Chapter Three Hundred and Seventy-Two - Facial Hare

Chapter Three Hundred and Seventy-Two - Facial Hare

Chapter Three Hundred and Seventy-Two - Facial Hare

Huh, I said.

Huh, Awen agreed.

Hmm? Caprica asked.

Are you all really just going to stand there and stare? Amaryllis asked. She fluttered a wing towards the shop. Theres nothing stopping you from going in.

Yeah, but its weird isnt it? Calamity asked.

The shop in question was right next to the Arrow Smiths. It was a smaller shop, with two big windows sandwiching a doorway. The shops name was above that, written on a simple, discrete plaque. Substitute Stubble, Prosthetics, & Artificial Replacements.

Through the windows we could make out mannequins. Some had wooden or metallic arms and legs, fitted for both dwarf and elf, but most of the mannequins were just wooden heads on little stands. And all of them had fake beards.

Well, I wanna check it out, I said before I boldly stepped up and into the shop. A bell jingled above the doorway, and I was hit with a weird mix of smells, oils and shampoos. It reminded me a little of the barber shops Id sometimes visited when my dad needed a haircut back on Earth.

The shop was divided into two sections. A small area to one side sold prosthetics of various makes and models, and a few signs promised year-long guarantees, free adjustments, and a free can of oil with every purchase of a magitech arm-clamp or buzzsaw hand.

The rest of the shop was all about the fake beards. There were long ones, short ones, beards split into thirds and partial fake beards as well as beard extensions, goatees, mutton chops, and beards that were shaped in all sorts of fanciful ways.

Hello sir, someone said from the front. An older dwarf stepped out from behind a counter. He had an apron that fell to his knees and a pointy-sharp beard with beads around the moustache. Also, one of his legs clacked and was very obviously artificial. How can I help you?

Ah, I was just looking, I said.

Oh, no need to be shy, he said as he adjusted a pair of spectacles. I see that hairless chin of yours and the envy in your eyes. You, good sir, are in want of a magnificent beard!

Uh. I guess? I said. They were pretty magnificent.

Fantastic. Now, Im curious, and if the memory pains you too much, then feel free to tell me to shut my old gullet up, but how did you lose your beard? He squinted at my face, and I had the impression he was really inspecting my cheeks and chin.

Ah, well, I never had one to begin with, I said.

Hmm, he said. Then he shook his head. Shame.

Well, I was a human girl, and we dont usually have beards. Uh. Now Im a bun girl, and I havent seen one of those with a beard either.

He blinked. Oh. Youre a woman. My apologies, miss, for misgendering ya. Its hard to tell, you see.

Its fine, I said with a little wave. Um, are any of these beards... girl beards?

Hmm? Why, yes, obviously, he said. Why, nearly half of them. The ladies have beard-related accidents just as often as the men do, of course.

Right, of course," I said, despite not seeing any difference between the beards. Presumably there was some cultural or perceptual thing I wasn't picking up on, or maybe couldn't pick up on. Whats the most common beard-related accident? I asked while my friends filed into the shop.

Did you want one? I asked her.

She hesitated, then shook her head. No, its okay, she said.

Once I was bearded up, I stood aside while the old dwarf helped Calamity find a suitable moustache. He ended up with a big bushy thing that sat like a hairy caterpillar on his upper lip. It looked a bit silly, but also gave Calamity the air of an outdoorsman.

We paid for the dwarfs services and the facial hair, then headed out to explore the rest of the shops.

Its going to be tricky, eating with this thing, I said as I stroked my beard. Of course, I was starting to think about food. We were shopping, and grabbing something unhealthy and strange to eat was part of the shopping experience.

But, since there wasnt a place to sit down and eat at just yet, we continued to windowshop for a bit. I tried not to tug at my beard while we walked around, which was surprisingly hard.

We ended up in another clothes store where we perused all of the things they had, but for the most part they were either way too big or way too small for any of us. I did end up buying a few knit socks that looked very comfy.

I had a weakness for fluffy socks.

Then we ran into a little novelty store. They had cameras, and a setup that allowed them to develop photos in an hour. There were all sorts of photos pinned to the walls of dour looking dwarves and serious elves, all in that sort of shades of brown and black.

We filed in, and an excited elf explained photography for us. Or rather, for my friends. I was familiar with the idea already, even if the way he described it made it seem novel and new.

In the end, we all settled into a spot at the back of the shop, squeezing in tightly so that all of us could fit into the frame. Then we ignored the nice elfs advice and smiled big and bright as the camera went off.

He took a few pictures, just in case, and we paid up before heading off. Given that is would take an hour to develop the pictures, we had some time to eat!

We found a coffee shop a little ways off, but there was a huge line leading up to it, so we continued until we found a shop being run by a tall, wiry man of dark complexion. It took me a moment to realise that he was an Ostri, of all things. They were selling Ostri specialities from the Ostri desert, which Awen was pretty excited for.

Their food tastes great, she said. Just, ah, the names are strange.

The shops name was interesting too. Come Here to Eat Ostri Food. It... well, it certainly told anyone passing by what to expect. We ended up sitting at a round table, with some chairs stolen from nearby.

I had cactus leaves with hurty weed sauce, which was surprisingly spicey, but also flavourful, and the others had a mix of things, from spicey bird cooked over fire to flatbread with meat and burning sauce.

Once we were appropriately stuffed, it took some serious effort and willpower to get up and waddle out of the restaurant. I also discovered that eating with a beard was probably a challenge for people who didnt have Cleaning magic. The fine hairs caught on every non-solid food and I ended up with half my meal tucked away in my moustache instead of in my tummy.

I sniffed out a bakery on our way back to the photoshop, and as it turned out, there was a teeny tiny bit of room in me to squeeze in some cake along with a hot citrusy tea-like drink.

By the time we returned to the photoshop, all five of us were groaning with effort and our bellies were bulging from all the food wed stuffed ourselves with, but it was worth it!

We each got a copy of our new team photo, and I carefully slid mine away. It would, I suspected, make for a nice memory in the distant future. A way to look back and show our respective kids how much fun wed had and who our friends were.

I was looking forward to that future, but moreso, I was looking forward to the now where we were still having all that fun.

Oh, look, they sell flowers over there, Caprica said. Do you think I could get something for Gabrielle?

Lets go see!

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