Chapter 191 - A Lifetime Promise

Lei Xing slightly raised her head and saw him looking down at her. She gulped and then lowered her head again and hesitantly said in a tiny voice, "Don't be angry..." She felt the Emperor's body go rigid and knit her brows tighter and bit her lower lip. 

The Emperor turned over, putting her on her back so he could see her face as he leaned on his elbow. She seemed to shrink under his gaze. She gulped again as her eyes met his and then her eyes dropped off to the side and she bit her lower lip even more. The Emperor was perplexed at why she seemed scared, he frowned at her lower lip which was starting to bruise and lightly held on to it and pulled as he said, "Stop." 

Lei Xing immediately complied and the Emperor lightly rubbed where she had been biting into and Lei Xing just stared at him. She felt a pang in her heart and frowned and bit her inner lip instead. The Emperor looked up into her eyes and searched them for a bit but he could not discern what problem was, and so he lightly stroked her cheek and said, "I won't be angry...What is it?" 

Lei Xing gulped and lowered her eyes, knit her brows and hesitated for a bit, then let out a breath and quietly said, "A promise..." She looked up at him, to see his warm eyes staring at her, waiting and she lowered her eyes again and her knit brows tightened and she pursed her lips. The Emperor slightly narrowed his eyes as he searched her face. Her face was completely flushed and he could feel her shaking, she seemed frightened.

{...What is it that is making her so scared?...}

But he did not want to further agitate her and so he waited for her to finish. After a bit, Lei Xing took a deep breath and then finally spoke again in a slightly shaking voice, "When you...you find a new love, can you let me go?" She choked on the last word and immediately brought her hands and covered her eyes as she burst into tears.

The Emperor immediately froze as he watched her wiping eyes and pressing them, trying to stop the tears. They had just had that moment and now she was in tears...He was completely confused and started to feel panicked when Lei Xing said, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm like this...I'm not sad or anything, I mean it, I'm happy. I really am..." She choked back tears again and was frustrated as she pressed her eyes.

She knew she was ruining his moment, their moment. She was happy but she could not help thinking of the end and that dampened whatever she felt...The thought of being shackled to him when he would move on made her extremely upset. She was not a crier, she definitely was not but she could not help it and she hated herself all the more for it. 

The Emperor blinked as he came to a realization, she was scared of him leaving her. He subconsciously smiled and softly caressed her cheek and said, '"I won't." Lei Xing froze and he noticed her eyebrows knit and he quickly clarified, "I won't leave you." Lei Xing moved her eyes and opened her eyes and looked at him red teary eyes, she was no longer crying but he could still see the fear in her eyes. 

She seemed extremely fragile at this moment and his heart ached. He could not bear to see her like this and so he gently said, "I won't leave you...but if that will make you smile I will give it."

Lei Xing blinked at him for a bit and then timidly asked in a small voice that was almost a whisper, "Can you say it...in your own words?" 

The Emperor frowned, uncomfortable with the idea but his slight discomfort was a small price to pay to make her happy. So he said it, but with a few amendments of his own starting with, "IF..." not when, like she said, "...I do find a new "love", I will let you go..." He saw relief pour into her eyes and she slightly smiled. She trusted him to keep his words and he found some comfort in that thought. But then he had to add, "...On one condition." 

He saw the panic and fear immediately return to her eyes as she warily asked, "What condition?"

The Emperor leaned down and gave her a quick kiss and smiled, "That's for later." Lei Xing knit her brows. He kissed her forehead and reassured, "It's nothing hard or complicated so don't worry...go to sleep now." 

Lei Xing looked at the Emperor's smiling face for a bit and then weakly smiled back and nodded. The Emperor then laid back down and Lei Xing immediately put her head on his shoulder and curled into him and closed her eyes. The Emperor hugged her to him and laid there looking at her as he kept lightly patting her back to reassure her. 

He finally understood why she kept him at arm's length and why she always used to appear to want him to leave her alone. It was because she was scared of being abandoned. The Emperor lightly sighed as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

{...You have no idea how much I -...leaving you isn't possible anymo-...}

Lei Xing suddenly sat up, startling the Emperor. As she started to move towards the end of the bed, the Emperor immediately grabbed her arm and asked, "Where are you going?"

Lei Xing turned to him with a pout and responded, "They're bothering me...the hairpins."

"O-oh, oh." The Emperor awkwardly said as he released her. Lei Xing continued with her task and when she was close enough to reach the side table, she started pulling out the hairpins with one hand, while the other clutched the blanket to her chest.

The Emperor stared at her back for a bit and then watched her struggling to yank out one of the hairpins and the Emperor went up behind her and volunteered his services. Lei Xing dropped her hands and quietly let him help her. She even turned to face him to give him better access and just sat there staring down at the blanket covering her. 

When he finished taking out the hairpins, Lei Xing started to loosen the braid and he went to help her with that as well, and when that was done, Lei Xing quietly said, "Thank you."

The Emperor sat back and then held her shoulders and turned her to face him, "Let me ask you something..." Since she was looking at him, he released her shoulders and one of his hands slid down her arm to hold her free hand and then he asked, "Do you have any intentions of leaving me at this moment?"

Lei Xing's eyes went wide, she was taken aback with this question. The Emperor went on to clarify, "I am not asking if you want to leave the palace...I am asking if you want to leave me at this moment."

Lei Xing blinked and slightly knit her brows as she scrutinized him. She faced forward and pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes and then she finally turned back to him and quietly said, "No." and then lowered her head as face and ears started to turn red.

The Emperor raised an eyebrow, "That took you quite a while...you seem unsure." 

Lei Xing immediately raised her head to defend, "I wanted to give you an hones-!" She paused when she looked up and saw him smirking. She realized he was messing with her and she glared at him and then mumbled, "It's not funny." She looked back down with a pout and tried to shake his hand off but he held with an amused chuckle.