CH 11

XI Concupiscence

My world flips upside down. I fall off the horse and smash into the ground. The cloud of sand and dust that I knock up makes it even harder for me to open my eyes. Hooves whip past me, creating a blast of wind. 

“Kill!” I hear someone roaring beside me. 

Bellowing shouts and wild neighs become jumbled together along with the clashes of swords and spears, sounding especially loud in the peaceful night. 

Something weighs down on me out of nowhere and pushes the arrowheads fractions deeper. Pain shoots through me. I groan and open my eyes. I buckle around, trying to dislodge it. 

I raise my head only to see the faint shapes of horse hooves brushing past me. 

So heavy. 

Who is it? 

Who? 

My vision goes black. Blood rushes into my mouth. I try to hold it in but it sprays out. 

The deadly blades give rise to a violent storm. Screams and whinnies echo in the whistling wind. 

My vision blurs in and out. I can’t quite think anymore. I’m just in so much pain from the weight on me. My backside is slick and slippery; I think my body and my arms are all dyed scarlet. 

It’s as if I fell into a sea of fire. Red everywhere, as far as the eye can see. Shock-like pain runs through me if I move the slightest. My left shoulder and back. Pain. Agony. 

Time seems to stop. Frozen in place. 

♚♔ 

Cool liquid drips into my mouth. I regain some consciousness but my eyes won’t budge. Only a bit of sensation has come back. What’s underneath me seems to be soft and comfortable blankets. I breathe out gently and relax. But suddenly my limbs are constricted. I jerk in alarm but I’m stuck no matter how much I struggle. 

Someone is quietly talking to me now. I don’t know what they’re saying. I only feel the torturous spasms going down my back and through my body as the arrowhead burrows into my flesh as if to pull my insides out. 

“Ow…” I manage to get a word out. 

That person is still mumbling something. I run out of energy so I let him hold tightly onto my wrist. My mind starts to wander. Then suddenly I sense a sweltering heat near me. The next moment I feel it pressing into my injury. The burning knife digs into me and the heat quickly spreads to the rest of my body. It tears apart the hardened scabs. Pain. Searing pain. I can’t make a single sound. The pain makes me want to thrash around but I’ve been restrained. 

I don’t know how much time has passed when the heat leaves my back. I pant for air. The arrowheads appear to have been taken out and someone is applying medicine followed by wounding layer after layer of bandage on me. I moan from the pain. I’m sticky all over with sweat. 

My mind starts up again but I have no energy left for my body. I can’t get my eyes to open for my life. I try to sleep but I’m burning and in so much pain that I can’t. 

So I lie here, half-asleep, half-awake. And the whole time I feel as if someone is here beside me. Concerned eyes. Warm hands. Bitter herbs. Soothing whispers. 

♚♔ 

When I finally wake up, I can get my eyes open. What’s before me are drapes and flickering candlelight. It’s nice and quiet. The smell of herbs lingers in the air. 

Whew! Another close call. I’m beyond hardy! Not even the devil wants me my company. 

I feel like laughing but the movement tugs on my wounds. I hiss out and bare my teeth in pain. 

I sigh. Han Xin, when will your luck change for the better? 

It takes a lot of effort to roll onto my side when I hear voices outside the door. 

“Why won’t you let me in?” 

“Enough! Do you not think you have done enough already?” 

Then silence. I can only smell the thick herbal scent in the air. I try to lift the drapes up to see what’s going on but I have no strength at all. 

I think I hear ‘stomp, stomp, stomp’, and someone saying, “I don’t care. I’m going in!” 

“Do you really think you can do as you please simply because I have tolerated you over and over again?” 

Then I catch a girl’s soft sobs. “But…but….” 

“I have already dispatched a letter for your father to send someone to accompany you back immediately!” 

The sobbing dies down. Soon it’s quiet again and stays that way. 

I sigh lightly. Is Murong Yu upset again? 

Quiet footsteps slowly approach and stop. I peer out of the corner of my eye only to see a tall, towering silhouette on the drapes. The figure remains motionless, as if observing me through the drapes. After some time, a hand is raised, as if he wants to touch the drapes. 

I frown. What’s wrong with this guy? Just spit it out. What’s the worst? One count of kidnapping the duchess and one count of attempted escape is all. 

He sighs and turns away. 

“Murong Yu,” I call him but I realise how light and raspy my voice is. 

I doubt he had heard me because the silhouette starts heading towards the door. Frustrated, I take a deep breath, ignoring my wounds. 

“Murong Yu!” 

He stops and looks at me. “You-you’re awake?” 

I had used up all my energy calling him and the pain from my back makes my breath stop short. I watch as he strides forth and throws the drapes to the side. I frown from the sudden brightness only to look into Murong Yu’s black eyes. The more I do the more they seem to darken as if they’re going to suck me in. 

Our eyes stay connected. 

♚♔ 

Murong Yu is most certainly an unpredictable person. 

I brood angrily when I’m finally allowed to get out of bed and walk around. 

♚♔ 

I’m strolling around the yard after dinner. The evening wind blows in from outside, dispersing the warmth from the afternoon. It blows into my robes and gives me the chills. 

I turn on the spot. Murong Yu’s standing, hands behind his back, at the end of the gallery. Instead of armour, he has on a blue tight-sleeved robe that makes him seem all the more sharp and handsome. 

Seeing him approaching, I check the sky. 

Wait a minute. Why is he here at this time? Something’s not right. 

“What are you doing here this late?” He asks while frowning, unamused. “It gets chilly at night. You’ll catch a cold.” 

I really don’t want to be near him so I quietly take a step back. “I shall return to my quarters at once. Thank you for the concern, your highness.” 

The next thing I know he’s got me by my wrist. I don’t bother resisting for the sake of my injuries and let him pull me to his room. 

Candles are burning bright beside a heap of scrolls on his desk. There’s also a stone pot sitting on it. I glance at it without much thought and plop down on a chair. He takes a seat across from me and flips over the tea cups. 

“Well, you look like you’re fully recovered.” 

“Hmm,” I respond. “With your highness giving me an endless supply of medicine and my previous martial training, I’m bound to recover quickly.” 

He mumbles an inaudible reply and falls silent. 

What’s wrong? 

Curious, I glance up only to meet with his gaze filled with concern and worry as if he actually does care. Feeling uneasy, I gulp down the tea in front of me. 

This should be the time when he’s…with Xiao Qinyun right? 

It’s cozy in the room and with the hot tea in my stomach I feel warm all over. 

“Don’t just drink tea.” He grins. “It doesn’t have any nutrients. Here, have some soup.” 

He takes off the pot’s lid and a puff of steam hits my face. He hands a bowl and chopsticks to me. I hold the bowl of soup up and take a big whiff. 

Smells wonderful. 

He smiles. “It’s ginseng chicken soup.” 

I peer cautiously into the bowl of soup and then back at him. “Why do I get soup out of nowhere?” 

He shrugs and holds my gaze. “I can’t thank you enough for saving the duchess. Soup’s the least I can offer.” 

That makes sense. I suppose. I study his eyes and he looks back steadily. Although it is an acceptable reason, I still put the bowl down and demand, 

“I’ll drink it only if you do first.” 

He frowns; I look back, unfazed. After a staring contest, he backs down. I watch him get another bowl and drink it himself before gulping mine down. I close my eyes in a moment of bliss as I feel warmth slowly spreading from my lips to the rest of my body, completely driving away the cold of the night. I’ve had better soup in my days but it smells so good. We reach the bottom of the pot in no time. 

The sky is getting darker and darker. Murong Yu is showing no signs of fatigue and continues our conversation but somehow I sense that something is off. 

There’s something burning inside me, so hot that I can’t stand sitting any further. I try to get up but my body is kind of limp and I have to steady myself with the table. He quickly helps me up and one of his arms hooks around my waist. But I can’t afford to bother with him anymore. 

Hot. 

So hot. 

Too hot. 

I feel my face heating up and beads of sweat starting to form. I lose focus for a moment and my feet seem to miss a step. I fall straight into his arms. I look up—he’s not much better than me. Face flushed and ears red, his breathing is hard and rushed. His grip on my waist gets stronger. 

What’s going on? 

My mind’s not functioning at normal speed. My hands wander to his shoulders and I lean on his chest. 

What is this? He’s definitely just as warm as me, the antonym of cool. But why do I find myself wanting to get closer? 

“Why is it so hot?” He asks me, taking quick breaths. His eyes are lazy and half-closed, a faint hint of lust floating to their surface. “Why does your body feel so cold? I…” 

I shudder as a warm current runs up my body and seeps through my skin. His hands sear my skin as they massage my limp and weak body. Being touched like this isn’t all too bad. 

How is this… 

His breathing hastens and his eyes become clouded. 

“I…I…” He stutters as he reaches for my collar and undoes it. He puts his hands on my chest and the sudden chill knocks some sense into me. 

Something is definitely wrong. 

I thrash around, trying to break free but he suddenly closes in and bites onto my neck while his hands start going all over my body. Pieces of clothing fall onto the floor one by one. My body temperature rises even higher. I think I feel desire rising up from within. 

Well, duh. I’ve been abstinent for a while as well. There’s no way I could help it. 

He pulls me in closer. I can’t see through my misty eyes. I only feel the hot air on my ears. 

“I…I want you!”