,"

Aria had to hold back the urge to growl, taking a deep breath, "Yes you did. You know the day that we usually have off but it was replaced with a day that we usually have to work? You know the one on Christmas Eve? We have a deadline on this product so it was decided that we would work on Tuesday so we could get it done?"

"We have a set schedule," the man replies, "They can't just change it just because we have Christmas Eve off. That was months ago!"

The other workers were silent, watching this all go down. Gritting her teeth and not wanting to have this argument again she sighs, "Fine, but can you actually get started. And you!" she turned to the other, who had one headphone in his ear and he was loudly talking, "Can you please get off the phone. I'm fine with you listening to music but please stop talking with whoever you are talking to?"

The other man looks up and laughs, "You're not my boss," Aria blinks as everyone stops what they were doing.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Uh...I am? I'm the Head of this Division?"

"We all know that Kaiba gave you that position because your buddy buddy with Chaos," he states rolling his eyes, "You never even went to college like the rest of us, so you really shouldn't have this job. Honestly I think Kaiba only keeps you because he wouldn't care if something explodes and kills you off,"

Aria stares, not even caring as the guy went back to his conversation with his phone. Gripping the back of her seat tightly she shakes her head. She knew that some people thought this, she heard the whispers behind her every time she walked the halls of Kaiba Corp...but never has it been thrown straight into her face.

It didn't help that she thought of it herself at times. How she, a retail worker got the position of Head of a Division at Kaiba Corp. She didn't fancy herself as smart, not like Cassie who could think of lore for all the Duel Monster Cards Industrial Illusions keep printing out. She wasn't as brave as Martin was, the guy was able to tell Kaiba no! How Caesar was able to program to create Duel Links...Yuri and Renard..

She just doesn't see why Kaiba would hire her after she tested the Duel Disks. Something she only signed up for a bit of extra cash, never expecting to be hired. She wasn't that great of a duelist...heck he could have tested them out himself if Mokuba and Edwin didn't tell him to get them Beta Tested. She knew that if Duel Monsters got more advanced (which she expected with how crazy people are about the game..she swore she saw someone record an old lady dueling for a chicken and posting on Twitter) she wouldn't be able to keep up.

She doesn't see why Edwin considers her a friend. Sure they talk about fanfiction and throw back ideas for each other. They rant about how stupid people on Twitter were, or talk about the new Pokemon game..

She was pulled back from her thoughts at the sound of a cough and they all turn their gazes to the door where Kaiba was now standing. And one look at his face, utterly impassionate and cold, made it clear this was not going to be a fun visit.

"You want to know WHY I keep Aria around?" Kaiba said as he walked into the room, eyes narrowed and face utterly like stone. "It's because I am surrounded by idiots. Stupid, pathetic, money wasting idiots. I have grand visions for this company but I am stuck with you morons as employees. I want to reach towards the heavens." He paused at one desk and Aria watched the loudmouth curl in on himself like a wax paper thrown into a bonfire. "And you ignorant clods are anchors that are locked onto my ankles, dragging me down the earth. But every once and a while I find someone who isn't an idiot." He jabbed his finger at Aria. "Someone who actually has the brains, skill, and ability to get a job done. Now you're right, she does have a weakness: she is too nice. Because if I were your boss, the one DIRECTLY above you, I would have fired each and every one of you and make sure that the board knew that the reason why the project wasn't getting done was your incompetence. I would then call in every favor I had to ruin you so completely that you'd never be able to rebuild. Evicted from your building, spouses leaving you, children lying that you once got drunk and managed to actually properly engage in reproduction. But she has decided, for some reason that escapes me, that you fools might actually be worth something. I can only assume its because going through the paperwork to finalize your terminations and ensure the only jobs you ever get again will be sweeping up the gutters that your previous boss found you in. But her kindness can only protect you so much. So if I were you?" He raised a single eyebrow. "I'd get to work so she can keep protecting you. Because Yugi and I have a duel I need to get too and if you keep me from that there is no force on Heaven or Earth that will save you from my wrath."

All the workers shivered.

"Oh... just one more thing," he paused and for the first time since he'd entered the room he smiled. And it was CHILLING. "Edwin Chaos might be a loud mouth... but I watched him LITERALLY burn men alive. And they had gone after Wheeler's sister. What do you think he'd do to any of you for trying to suicide bait his friend?"

Aria watched on, stunned, as Kaiba left.

Within seconds her entire team began to work double time to get things done.

She would have been impressed if she were shaking in terror at what had just happened.

~MC~MC~MC~

"Now then, Joseph, let us try this again."

Joey gave a casual shrug. He hadn't wanted to attend the session but Serenity had said that the doctor had done wonders for her and honestly he was tired of trying to call 1-800 support numbers and the system not being able to help him.

"Sure thing, doc. Whateva ya say, I'ms all for it!"

The doctor, Dr. Harry Heggins, smiled but it was a tight, forced little smile. Like when one requests the steak for dinner and is told, "Oh, sorry, we forgot to order that but chicken is like a feathered cow so that's close, right?" He settled in his chair, one leg crossed over the other, and tapped his pencil against his notebook. "Very well. We are going to run through some very simple phrases, okay? This will help prepare your tongue to speak in a more... well, neutral accent."

"I gots ya, doc!" Joey said with a grin, warming up to the challenge.

Dr. Heggins nodded. "Repeat what I say."

"Repeats what ya says."

"No, not that."

"Nah, none of dat."

"No Joey," Heggins stated, "wait a moment."

"Nah Joey," he parroted, "wait a mom' kay?"

"Now you're just adding words to the sentence!"

"Now yar just addin' words tad a sentence! Come on!"

Heggins held his head in his hands.

~MC~MC~MC~

"And it is agreed, Kaiba, that this final duel will decide, once and for all, our eternal rivalry?"

Seto nodded as he and the Pharaoh walked towards one of the dueling arenas that Kaibacorp had set up in the city. While they could use their duel discs it had been agreed upon by both to use a platform; their final duel would happen just like their first. Seto had also suggested they start by putting Yugi's Grandpa in the hospital but after a few minutes of considering it the Pharaoh had decided that wasn't needed. "That's right, Yugi. We'll finally determine which of us is the greater duelist. So I hope you are ready to find yourself plunging back down to the bottom because when I defeat you I will be on top once again."

"Or perhaps you are afraid that I will twist you around and be the one above you?" the Pharaoh declared.

"What are them two fellas complainin' about, Agnes?" an old woman asked as the two teens walked by them.

Her companion scoffed. "Which one of'em gets ta be the top and which the bottom when they have sex tonight."

"Aw, that's nice. I remember how we used to fight about that!"

The Pharaoh and Kaiba came to a stop in front of the Dueling Arena, Seto pulling out a card and moving to the reader at the side of the entryway. "This is it, Yugi... your end."

EEEEERRRRRRR

Seto frowned when the buzzer growled at him.

He tried again.

EEEEEERRRRRRR

He blinked, looking at the card.

"It seems that they do not open till 1pm, Kaiba," the Pharaoh stated, reading a sign posted on the door. "It is currently 11:38am. We have another hour and 22 minutes to kill."

"Hmmmpf," Seto grumped. "Just another hour and 22 minutes for you to dwell on your upcoming defeat."

The two stood there.

"...do you... want to get some food?" the Pharaoh asked. "It is close to lunchtime."

"I suppose I could eat," Seto admitted.

~MC~MC~MC~

"I am glad that you were willing to meet with me, brother."

Marik rolled his eyes as he settled onto the couch next to Odion. "Yes, you betrayed me brother and I will ensure that you suffer for the rest of your days for that. But that doesn't mean we can't hang out and watch anime in my hotel room." He scoffed. "I'm not a monster."

"Very true, brother," Ishizu said, settling down next to the other two, a bowl of popcorn in her lap. "Same rules apply?"

"Of course!" Marik declared dramatically as he cracked open his can of Tab (which was the true superior soda and he would make the Pharaoh pay for claiming it was anything but!). "We will not discuss how you foolish fools do not understand my greatness! Even though you don't."

"Yes brother," Ishizu stated. "Though I still think if you just talked to the Pharaoh-"

Odion and Marik instantly held up their hands and Ishizu sighed, getting up and grabbing her purse before pulling out a few crumpled bills. Heading over to the dining room table she grabbed a jar that had a piece of paper taped to it that said 'Pharaoh Jar' with a crude Millennium Puzzle drawn on it and placed the bills inside.

"Seriously?" Weevil said only for the old woman to get up and put her knitting supplies away. "You?"

"It wasn't that hard, dearie," the old woman said, hobbling away. "Hmm... chicken sounds good for supper."

"And finally any professional duelist is allowed to leave."

Weevil, relieved, stood up. "Have fun with your boring trial, losers!"

"OBJECTION!" the defense attorney declared. "That 8 year old girl is NOT a duelist!"

"I am so a duelist!" Weevil snapped. "And I am not 8 years old nor a woman!"

"Quiet young lady!" the judge demanded, pointing his gavel at Weevil. "Now then, what proof do you have that you are a duelist?"

"I went to Duelist Kingdom?"

"You did?" the judge asked. "How many duels did you win?"

"...well, none. I... er... was the first one eliminated. But that-"

"And what about Battle City?"

"I competed in that too!" Weevil said.

"And how many wins did you have?"

"...none."

The judge shook his head. "Young lady, I am a judge. I have no time for such frivolous things as duels." He paused. "Even I managed to win once in Battle City."

Weevil sadly took his seat.

~MC~MC~MC~

Heggins held his head in his hands. "Try... again. The Shame came when I lost the game."

"Da shame cames when I lost dat game."

"The shame came when I lost the game."

"Dat shame came whens I losted da game."

Heggins shut his eyes. "Damn it all. I give up."

"Come on doc, ya gots ta help me!"

"There is helping and there are miracles and I'm not Jesus!"

"...is that another duelist?"

Heggins groaned. "Try it again," he said wearily.

Joey focused. "The... shame... came... when I lost... the game."

The doctor slowly looked up. "Say that again."

"The shame... came... when I lost the game."

"Again," Heggins said, excited.

"The shame came when I lost the game."

"I think he's got it!" Heggins cheered. "I think he's got it!"

"The shame came when I lost the game!" Joey cried out.

"By George he's got it! By George he's got it!" He pointed at Joey. "Now what brought about that shame!"

"The game! The game!"

"And what came with that game!"

"The shame! The shame!"

Heggins grabbed Joey's hands and the two began to spin about the room. "The shame came when I lost the game! The shame came when I lost the game!"

"Bravo Joey!" Heggins declared.

"Eh, thanks doc!" Joey said... in his normal accent.

"...get out."

~MC~MC~MC~

Sometimes it felt like there was just a language disconnect between Cassie and the rest of the world if she ever tried to vent to anyone but Edwin, Aria and the others.

"Why work at Industrial Illusion if you hate Duel Monsters?"

She didn't even hate the game! She loved the designs that the Art department came up with, and she honestly had her dream job getting to research and create the lore for the cards all day. She just didn't get how or why Duel Monsters had become so ingrained into day to day life when there were other, more FUN games around in her opinion.

Case in point, today had been exhausting with her head editor Keith (No not that one) rushing her to redo half the lore of the already rather overstuffed Archfiends, which led to her having to pull two hours overtime. All she wanted to do was crash into her bed right now but once on the bus home she just had to remember she had very little fresh food in, and while getting delivery or digging something out of the freezer was tempting. Noooooo she just HAD to be a reasonable adult today and get off early to go to the supermarket so that she could at least pretend to herself that she's a healthy normal adult.

Thankfully the place was mostly empty so she was able to speed through getting most of her groceries, it was the hot food counter where the issue arose.

There she saw her salvation for the night, a chance to not have to use more energy cooking, or have to pay for delivery. There was still a rotisserie chicken available! Just the one but she didn't care reaching over her trolly to grab it-

And another hand also grabbed it.

Internally sighing she put on a smile for the little old lady who'd grabbed the chicken "Oh go ahead and have it miss."

The woman stared at her.

"No."

Cassie blinked "Oh...Do you not want it anymore?"

"No."

The two of them stared Cassie feeling increasingly awkward"...Really....You can have it, I'll sort something else out for my dinner." Internally she groaned seeing the old lady rummage in her bag before pulling out a duel disk.

"It wouldn't be an honorable way of getting the chicken! I challenge you to a duel!"

"...I surrender please just take the chicken..." Cassie almost begged slumping over the handle of her trolly and pinching her brow.

"Listen up whippersnapper-"

"I'm almost thirty."

"-I want that chicken, and I want to get it the proper way, now put up your deck and draw!"

Cassie hung her head and sighed reluctantly pulling out her Duel Disk and deck.

"Fine, you go first."

The old lady looked smug as she pulled her hand. "First of all I activate the field spell Rotisserie Oven, This field spell lets me discard a card to lower the number of tributes needed for a Chicken Dragon monster by one!" Cassie rubbed her forehead already feeling a headache and the need to scream at her editor. "I'll activate that effect to summon my Dark Meat Chicken Dragon in defense mode Without a tribute! Then I'll equip it with the spell Chinese Spice to raise its defense by five hundred and set two face downs!"

Cassie sighed deeply as she stared down a Dragon made of chicken wings and legs with 2000 defense.

"Ok." She drew and sighed, at least her deck also seemed to be as fed up as she was."First of all, I activate the effect of my Dragunity Remus, letting me discard him to grab a Dragon Ravine from my deck, then I'll activate it! Letting me discard a Dragunity to send a dragon to the grave." She quickly discarded both cards "Then I'll special summon the Dragunity Arma Gram I sent to the grave by banishing those two other Dragunity monsters!" Cassie grinned as Gram's flames roared taking the field "Then I'll summon Dragunity Dux, and add the equip spell Dragunity Divine Lance to Gram raising his attack and letting him use his effect, negating your Dragons effects and lowering it's attack. Now Gram attack!" Gram snarled, charging forth with the lance when the woman raised her voice.

"I activate Chicken Negate! As long as I have a Chicken Dragon on the field once per turn I can negate an attack and end your turn!"

"Of course you can..."

The woman drew "I activate the effect of my Oven letting me sacrifice my Dark Meat Chicken Dragon for the ultimate beast! Blue Cheese White Meat Chicken Dragon!" As the chicken oozing with cheese appeared on the field Cassie pulled out her phone dialing Keith's number.

"What?"

"FUCKING BLUE CHEESE WHITE MEAT CHICKEN DRAGON!?"

"Can be used as a Blue Eyes monster."

"...That explains it." Cassie sighed looking at the BEWD rip off "Arma still has more attack" She pointed out though mentally wincing, while Gram was definitely safe Dux was a green sitting duck, While he had an effect to gain 200 attack for every other Dragunity card on the field including his self. That was only a boost of 600 leaving him on 2100 and a very tempting target.

"Not if I activate Ritual of Blue Cheese letting me sacrifice half my life points to summon two more! Then I activate my face down Rotisserie Fusion letting me fuse them into the Blue Cheese Ultimate Chicken Dragon! Now strike down her weakling Dragon!" Cassie winced as Gram was destroyed and she took a hit to her life points. "I end my turn."

"Good, I draw." She quickly looked over her cards and felt more then a little glad it was only Gram she lost "First I summon Dragunity Partisan, then I special summon Dragunity Legatus. Then I'll tune them and Dux all together to synchro summon my level 10 Dragunity Knight-Ascalon!" Cassie smirked looking at her gigantitic golden clad serpentine dragon taking the field with a proud roar"And Ascalon has the effect to banish your mons-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" Cassie yelped, staring at the woman now climbing a display of Coke.

"A trick my adopted Grandson Seto showed me!" The woman stood precariously on the tower of Coke. "If you attack I'll let myself fall!"

Cassie stared dumbfounded before deactivating her Duel disk "I surrender."

Numb she grabbed her trolly listening to people praising the old bat for her 'Great and honorable win'

"I will never understand this game."

~MC~MC~MC~

"They are wondering if you are going to be stopping in for Mikey's presentation tomorrow. I told them I could handle it..."

"Yeah, sorry, I can't come in," Sally said as she fiddled with the length of cable in her hand, phone pressed to her ear. "Its my day off tomorrow and I already made plans for tonight. You'll just have to make it through the boring presentation about the latest way to deal with stupid parents without me."

"Going out drinking and partying?" Becky, the second in command at the KaibaCorp Daycare, asked with teasing tone.

"Please, you know I'm boring as can be," Sally replied as she pulled on her black full-cover face mask and then tugged on her night vision goggles. "Just going to be hanging out."

"You need to get out more. You can't just be all on your own."

"I like being alone," Sally said before taking out her glass cutter and getting to work on the high roof window of the Gozaburo Kaiba Memorial Bank (in memory of and the storing of Gozaburo's money). "I do some of my best work alone."

"Come on. I hear there some big duel broke out between Yugi Muto and Seto Kaiba over where they are going to eat dinner!" Becky exclaimed.

"Yeah..." Sally said, able to hear that very duel... and knowing all of the bank's guards were busy watching it, "think I'll pass. But you have phone. Byyyyeee." She hung up before Becky could say more before making sure the rope was secure. "Alright... let's do this."

And with that The Dark Witch, the World's greatest thief, descended into the bank.

~MC~MC~MC~

Mai rolled off of me and let out a happily little sigh, a dopey smile flashing across her face. "And I'm spent."

"Good because I think every part of me is sore," I said with a groan, rubbing my jaw.

"Baby."

"If I'm a baby that makes what we did on the carpet an hour ago VERY illegal." I chuckled at that before taking a long breath. "Well... 20 minutes to midnight. We go to sleep now and we'll wake back up on the blimp to deal with the criminal with a mind control rod and your goddess half and my fear of heights and suddenly I'm ready for round 15."

Mai let out a squeak of surprise as I rolled back on top of her.

~MC~MC~MC~