Chapter 123: It Will End Even If It's Long (4)

༺ It Will End Even If It’s Long (4) ༻

I couldn’t stop worrying. The worries that started that day have grown larger and have never left my mind.

‘What should I do?’

I felt so lost. I had no idea that the choice I made a year ago would have such a critical impact.

Why was it so hard to get married right after becoming a civil servant? Can’t civil servants marry freely? Why was the treatment of civil servants so harsh?

‘I should have looked into it more.’

I sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time. It was a choice I made to stay close to Carl. But being close was just that—nothing more was possible. Then what was the point? I wouldn’t have made that choice had I known.T/his chapter is updated by nov(ê(l)biin.co/m

But I couldn’t just quit the student council now. Showing such irresponsibility and lack of principle would disappoint Mother.

Marrying immediately after becoming a civil servant was also not possible. Ignoring the rules and customs among civil servants might make me look like an arrogant daughter-in-law to Mother, a daughter-in-law who relied on the prestige of her ducal family.

‘What should I do?’

No matter how much I thought, I couldn’t find a way. On the bright side, I still had a year and a half until graduation. But honestly, it’s only a year and a half. Will I find a way to meet both Mother’s expectations and be practical at the same time during that period?

It was heartbreaking. I felt like I would cry if I let my guard down even a little. I’m so embarrassed by myself for proudly mistaking a fatal restraint for a treasure.

Could Carl have been quiet until now because I was in the student council? Did he stay put while thinking I had no intention of marrying after graduation?

Thinking this, I couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh. How strange must I have looked in Carl’s eyes—a person with no interest in marrying.

Maybe it’s time to decide and act aggressively. Even if it disappoints Mother, I should deal with Carl first—

Knock knock—

“Mar, are you there?”

I was startled by Carl’s sudden voice. To be thinking of him and then for him to come... our relationship must really be fate.

The problem was that I had pushed him away with my mistake. Why did I do that? I wish I could turn back time.

“Yes, Sir Carl. Come in.”

I tried to compose my voice, hiding my sadness. I couldn’t send Carl away when he had come all this way.

“I’m sorry for coming so suddenly.”

“Fufu, it’s your mansion, Sir Carl. Why would you apologize?”

Seeing him apologize as soon as he entered, a smile naturally formed on my face.

Still, seeing Carl made my heart feel a bit lighter. Yes, no matter how difficult the problem was, I had to overcome it. I must overcome these trials to be by Carl’s side.

“Please sit comfortably. Mother isn’t here, but shall we have a tea party with just the two of us?”

I offered Carl a seat and moved towards the teapot on the other side of the room. It was always too much trouble to call a servant so I had it in my room, which was more convenient.

“That... Mar, I have something important to tell you.”

But Carl’s voice made me turn towards him again. It was unusually somber and heavy.

He was still standing, his expression stiff and tense. It was an unfamiliar and unexpected sight.

“It might be a long conversation.”

“That’s fine. I don’t care how long it is, so take your time and tell me.”

The atmosphere made me tense as well. What could he possibly want to say?

Still, I couldn’t show Carl a tense face. I needed to respond calmly to help him feel at ease—

“I was the one who told Mother that civil servants can’t marry right after becoming one. It was a lie.”

What...?

“I did it to avoid an engagement with you. I’m sorry.”

...?

For a moment, my mind went blank.

***

Her eyes were red, but she wore a gentle smile. I was lost for words at her reaction.

“Thank you. For trusting me and telling me.”

“Mar.”

I didn’t expect to hear words of gratitude. I don’t deserve such words.

“Sir Carl, does anyone else know about this?”

“The Minister and the Invincible Duke know, but... you’re the first one I’ve told personally.”

“So, you did trust me.”

Marghetta didn’t blame me for staying silent for a year. She was thankful that I finally spoke, even if it took a year.

How could she do that? I would have been angry if I were her and asked why it took so long.

“In fact, it hurt every time Sir Carl put up a wall. I wondered why you were so resolute when I wasn’t lacking.”

“Mar.”

“There was a reason, after all. A reason I can fully understand.”

Understanding why someone pushed you away, especially when that person was the man you love. How miserable must Marghetta have felt while saying those words?

However, she continued with a bright smile.

“Now Sir Carl will be honest with me, right?”

I nodded unconsciously at Marghetta’s words. I had laid everything bare. There was nothing left to hide, and I shouldn’t hide anything. I owed it to Marghetta to be completely transparent. It was only right for a human being to do so.

“If Sir Carl honestly and fully faces me, then I’m confident.”

I couldn’t understand what she meant by that, so I wasn’t able to respond.

“Someday, I’m sure I will have a place in Sir Carl’s heart.”

“Mar?”

“It’s probably impossible right now since you just started to open up to me. But that’s okay.”

Then, Marghetta hugged me. It was so sudden that I couldn’t react, but it wasn’t like I could push her away, either.

Marghetta was trembling slightly in my arms.

“I’ll wait until Sir Carl feels comfortable. I’ll wait until then.”

“I’ll wait until you call me Noona since the chances of me being called that would eventually be 100%, right?”

I wrapped my arms around her back. It didn’t feel like I deserved to, but I wanted to.

“Mar, I have a request.”

I buried my face in her shoulder.

“If it’s okay, instead of ‘Sir Carl’...”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.

“Could you call me Carl?”

But I didn’t want to let go, either.

“Of course, Carl.”

“Once more.”

“Yes, Carl.”

I was being selfish. Too selfish.

“If Carl wants me to, I’ll call you that as much as you like.”

Then, I’ll have to try to not be ashamed of myself.

Marghetta’s shoulder, which was under my face, became slightly damp.

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