Chapter 44: Cowardice

Chapter 44: Cowardice

The next four hours were unpleasant, drawn out, and frustrating to the extreme. James got a sense of large wheels turning in backrooms as power brokers cut deals and negotiated the DRCs future. Jessica was on her phone almost continuously, either placing calls, texting, or being placed on hold. Sometimes shed disappear into meetings or take off down the hallway without a word, desperate to catch someone before they left the building or for otherwise inscrutable reasons.

Serenity and James were seated in an empty conference room, the lighting harsh, everything gleaming, the sound proofed walls giving the air a weird, echoey feeling. She sipped on a cup of coffee. They must have spent who knows how many billions of dollars on this building, and the coffee still sucks.

James grunted.

Serenity stretched and looked through the glass wall at the office people doing office things. Never thought Id end up in a room like this. Now Ive grown so fancy Im criticizing the coffee. Look what the good lifes done to me.

James met her gaze briefly to acknowledge her words then looked away.

Serenity sighed. You really trust her, dont you.

James met her gaze again. I do, yeah.

Why?

There were a host of contextual statements that went unsaid with that question. Youve known her for less than a week. Shes from the normal world, not like us. Shes just an executive assistant, how do you know she can pull this off?

James processed these unspoken thoughts, reading them in Serenitys dark gaze, then reached out and put his weathered hand over her own. For a long time he didnt speak, and then she sighed, turned her hand around, and intertwined her fingers with his own.

Fine. I trust her, too. But what if she cant do what she thinks she can?Witness the debut of this chapter, unveiled through Ñôv€l--B1n.

Her promises were pretty conditional.

Im not saying shes not honest, Im saying shes going up against the CIA and military officers that have Hackworth running scared. Arent we being a little unrealistic expecting her to deliver?

Yeah, maybe. James sighed. But what choice do we have? I cant speak their language, and the sight of me offends folks like Iverness. If anybody can work a miracle its Jessica.

Jessica. Serenity frowned, pulled her hand free and took up her coffee. Funny how this war is being fought on the streets and in these fucking backrooms. What happens here might be just as important as the decisions we make inside a hive. Isnt that wild?

Sounds about right to me.

Serenity tapped her fingers on the table, stood, hugged herself and stared out the glass wall at the assistants and secretaries and office managers. You want to know what really scares me?

What?

Oh James, said Serenity, moving forward to hug him.

He hung his head, but he didnt cry. There was too much mud and gunk and sediment and trash in those old channels for him to feel anything so pure as true release. But his whole frame hitched as his heart spasmed, and he made strangled noises of pain, his jaw clenched against the emotion. A deep crack opened in his leathery heart, revealing tender, vulnerable flesh.

The pain was sharp. Yet he was fully present. Watching himself, aware of how hed never, not once, ever allowed himself to think these thoughts. Tuned out family the moment theyd said something similar, friends, anyone and everything, and then forced himself to forget that hed ever heard them.

Shoulders hunched, head lowered, he allowed the spasms of pain to wrack him, and felt a profound gratitude for Serenitys arms around him, her brow against his shoulder. It took all his Arete-gifted strength to lean into her, just a little, and by doing so tell her he not only appreciated her being there but needed her.

Finally he gasped and sat up, wiping the tears from his weathered face. Fuck.

Serenity curled his hair back behind his ear. That was some deep shit, hon. Take your time.

Fuck, he said again, and wiped his other cheek. Never thought never allowed yeah. He inhaled deeply, tried to meet her eyes, almost pulled it off. Anyways. Sorry about the detour. What I was trying to tell you is that you think those old versions of us might be dying? Well, to that bum sitting in a doorway, half-drunk, trying to figure out what hes going to do with the rest of his day and not really caring, to that guy I say: good fucking riddance. I think And again he felt a shiver pass through him. I think that if Laney could see me now, maybe for the first time since she died shed actually feel proud of me.

His throat knotted up again, and this time he did meet Serenitys gaze. Held it, and now it was her turn to tear up.

She laughed shakily and stood up. Oh shit, what the fucks happening to us? This is like the best fucking therapy Ive ever had, and its happening in a fucking NYCEM board room for free.

Arete, said James, sitting back. That room youve stumbled through all your life? Its turning on the lights.

And revealing what a fucking mess Ive been. She hugged herself tightly and bowed her head. Fine. Let that Serenity die. Ill see who I become. Who we become.

Yeah, he said softly. And you know what? That gives me peace, a sense of acceptance. With all of this. The DRC, the CIA, the military. If Jessica pulls it off, great. If she doesnt, well just keep on keeping on. I wont give up, but I wont let them get to me, either. All I can do is my very best. If I have to, Ill die for for everyone, I guess. But Im my own man, at last. I feel like Ive rediscovered myself, and nobody, not nobody, can take that away from me.

Shit, James, youre giving me goosebumps. Serenity rubbed her upper arms. When did you turn into I dont know, like a Mad Max Gandhi?

He stared at her. Mad Max Gandhi?

She stuck her tongue out at him. Fine, probably wont trend on TikTok, but you know what I mean.

Im just me. James. Just a man. He placed his hands flat on the table and stared at them. But I guess thats enough. Ill use what I got, and itll have to be enough.

Its enough for me, said Serenity, and stepped over to hug him again.

For a while they remained thus, and then the boardroom door opened, and they pulled apart to see Jessica standing there, hair disheveled, eyes gleaming behind her glasses.

Come with me, she said. Its show time.