Chapter 113 Guilt Is The Mind Killer

" How did you do it ?", Katherine kept on whispering into my ears while Mrs. Alverez, our new morality teacher droned on.

Mrs. Alverez is close to ninety years of age and I honestly don't know why she would teach at this age.....sometimes I think that she forgets that she's a teacher.....why else is she talking about her brisket recipe now ?

Another problem that arose was that Mrs. Alverez was hard of hearing which meant that most of the students were having full blown conversations while she was teaching.....I felt kind of sad for her.

Oh...and I'm definitely going to be making that brisket.

" Hey....how did you do it ??"

A frown settles on my face as Katherine asked me for the fifth time today how exactly I had bagged the first place....I don't really know or care for that matter so I remained silent but sensing her glare on me, I say,

" I don't know.....maybe I'm just really strong ?"

Hearing my answer, Katherine thinks for a moment before nodding her head and going back to listen to the lecture.

Man.....I like some friendly rivalry but this is more like obsession.

It's probably because of Katherine's past....well let's just let things flow in a natural order...there's no rush.

I doodle on my notebook while half-heartedly listening to Mrs. Alverez,

" Are you okay ?"

I turned around to face Katherine, whose face was still directed toward the front.

" Why do you ask ?", I asked confused, turning my head toward the front as well.

" Well.....with all that happened yesterday....I was just wondering..."

Hearing her, I voice out a question that I've been meaning to ask her for awhile now.

" Were you angry at me when you learned the truth ?"

There was a slight pause as Katherine thought about her answer.

" I did feel a little angry....but I understand why you hid the truth from us....we've only know each other for five months....a sane person wouldn't reveal a truth of that magnitude to just 'anybody'..."

Woah....that actually makes a lot of sense.

" It must have been hard.....hiding something that big all alone.", Katherine continued stealing a glance at me.

" It wasn't that hard.", I say truthfully because that's my thing now.

I'm all for truth now, since I've learned my lesson about lying.

Heh.

That's another lie....but still I strangely wanted tell the truth to Katherine.

I don't know, I just wanted to talk to someone about all that's happened till now....obviously I couldn't talk to my sister and 'best friend' about such matters...because it feels a little awkward, but it's easier to talk to Katherine.

She's very mature for her age, it actually feels like I'm talking to an adult right now and that's comforting since I'm also an adult on the inside....sort of.

" Do you ever feel.....guilty ?", Katherine asked, her eyes wavering slightly.

Me....guilty.....pfttt...

I know no such thing.

I know that I'm a shitty person but do I feel guilty about that ?...no, I do not.

" I did what I had to do....there's no use in feeling something as useless as guilt."

" I see...", Katherine says her eyes steady unlike before.

Feeling guilty was like pulling the trigger on yourself, once you start feeling guilty...there's no going back....you'll drown in the guilt you feel....and I've already drowned once....I'm not looking for anymore of that shit.

Oh....wait, I forgot to ask her something-

" Kathy....is there any chance that you won't tell on me to your grandfather ?"

Hearing me, Katherine remained silent for a moment before speaking,

" I'm sorry, Adam...but I'm going to tell him the truth....there's no choice....we're just some fifteen year olds, there's no way we'll be able to handle a situation like this."

Well...it was worth a shot.

I mean there was no plot of any kind now, so I'll just leave things as it is.

Eustace learning the truth might cause some difficulties but I'm sure that I'll be able to manage.

" If it's any comfort at all, grandfather's very far away now on a very important job....he'll come back within five months...I'll only tell him then since I don't want to leave a digital footprint."

I nod my head and the both of us talk about all the secrets I've kept with me until now.

It felt liberating to talk so freely.

~~~~

It was lunch break.

Instead of getting lunch like I usually do, I walk towards the rooftop by my lonesome.

All of us had decided to tell Emilia the truth yesterday.

I agreed with telling her the truth on the condition that I would be the one to tell it.

Best

I slowly walk up the stairs, with each step I took....my heart beat a little faster.

I was obviously nervous.

Opening the door to the rooftop, I see that it was completely empty which would be strange but I remained calm as I was the one that told my friends to make sure that the terrace remained empty except for us.

We had all agreed to meet here at lunch break, but it seems that I'm the first one her-

" Hey.....you're here."

I found Max leaning against the wall in a corner of the rooftop.

.......

Of course...I'm alone with the person I tried to kill yesterday.

~~~~