Chapter Eleven - Wearing Many Hats

Chapter Eleven - Wearing Many Hats

I didnt get any loot from the snake and cat, but I did pack up the blanket that had been on the hill. It was nice and thick and smelled like freshly cut grass, and no one knew when they might need a towel.

I checked my status while rolling up the blanket.

Health 101/110

Stamina 115/115

Mana 22/105

My health and mana both went up by about one a minute. That didnt mean that I could survive being dropped to one health. When Id been cut before I was aware of my health dropping by a point or two before going back up. That probably meant that the number was an indicator of health, not some ephemeral... thing tied to me.

Still, I was healing faster in this world than back home, and I didnt have any skills associated with it, so that was probably normal.

The door to the exit hadnt unlocked, which only left one way to go.

Before running off though, I took a moment to find a decently flat rock and a sheet of paper from my backpack and some coal with a sharp tip.

Soon enough I had a somewhat rough map of the dungeon so far. Now I couldnt get lost! Or if I did get lost I could ask someone how to get to the exit and use the map for reference. I just hoped that zombie animals couldnt read, the last thing the world needed was an invasion of zombie critters.

I rolled up my map and stuffed it in my sack. Out came a jar of honey and I had lunch while enjoying the surreal triple suns above for a few minutes.

Health 107/110

Stamina 115/115

Mana 28/105

Itll have to do, I said as I got up. This time I faced the door equipped for battle. Flail in one hand, free hand on the knife I moved to my bandoleer, and eyes narrowed like Clint Eastwood just before he called someone a bad word.

I pushed open the door in the hedges and peeked in. There was another corridor, this one surrounded by hedges on both sides and with a cobblestone path down the centre.

No signs of the mean skeleton with the hats, or of any zombie critters.

I stepped in and looked around. There didnt seem to be any traps, but the hedges could hide anything and the cobbles looked too much like pressure plates for my liking. I stuck to walking on the grass for now.

The path veered off to the right after a little bit then took a sharp turn. I stopped and stared. The hedges shrunk. They went from towering walls of green to being no higher than my hip in the space of three steps.

That was interesting, but what was far more arresting was what I could see in the distance. Water. An entire ocean of water as far as the eye could see.

I was on an island, with not too distant shores where the sea was smacking against stones and there was a small cottage-like home a few hundred meters away. Or maybe it was closer? It looked... off.

The hedges around me formed a short wall around a garden with flowers and ponds and large, decorative rocks. But everything was tiny. The biggest flower was no bigger than my pinkie, the trees along the edges were only a bit taller than I was and the pond could be walked over.

In the centre of it all was Maddy, sitting at a white, wrought-iron table that barely reached his shins. The skeleton held a minuscule teacup by its mouth as it sat on a chair that looked like it had been made for dolls, not people.

There were three other guests at the table. A large hedgehog, a big ol tortoise and a shetland pony. Each zombie had a small teacup before them.

Hello, I said. Or, ah, maybe I should say rarr? Thats in skeleton, right?

I might have said something offensive because Maddy stood up and flipped the tiny table right over the tortoises head, the tiny teapot cracking and breaking across the glass with a tinkle that filled the sudden, awkward silence. He reached up into his hat and pulled out three more bits of headwear.

Three of the clones poofed away, then the final tortoise began to fade into motes.

Ding! Congratulations, you have assassinated Zombie Ninja tortoise, level 2!

Two down.

It wasnt a nice feeling, knowing that killing these poor zombies was becoming so routine. Well, not routine, but common. The ghosts were different, less tangible and more obviously evil. These critters were kind of cute if I ignored the smell of rotting meat around them and the more zombie-ish parts of their anatomy. Cute animals missing an ear were still cute. Cute animals with hanging entrails... not so much.

Something went clunk-clunk again and I dove to the side. A moment later a rock flew past where I had been standing, impacted the ground with a dull thud, then bounced into the pond with a splash.

I looked in the direction the rock had come from and saw a wooden pole swinging back down behind a hedge.

I saw you! I said as I ran over. I had my knife out, but really, really hoped that I could talk to the pony because stabbing a cute little zombie pony would be like stabbing my childhood and that just wasnt cool.

I rounded a hedge and skid to a stop.

The pony, yellow hat and all, was standing next to a trebuchet, and before it, pointing right at me, was a ballista.

I never backpedaled so fast in my life.

The ballista fired with a twang and a blur shot past me and into the distance. Look, mister pony, I dont want to hurt you, but youre not giving me any choice here, I said.

The sounds of what I suspect was a ballista being reloaded filtered over to me. No good.

I wasnt about to run back around the hedge, which left up and over the only option. With a running start, I charged towards the hedge and leapt into the air. My skill must have helped, either making my legs supernaturally strong or telling gravity to mind its own business for a moment, because I moved as if I had just bounced off a springboard.

A wide-eyed pony looked up a moment before I crashed into it feet first. By the time I had recovered from my jump the pony was only a memory.

Ding! Congratulations, you have demolished Zombie Construction pony, level 2!

Part of me wanted to cheer, to jump and skip and be super happy that I had won another fight. I tamped down on that little voice, stood back up and bowed towards where the zombie pony had been. Im sorry, I said.

Being happy over the death of something, even something already mostly dead, wasnt cool.

I looked around the garden once I was done paying my respects and found that my efforts had been rewarded. Where the zombie ninja tortoise had faded away was a hat. It looked like an old British soldiers helmet, with a dome in the middle, a large flat brim and a turtle-pattern all across its surface. A pair of leather straps under it showed how it was meant to hang on to the wearers head, and the inside was padded with more leather.

Thank you, I said to the zombie tortoise, even if it couldnt hear me.

Shelled kettle hat, new.

My new hat was quite comfortable once it was strapped down nice and tight. Im sure I made for a dashing figure. I wiggled my head a little to make sure everything was neat and fit right, then hopped on the spot a few times to make sure it wouldnt just fly off my head. It seemed nice.

Which meant it was time for me to continue on my adventure.

A bit of exploration around the garden revealed that the entrance had locked behind me already. There wasnt anything else on the island except for the massively oversized house in its middle.

Health 110/110

Stamina 115/115

Mana 39/105

Not nearly as good as I wanted, but it would have to do.

I picked up my backpack, holding it by the straps, then reached up and turned the door handle.