The grand Season One Q&A

The grand Season One Q&A

The grand Season One Q&A Part 1

John closed the patch seat and looked around. Rave and her dad were still arguing but there was something very weird about the room. He looked at the wall with the door, nothing weird. He looked at that wall to his right, a window but otherwise white and boring, nothing weird. He turned to look at the wall behind the bed Rave had been in, there was a picture there, nothing weird.

He turned to the fourth wall. It was missing. Instead he looked at a guy in a imperial age military style uniform of a black, white, red and gold colour scheme. The big hat on is head was the most apparent feature. “What the fuck?” John asked. “NO!” I intervene and suddenly change the tempus to present, “What the FUN!”

With a poof the room disappears and is replaced with a giant casting couch.

“HELLO! Ladies and Gentlemen!” I say to you, my audience, “today we will be doing the great Season One Q&A, where I ask my characters questions people on the Discord have given to me. Now let’s first introduce the entire cast – in which I will magically implant the knowledge to answer these questions. Before I do that however, due to the sheer amount of characters and questions asked I think that a change of format is in order.”

Funatic: There, way better. Now to spawn in the characters...

I clap my hands and the entire cast of the first season, from the important characters like John, Rave and Aclysia, over dead ones like Thana and Victoria, over to some less important ones like Moira and Jimmie. Even the Horned Rat is here, there is a question for him after all.

Thana: Okay, what the fuck? I just died, you dumbass, and you bring me back?!

Funatic: Don’t worry dear, I will sent you right on back to the afterlife, but first I need to as you all these questions.

John: This is so weird...I suddenly remember other versions of me...

Rave: Uhhh, I me too. Some of those fuck even better than ya do, ya are really underutilizing these, ya slacker.

Aclysia:...I feel like I have less expression than usual.

The Horned Rat: That would be the formatting. This kind of speech isn’t good at depicting emotions as it needs to break the flow of the overall story.

Nathalia: Nerd.

Funatic: Stooooooooooooop talking. We have 40 questions to go through...let me just open this RNG-Generator and then we can start. Yes, this was on purpose.

From: IWriteWithATalon (Just Talon in the future)

To Aclysia: What metal tastes best, and what human food does it taste most like, if you can compare.

Aclysia: I am sorry, but I lack the knowledge of human food to compare directly. I can only compare to memories that master has off food. My favourite metal would be the metal that made up the items dropped in the Ork dungeon. According to master’s memory the closest thing would be steak.

Funatic: I am going to further the question to Mono as well, because I can.

Mono: Feelium, the stuff that the Watches of Sadness are made out of. I like sour things.

From: Lalelilo69 (Just Lale later on)

Funatic: A short intermission before I read this question. Lalelilo might be knows to some of you as the currently missing author of another branch. While I have no information for you if/when he will return I want to take this opportunity to say: Y’are missed, mate. He left me with a few questions tho so let’s read it.

To Undine: Why don’t you speak more often?

Undine: ...

John: She sends the feeling of not wanting too because it is a hassle.

Undine: ...

John: Also, something about thinking that all of this is pretty stupid.

Funatic: Whatevs, I do what I want.

From: TheScyle (or just Scyle in the future)

To Nathalia: we all know you love killing and fucking. But have you ever combined the two? Killing people while fucking! Or killing people by fucking them till they die from exhaustion! I am sure you could come up with something.Nêww chapters will be fully updated at (n)ov(e)l/bin(.)com

Nathalia: I do not like the act of killing, I revel in the act of destruction. That aside, yes I did kill people through fucking, thrice. The first time was an accident, I did not believe that somebody would be that pathetic. Afterwards I happened to try it out just to see if I could, the third time I did it because I could and the guy deserved it. He had been serving me fish that wasn’t fresh anymore. Showed him a mercy. I did never kill people while fucking however, I think that would ruin the fun.

From: Lale

To Sylph: Why do you speak so often?

The tempest elemental, who had her mouth sealed shut so that she wouldn’t blabber into other people’s questions, takes a deep breathe.

Sylph: Talking is just so fun, you know? I mean, I can just tell you about my day, or John’s day, or how about Sally is a total bitch, or how Undine is so swing-swung-swang of mood. I have so many words that you should hear, like that one time I found Gnome in her room - yes we have rooms in Johnnies head – and she was going through and assortment of panties which she could wear, she was completely naked too, when she saw me she blushed so deeply she became as red as Sally. Then she tried to swat me out of her room but I dodged and she chased me into the living room, stark naked and with strawberry panties and then she ran into Sally and they...

Funatic: Just going to put this here...

The seal is placed back in place, causing Sylph to protest with wild gestures. Nobody cares.

From: Talon

To Undine: How do you not pick up random junk like every sticky toy I've ever had?

Undine: ... I am not sticky ...

John: She really isn’t, unless she chose to be, but even then, it’s not that hard to get away.

From: Talon

To Thana: On a scale of 1-100% how many of your sexual partners have died in the past?

Thana: How the fuck would I know? I was essentially raped 50 times, never saw any of the fuckers again. If they were somewhat powerful they might still be around, otherwise I’d guess that time killed the suckers.

Ferikrona: I took most of them, no worries~

From: Lale

To Salamander: What’s the most amount of fire you’ve unleashed in one fight? How many enemies did you kill with it? Did you hurt any allies?

Salamander: That would probably go to the fight we had with grandma over there...

Nathalia: Consider yourself lucky that this is non-canon, child of Krieg.

Salamander: Burnt pretty much all of his mana in one go there, no kills or friendly fire though.

Everyone: ...

Salamander: What? Oh, friendly fire! I am a genius.

From: Talon

To Thana: What is the least dangerous affectionate/sexual action I could perform on you?

Thana: Beats me. I only ever got fucked as a potato in missionary so I guess I would be willing to experiment. Don’t come fucking crying if I use to much teeth while sucking you though, I have no fucking clue what I would be doing.

From: Killer3333

To Moira: What are your thoughts on the rogue mage John aka “The Gamer”?

Moira: His rapid growth in strength is worrying, as is the fact that he now leads Collide but overall the Golden Rose has bigger problems.

From: Talon

To John: Have you considered not thinking with your dick at least, like, 25% of the time?

John: What? Am I that bad? I think all things considered I am making most decisions without my dick involved. Unless my dick has the potential to be involved...but even then I don’t think I am that bad.

From: Lale

To Gnome: What does it look like John’s head? Do you have any way in it?

Gnome: W-well, there are these Arcades with games he played everywhere...and we have our own rooms...and there is the living room where can watch what John is doing on a flat-screen, we can also call him using our mental connection. Aside from our own rooms we can’t change anything inside though.

Salamander: Also, there is the whole dungeon of memories and thoughts where she spends some of her time looking at old sex scenes and masturbating.

Gnome: Salamander!

Salamander: What? We all do it. Sylph at least thrice a day.

Gnome: ... Next question, please...

From: Kyonchi

To the Horned Rat: Why is Fun a dick?

Horned Rat: Because he gets off on teasing people that theory craft about his story.

Funatic: You know it! Think anyone will uncover your scheme in time?

Horned Rat: Non.

From: Scyle

To All Girls of Season One: Who is the sexiest out of all of you, without including yourself in the answer.

Rave: I would say Aclysia, I like taller girls.

Aclyisa: Mistress Rave. I might be biased due to my connection with master.

Victoria: You killed me and now I have to answer this? Fine, Rave.

Nathalia: Mhm...I would say Salamander, I like having breasts to toy with.

Thana: Me.

Funatic: Ehm, Thana, that is against the que-

Thana: DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK?! ME! MOVE ON FUCKFACE BEFORE I REMEMBER THAT YOU WROTE ME JUST SO THAT I CAN BE IN PAIN FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE!

Funatic: ...message received, ehem, Gnome, if you would.

Gnome: ...

Funatic: Don’t tell me you are too shy to say it?

Gnome: ...

Funatic: Welp, I will just use my magical spell of making you blurt out your thoughts.

Hornet Rat: No, I play Heroes, Villains & My convoluted schemes.

From: YetAnotherNATE

To Aclysia: So, I see you’ve been on r/gonewild, have you seen r/2booty?

Aclysia: I did, I like it.

From: Scyle

To Rave: If John would break up with you, who do you think he would date next?

Rave: Depending on how he broke up with me, either nobody ‘cause I’d break his dick or himself – And I don’t mean that in ‘dating his hand’ style but one of his familiars. Probably Aclysia.

From: Kyonchi

To Everyone: What’s your favourite song?

John: Kraddy – Android Porn

Rave: Rootkit – Against the Sun

Aclysia: Kraddy – Android Porn

Victoria: ACDC – Thunderstruck

Nathalia: Human music does not interest me.

Thana: Drowning Pool – Bodies

Gnome: Vivaldi – Seasons

Salamander: Ed Sheeran – I see fire

Sylph: Dragonforce – Fury of the Storm

Undine: 10 hours aquarium sounds

Mono: Owl City – Fireflies

Funatic: ... okay, just because I can I will let Lydia answer this one too.

Lydia: Preußens Gloria

From: Sasori86

To Every Girl John has boned: Is there something in the other branches that you wished your John had?

Rave: Arouse

Aclysia: Arouse

Victoria: A brain

Nathalia: Arouse

Gnome: ... arouse

Salamander: Arouse

Sylph: AAaarrroooouuuusseeeee!!

Undine: Arouse

From: Scyle

To Everyone: What is your favourite animal and why is it Alpaca?

John: It is dogs, actually

Rave: bunnies, I like bunnies.

Aclysia: cats

Victoria: Dogs

Nathalia: In my experience cows taste the best, Alpaca’s are below sheep but above chicken.

Thana: Really don’t give a fuck, so sure, Alpaca’s. What-fucking-ever

Gnome: I like Alpacas...they look cute and cuddly

Salamander: Tortoises, chilled things

Sylph: I LIKE PARROTS!

Undine: Whales

Mono: Mice

From: TheDespaxas

To Aclysia: Why do you even bother wearing clothes or underwear.

Aclysia: To not stand out more in public. Also, master would be upset if I violated the cosplay code.

From: Scyle

To Every Girl: Which fetish would you never act out? (Answer in alphabetical order and you may not answer something that has been said before by someone else)

Aclysia: I lack the body functions for scat, therefore scat.

Gnome: Uhm, BDSM

Mono: Everything. Still no sexual desires.

Nathalia: I have no answer.

Rave: Cucking

Salamander: Watersports

Sylph: Uhm, uh, ehhr, uh,

Thana: I do not know enough fetishes to answer anymore

Undine: ...

Victoria: ...

From: Call_Me_Steve

To Thana: What did Copernicus taste like?

Thana: Like the burned inside of my mouth.

From: Lale

To Regan: Where and how did you meet Rave’s mom?

Regan: I met Nariko on a board meeting when she was travelling through America. She assigned me as her guide and then we kind of clicked.

From: Kyonchi

To the members of Collide, SecretBlonde, Thana and Victoria: Who of you would win in the board game “Risk”, without using any of your powers.

Rave: So, I would say I am out immediately.

Travolta: Yes, next to those fucking superhumans we are probably not going to last in a strategy game.

Jimmie: Agreed

Aclysia: My main stat is Strength...

John: I win

SB: Yeah, no, I win

Thana: Shut the fuck up, you dumbasses, I will tear you apart with my hussars!

Funatic: We may never know.

From: Talon

To Sylph: Have you tried Ritalin?

John: No, she has not and she never will.

Sylph: Why won’t you let me answer? What IS Ritalin even? Is it tasty?

From: jonassn

To Rave: What is the moment you are most embarrassed over?

Rave: When Aclysia found my nudes on gonewild. That was so dumb of me.

From: Kyonchi

To Nathalia: Did you cause the destruction of Pompeii?

Funatic: This was answered in the Side Story. Therefore, another answer is not necessary.

That’s all folks. I know I didn’t answer every question as in-depth as you may have wanted but this is already excruciatingly long. Hope you had fun and got some of these questions of your chest.