Chapter 206 – Season 2 Arc 2 Start – Packing up

Chapter 206 – Season 2 Arc 2 Start – Packing up

“I want you to leave this house in a presentable state!” Lydia shouted her command, herself wiping off the living room table.

“Yes, yes.” Momo raised her book as Lydia mopped by, helping just as much as she had created dirt since they had changed to this house.

“I just got here yesterday, so it’s pretty much exactly how I fucking found it.” Thana had her feet on the coffee table.

Sitting to her right, John tapped away at his phone, playing a mobile game against his girlfriend. Rave, in turn, lay on the couch, her head in his lap. For a moment, he took his eyes off the screen to carefully inspect what Thana was doing with her naked feet. “I fixed that table for you.”

“Yes, and?” Thana said and drummed her hands on her naked thighs. It was impossible to get her to wear more clothes than the robe and the leather bikini, which included a vehement denial of socks and shoes. “Want to fix it a-fucking-gain? If you are bored, that's certainly something I can do for you. I like breaking shit.”

John didn’t answer that. Instead he asked something that made him curious. “You are no longer in constant pain, right?” he asked.

“Well, existence is pain because I have to share it with so many fucking mongrels who deserve to have my fist so far up their ass that I could use them in a puppet theatre,” Thana answered, “Physically, no, I am not. Thank fucking god, if the shithead exists. Which he doesn’t – or she, whatever.”

“Then why are you still cursing all the time?” John wondered and made the mistake of glancing up from his phone for a moment, a moment of weakness, which Rave used to start a combo which he was then locked in until she would mess up on the rhythm of pressing the buttons.

“Because, you CPU, it is fun,” Thana simply stated, “And I have like 70 years of curses to catch up on.”

“CPU? Why am I a processor unit now?”

“It stands for Complete Pervert Unit, dumbass,” Thana giggled at her own joke. She stopped suddenly and then glared at a random point of her armrest.

“Ya really need to stop doing that,” Rave commented, still executing her combo. Her skills at most video games weren't all that great, she played for fun, but in rhythm games John couldn’t hold a candle to her.

“Doing what?!” Thana exclaimed.

“That whole ‘randomly reacting to things nobody else can see’-thing. Does not present a good case for ya sanity,” Rave answered.

“That combo is bullshit,” John complained when his character fell to the ground, defeated. “Infinite combos are bullshit, let’s play something that’s actually balanced.”

“Fuck off, there is no good case to be made for my fucking sanity,” Thana cursed at Rave.

“Ya still should try getting it under control. What game are ya thinking of?” the techno-lover lowered her phone to look up at John.

“Don’t know, how about quiz duel?” he answered.

“And face your ginormous trivia brain? Nah,” Rave outright denied.

“The faces are going away anyhow,” Thana informed them, the two conversations effortlessly intertwining.

“Really? That sounds good,” John said, “but how come?”

“No idea, maybe it was something wrong with my brain that the masked cock-muncher fixed when he revived me. Before they used to just be superimposed on every surface and annoy the shit out of me, now some of them just pop-up and say stupid annoying crap.”

“His name was Herman by the way,” John corrected her.

“I know, what a dumbass name. Herman, Herr Mann, that’s literally mister man. Germans are stupid.” Thana lazily wiggled her toes.

“Says the girl that took Newman as her last name,” Rave commented and gave Thana some seriously pissed side-eye. “Still not cool by the way.”

“Ah, quit your whining, seizure hands, it’s a good name,” Thana said and, cackling maniacally, bowed over Rave’s head. “Ya fucking mad cause I took it before ya?” she mocked the techno-lover.

“Ja, now go annoy somebody else, you have way too much energy,” Rave flicked her on the forehead and Thana, acting like that had actually hurt her, backflipped from the couch.

When she landed on the floor a vacuum cleaner hovered towards her. “You can get right to making yourself useful instead,” Lydia said and glared at all of them, “Lazy bunch. I suddenly understand why so many rulers go tyrannical, with subjects like you, dictatorship is the only way!”

“Aaaawwww, don’t be like that Lyly. You’re already a fucking tyrant, no reason to become even worse,” Thana said, after catching the vacuum cleaner, and looked at the thing in her hands like it was alien machinery.

“You are making me regret my decision to extend my hand in friendship to you,” Lydia mumbled.

The smile on Thana’s face fell instantly. After a few moments of silence, she mumbled, “Fucking dumbass can’t do anything right, stupid cunt...” She shook her head. “Fine, what does this do?” She kept eying the vacuum.

A shadowy mist at Thana’s feet provided the answer. “It sucks really good,” Siena mused, materializing next to the manic blood mage.

“Oh yeah? So, it’s a blowjob machine or what?” Thana answered, confused.

Siena giggled, “I like you.”

“Careful, that means she wants to cut you,” John shouted from the couch, choosing a character for the next round of this game he was bound to lose in.

“I actually do not,” the nightmare elemental informed John. Now it was his turn to be confused.

“Come again?” he asked, “I thought your whole shtick is skewering people.”

“A gross oversimplification of my... ecstasies,” Siena softly sighed, “I only wish to show those that are happy that they bleed like everyone else.”

“By violently murdering them,” John drily commented.

Siena shook her head, “Violently? Master, you should know that I am very skilled with my hands. Erotically would be a more fitting word.”

“I would like to test that claim, but there is no way in hell that I am going to let those claws near my balls, unless I need a shave,” John said and got a laugh from Rave for that.

“Ya pervert,” she said and lightly punched him in the side.

“Why yes, but I am YOUR pervert,” John answered.

“Ya never get tired of saying that, do ya?” Rave mused and threw her phone on the table, “Gimme a kiss, my perv.” John happily obliged.

“That is all fine and interesting,” Lydia said dryly, “but could someone please explain to Thana how to use that vacuum cleaner? I need to order my paperwork for transportation.”

“Fine,” John sighed after no one else answered.

“No fair, my pillow!” Rave complained when he wiggled away from under her and got up.

“You’ll do no such thing,” Lydia stopped her. “It is evident that you lack the proper control of both physique and mind.” Rubbing her forehead, she continued. “It is my mistake to believe you would be capable of this to start with. Still, we will need to work on your mental state. We cannot have you go shellshocked in the middle of battle.”

“You can’t compare battle-Thana with day-to-day-Thana,” the blood mage defended herself, “the former knows what she is doing, the latter was literally born yesterday. I would never lose my cool like that in a fight!”

“The problem remains, however,” Lydia said and vanished into the kitchen. She returned with a bag of crisps.

Then she pointed at the table. “You will sit down and try eating these,” she commanded. In a ridiculous scene, that John was low-key making a mental photo-series of, a Prussian princess told a Nazi experiment to sit down at a table to eat crisps.

‘My life is completely weird,’ John thought with a smile as Lydia ripped open the bag for her. Thana looked inside.

“And what exactly is the point of this?” she asked.

“My aim is that you will eventually be able to look after yourself, so first we teach you how to control that stupendously high strength of yours. If you can eat these without breaking them, that is a success,” Lydia explained.

Thana reached into the bag and by the time she pulled her hand back, the pile of crisps had already turned into potato dust, which then fell on the freshly cleaned table. “Hey!” Momo complained, some of the pieces landing on the pages of her book.

“Sorry,” Thana quickly apologized and tried (and failed) again, and was left with miniature crumbles in her palm. “Guess this is really fucking necessary... how do these taste anyhow?” She threw the destroyed parts into her mouth. Her eyes went wide as the delicious taste of crisps in all of their unhealthy goodness filled her mouth. She quickly chewed them down. “Food is awesome!” she exclaimed as she went for more, “How did I never... well I know how I have never tried this, I was a potato myself, just like these chips I have now been refined into something way fucking better!”

“That almost sounds like you are thanking the Nazis,” John dared to joke.

“Of course I am not, you ass-clown,” Thana glared at him, the dots turning slowly. “If I had the choice of exchanging these powers for a normal fucking life, I would take it before you finished talking, but I will have to live with this shit, right? Or do you happen to know a god of time or some shit like that?”

“Nope, but even if I did I doubt Gaia would let that fly,” John answered, “But you are right, nice to hear you have a positive outlook on things.”

“Positive outlook, my ass is a positive outlook,” Thana cursed as another crisp crumbled between her fingers. In John’s personal opinion, her thighs were the most eye-catching part of her, but that was neither here nor there. “I am halfway convinced that the anal queen over here will pull out her NSDAP membership card at any moment.” It only took a blink’s time for her aggressive mood to wither away and leave behind an apologetic, stuttering mess. “S-sorry about the vacuum c-cleaner again...” another chip became just a mess of crumbles, “...and the table.”

“Let the cleaning crew worry about it,” Lydia said, fidgeting with her braid, “that is what I pay them for.”

“Wait?!” Rave exclaimed, jumping into an upwards sitting position, “There is a cleaning crew? Why are we cleaning then?!” The princess looked at Rave with such utter contempt that the techno-lover hid behind the armrest of the couch, peeking over like a cat that believed itself in trouble.

“You haven’t cleaned a single thing yet,” Lydia reminded her, words like a hammer on an anvil, “That aside: Discipline. Good German discipline.”

“And this is where I expect you to throw an armband with a star on it at me,” Thana commented with a mouth full of crumbles.

“A love of one’s country does not make one a nazi,” Lydia reprimanded in a stern tone, “and I refuse to entertain that thought.”

Thana answered with the Polish version of ‘whatever’, which John only knew because she used this word a lot.

‘Note to self: Learn Polish,’ John thought, learning a language took him little more than a month, he probably could do it in a week if he tried, at this point, so he might as well. ‘Should also add Japanese to that list in the future,’ he added after looking at Rave.

“Anyway, so there is a cleaning crew... guess I am going back to gaming then,” John said and walked back over to the couch.

“Are you going to never clean-up after yourself, John Newman?” Lydia folded her hands behind her back and simply beheld him judgementally.

“Nah, I have Aclysia for that, right Aclysia?” he timed that question with the guardian appearing in the doorway to the living room.

“I am happy to take care of all of Master’s dirt. All I require is love and maintenance,” Aclysia answered with a respectful bow.

“Maintenance being physical love,” John explained, even though nobody was wondering. “I come to report that all of the upper floor has been cleaned and the luggage is ready in the entrance area,” Aclysia then stated.

“I might marry ya to just get Aclysia bound to me as well,” Rave joked.

“Would not blame you, she is the best,” John agreed. Aclysia blushed a bit at the compliment, but stayed quiet and maintained a straight face.

“She seems pretty neat, can also slash well,” Thana said, scratching her neck. “I still remember that time she cut my head off.”

“She cut... your head-off?” Lydia asked, bamboozled, “I thought you died by turning into a red mist.”

“Dust, apparently. The head-cutting happened earlier in that fight though. It grew back on, go figure,” Thana answered.

“Excuse the question but... if cutting your head off didn’t kill you, what does?”

“Evidently, not even death kills me, so how the fuck would I know?” the blood mage said, “and I wasn’t even at full strength then, I was working on fumes.”

Lydia’s furrowed eyebrows betrayed that she had more questions, but she looked at her watch. “I am only five minutes ahead of schedule, I don’t have time for any more delays. If you lot want to be pampered by the workforce instead of working for yourselves, so be it,” she announced and walked back into her own room. “We leave in an hour!”

“Aclysia, do we still have some food that needs to be taken care of?” John asked.

“We still have some ingredients in the fridge that I could make a stew out of, however the allocated time wouldn’t be enough to prepare and eat it in peace, Master. May I ask for you to place these ingredients in your inventory? It would be a waste to let them spoil.”

John shrugged, “Sure, I have the space.”

“If you do crave a meal at this very moment, we do have the travel rations or I could make an omelette, we have some eggs.” John didn’t want to eat any of the food Aclysia likely had put away already, so he took the omelette.

Aclysia bowed once more and went into her domain. John finally sat down and, a moment later, Rave placed her head in his lap, where it belonged. They started that stupid mobile game again, which was stupid because Rave kept winning, and soon the match request was accepted.

“We sure came a long way from doing this stuff in your room,” John commented when he was locked in getting infinite-combo’ed again.

“Tell me about it,” Rave giggled then raised an eyebrow, as she felt John unzipping her pants.

“Whaddya doing down there?” she asked, unwilling to look and potentially lose her combo.

“Just using a trick that helped me win in the past,” John said and used Possession on her panties. Then he started vibrating them, the same way one made their vocal cords hum. A surprised moan and Rave lost the combo. John never got a chance to capitalize on it though.

“Oh, now ya did it!” laughing, the techno-lover threw her phone away and grabbed John’s shoulder, a moment later he was lying underneath her as she was straddled over his crotch. “You’re a bad boy, ya know that, tiger?” she purred, fidgeting with his pants.

“It’s part of why I am so charming,” John said and laid back.

“Can’t you do this upstairs?” Momo complained when they undressed.

“You heard Aclysia, she is done up there. You want us to undo her work?” John told her.

Momo’s resignation entered his spirit. “No...” she meekly admitted.

Thana concentrated on not breaking the crisps between her fingers.