Chapter 126 - Hesitant

Lei Xing opened her eyes the next day and immediately sighed. After laying there for a while, she took a deep breath then sat up, ready to face whatever trouble was looming and then froze in shock when she saw the Emperor sleeping at the edge of the bed.

Lei Xing blinked and just sat there staring at him for a long while, confused.

{...What is he doing here?...}

Lei Xing was completely baffled. He had obviously stormed out of here angry last night, but then he came back? She knit her brows and did not know what to think, but just because he was here did not mean she was safe.

She quietly went to climb over him to leave, but just as she was about to begin maneuvring over him, he suddenly spoke, "Are you planning to run somewhere to hide?"

Lei Xing jumped and then immediately moved back. The Emperor slightly opened his eyes and looked at her. Lei Xing blinked at him and then looked away, feeling nervous and apprehensive. She had been getting too cozy with him and it was not good. It had made her confused and she had forgotten who he was and where she was.

As the Emperor sat up, Lei Xing quickly thought of an explanation and said, "Princess Nalan requested me to come over today so I did not want to keep her waiting and make her upset..." She then added, "I didn't want to disturb you..."

The Emperor quietly looked at her for a while, and Lei Xing was becoming increasingly awkward and worried with the eerie silence. In the end, he simply said, "You can go." 

Lei Xing blinked then glanced at him.

{...So no punishment? Is it because this is "official" business?... Whatever, moving on...]

She quickly hopped over his legs and rushed out of the room. The Emperor watched as she scurried off and sighed. It was true that he left here last night feeling angry and frustrated.

He treated her better than he had ever treated anyone in his life yet she rejected him like that, it was an upsetting situation. But after meditating on it for a long while in a cold bath, he thought it over after calming down and concluded that him being this angry over something like this was irrational. Anger was also not an emotion he was familiar with. He had felt disappointment and irritation many times, but rarely ever anger.

There was only one instance that actually came to mind and that anger stemmed from his feeling of helplessness, and even then it did not feel this potent. And that situation was definitely more important than a woman's rejection. A woman's affection was never something that he thought relevant or important to him.

He had also never thought of himself as a jealous or insecure man, who would get upset at every little thing. She was obviously not the only beautiful woman he had come across and liking her was definitely not reason enough to lose his rationality. 

Although no woman had ever kept his arm's length like this and he had never had to pursue a woman like this, nor was he ever interested in pursuing anyone before this. But she was not the first woman he had come to like and even when he has blatantly backstabbed, all he felt was a passing disappointment and nothing more. So it made no sense for him to be this angry over something like this, yet he was. 

When it came to Lei Xing, everything seemed different, he was different. He paid attention to the smallest things and seemed to feel upset over small things that had no relevance and it seemed to be getting worse.  He obviously knew she was not afraid of him from her normal behavior around him. They talked together and although rare, she sometimes genuinely laughed...and he loved seeing her laugh. He sighed again.

He had come to understand her character quite a bit, if she did not care for someone she would just not bother with them, just like the way she treated him at first. But now she would even start conversations, ask questions and even make jokes, even if some of them irritated him. He had rushed things and scared her, but he could not help how he felt, he wanted her.

When he got out, he thoughtlessly walked back to her room, then frowned and thought that some space would be good for both of them. So he sent the servants to get his memorials and went to immerse himself in work in her study until the early morning, when it was already bright outside. He did not have court today so he returned to the room, completely drained and immediately fell asleep.

He liked her but he was starting to feel somewhat fearful of it. It seemed he was losing himself and he did not like the feeling of it. He really did not know what to do about her. The last thing he wanted them to become were his parents. If that was his path then he would rather live alone all his life. 

He felt some distance was necessary, yet he still returned here.

***

Lei Xing quickly finished her bath, got dressed then hesitantly went back to the room to finish up. She glanced at the Emperor who was now sitting on a chair, brooding. When she was done, she quickly turned to leave with Xiao Ruo, not wanting to evoke any trouble by disturbing him.

But before she could get to the door, the Emperor suddenly spoke, "Come sit here." 

Lei Xing let out a breath then begrudgingly complied and went to sit down, with her head hanging waiting for the hammer to fall. 

{...I knew it was too good to be true...He must have stayed here to ensure I couldn't run away...}

The Emperor looked at her for a long while and then got up and said, "No one is pursuing you, so eat before you leave." Then he walked out of the room. Lei Xing watched his back with knit eyebrows.

{...That's it? Really?... Must be because this is "official" business, maybe?...Whatever, good riddance -_-)...}

Lei Xing sat there stewing, the more she thought about it, the more absurd she felt it was. The food quickly arrived and she sat down to eat her fill, dismissing her problems. To her surprise, the Emperor returned shortly after. She had thought he left, but apparently he just went to bathe. Now the two of them awkwardly sat there eating, burying their heads in their plates, ignoring the other person. 

Lei Xing glanced up at him and then frowned down at her bowl, it had been a long time since she felt like this around him. It was highly uncomfortable and she did not like it.

{...Should I apologize? Apologize for what? I really didn't do anything wrong here. He was the one who became angry for no good reason...It's not a crime not to be "engaging" -_-)...These crazy entitled royal as**oles. His mother's beyond crazy, he's confused crazy, his brother is another species of mad and I happen to be stuck here in the middle of all this crazy...Freaking a***les! -_-)...}

She rushed her meal then got up to leave, but the Emperor calmly ordered, "Wait." 

So Lei Xing disgruntedly sat back down while the Emperor leisurely continued to eat, ignoring her again.

{...Is he seriously being like this?... People make all sorts of faces, I'm sure...probably...But you can't seriously be angry at someone's expression. How does he know if that isn't my -... Okay, I acknowledge that's ridiculous -_-)...It was a "tortured" expression, I don't even know what that looks like but...I guess I can see how that could be off-putting...I guess a tad upsetting too...maybe...}

The Emperor finished and then got up, "Let's go."

Lei Xing warily looked up at him, "G-go where?"

{...Dungeon? Whorehouse? Torture chamber?...Whorehouse?! What the hell am I thinking?...}

"Didn't you say you are going to the Zou representatives residence? So let's go." The offhandedly Emperor responded.

"You're going too? Why?" Lei Xing blurted out. She just realized that he was dressed in nobleman's clothes now. 

The Emperor narrowed his eyes at her, "Is there a reason why I can't go?"

"No, none at all." Lei Xing swiftly responded, then got up and said, "Let's go." The Emperor looked at her and then started strutting off, with Lei Xing begrudgingly trailing along.

She wanted to leave the palace to get away from him but now he was going there too. She got the feeling that he was on a short fuse today and she did not need anyone to explain that it was because of last night, and she also was not in a good mood herself.

{...Today's going to be very, very long...What the hell is he even coming along for? -_-)...}

"Am I walking too fast?" The Emperor stopped and asked with a frown, Lei Xing was walking almost ten paces behind him.

"No, not at all." Lei Xing swiftly responded then awkwardly walked up and stopped beside him. He then continued to walk, matching her pace. Lei Xing covertly glanced at him, feeling bad for some reason.

{...Is this guilt? What am I feeling guilty for?... It's not my fault!... Is it? I don't even know anymore...He's confusing and he makes me confused, it's annoying! >_

"Hmm...A dragon and a phoenix, truly quite the sight."

"What?" Chen You said turning to the monk next to her, who was nodding in appreciation, with eyes teaming with excitement as he watched Lei Xing and the Emperor's departing figures. She had summoned this monk to the palace to offer assistance to the Empress dowager's religious cause and were on their way to see her when they came across the scene of Emperor and Lei Xing. 

"Just an observation." The monk responded and then urged, "We should hurry along, I have to return to the temple by nightfall."

Chen You frowned then looked at the departing figures of the people who were completely oblivious to her presence and that of others. Her frown deepened and she looked away and kept walking her own way, feeling even more irritated than she had been the last weeks. She had been feeling increasingly irrelevant these days.

If not for the fact that she had already told the Empress dowager about this monk she would have tossed him out for his stupid words. She knew now that his reputation was lie, he obviously a confused fool who spoke nonsensical things. But still, she could not go to the Empress dowager empty-handed and so she swallowed her anger.

{...A dragon and a phoenix...What nonsense! There is no way I'm going to live below her for the rest of my life! I refuse to!...}