Chapter 98: My biggest regret

Walking was peaceful. I remember my best days, wandering through the Ducato with Monica holding my hand. I would explore the little corners, searching for some surprise, some adventure. Those were happy days for me, moments when I felt loved in some way.

Despite being just a maid, she was my best friend, the only one I had to talk to, have fun with, to live a little outside the small bubble that was my house, that cold house that always scared me at night.

I remember the garden, the colorful flowers that Monica tended to with so much care. I would always help her water the small sprouts she planted. We both sat in the shade of the big fig tree, she braiding my hair while telling stories of distant kingdoms, brave knights, and evil demons.

The gentle breeze touching my face, her laughter when I asked if there was ever a knight who had saved a princess like me.

"Of course, my little princess," she always said, her eyes shining with a sweet look that seemed to brighten even the cloudiest days I lived in that cold house. "You just need to wait for the right knight, a strong and fearless man who will make you sigh with passion even with the smallest smiles."

I could feel the warmth of her embrace, even now, in the depths of this darkness where I find myself. The smell of the garden flowers mixed with the damp earth and the faint perfume Monica wore, all so vivid as if it were yesterday.

There were also those rainy days when we stayed in her small room at the back of the house, hidden under old, warm blankets, reading her fairy tale books while the rain drummed on the roof.

She always let me choose the story, and I always picked the most fantastic ones, the ones with dragons and wizards, and happy endings with princesses getting married.

But it wasn't just laughter and sunny afternoons. I remember the times Monica hugged me tightly when I woke up from nightmares, trembling and crying, my eyes frightened, searching for some security. She whispered soft words, assuring me that nothing bad would happen while she was there. And I believed it because Monica was my shield against the darkness that seemed to haunt that house.

She was more than just a mere maid; she was my mother, much more than the one who claimed to be my progenitor, who barely spent time with me, as if I weren't even her daughter.

It wasn't just her; my father also pretended to smile at me. It took me a while to realize, but I was quite a bother to him. The day I realized this, I ran to the garden wearing a long dress, not luxurious, rather ragged. I was so alone, so sad that I ended up stumbling and falling... I got a nasty scrape on my knee after fleeing from home.

The pain was really intense, but I still remember Monica running after me, coming towards me with a sad look, her eyes almost crying.

"You'll be okay, little one. Don't do this anymore, don't run away from me," she said while applying a cold compress to my swollen knee. "I will always be here to take care of you, so if you need anything, I will be everything you need."

Those words stayed with me for a long time; they were like a hug to my lonely soul.

But no... even after all the pain I caused, you accepted me. And that, more than anything, destroys me. Because I know I'm not worthy of that forgiveness, of that unconditional love you offer me. Knowing that I can still be a part of your life, even after everything, is a weight that seems to crush my heart.

I wish I could go back in time, change my choices, believe in you as I should have from the beginning. But I can't. I'm trapped in this cycle of pain and guilt, and every memory I have of you is a knife twisting deeper into my chest.

"You're so silly." His voice came into my mind, after so long without hearing it I heard it again, loud and clear, like a direct speech. "If something ever happens to me one day, I will try my best to come back to you." His childlike voice, yes that same voice I saw when I ran through the Vorah family mansion

"You know, I feel like something could happen to me, I'm from a very large family and it could be dangerous" He said while sitting on a wooden bench, swinging his legs back and forth. "If one day this happens to you, never forget. I will find you and save you just like a fairy tale prince!" Those words comforted me, it seemed that since I was little he already knew what would happen... "Beatrice!

I'm going to be the strongest man in the world, and I'm never going to let you get hurt! We're going to have a huge family and I'm going to protect everyone!"

Those words struck my heart, they were simple and innocent, but they broke me in every possible way, as if my heart were hit by arrows of missile.

Tears began to fall on my face, sliding silently as I saw Little Strax's face running in front of me...

Why? Why, knowing how much he loved me, how much he believed in us, did I let fear and doubt push me away? Why, instead of holding onto that promise as my shield against the darkness, did I let it disintegrate under the weight of the lies they told me?

I feel so bad, but... Why do I love this man more and more? Why does he keep making me love him more!

"Because you're mine." I heard it as a deep whisper that entered my ears and made my whole body tremble...

"I said you're mine, so you, Beatrice Von Steinhardt, are only mine, forever."

Those words deeply entered my soul, as my crying continued to fall.

That was it... It didn't matter anymore... He had already decreed... even though I was being tortured, I still continued to be his, even though I was sorry he didn't care and continued to nurture his love...

**I felt my body crumbling, and then, my consciousness began to return... and I came face to face with that man, sleeping in the chair while he was all beat up, with his clothes full of blood, but peacefully...