Chapter 178 - Escape

The Emperor twirled the container of balm a servant had delivered to him in earlier. He had spent quite some time scrutinizing the small container trying to decipher Lei Xing's meaning. The maid who delivered it did not bring any message, apparently, Lei Xing had simply asked that it be delivered to him.

{...Is this concern or is this a send off?...No, I have quite a few things around her palace, this is nothing...So it's concern...but nothing more?...}

The Emperor put down the container and sighed. He really could not be certain whether it was one way or the other, he could not be certain about anything when it came to Lei Xing. He still was not sure what to do about her and so could not return to her palace tonight as usual.

But since he had been staying there for about two months now, he knew it would invite a lot of speculation if he stayed away, especially after the absurd events of the day. To avoid that, he sent someone to check on her and ordered that all her favorite dishes be specially prepared for her dinner. He even ordered for some gifts to be sent over to her in the morning as well.

Even if they were on bad terms, she was still Lei Yong's sister...and regardless of the situation, he still cared for her, a lot more than he wished to admit at the moment.

The Emperor sighed again and glanced around his room, being here again felt odd. After finishing the rest of his work for the day, he went and laid down on the bed...and it felt even stranger. Everything was odd and uncomfortable.

He sighed and laid there staring at the canopy above as his mind started to wander...and all his thoughts were of Lei Xing. He wondered if she was asleep yet, if she had eaten, if she was crying...if she felt uncomfortable without him there, as uncomfortable as he felt without her. 

{...No, she would be comfortable now...She always asked me to leave...Used to...She hasn't done that in the last few weeks...But perhaps she was just tolerating me?...}

The Emperor sighed again...He missed her, then he wondered if she missed him. He always believed himself to be a very resilient and self-sufficient person, but he was starting to feel very weary with her. She made him feel insecure...and small. He had never felt like this before, not even when he was chastised or ignored by his parents, as imposing as they were...He had never sought anyone's approval as much as he sought hers. 

She called him a good person, said he was really nice...But even then, it was not enough. Not enough for her and not enough for him. 

The Emperor closed his eyes with a sigh and after a long while of simply laying there, he drifted off to sleep into a memory he loathed.

"You're finally in the mood to talk and this what you have to say." His father said with a raised eyebrow as he scrutinized Jun Kai, who was kneeling before him with keen interest. Jun Kai looked down and knit his brows but did not respond, so his father continued on and asked, "Why should I?"    

"He needs your help." Jun Kai said looking up at his father with a confused frown. Jun Shan's maid had come to find him after his training session and told him about Jun Shan's whipping and confinement. So Jun Kai had immediately come to the royal study to inform their father, to get his help. But then he was asked such a ridiculous question, it was perplexing.

His father lightly shrugged and then picked up a memorial, "If he's weak enough to die from a little beating, then so be it...Why should it bother you?" He asked narrowing his eyes at Jun Kai.

"He's my brother." Jun Kai said glaring at him, irritated by the question, "...and your son."

His father stared at him for a bit and knit his brows, seemingly in deep contemplation as he dragged out the words, "brother, siblings, friends..." He paused and frowned, then raised his eyebrows and condescendingly said, "...Admirable, but ultimately serves no purpose, compassion makes you weak."

Jun Kai's glare intensified as he realized his father did not plan to help but he tried again, "You helped me...and my mother..." Then he lowered his head as the thought of his mother made him feel more upset.

His father snorted and then enlightened him, "All with a purpose, you have your uses and she...cannot die." Then he got up and walked down to Jun Kai, who kept glaring at him as if the glaring would suddenly will his father to do as he wished. But rather than be offended, his father seemed to find it amusing, he smiled at him for a while and then proceeded to walk off, throwing the words, "Compassion is useless, you should be better." back at Jun Kai, who knelt there glaring at his father's departing back.

The Emperor abruptly sat up in bed as he took deep breaths to calm himself as his father's parting words reverberated through his head. He sat on the side of his bed and massaged his head. That was truly an irritating memory, after his father refused to help. He had returned to the Empress's palace with the plan to ask her for help.

Despite the fact that he did not trust her due to his mother's warnings, she had been fairly nice to him. That was what he thought until he stumbled on her conversation with Zhong Hua that day and found out that Prince Yi's mother's death was their doing. They were discussing how to end his mother and had mentioned it in passing. He immediately left the scene and was able to piece it together as he tried to make sense of the absurd situation.

The more he thought about it, the clearer it became and it was because of him. It was no secret to the Empress that he did not like his mother, the Empress had even talked to him about how horrible his life must have been. He said nothing to defend his mother whenever someone said something or insulted her and Zhong Hua often made it a point to mention how horrible she was when he was around.

But he never said anything to defend his mother, but that day when Zhong Hua had slandered prince Yi's mother, blaming her for his wounded hand and asking for the Empress to punish her, Jun Kai had spoken up in her defense. He had never said anything to the Empress or his father since he left the cold palace, but that day he spoke to her to protect Jun Shan and his mother...and that must have struck a wrong chord with the Empress, she, of course, agreed to his request and let the matter go. 

But in his absence, she and Zhong Hua decided that Prince Yi's mother was a problem. After settling down his confused thoughts and emotions, he still went to the Empress to ask for help, there was no one else he could go to. And since she wanted so much to be accepted by him and tried to paint a picture that she was the opposite of his mother, he played on that fact. Simply mentioning that he could have never asked his mother for this was enough to get the Empress to do as he wished. 

The Emperor sighed, he had forgotten what his nights were like before Lei Xing.

The fact that he needed her to simply have a peaceful rest reinforced how much he needed her in his life...and it was infuriating to him that he had to rely on someone for something so simple. Something so simple, yet it had had eluded him all his life. 

The Emperor frowned then got up and opened the doors, startling the servants outside. He immediately ordered, "Tell Commander An to ready some men." Then he walked back inside with two Eunuchs trailing behind him.

He quickly got dressed in a simple dark robe and then went out, only to run into Eunuch Li. Apparently one of the servants had gone to alert him the moment the Emperor woke up. Eunuch Li frowned and fell into step beside the Emperor and advised, "Your majesty, it will not be good if you miss court two da-"

"I will be back before morning." The Emperor dismissively said then hastened his steps. 

It was suffocating. He needed to get away, away from the palace...and her.

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????: Tsk, tsk I almost feel sorry for him...Well, it's partly his fault, he could have gone for ANYBODY but Nooo ????...It had to be the most difficult, most irritating, most stubborn entity in the world...So it's hard to feel sorry for that, it's exactly to his taste????... I personally prefer someone with a cheery and bright, beautiful personality, someone who just lights up the room, the adorable sort????..I would never go for a high-handed, know-it-all, stubborn, crass certain someone wi-...

Lei Xing : I would never go for you either...I'm not into scrawny ????

**???? immediately jumps up, knocking over his chair as he scrambled to cover the screen, then he stared at LX who was casually leaning against the door of his room**

.... ???? CONTINUED in Next chap!

NOTE: NEXT CHAP IS AN ???? SKIT!...SKIP AT WILL! (✿^з^)☆