On any other day, I would've been totally against torching an area that could possibly contain loot or any other essential items, but we were on a schedule and the return for investing a few hours to sift through their bodies and gunk wasn't worth it.
This would sound completely contradictory to my hoarding mentality but everything a public market could possibly have, we already have—or have the means to make whatever they were ourselves.
But yeah, we have one major problem because Brix the fucking dumbass was so excited to commit a felony, we were still several feet away from where Kaley and Jose nuked that bloater or whatever it was, AND the same dumbass dropped everything in his person to carry as much gasoline as possible.
The motherfucker didn't even have a screwdriver to defend himself and he was now stuck behind me like he was a fucking trailer where I needed to change up my movement pattern so he'd fucking survive.
"B-Bro! Did you hear me?!! Do you have a fucking match?!"
"I heard you just fine! Can you stop getting in the way first?! I appreciate the initiative but you're like the human embodiment of a premature ejaculation! Can't you come a little later?! We're still busy here!"
"That's oddly specific, don't ya think? So about that light—"
"DUCK DOWN!"
"WOAH! WOAH! WATCH THE MOHAWK! WATCH THE FUCKING MOHAWK!"
"DOES YOUR BRAIN STOP FUNCTIONING WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE?!"
"Ah— I kinda do, yeah... Not gonna lie— Woah! That's a big one— Jesus fucking Christ, your girl can fucking shoot! Don't you shit yourself when those bullets fly past your head?! Jeez—"
"HAVEN'T YOU FOUND THE TIME TO RUN BACK, YET?!"
"HUH?! I STILL NEED TO BRING THESE OVER THERE, RIGHT?!"
"YOU FUCKING— EVER HEARD OF THROWING?!"
"W-What if I miss?"
It took everything, I mean EVERYTHING for me to reply to that, "YOU KNOW THAT FIRE SPREADS, RIGHT?!"
"Ah— Oh. OHHH! THAT'S WHY YOUR GROUP WAS LOOKING AT ME WEIRD! Sorry man, I saw you hackin' and slashin' I got too excited and jumped down—"
"JUST FUCKING THROW THEM OVERHEAD!"
"R-RIGHT! RIGHT! FIRE IN THE HOLE! HAH! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT— GCK!"
"YOU FUCKIN' DUMBASS!"
To my surprise, Tatiana had already made her way over to us and she pulled Brix from behind right before she slapped his face with the handle of a worn-out machete.
And from the way his face lit up, the machete seemed to belong to him and it was thrown over by the guys on the other side of the wall—then delivered by Tatiana—for him to somehow take down a few bodies for the fuck up he just committed.
"Now we're fuckin' talkin'!"
Before I told him what to do, the guy just straight-up hacked an unsuspecting biter's head off. But since his machete needed a whetstone or a complete replacement, he swung down thrice on its neck and then wound for a bigger swing before he managed to succeed.
"I'd hate to ask this but how many times did you order your people over to this place?"
"I... I'm not exactly sure but it's plenty of times because the zeds don't just stay in one place so there are plenty of times where I'd have to send a bunch of people to places such as this to clear them out and report back. It's just that... It's just that—"
"They just closed it off with those corpses and called it a day..."
"Exactly."
"What did your father say though?"
"He— He sounded disappointed at first but he kinda calmed down when I told him you guys took care of it.
He started praising me, basically giving me all the glory for what you guys did, but I cut him off and told him I just reloaded mags and shot fifteen of them, and then he became quiet... But yeah, he said he'd look into the matter because I gave him copies of my reports and I hate to say this but I'm relieved we aren't there because if The General gets quiet like that, he's fucking pissed.
Everyone will take the fucking blame if no one would step for it..."
"I see..." then I pulled out two candy bars from my pockets, "Alright, want some Kit Kats or a Klondike?"
"The fuck—"
"I recommend the Kit Kats but both have already melted but it's either this or you wallow in your self-pity a bit more. Again, I'd choose the former from the choices but you do you. A stain in your record is a stain on your record, you either let that get to you or get more stars so that they can't say shit when it's all over, and this time, I'd choose the latter option."
"..."
"JP?"
"..."
"Fuck it, Jameson Prometheus—"
"I get it, I get it! Don't you have any Warheads?!"
"Oh! The candy or—"
"OF COURSE, THE CANDY!"
"Ah, I could've shown you my weapons of mass destruction—"
"YOU HAVE A FUCKING NUKE—"
"OF COURSE, NOT! I WANTED TO BUT I CAN'T BUY IT IN A DICK'S SPORTING GOODS, CAN I?! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOVE IT IN MY FACE, YOU KNOW?! I'm already on several watch lists for googling that..."
"..." JP could only blankly stare at me as he was so fucking bewildered from that exchange.
Then I went back like it was nothing, "Oh! We have Yakees! Milder than Warheads and it kinda dyes your tongue in different colors and you can also—wait, no... you can't swallow the gum after... I'm pretty sure."
This time, it seemed like something fizzled inside his head because one of his eyes started twitching for no reason.