Chapter Three Hundred and Forty-Nine - Food for Thought

Chapter Three Hundred and Forty-Nine - Food for Thought

Chapter Three Hundred and Forty-Nine - Food for Thought

It took Bastion half a second to come up with a plan. Phalanx, I want a grid. Spears out ahead, swordsmen, be ready to take to the air. Were going to need wide sweeps of fire to clear out any webbing.

Oh no, Calamity said. Nope, nope, nope.

Whats wrong? I asked as the formation shuffled around us. We were being positioned near the rear, along with an obviously irate Princess Caprica.

Im not, ah, fond of spiders. In fact, Im very not-fond of them.

Really? I asked.

Yes, really, he said. He reached for his pack and pulled out his unstrung bow, then quickly and expertly looped a string through one end and over to the other while bending the bow on the ground. We have spiders out on the plains. Theyre bigger than both my hands together and will pounce on any birds that fly too close. Whenever I see their nests I go the long way around.

That is kind of spooky, I agreed. I shucked off my pack and set it down to one side. A lot of the soldiers with extra equipment were doing the same. Then I pulled out Weedbane and held it close, ready to snap the blade out whenever I needed it.Hopefully it wouldnt come to that.

Broccoli, Bastion called back.

I jumped, then looked over the heads of the sylph between us to see the paladin waving me over. Ill be right back, I told my friends before I pushed through the formation and towards Bastion. Whats up? I asked.

He nodded to me, then gestured to his side. The scout from earlier was there and from up close I could see that he wasnt in as bad a shape as Id feared. Sure, his armour was dirtied up and a bit rough, but he didnt seem wounded other than the gash on his forehead.

I pushed a bit of Cleaning magic out, which startled him before he realised that his uniform was clean again.

Best to keep your magic reserves topped up, Bastion advised. We might be needing every spell we can muster soon.

Oh, alright, I said. I was pretty sure my Cleaning magic would work on spider-webs. It worked on cobwebs well enough. Though maybe those were different, in a way? It wasnt hard to agree to hold back though. What did you need me for? I asked.

Negotiations, he said.

The scout looked as surprised as I felt.

I know you well enough, Bastion continued. Youre going to try to talk to the spiders whether or not I tell you not to, so I might as well nip this in the bud. When the spiders arrive, Id like for you to open a dialogue with them.

That makes sense, I said. And it did sound like something Id do. We are invading their home, so its only polite to say hello.

Yes, Im sure, Bastion said. Mostly, my concern is trying to get past the forest without losing life or equipment, and perhaps even time. Were on a schedule here.

Right, I said. We might be able to ask for permission to peacefully cross their territory. And they might know about the pirates too.

He nodded. That would be a great boon, yes. But keep in mind, if things dont work out, or if the spiders are mere animals, I dont want you interfering in the fight to protect them over us.

I know. Im not that silly. Turning to the scout, I smiled before I asked him a few questions. Did you see the spiders for yourself?

Yes, maam, he replied immediately.

That was good. What do they look like, exactly?

Theyre quite large, maam, easily the mass of a sylph, Id guess. They are brown and black. I believe their... chitin might be a natural camouflage in these forests.

Right. Are they more like ambush predators, like normal spiders, or are they more jump-in-your-face spiders?

That... wasnt addressed to me, I dont think. I glanced around, and started to notice that a number of the shadows nearby were moving in a way that didnt match the wind passing through the canopy above.

I shifted my arms again, this time at fixed angles, then I twitched my ears the same way. I was so lucky to be a bun. I was already two limbs short for a proper spider conversation, so my ears were invaluable at the moment. Hello. We are friends. Not food. Passing through. Hello.

More spiders appeared, scuttling around tree trunks to come and stare with their many eyes.

There was a faint echo of clicks that I would have dismissed as branches creaking if I didnt know any better. It was kind of the equivalent of a crowd murmuring.

Broccoli? Bastion asked.

Were chatting, I said. Or Im trying to. They talk in clicks and with their bodies. Its kind of complicated.

Tell us if they seem to be turning aggressive, he said.

I gave him a thumbs up and returned my attention to the first spider that had shown up. It eyed me in turn, then it clicked and wiggled its thorax in a way that was actually kind of cute until I parsed what it was saying.

Food clicks at us. Strange. Dangerous. New food.

I wiggled back as soon as I could, and tried not to think of the group of people behind me watching me shake my bum. Not food. Friend.

The spider twitched at me. Look like food. Smell like food. Will taste. See if food. Then it started to skitter down the tree until I danced faster to get it to pause.

Dont eat. Not food, I said. Group is passing through trees. Group is looking for other food. I was running into a pretty big problem with spider vocabulary. Also, getting called "food" was giving me flashbacks to meeting Savan.

The spider let out an irate set of clicks. All food in forest our food.

Our food not in forest, I replied with some clicks of my own. Looking for food that looks like us.

So is food?

Oops. Id fallen into that trap feet-first.

No. Friend! I signalled. There was more clicking from the forest, and I had the impression the peanut gallery of giant spiders were finding this exchange very amusing. Hopefully not in the predinner entertainment kind of way.

Confusing. Is food who says isnt food. Is looking for food in our trees. Small. No webs. Not enough legs, but can still click, the big spider said. Will bring to Mommy.

Yes, I agreed. Was Mommy their leader? Maybe they were matriarchal.

In either case, talking to their leader might be helpful. They might be older and wiser, or maybe just be better at communicating. That would be super helpful all on its own.

Broccoli!

I gasped as a large web shot out towards me, white silky material spreading out to envelope me. Then, faster than I could blink, Bastion was there with his sword singing and the web was sliced apart into a thousand ribbons.

I gasped and turned to the spider. Why web? I signalled.

Cocoon the food for Mommy, it clicked back.

I had the impression it wouldnt be getting any easier to communicate.

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