It's been so long that I've lost track of time.
The only thing I know is that the sun has set, as the maids have lit the candles.
Duchess Prim was forced to leave, and the maids from Kyre were tossed out without any care. They're waiting outside, and only Kate is with me.
She follows the midwife's instructions and keeps an eye on the situation.
«It's almost time, your highness,» the woman says.
How does she know about the new title? Was she in the throne room at that time? She called me highness from the moment she met me.
«You've said the same thing three times already,» I point out, gasping for air.
«I can see the baby's head, your highness. It will soon be among us...»
I focus on breathing as I've been instructed to.
«The first time is the most difficult,» the midwife continues. She parts my legs even further and prepares some scissors and clean towels. «Next time, you won't suffer this much. It becomes easier with time...»
If I survive this one. And I haven't changed my idea about having a single child. Why going through all of this for a second time?
When the contractions start becoming more frequent, the midwife stops talking with me and focuses on her job.
The maids stop paying any attention to me too, and they focus on the baby. Only Kate sits by my side and holds my hand.
She holds it while I tighten my clench every time a new contraction arrives. It's more often every minute, to the point that I shout continuously, at some point.
«When will it be over?» I ask with tears in my eyes.
«Soon, your highness,» the midwife says. She doesn't move her eyes from my opening. «It's almost time.»
I turn to Kate and see her worried expression. After seeing this, I doubt she will look forward to becoming a mother either. Why hasn't anyone warned me beforehand?
I would have been ready for this.
I couldn't see Elias's birth in my dreams: it couldn't be shown to me no matter what.
«I can't take it anymore,» I whisper.
Yet, no matter how painful, I can always resist some more. I haven't passed out from pain yet, which means I won't ever.
«It will be all right,» Kate says. «I am here with you, my Queen.»
She folds her free hand around our tightened fists, and she bows over to be closer to me.
«I will be there for you at any time,» she repeats.
«I'm so glad you're here,» I say. «I'm so glad that Alexander sent his knight to fetch you from Polis...»
«The knight was already there, my Queen.»
«Is that so? He already predicted it.»
As always, he's been a step ahead of everyone. I hope he will be happy, now that his dream is coming true. I hope he'll love Elias as much as in his first life.
We will be a happy family, won't we? Even if not in Polis, it's fine. Kyre isn't such an awful place where to spend the rest of my life.
«Your highness, now push,» the midwife exclaims, «It's time!»
I do as she says, contracting all the muscles I can feel in my abdomen.
«I can see the head!» she continues. «Now stop, your majesty. Wait for a second...»
«I can't wait,» I complain as another contraction presses my stomach. «I can't wait...»
«I'm almost done... Now, you can push...»
As a weight slips between my legs, I feel light as a feather. It's done, isn't it? I press my head in the pillows and close my eyes.
A sudden cry fills the room, and I laugh with relief.
It's done; now I can rest.
«It's a girl!» the midwife exclaims while letting a maid take care of my baby.
«A girl?» I murmur. «It's impossible.»
They're lying. Elias isn't a girl.
I try moving up, but a contraction stops me. What does it mean? It should have finished by now. The baby is there.
«It still hurts,» I say.
«It's normal, your highness. It will stop soon. I'm going to take care of your daughter now.» She turns to a maid nearby, ignoring Kate that has got up to check the situation. «Call me if the bleeding doesn't stop in half an hour...»
Half an hour? I'll bleed out, like this.
«I will be in the room nearby.»
That said, the midwife leaves, and silence fills the room.
«Kate, it hurts,» I complain again. I can't stop thinking about my baby. They took it away without letting me see.
It must be because it's actually a boy, and they want to get rid of it!
«Kate! The baby!»
«The maids from Stoneyard are with your child,» she says. «They won't be able to hurt it...»
«But...»
«Now, we have to finish here,» Kate sighs. She presses on a spot under my belly button, and she massages with small circular movements. «It won't take long, I promise. Just relax, Theodora.»
«Is it supposed to hurt like this?»
«Does it hurt like before?»
«No, it doesn't.»
«Then it's normal.»
The contractions intensify a few minutes after the delivery. Fluids flow in between my legs, and everything stops soon.
As promised, I stop feeling pain. Yet, I'm exhausted. I can't get up to look for my baby.
«I want to see Elias,» I murmur. «Bring him here.»
«The midwife closed the room and isn't allowing anyone in. But we've heard the baby cry,» Kate says, starting to clean me. «It's a healthy cry. I will bring your baby to you as soon as we're done here.»
«Will you?»
«I'm sorry if I can't right now.»
«It's fine,» I chuckle. «Must be how they do things in Ethiro.»
Mothers don't take care of their child. But don't they at least have a look at it?
It's weird. No matter how much Kate swipes the clothing in between my legs, I feel them wet and warm. It must be because the sheet is drenched.
My handmaid is with me, and she knows what to do. It will be all right, in the end.
«My Lady?» the maid from the door says, noticing my pale face.
«What are you doing here?» Kate whispers.
«The midwife threw me out. She said only her helpers are allowed to be in there until the baby settles to life... Or something...»
Kate snorts, but she doesn't reply.
«Is the baby doing well?» I inquire, my voice feeble.
«Yes, my Lady. They washed her already, and she's going to sleep now... Is everything all right, my Lady?»
Kate shakes her head, but I don't have any energy to move my head and look down. I'm so tired after giving birth.
Is this how it happens? One falls asleep after delivering a baby, and the baby doesn't love the mother as much as the father? Is that the reason why Elias loved Alexander more?
I can't let it happen this time too! I want Elias to love me as well. Alexander had enough attention from our little boy already.
«I want to see my baby,» I repeat. «Bring it here.»
The maid jumps up and seems ready to go out and return my baby to me.
«I want to see my son, now.»
She frowns, confused. She opens her mouth to say something, but Kate stops her.
«Press here,» she says. «Not too fiercely, or you'll hurt the Lady.»
The maid looks down, and her eyes widen. She stops breathing for a second, but she follows Kate's instructions carefully.
«What's happening?» she whispers.
I close my eyes and sigh. I can't resist slumber anymore.
I'll take a look at Elias once I get some rest. I'll sleep for a few hours only, for he's waiting for me.
As I sink into my dreams, Kate and the maid continue with their noisy whispering.
«She's bleeding,» the maid comments.
Kate scoffs, annoyed.
«That madwoman left without checking a thing. It's almost as if they were hoping for her to die.»
«Die?» the maid murmurs. «Is my Lady dying?»
«Not with me by her side. Keep pressing...»
Kate runs to a drawer and opens it wide. In the heat of the moment, I hear a heavy plump.
The drawer must have fallen down.
Kate rummages for a few seconds and comes back to the bed. The mattress waves when she climbs on it. She turns my head up and splits my lips with her fingers. She inserts a small pill under my tongue and sighs out of tension.
«It will be all right,» she whispers to my ear. «You will get over this: you're strong!»
She returns to the maid, and they chatter for a while more. However, I'm too tired to discern their words.
I will nap for a while. Just a few minutes to restore my strength. I can't afford to sleep too much because my baby will be hungry.
«My Lady?» the maid calls for me. «My Lady? My Lady!»