Chapter 358 – Drunken Gamer

Chapter 358 – Drunken Gamer

“So, can I get a menu or something?” John asked the goddess of alcohol; “To see the prices and everything.”

“Ya stingy dweeb,” sitting on the bench with him, Rave announced her intent to get him really drunk tonight, “don’t worry about money, ya have enough of it as is. Just get a bit wasted!”

“I have never gotten drunk before, so I am cautious,” he told her. “Also ‘a bit wasted’ sounds like an oxymoron.”

“Uhm, so to answer your question,” Lady Liquor chimed in when she saw a miniscule opening, “all drinks are free, and if it has alcohol in it, I can make it. Just tell me and I will create it for you.”

“You have alcoholic metals?” Metra asked. Repressing his urge to ask how that would even work, John waited for the answer.

“Of course,” Lady Liquor answered.

“Yay, everyone is getting drunk, hurray, yay, I have no idea what getting drunk feels like, but it sure is going to be fun! Bring me something sweet and gummy-beary!” Sylph announced her and the other elementals’ arrival with the usual chitter chatter.

“It has been a while since I drank anything intoxicating,” Siena sighed lustfully; “Ah! Except the pain of my victims of course.”Explore new novels on novelbin(.)com

“...Uhm, can-can you not?” Gnome requested; “This is supposed to be a happy evening. So, i-if you could keep the disturbing cruelties to a minimum...” the stone elemental shrunk a bit under Siena’s gaze and became really quiet during these last words, “...that’d be... much... appreciated.”

“Listen to Gnome,” Undine added in the sing-song of her voice, causing the earth spirit to make big, thankful eyes. “Also give me what you think is best for slimes, please.”

“Okay, Vodka coming up!” Lady Liquor announced, pulling a glass out of her private dimensional pocket, and now everyone picked their drinks, everyone except the artificial spirits who got candy-bar shaped pieces of metal.

“How do these work?” Momo wanted to know; “Because what I eat becomes part of my body and I do no want to be drunk permanently.”

“Don’t sweat it, sweet cheeks,” Metra answered, “It dissolves and messes with your mana flow for a few hours, then it’s gone.”

“Messes with my mana flow?” Momo asked. “That sounds like poison!”

“It’s alcohol, it’s the best poison!” Rave announced and raised her pint. “To Momo’s independence, Lydia’s throne claiming thing and to an overall nice end to a pretty rough couple of weeks!”

John picked up his own glass of beer, it was the same as Rave’s, who had ordered for him, and they all took a swing. Beer was bitter, unpleasantly so, but it also didn’t really taste bad as it, ice cold, ran down his throat. “Not quite sure if I like this,” he told his girlfriend.



“Give it a few more swings and you will love it,” that didn’t sound rape-y at all, “give it too many and you will hate yourself in the morning though. Hey, Lady, can I get two shots of mint-schnapps?”

“Coming right up,” Lady Liquor happily dispensed some more alcohol out of herself. John took another glance at his beer. Right now, he was breaking multiple standards of decency. For a start, he was an American who drank before being 21 years old, although that was more law than decency. There was the disturbing thing that he was literally drinking body-fluids. Sure, these body fluids were sterile and completely indistinguishable from real alcohol, but even with that knowledge, it felt a bit depraved.

Nathalia guzzling down another bucket like it was the most normal thing in the world did make it a lot less weird. As a matter of fact, the whole fact about her, a skyscraper sized dragon made from volcanic ash and magma, being here in human shape made alcohol out of a beer slime who also happened to be the Spirit of Spirits way less abnormal. Okay, it was still abnormal, but nothing beyond what John was used to at this point.

“What the fuck is this headache inducing shit brew, why the fuck would anyone ever make this cocksuck of a poison, I will kick the balls into the ovaries of the hermaphrodite who thought with her fucking egg-dispensers, holy fucking shit, who thought of this?!” Eliza rolled down a number of courses in a few moments, “FUCK!”

“What is wrong?” John wanted to know, taking another sip of his beer. This second one was tastier, less bitter and more prickling. Hard to describe, it just felt nice.

“The fuck do you mean is wrong, drinking this stuff gives me an immediate hangover, what is this shit?!” Eliza ruffled her hair in needless aspiration, “Can’t I have a single shit that is normal in this world?! Okay, powering down metabolism. Lady! Pure Alcohol! Now!”

“Sounds like a bad idea...” John tried to calm her, but Lady Liquor had already handed her a shot with a bubbly smile.

“Aren’t you half polish?” John asked an unrelated question in return. “With your father’s name having been Goch and all.”

“Eighth, actually,” the drunken queen said with a raised finger, “but answer my question!”

“Well, I’m goingta cum down Metra’s stupidly tight mouth in a few seconds,” John answered while groping every butt in range, which happened to belong to Undine and another Undine, as the slime was all over the room. “Then I gonna am be the finished beer and somebody carry me home.”

“No, you idiot, yar plans für die Zukunft,” Lydia said. “What are you going to do in the future? Still gonna conquer Murica?”

“Yesh!” John exclaimed, both as his answers and because his balls were pumping a new load out into Metra’s mouth. “Cause that is my clay now! I am gonna create a country that will be number one! I will be better than everyone else, because I want to! And then I am going to cuck Romulus out of Luna, Sol can get bent over a trashcan!”

John blinked, he didn’t feel quite good right now. It was cold, the ground in front of him seemed to want to slip to the side. It was a wonder, even his drunken mind realized, that his face wasn’t currently on the floor. There had been some say of ‘that they better go’ after Momo threw up onto the stairs that led to the toilets or something. Thinking was hard, he basically worked on very dulled instincts right now.

“I feel terrible,” the culprit herself said.

“You should, you made the ground dirty!” Aclysia let her know. Both of them sounded surprisingly sober.

Nathalia was helping him walk. That must have been the reason why he was still upright. He touched her butt but cut himself on the very much protecting scales. She growled at him, and he made a dumb smile.

“Shut the fuck up, you stained the street just a few metres ago!” Eliza shouted at them. “Everyone is drunk, I am sober again, and now I got to carry your fucking asses home!” She was literally princess carrying Rave who was asleep in her arms.

“Ihr all need a German liver!” Lydia criticised, still very much drunk but able to walk on her own.

John was vaguely aware of his elementals sleeping inside their chamber in his consciousness. How nice for them to have an instant way home while the rest of them had to walk through the winter night.

Apparently, both Momo and Aclysia’s forceful removal of alcoholic metals from their bodies had put them in a state where they were relatively sober. Aclysia still almost walked right into a street-sign, causing John to giggle for a way too long time, so they weren’t absolutely restored to normal. Like Lydia, however, they could walk on their own. It was really just Rave and John who needed to be carried. Nia was...where was Nia?

“Make this stop!” John pleaded as he was moved by the mana street under his feet. His brain refused to work with the information of standing still and moving at a high speed at the same time and hit him with indescribable nausea. His stomach churned.

“We are almost home,” Nathalia promised, “just stare at my breasts until we get there, that should help.”

“...It does...” John leered at the two bags of fun, with which he had a lot of fun in the past. Then they were suddenly in his bedroom. It wasn’t as much that he forgot what happened between events, just that it was like swimming upstream to think about them.

Nathalia gently placed him in his bed, where Rave was already lying, still completely asleep. The dragoness seemed distraught about something, just standing there doing nothing for a moment. “This is the last time we will see each other for a long time,” she suddenly announced.

John felt a very sudden rush of adrenaline fighting the fog in his mind at the sound of those words. The hell did she mean by that? “What?” his mouth didn’t manage to figure out something clearer than that.

“I have decided to stay away from you until you prove yourself worthy to me,” the nymphomaniac goddess announced. “Do you have any idea how horny your acts tonight made me? Or when the last time I went six days without any sex was? Cause I don’t remember that last thing. Yet I promise to not have sex with anyone but you for as long as I think you could be worthy of me.”

“We can change that right now if you want to!” John said and reached out for her. She took a step back and out of his reach but then darted right back forward when he threatened to fall out of bed because of her. “Don’t just leave, Nathalia,” he begged; “I know you are fickle and that you want to go wherever you want to go. I am fine with that, but don’t just run away and disappear for months again!” At this point he was almost begging, his hands closed around her sharply-scaled wrists. “Please, I love you.”

“It is precisely because I love you as well, John Newman, that I am doing this,” Nathalia said, “As long as I am around you will never truly be in danger. You can never be worthy in my eyes if you are under the shadow of my wings. I will lock myself away from everything, will not touch another being. I will be chaste for you and wait for you to prove yourself a man that can be my mate.”

She forced his hands off her wrists and pushed him into the bed, pressing one last kiss on his lips. Her full, dark red lips were burning with the volcanic fires of passion, lust and love. That list barely contained the first two. “Please do that as quick as you can, I am unspeakably horny already. I would take you for one last ride, but your drunken hip-shaking isn’t the last sex I want to remember to have with you.”

“Don’t just leave, Nathy,” John pleaded once again, but Nathalia had already kissed him goodbye, and his adrenaline rush was wearing off quickly and leaving him tired beyond his capacity to fight against.

“I believe in you, John,” she said as his consciousness faded into sleep. “We will see each other again, and when we do, you better fuck my brains out.”

He saw her turn around with a wide smile on her lips while his eyes fell closed.