CH 249

Lin Chen lay on the hospital bed, seemingly deep asleep or in a semi-comatose state.

Xing Conglian wrapped his arm around Lin Chen’s waist, with one hand encircling his side and the other holding onto his lower back. Delicate sweat covered Lin Chen’s skin from his neck to his shoulders. They pressed tightly against each other; their touch was sticky, damp, and warm, giving a real feeling.

Equally real were the scents of sweat, blood, and the air.

Xing Conglian pushed aside strands of Lin Chen’s black hair and leaned over, resting his chin in the crook of Lin Chen’s neck. He kissed Lin Chen’s cheek repeatedly, from behind his ear to his temples, from his neck to the crown of his head. Honestly, neither of them had taken a shower today, so the scent wasn’t pleasant, but this messy imperfection made it feel real.

Xing Conglian inexplicably thought of the time he cried in despair for the first time in his memory.

He couldn’t remember the exact cause of the specific event, but the underlying reason was that his parents felt that he needed to separate from the stuffed duck toy he had been hugging since childhood.

Because that duck was dirty and old, with exposed cotton and many repairs.

But he felt that he could only feel safe when he hugged that dirty and worn-out duck while sleeping.

For this reason, his parents read many books on child attachment, tried numerous methods mentioned in those books, and even took him to see a psychologist, but no method could solve his attachment to a tattered duck.

As time went by, one day, probably due to him beating up a classmate or some similar reason, his father couldn’t bear it anymore and made him throw away the duck.

Of course, there was no direct connection, but for angry parents, finding the most crucial thing to punish their son was essential.

It was a very dim evening when his father took him directly to the lakeside, with his mother present as well. They rowed to the center of the lake, with his mother holding him while his father smashed the duck into the water.

That was an utterly heart-wrenching scene for him. The autumn and winter cold winds, the blue and gloomy lake water, and his beloved possession gradually sank into the water. He still remembered every ripple of the water at that moment.

Losing a sense of security was extremely painful for every child, especially when it came to their most beloved toy. At that time, he almost wished to jump into the river together with the duck. If it weren’t for his mother holding him, he might have died right there.

What was even more extreme was that when they returned to the shore, his father slapped him and told him things like:

“You will have many things and people you love in your life, but one day they will all leave!”

“Even your parents will die, so you must learn to take responsibility for your mistakes!”

“Besides yourself, you cannot depend on anything or anyone!”

His father said many similar randomly stitched-together words, forcefully trying to educate him. For a six- or seven-year-old child, it was like a profound philosophical question. He grabbed at his runny nose and tears, not understanding any of it, only feeling pain. For a long period of time afterward, he was immersed in this pain.

Recovery was very slow, but eventually, he did recover. His father later apologized for his outburst, and his mother said she had wanted to do it a long time ago.

He later told Lin Chen about this incident. At that time, they weren’t in a romantic relationship yet, so of course, he wanted to hear Consultant Lin’s advice to untie his emotional knot or provide a proper psychological analysis of the matter.

However, Lin Chen remained silent for a long time and finally said that there aren’t so many explanations in the world, but for the human mind, growth was always accompanied by pain.

This was Lin Chen’s consistent theory. Sweetness made people numb; only pain gave a sense of reality.

Actually, Xing Conglian had long felt that he didn’t need to grow anymore. After all, he was retired, and society shouldn’t demand too much from senior citizens.

But now, as he recalled Lin Chen’s words, he couldn’t help but hold the person in his arms tighter.

Just a moment ago, after enjoying the long-lasting sweetness and happiness of love, he finally experienced the unbearable pain that ordinary people endure.

The pain of separation, the pain of understanding, and even enlightenment all carried a sense of pain.

But all the intolerable experiences were also constantly expanding the boundaries of the mind. This matter had no meaning, yet it was full of meaning. Xing Conglian thought that if Lin Chen were awake and they were chatting, Consultant Lin would surely educate him like this. It would be dull, scholarly, and clear-headed, making him unable to resist the urge to kiss him.

Xing Conglian kissed Lin Chen’s dry and cracked lips, which still had a hint of a bloody smell. He got up and began to dress Lin Chen.

Lin Chen obediently acted like a puppet. Xing Conglian hugged him and couldn’t help but laugh helplessly and self-mockingly. In reality, there weren’t so many twisted and absurd theories. All those soul-healing words were meant to give a glimmer of hope to those in despair.

It was difficult to keep going, but they had to keep going.

……

Late at night, taxi driver Xiao Zhang received a strange request outside the Tzu Chi Hospital.

The passenger stood by the roadside, and only after getting into the car did he mention that he wanted to go to the seaside in the neighboring province.

For any driver, hearing this kind of long-distance trip would initially bring joy, but the second thought was often to decline.

Long-distance meant high income, but encountering a situation where a man was holding onto another person in front of a psychiatric hospital was definitely abnormal.

However, Xiao Zhang made the mistake of letting the passenger get in the car first before asking for the destination. The time difference gave the passenger an opportunity to quote a price, and the down payment alone was enough to make Xiao Zhang unable to refuse.

After all, being in the taxi business, one saw and experienced a lot. Without courage, one couldn’t drive the night roads. Xiao Zhang took the money and made up his mind that if the passenger mentioned any remote side road, he would absolutely refuse.

But throughout the journey, the person in the back seat didn’t cause any trouble. Besides providing the address, the man with a buzz cut seemed immersed in his own world, dark and withdrawn. He would occasionally lean down to kiss the person in his arms, and other times he would gaze out of the window aimlessly. His eyes carried a hidden worry, uncertainty, and an inexplicable sense of composure.

The night grew darker, and the number of vehicles decreased.

Xiao Zhang even had a momentary suspicion that the person the man was holding in his arms might be a corpse, as the wrapped figure in the blanket hardly moved.

But he was also very aware of the faint and painful sounds coming from the backseat, unable to discern whether they were from a man or a woman. The sounds were desperate, like the alternative music that would only be played on late-night radio. Whenever the person in the man’s arms began to struggle, he would hold them close, almost helplessly comforting them with kisses. Apart from that, it seemed like there was nothing else he could do.

The eerie situation in the backseat continued throughout the journey.

When they exited the expressway and arrived in Louhai City, Xiao Zhang even considered whether it would be better to stop the taxi directly in front of the police station. However, as they passed by the police station, the man in the backseat seemed to have anticipated his intention and showed him his police badge.

In that instant, when Xiao Zhang saw the badge, the tension he had been feeling throughout the journey finally eased. The police always gave people a sense of security and could explain any strange and silent phenomena.

He couldn’t help but initiate a conversation with the person in the backseat, asking why they were traveling late at night and not using an official vehicle.

“It’s none of your concern.”

That was how the gentleman in the backseat answered, cool as ever.

Xiao Zhang rolled down the window. On one side was the pitch-black sea, while on the other side were various dazzling resort hotels. He blew a whistle, carried by the sea breeze.

But suddenly, he heard a deep voice from the backseat say, “Please close the window.”

Instinctively, he glanced at the rearview mirror and noticed that the blanket in the backseat was fluttering in the night breeze. Taking this opportunity, he finally saw the person the police officer had been holding all along—it was a man.

Xiao Zhang almost wanted to whistle again. He had transported a mentally ill person from the entrance of a psychiatric hospital to the seaside, traversing hundreds of kilometers. The experiences of a night shift taxi driver were truly rich, and he might even encounter some melodramatic stories like lovers jumping off cliffs. Should he save them or not when that time comes?

Bored, Xiao Zhang thought to himself. Following the navigation instructions, he made several turns and finally arrived in an area without even streetlights. The sound of the wind became more vast, covering the sound of the waves. Besides the narrow strip of road illuminated by his headlights, he could see almost nothing.

But based on his assumptions, this couldn’t be considered a remote side road because there wasn’t even a road here.

Xiao Zhang couldn’t help but turn around and say, “Sir, this road is too secluded. Are you sure you want to continue? I’m afraid I’ll run out of gas.”

The other person seemed to instantly understand what he was thinking and simply said, “Don’t worry, we can refuel once we reach our destination.”

Who knows which gas station will be found in the middle of nowhere! But turning back would be too timid. Xiao Zhang could only grit his teeth and continue.

After driving for a while, Xiao Zhang suddenly realized that his phone’s navigation hadn’t made a sound for a long time.

Feeling a chill run down his spine, he looked down and saw that there was no signal in the top right corner of his phone. He inwardly cursed his luck. It seemed like his calls to heaven went unanswered, and his calls to earth were ineffective.

Xiao Zhang broke out in a cold sweat and said, “Sir, I have a family to support. Is there something you can’t figure out…”

Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted.

“Up ahead is a sanatorium,” the gentleman in the backseat said. “It’s quite special and has corresponding security measures, so the cellphone signal in this area is blocked.”

Xiao Zhang was dumbfounded. “T-This… It must be at a high-level, right?” After speaking, he felt that something was off. Who would just reveal the location of a classified place right away? It didn’t match the scenes depicted on TV. So, he thought carefully and attempted to test the waters. “Can I still go back home? Will I be…”

The gentleman in the backseat furrowed his brow. Xiao Zhang also felt that his question was quite nonsensical, but the other person still maintained composure and patiently answered, “No, you won’t.”

Though it was only a short reply, the solemn tone made Xiao Zhang feel much more at ease. The tension that had been gripping his mind loosened. After holding back his talent for chattering as a taxi driver throughout the entire trip, he stepped on the gas pedal, took out a cigarette, and tucked one behind his ear as well. He didn’t dare to light it, afraid that the person in the backseat wouldn’t like it. “You really scared me, traveling so late at night. Are you taking your loved one for medical treatment? What happened? Is that place like the ones in novels with renowned traditional Chinese medicine experts?”

He glanced at the rearview mirror. The gentleman in the backseat shook his head, denying his speculation. Then, he naturally extended his hand toward Xiao Zhang. Instinctively, Xiao Zhang handed over the cigarette tucked behind his ear before he worried that the other person might find it distasteful.

But the gentleman didn’t mind at all and lit the cigarette himself.

The flickering spark illuminated the man’s profile, making him appear incredibly desolate. Xiao Zhang noticed that his other hand remained tightly gripping the blanket, causing his knuckles to turn white and even tremble.

“So why are you going there?” Xiao Zhang repeated the question from earlier.

“Because I can.”