CH 41

Chapter 41: The key point is that it’s quite useful.

It was too hot in the room. Zhou Jingze tilted his head and sucked her ear; his cold and slender fingertips hooked on the thin shoulder straps. Xu Sui’s heart palpitated, her eyes glancing past his shoulders at the painting on the opposite wall. She inadvertently lowered her head, startled.

Master Kratos and 1017, one big and one small, were sitting on the ground looking at them, their eyes wide open.

Xu Sui blushed all of a sudden and pushed Zhou Jingze’s shoulders away, motioning at him. When Zhou Jingze turned his head, the German Shepherd and orange cat were staring at him intensely with upright faces, as if he shouldn’t do such reckless and lustful acts in broad daylight at home.

“Tsk,” Zhou Jingze walked over and picked up the fat cat, his other hand holding the collar of the German Shepherd, “A single dog and a single cat, you don’t need to be that jealous of me.”

Unexpectedly, 1017 was shaken up and immediately jumped down from Zhou Jingze’s arms and went straight to Xu Sui, who was sitting on the sofa. When Zhou Jingze looked back to find the target, he found that the fat cat was sitting firmly in his girlfriend’s arms, with his chin raised, looking like a small villain.

“Don’t let me catch you.” Zhou Jingze pointed at it.

“Meow~” 1017 snapped at him and immediately hid in Xu Sui’s arms.

Xu Sui was overjoyed to see 1017; she kept holding it and playing with it. After the end of the last semester, Xu Sui’s dormitory changed the dormitory manager auntie, and the cat was raised at Zhou Jingze’s place since then.

The two didn’t confirm their relationship before, and Xu Sui didn’t want to disturb him often.

But now, it’s both of their cat.

The light in the room was very dark, giving off a gloomy feeling. Xu Sui got up with the cat in her arms, turned on the light, and opened the brown curtains. The light poured in, and the view suddenly became clear.

Xu Sui was walking towards the sofa, and when she passed by Zhou Jingze, her stomach growled. Just as Zhou Jingze opened the refrigerator door, one hand holding a cold water bottle, he gently grabbed Xu Sui, who was running away with his other hand and brought her back.

“Didn’t eat?” Zhou Jingze raised his eyebrows and closed the refrigerator door, swiping on his phone, “What do you want to eat?”

The takeout was delivered quickly, and Zhou Jingze ordered private home cuisine. The dishes were exquisite and delicious. He got up and took out a carton of milk from the refrigerator, paused, and went back to the kitchen to heat it again.

After Zhou Jingze sat back on the sofa, he handed the milk to Xu Sui, took the disposable tableware in her hand, and broke it apart before handing it to her. Xu Sui took it over and ate a few bites. She found that Zhou Jingze was bonelessly lying on the sofa, looking down at his phone with a lack of interest.

Xu Sui raised his eyes to look at him: “Aren’t you going to eat?”

Zhou Jingze didn’t lift his head and said in a tired voice, “I don’t really want to eat.”

Xu Sui knew that he was in a bad mood, and wanted him to eat some, so she broke apart a pair of new chopsticks and handed it over to him; in a soft voice: “But I want you to eat with me.”

The air was still, and the clock on the wall made a ticking sound. Zhou Jingze was holding his phone, and he finally glanced over. He threw his phone aside and arched his waist, raising his hand to pinch her face and said with a smile:

“Xu Sui, I found that you’re quite good at acting coquettish.”

Xu Sui’s heart became heated; she quickly lowered her head and stuffed a bean into her mouth; a clear and distinct hand grabbed the chopsticks in her left hand, and a lazy voice shook her ears:

“The key point is that it’s quite useful.”

After they finished eating, Zhou Jingze dumped the lunch box and garbage into the trash can. The two sat on the thick gray carpet and played games together.

Xu Sui played games with him in the living room all afternoon and didn’t say a word about his absence from the exam.

After the game was over, Zhou Jingze threw away the switch handle and raised his hand, rubbed his neck, and asked, “Not asking me about missing my exam?”

Xu Sui shook her head and looked up at him: “When you want to talk about it, you’ll tell me.”

“In the beginning, I changed my major because of a sudden whim,” Zhou Jingze put his elbows on the floor and curled his lips in a self-deprecating manner. “But when I really flew above the sky, I fell in love with it again.”

“But once I get serious, I just can’t accept my own failure.” Zhou Jingze opened a can of carbonated drink, raised his head, and took a sip; his Adam’s apple rolled slowly.

Xu Sui nodded thoughtfully: “Give me some time, this obstacle of yours can be overcome.”

This illness has been with him for many years since he was a child and will onset whenever he encounters a dark and claustrophobic space. Zhou Jingze only treated her as a kindhearted little girl and patted her head: “Okay.”

Leaving Zhou Jingze’s place, Xu Sui took the bus back to school, and after returning to the dormitory to wash up, the first thing she did was to look up information on her laptop; even after the dormitory lights were turned off, she continued to sit there.

Hu Qianxi turned over wrapped in the warm blanket and looked down at Xu Sui, who was in front of the desk, and yawned: “Baby, you’re still not sleeping yet ah? Hurry and go to bed, it’s cold down there.”

“It’s okay, almost done.” Xu Sui replied.

Xu Sui learned a lot of information from data and journals in front of the computer. It’s said that claustrophobia can be caused by biological reasons, genetic factors, etc., one of which– is the growing up environment and family education.

Zhou Jingze’s family… Xu Sui thought about his irreconcilable relationship with his father and what he said when they were playing Jenga.

Before going to bed, Xu Sui held the phone, hesitated, and asked: 【Your illness is related to your childhood?】

Ten minutes later, ZJZ replied: 【Yes.】

The next day, Xu Sui and Liang Shuang went to class together. After they found their seats, the teacher still hadn’t arrived yet. Xu Sui sat in the third row, spinning a pen around and around. She nudged her classmate’s arm and asked: “Shuang Shuang, the talented senior that came back to school last time to give a lecture, do you still have his contact?”

Facing Liang Shuang’s puzzled eyes, Xu Sui added, “The one who opened a psychological counseling clinic after graduation.”

“Oh oh, Guan Xiangfeng ah, the homepage of the campus website has his contact information,” Liang Shuang put down her pencil case and smiled mysteriously at her, “But you asked the right person. A senior sister I’m on good terms with has his private WeChat contact, I’ll send it to you later.”

“Thank you, Shuang Shuang.”

“No problem.”

After returning to the dormitory after class, Liang Shuang actually got Guan Xiangfeng’s WeChat and sent it to her. Xu Sui clicked to add the contact, and the verification message was very polite: Hello brother. I’m Xu Sui, a 2011 clinical medicine student, and I have some personal questions I wanted to ask you.

At exactly one o’clock noon, Guan Xiangfeng accepted her WeChat request. Xu Sui cut the long story short and went directly to the topic:【Brother, hello. I’m Xu Sui. I would like to ask you about a friend of mine who suffers from claustrophobia; what treatments are available?】

After a while, Guan Xiangfeng sent a location and replied:【It’s better to discuss this in person. What time are you free in the afternoon? I can ask the nurse to make an appointment for you. 】

Xu Sui replied:【Three o’clock in the afternoon.】

Guan Xiangfeng: 【Okay, I’ll wait for you to come here. 】

In the afternoon, Xu Sui took the bus all the way to the urban area according to the address given by Guan Xiangfeng and found that his hospital was 800 meters away from the Mixc.

After going up, Xu Sui told her appointment time at the front desk, and a nurse walked through the corridor and led her to Guan Xiangfeng’s office.

Xu Sui raised her hand and knocked on the door, making a “du du” sound. A warm voice sounded like the wind: “Come in.”

Xu Sui pushed the door and went in. There was a doctor in a white coat sitting on the desk on the right with a pen pinned to his chest. There was a messy pile of folders on his right, and he looked handsome with a pair of silver-rimmed glasses.

“Junior Sister Xu, right?” Guan Xiangfeng smiled and pressed the internal phone, “What do you want to drink?”

“Plain water is fine, thank you.” Xu Sui replied.

When the water was served, Xu Sui briefly explained Zhou Jingze’s situation. Guan Xiangfeng nodded and took out the pen from his chest pocket: “I understand the gist of the situation. Can you let your friend come over directly? Face-to-face treatment is better.”

Xu Sui shook his head: “I’m afraid not, he probably won’t come.”

Zhou Jingze is such a prideful person, and if she hadn’t bumped into him on the elevator by accident, he probably wouldn’t have let her know his fragile side.

“He said that it’s not really claustrophobia, just milder, and that fear of the dark will aggravate his symptoms.” Xu Sui added.

Guan Xiangfeng took a pen to record it on paper and pondered for a while: “In fact, the influence of mental yin is greater.”

“Most of them need psychological treatment in the early stage and drug intervention in the later stage. You said he didn’t even try? And directly skipped the exam?” Guan Xiangfeng asked.

“Yes.”

“Escape, maybe the illness is not so serious. Why don’t you try systematic desensitization therapy.” Guan Xiangfeng stretched out his index finger and pushed his glasses, suggesting.

After hearing what the doctor said, Xu Sui breathed a sigh of relief, but she suddenly thought of something else: “I checked the information, and the desensitization effect of the system seems to be relatively slow. He’s a pilot, so he can’t delay it too much. Is it possible to try flooding therapy?”

Flooding therapy is to let the patient enter a terrifying situation, restore the scene at that time, and when the patient tries to resist or cover his ears or eyes with his hands, repeat the details tirelessly and prevent the patient from escaping.

This treatment works quickly, but if the patient doesn’t adapt, it’ll cause a stress response, and the patient may faint midway.

A flash of surprise flashed in Guan Xiangfeng’s eyes. He didn’t expect that she had done so much homework in advance and pondered for a while: “Okay, I’ll give him two sets of test questions first and teach you how to do it.”

“The most important point, throughout the whole treatment process, I have to observe remotely and stay on the phone with you.”

Xu Sui hesitated for a moment and finally nodded: “Okay.”

Before leaving, Xu Sui bowed to express her gratitude to the senior brother. Just as she was holding the doorknob and about to leave, Guan Xiangfeng suddenly called out to her: “May I ask, is that friend very important to you?”

Xu Sui smiled and said, “Yes.”

Very important.

…

When Xu Sui went to Zhou Jingze’s house with a bunch of test questions, she cautiously expressed her thoughts, and Zhou Jingze nodded without thinking.

“This… simple?” Xu Sui’s tone was unbelievable.

She thought that according to Zhou Jingze’s haughty character, it would be very difficult for him to receive treatment and face his past misery.

Zhou Jingze leaned his back on the sofa and played with his phone. Hearing this, his eyes shifted to her, and he raised his hand to rub her hair. His tone was casual and filled with unreserved trust:

“Don’t I have you?”

Zhou Jingze quickly wrote in the notebook, and after completing the two sets of psychological test questions, he spread his arms and nestled back on the sofa. Xu Sui sat on the carpet, went back to the computer, and compressed the test questions he answered into a file before sending it to Guan Xiangfeng.

Not long after, Guan Xiangfeng sent an email reply: Not bad, his physical and psychological are stable, above the acceptable range. You can give it a try.

Xu Sui moved the computer aside and put her hands on Zhou Jingze’s knees, asking, “When… did the scarring first happen?”

“Ten years old,” Zhou Jingze put the phone aside; in a careless tone, “just in the basement of this house.”

“Here?” Xu Sui couldn’t help but widen her eyes, and her eyelashes fluttered.

To have experienced this at such a young age, and he has lived here alone for so long.

Zhou Jingze lowered his dark eyelashes and curled the corners of his lips: “Recalling it, I’m not sure if I can bear it.”

Xu Sui couldn’t help but hold his hand and said in a soft voice, “It’s okay, you have me. ”

Zhou Jingze took Xu Sui down the stairs on the right side of the study room. The stairs were very narrow that they needed to go down sideways, one behind the other.

Zhou Jingze held her tightly all the time. From the moment he went downstairs, Xu Sui noticed that his nerves were very tense; his back was like a bow, very tight.

The sight in front of him gradually narrowed and darkened. After stepping down the last flight of stairs, Zhou Jingze stood there, closed his eyes, and reached for the switch on the wall.

Xu Sui felt a layer of sweat on his palm.

With a “bang”, the light was turned on, and the dark space was instantly bright as day with countless fine dust floating under the lights. Xu Sui looked over.

The basement was about 30 square meters, and it has now become an abandoned storage room. There is a basketball and an abandoned bicycle lying on the ground, and a layer of cardboard piled up next to it; a thick layer of dust has accumulated on top of it.

Zhou Jingze let go of her hand and walked towards the wooden shelf, reaching out to grab the items on it. Xu Sui walked forward and saw that it was a black leather belt with the coat already worn off, but the metal buckle was still glowing coldly.

“Tsk, that’s what my dad used to hit me.” Zhou Jingze’s tone was careless, like a bystander.

“Because of what?” Xu Sui asked him.

“Because—” Zhou Jingze was thinking about it, and the light went out with a “snap”. His vision was plunged into darkness; only the small window on the opposite wall emitted a faint light.

Zhou Jingze swallowed hard, and his heart started palpitating. He stepped back subconsciously and wanted to turn on the switch on the wall. A pair of warm hands held his hand.

“It’s okay,” Xu Sui said, “Talk slowly.”

“I remember that Zhou Zhengyan was starting a business at that time, and his career was not going well. When he married my mother back then, the marriage was strongly opposed by my family, especially by a few uncles, who often despised him. But he never dared to lose his temper with my mother because my mother’s income from playing the cello was invested in him, and he could only please my mother.”

“His investments failed many times, and he lived a worthless life. He only came to me to vent. Usually, he would scold me harshly, but if it gets serious, he would hit me on the shoulder with a book.”

Until one day, Zhou’s mother, Yan Ning, went abroad to visit a friend. Because of the cold weather, Zhou Jingze caught a cold and coughed non-stop. The doctor came and gave me two drips, but it didn’t get better. The nanny calling Yan Ning talked about this matter.

Yan Ning immediately called Zhou Zhengyan and repeatedly told him to take the child and bring him to a doctor in person. Zhou Zhengyan responded with a good tone, but once he turned around, he plunged back into the study room to call someone to pull in investment.

Zhou Jingze coughed for a whole day, coughed until his ears rang in the middle of the night and as if his lungs could come out. Because he was afraid of waking up his father, he lay down on the bed, covered his mouth, and coughed until his shoulders trembled; his voice sounded intermittent.

In the end, Zhou Jingze couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had difficulty breathing, and his stomach hurt on both sides from time to time. He struggled to get up from the bed and knocked on his father’s door while clutching his chest and coughing.

Unsure if it was because the memories were too embarrassing or because of the uncomfortableness in the dark and claustrophobic environment, Zhou Jingze’s forehead was covered with sweat, and his face was pale.

“And then?” Xu Sui couldn’t help but squeeze Zhou Jingze’s hand tightly.

Zhou Jingze leaned his back against the wall. His eyes were cold, but the corners of his lips curled up habitually: “He got up.”

And then the nightmare began.

[Warning: This section forward deals with childhood trauma and abuse.]

With a bang, Zhou Zhengyan opened the door, and Zhou Jingze was taken aback. Before he could react, Zhou Zhengyan had a gloomy face and suddenly picked up his collar and dragged him into the room.

Zhou Jingze couldn’t break free at all. Zhou Zhengyan slammed his head against the wall, cursing at the same time, “I’ve put up with you all night. Cough, cough, cough, fucking keep people from sleeping.”

“Fuck! How did I give birth to such an unlucky thing like you?”

His father’s dirty insults ranged in his ears, and Zhou Jingze’s whole body was slammed into a solid wall. His head hurt for a while, and the pain made him cry. Finally, he lost consciousness from the pain and just felt warm blood gushing out of his forehead, falling onto the ground drop by drop, startling.

In the end, he cried and grabbed Zhou Zhengyan’s hand and begged for mercy: “Dad, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Only then did Zhou Zhengyan stop, but his anger was still not extinguished. He locked Zhou Jingze in the basement by himself in a distraught state despite his cries.

Zhou Jingze cried until six o’clock in the morning, wanting to go out. The surrounding was dirty and damp, and it was pitch black again. He was cold and hungry in the basement and naively wanted to go on a hunger strike.

The nanny told Zhou Zhengyan about this. He had been seeking help for financing and failed in the past two days. He was so annoyed that he kicked through the basement door and beat him severely with his belt.

Zhou Jingze recalled as if caught in the scene at that time. He covered his heart and gasped for breath; a trembling voice came over:

“What did he say when he hit you?”

Zhou Jingze’s face turned pale; his limbs felt cold, and he leaned his head on the wall with a weak tone: “You bastard, you’ve been a nuisance to me all day long.”

The soaked belt whipped his body, and Zhou Jingze felt his clothes were being torn away; his flesh felt like being scraped by a knife blade. The pain made him almost pass out.

He still had a high fever, and his head was dizzy as if his nerve perception was not his own.

A pair of shiny leather shoes appeared in front of him. Zhou Zhengyan grabbed his hair and stared at him: “Do you know where you went wrong?”

“I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

At this moment, Zhou Jingze had only a faint breath and was against the wall embracing himself, taking on a self-safe posture, and subconsciously repeating the sentence.

“I’m sorry, Senior Brother Guan.” Xu Sui couldn’t bear it anymore. Tears fell down, and she covered the camera hidden in the corner and threw away the communicator beside her ear.

Xu Sui couldn’t take it anymore, the most prideful and reckless teenager’s embarrassing side was seen by others.

What he needed should have been flowers and applause.

Sounds kept ringing, and black spiders crawled over one after another. Zhou Jingze raised his hand to cover his ears, but in a trance, someone stopped him. He unconsciously repeated some messy words, unable to tell who said them.

“You can’t get out.” A male voice said viciously.

“You can, the exit is there.” A soft female voice recalled.

“You’re just a fallen person, might as well go die.” Someone reminded him repeatedly.

Zhou Jingze felt that he had difficulty breathing and was strangled by a strong hand; his whole body felt entangled by poisonous snakes. He fell into the abyss and couldn’t move.

“You are not.” The female voice sounded again, and a hot tear dripped on the back of his hand.

Zhou Jingze was imprisoned for two days and two nights. In the end, he developed a high fever and opened his eyes in a daze. Spiders crawled around his feet; he backed away in fear. The surroundings were bottomless, like a huge black box that was immobilizing, and it seemed like he would never be able to get out.

“I can’t get out.” Zhou Jingze’s lips were pale.

Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, and Zhou Jingze’s eyelashes drooped. His lips were pale, and he was panting. His whole body was confused, and a gentle voice tried to call out to him:

“Zhou Jingze, look, there is light.”

Xu Sui squatted In front of him; she found a lighter somewhere. Zhou Jingze raised his eyes unconsciously, and their eyes collided. A cluster of orange flames shot up, illuminating a face with pretty white teeth and rosy lips. A pair of clear and dark eyes only focused on him.

The surrounding buzzing sound dissipated, and his heartbeat gradually calmed down– the crumbling flame in front of him was like a dim star carrying light.

“God said that there must be light, so there is light.”

Zhou Jingze’s eyes darkened, and he could no longer hold on. He carried himself into a warm embrace.