Chapter 90

Chapter 90: Resolve

When I came home, I really wanted to just sleep till the next morning, so I crawled under my covers after my bedtime routine.

But my mind was strangely alert, and I didn’t feel a wink of tiredness.

…. My thoughts reeled the conversation with Mother and the view of the tower.

“…. To prevent sadness from further tragedy, to preserve the spectacle before us.”

My mother’s face was extremely beautiful as she said that.

It wasn’t really because of her natural looks, but more like…. I saw an affectionate mother who loved everything around her.

I looked back upon myself, what were my feelings towards my people’s emotions….? As I pondered this, I laughed unwittingly.

Am I not the same as my mother?

When I met Miss Mina and the children at the orphanage…. Or, even earlier than that. I had already steeled my decision when I was touring the fief.

At that time, I wasn’t involved in politics yet, but I had power. A power called the “Authority as the Feudal Lord Representative”.

My path forward, as well as my responsibilities, is deeply connected with the people’s lives.

That includes the piles of papers sitting on my desk. When I scrutinize each file, I always can feel the pressuring burden on my shoulders.

It’s all to protect the citizens’ way of life.

Haven’t I had that resolve since a long time ago?

It could be because…. After the excommunication, that courage had weakened.

Isn’t my existence absolutely beneficial to the fief’s governance? If that’s true, then all of what I did and all of my progress has brought the fief forward, right?

…. It’s always been fact that there is never a time to lose faith.

Because I’m already moving full steam ahead, my direction has pulled the citizens’ lives and the fief in with it.

After all of what happened in the past, I couldn’t still say “I haven’t made a resolve yet.”

I’m striding onward to fulfill my own dream.

I won’t lose my objective. If I get lost in my way, then the people behind me would fall apart, too.

I should only do what I can in the best way possible.

As I thought about all of this, my feelings of displeasure and worry melted away, and my mind stabilized.

With a satisfying thought, I plunged myself into the world of dreams.

The next day, I called Ryle and Dida back.

“What do you need, Princess?”

“Mm, I just want to let you two know my resolve.”

After hearing my words, Ryle widened his eyes in surprise. Dida started to smile in amusement.

“…. Yesterday, Dida asked me if I was sure of my resolve.”

“Indeed.”

“Although my stance was wavering a bit…. After thinking about it, I figured it shouldn’t have taken until yesterday to ask this question.”

Dida’s jaw dropped from my response.

*TL note: In my opinion, author is being a little filler-y and melodramatic. Urgghh just get with the story 

“Because, I’ve already decided in my heart long ago- I want to protect this fief, and shield the residents of this land.”

“…. To achieve that, will blood be spilled?’

“My answer is ‘yes’…. But also ‘no’.”

Ryle and Dida tilted their heads in confusion.

“My shoulders have carried the burden of hundreds of civilians’ lives since long ago. My mission is to protect this fief… And the lives inside it. If violence falls into the path of that goal, I will order our soldiers to action. Then, I will assume all related responsibilities.”

Worlds without pain do not exist.

I’ve understood this long before anything.

“However, to prevent such a travesty from happening…. I will resist the hardest I can, until the last second. I’ll seize every opportunity to prevent things from flowing in those terrible directions. Compared to agonizing over how to win wars, figuring out how to prevent them is far more superior. This is the most important priority, and I will follow this plan.”

Have I switched the positions of goals and methods?

That is indeed a mistake I’m making.

I’ve always been thinking- if war breaks out, who is going to assume responsibility? What will be the Duke’s position on the whole matter?

But, that isn’t what it should come down to. Because there is more than one method to achieve our goal.

Predicting future events, and utilizing both intelligence and counterintelligence. My pen, mind, and words will be my weapons.

Military force will be my last card. But before playing that hand, I must learn to use all of my deck to its fullest potentials.

This is my true mission.

“But…. If, no matter what…. Force will be the only path to walk on, I will have to rely on Dida, Ryle, you guys. Even a drop of blood spared will be worth it. But I’m the only one who can shoulder responsibility, so that will be covered by me.”

After I finished speaking, Dida started to laugh for some reason.

…. Did I say anything out of place?

No, that was all in a very serious tone….

“A very elegant resolve… But also an incredibly naïve one.”

“Dida….!”

Standing next to him, Ryle looked very angry.

“But, alright. The reason why we’re willing to serve the princess is precisely because of what kind of person you’ve always been. The princess can go protect the things she cares about.”

…. Then, is that approval?

“…. Just spit it out already.”

Ryle spoke exasperatedly.

“Missus, we are your shield and sword. The wrinkles of your worries will be smoothed out by us. Whenever you feel that force will be the only path to take…. Please rely on us. We will defend you with all our might.”

Ryle kneeled on one foot.

Dida also kneeled.

“Mm, thank you…. Ryle, Dida.”

I don’t want to lose them either…. They too are what I wish to safeguard.

Then I’ll keep fighting, for my fief.