CH 7

It was fucking hot.

“The only thing you’ve written correctly is the word fuck…”

The heat that was breaking cranked up its last strength as if it were the last storm. After Hajin left the fan on the balcony, he woke up sweating bullets and went out to the living room before grabbing his stomach and laughed to himself for a long while. He never taught the man how to write the word, ‘Fuck’ but how he came up with that combination of words, was amazing. Hajin, who was heading to the kitchen with a cramped neck from laughing too much, stopped as if he remembered something.

“Braised kimchi…”

Not long ago, he promised to give Jonghwa what he wanted as a gift, if the latter scored more than 50 on the dictation test but he simply said he wanted, ‘Braised kimchi’. Hajin tried to make it the next day but he failed since the man didn’t return home for about two days. Hajin agonized about it for a while before heading straight to his room, and changed his clothes first. It was best not to delay gifts that were based on one’s efforts. It was an iron rule set as a teacher.

“Fuck….so hot.”

It took more than 30 minutes to walk to the mart, but Hajin was so sweaty all the way that his whole body was damp. As soon as Hajin came home, he turned on the air conditioner and ran into the bathroom but when he remembered that he tossed the meat on the table, he came back out. He quickly put the mat in the refrigerator and ran back to the bathroom, afraid that someone might see his naked body through the clear window. It was a busy gesture that even gave him goosebumps.

Hajin had been there for a while then and he became comfortable there like it was his own home. But it happened while he was showering parts of his body with little water pressure. He staggered with a sudden dizziness and held on to the wall. He tried to blink his eyes but he didn’t recover strangely enough.

“Oh…”

Hajin lost all his strength in his hands and missed the shower. The water spewed everywhere but he couldn’t fix it because he couldn’t see clearly. He reached to find the tiles on the wall which looked completely dark but his sight didn’t get any better and the stinging pain in his navel only got worse. Hajin lost his judgment and direction at the same time before stepping forward without realizing it.

The bathroom wasn’t very spacious, but it felt as if the steps ahead could continue endlessly. Hajin’s eyes looked at the ceiling by tilting his head unconsciously before flipping to fall on his back. There was a thud but he couldn’t feel pain anywhere in his body.

It was D-136, he felt symptoms for the first time after being given the diagnosis that he didn’t have much time left.

“…What…”

It didn’t take long to realize what the unfamiliar scenery was when Hajin opened his eyes. That was because the thing he remembered was going back to the bathroom where water was splashing everywhere. He sighed gravely as he pushed Jonghwa’s face that was so close to him that their lips could have met. **

“Did I faint?”

“Yeah. In the bathroom.”

“Out of all places, it had to be the bathroom…”

Hajin didn’t feel any pain but the smell of the hospital was unpleasant. He rubbed his dry lips with the back of his hand and stared at the hospital clothes for a few seconds and turned to Jonghwa.

“How long has it been since I fainted?”

“Not sure. It has been five hours since I came here carrying you on my back.”

“It hasn’t been that long but why am I wearing hospital clothes?”

“You were naked.”

“…Don’t tell me you called 119 just like that?”

“119? I carried you on my back though.”

“Me? You did?”

Hajin’s mouth was left agape. Joghwa nodded indifferently as if he couldn’t understand what the problem was. Hajin’s lips twitched.

“Don’t tell me…you dressed me up?”

“There’s no thought to dress someone when they’re dying. I just carried you on my back.”

“Just like that?”

The voice grew louder and louder. Jonghwa, who was being questioned, nodded his head eagerly with a puzzled expression. Hajin’s eyes seemed to wander here and there before he exhaled sharply.

“That’s a social suicide.”

“What are you talking about?”

“See….What would happen if you come to the hospital with a naked person without dressing them up?”

“But I covered you with my clothes.”

“…”

“But they could have seen your butt.”

Hajin hated how the longer he continued to babble, the more he was reminded of it. Hajin, who had been sighing for a long time, pressed down on his throbbing temple and said in a dejected voice.

“Then I guess I should head home wearing these clothes.”

“No. I went home and brought your clothes.”

“…Then I’ll have to get discharged right now.”

“Discharged?”

That time, Jonghwa stared back with widened eyes. His bright and pale eyes which didn’t match his thug like look, expanded into saucers. Hajin chose to stand up rather than talk much more. When he stretched his pale feet out of the bed, Jonghwa caught his wrist.

“You can’t leave the hospital.”

“….”

“The doctor says you need to be treated.”

It was not a big deal. Hajin spared Jonghwa a moment before tilting his chin and clenching his teeth. Anti-cancer treatment was something he rejected himself. Since he didn’t know what it was like to be handed a thick rope in a hand which carried nothing, so he had no choice but to choose a thin yet long rope. When Hajin left barefoot on the floor, Jonghwa took out his slippers from under the bed.

“You need to receive treatment for cancer.”

“I decided not to, so please help me get discharged from the hospital.”

Although Hajin spoke firmly, Jonghwa seemed to have a different idea. In the first place, he didn’t have any right to tell him what to do in his life so he didn’t want to hear it from him but Jonghwa’s pitiful eyes that didn’t suit him bothered Hajin. Hajin deliberately turned his eyes, quickly changed his clothes and headed to the hallway. He heard a gasp behind him, catching up his pace.

“The doctor said so. That you need some kind of treatment.”

“I know. But I won’t take it.”

“Why?”

Jonghwa was particularly persistent that day. Even though Hajin was in a poor condition, it bothered him more. Hajin shrugged his shoulders and sighed sharply, and turned his head to stare at Jonghwa who was right behind him.

“It’s not that I can live even if I receive the treatment so why should I receive it?”

“You live longer than if you don’t receive it.”

“A few months longer, that is.”

“What do you mean a few months?”

The man who said he had no regrets about life, responded with double eyelids appearing in his eyes. Hajin was speechless, as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“You said that it wasn’t a big deal to die.”

“It’s nothing.”

“So?”

“That’s for me. Not for you.”

“…Dying is all the same for everyone.”

What nonsense are you saying? The words were swallowed and pushed back in his throat. Hajin pressed the down button of the elevator, and glanced sideways at Joinghwa, who loomed over him and stood blankly. He seemed somewhat pitiful. It was a strange atmosphere that Hajin could only feel from him.

“You’re a teacher.”

“…Huh?”

The elevator has arrived. The iron door of the elevator opened as a chilling mechanical sound could be heard. Hajin asked back as he stepped into the square machine. The first floor button was pressed by Jonghwa.

“You know how to write. You even know how to teach.”

“…What do you…”

“You’re good at using chopsticks and cooking.”

“…”

“I’ll take back what I said on the first day. It’s a big deal to die.”

“Ha…”

“It’s to you.”

It was the first floor. The mechanical sound rang again and the door opened, but neither of them was willing to leave. A large mirror attached to one side of the wall showed the sides of the two men. They stared straight ahead but didn’t budge.

“But it’s nothing to me either.”

It was Hajin who managed to break through his reverie and stepped out first. He almost shed tears but was possessed by Jonghwa’s eyes. He couldn’t breath and he tried to run his chest with his fist. Jonghwa walked at a certain distance as his steps were not happy.

“I’ll pay right away when I get home.”

“Nevermind about that.”

“You have to be clear about money issues.”

Hajin turned his body on Jonghwa, who dissuaded him from saying it was okay and finally received a receipt. The air at three in the morning was quite fresh. It was cool for summer but not that cool.

The two walked the street with a slight gap in between them. In Hajin’s hand was only a receipt the size of an A4 paper. Everytime the wind blew, the sound of the paper flapping could be heard.

“What do you do?”

“Huh?”

“You. What do you do?”

Hajin wasn’t sure why he was so curious. He was curious about how ‘cash’ was written on the ‘payment method’ at the bottom of the receipt. It was amazing that people pay hundreds of thousands of won in cash these days. He was just wondering why.

“I’m Shin Jonghwa.”

“…I am not asking for your name.”

“Then what?”

“What do you do? You must do something. There must be something to you other than your name.”

Jonghwa looked puzzled when asked an unexpected question. There was one more thing Hajin realized while he watched him. Jonghwa couldn’t hide his expression well. Hajin stopped walking under a long street lamp, the only light that lit up the darkness.

“You are really not a thug?”

“No, what the hell…”

Jonghwa scratched his nape with his big hand. There was no intention, in the least, to question an embarrassed person. Hajin folded the receipt in half and shook it gently like a fan.

“How can you get your name wrong even after studying Korean like that?”

The signature column was visible at the end of the folded paper. “Shin, Jong, Hwa.” The crooked writing was in his handwriting. Hajin’s face, which was fully occupied by the light of the streetlamp pouring from above, shone brightly. Jonghwa looked at him and shook his shoulder lightly.

“I couldn’t remember because I was nervous.”

“If you’re nervous, then you should try to get a grip of yourself.”

“I remembered how to write your name, but I couldn’t remember mine.”

“Why did you remember my name for nothing?”

“It’s easy. It’s easy to write your name.”

“There’s nothing easy or hard about names.”

“My name is hard. There are a lot of circles.”

“….Gosh.”