Chapter 722. Grappling (2)

Chapter 722. Grappling (2)

"Good day to you, senior."

"Oh. Hi, Hyeon-Tae."

Park Yu-Min immediately ran into Gwok Hyeon-Tae after exiting the team's practice area. As the younger of the two, Gwok Hyeon-Tae naturally bowed his head first to greet his senior.

'It's still awkward as hell, though...'

Park Yu-Min sighed a little. As a pro gamer, competition was inevitable. No, that wasn't quite right. It should be more like... Any living person wouldn't be able to avoid conflict in their lives. Maybe there was a place in the world where everyone lived a happy, trouble-free life, but that place was definitely not here.

Despite knowing that, running into a competitor like this was still an awkward affair. Especially when that competition was almost over, and the winner had already been decided.

Gwok Hyeon-Tae politely asked, "How was your practice, senior?"

"It went as usual," Park Yu-Min replied, his voice remaining awkward as before.

When he first showed up at the team's premises to do the entrance test, Gwok Hyeon-Tae was overflowing with confidence. So much so that it was verging on arrogance, too. However, Park Yu-Min didn't necessarily view that as a bad thing. If he was being honest... He was a bit envious of Gwok Hyeon-Tae's personality.

However, Gwok Hyeon-Tae grew progressively more timid and withdrawn as Park Yu-Min overtook him. His past arrogance was nowhere to be seen now. Being humble to a point shouldn't be seen as something bad, but Gwok Hyeon-Tae... He had shrunk to the point where he might as well be a different person now.

Although this development was not ideal...

'There isn't much I can do for him...'

If Park Yu-Min wasn't Gwok Hyeon-Tae's rival for the position in the team, he might have plenty of advice to give to the younger pro gamer. Unfortunately, Park Yu-Min was about to take away Gwok Hyeon-Tae's spot. In that case, what could he even say?

"Then, uh... See you later, Hyeon-Tae."

"...Uhm, senior?"

"Ng?"

"...Can we talk for a minute? Please?"

Park Yu-Min noticed how Gwok Hyeon-Tae's politely-gathered hands were fidgeting nervously. After seeing that, he couldn't bring himself to say no and quietly nodded away.

***

"What should I do, senior?"

That was the first thing Gwok Hyeon-Tae asked as soon as the duo found an empty table in a nearby cafe.

Park Yu-Min couldn't hide his flabbergast and had to ask back. "What do you mean?"

"...Well, uh, I've been practicing hard, you know? I know I'm trying my best, but my skills... They aren't improving at all."

"Hmm..." Park Yu-Min leaned against his chair.

"It feels like this is as far as I can go, and... In that case, shouldn't I quickly look for another job or something...?"

Park Yu-Min sighed deeply. "Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

Gwok Hyeon-Tae shook his head. "No. Please go ahead."

"Okay. Why are you asking me this, Hyeon-Tae?"

"...I'm sorry?" Gwok Hyeon-Tae raised his head only for his gaze to meet Park Yu-Min's mid-air.

"I figured I might be the most uncomfortable person for you to talk to, you see? So, why did you go out of your way to seek me out and ask that question? There are other people you could ask for advice, right? Like the team director, for instance."

"Oh, uh..." Gwok Hyeon-Tae's hands resumed fidgeting nervously.

Park Yu-Min suddenly realized something while staring at the younger pro gamer.

'Right... Jin-Ho must've felt this way in the past.'

Park Yu-Min used to be like that. Gwok Hyeon-Tae's confidence had taken a temporary knock, but Park Yu-Min had never been confident with himself. When others asked him about something, he'd usually hesitate, unable to reply right away. That was because he was scared about other people taking his replies the wrong way.

Since he understood that feeling only too well, Park Yu-Min didn't urge Gwok Hyeon-Tae on and silently waited. In moments like this, being patient was the best response.

"It's... Because it's you, senior," said Gwok Hyeon-Tae.

"Ng?"

"I mean... Practically everyone who plays video games gets excited from watching your matches, you know? I was also your fan in my amateur days."

"...Thanks, I guess." Park Yu-Min expressed his gratitude despite knowing that this response wasn't exactly the correct one in this kind of situation. Of course, that didn't mean he failed to figure out the intention behind what Gwok Hyeon-Tae said.

People had this tendency to subconsciously try to emulate their idols' attitudes on life. If the person they respected and idolized was an animal lover, the fans would become interested in animal welfare, too. It was the same story if the target of idolization was a vegan—the fans would at least try to learn more about a vegetables-only diet.

So, Gwok Hyeon-Tae must be hoping without any factual basis that his idol, Park Yu-Min, held some clues to the mysteries tormenting him.

Park Yu-Min sighed at length.

'I'm not as amazing as you think, Hyeon-Tae...'

"Yeah, that's how it is. I get what you're trying to say. I used to think that too, you know? I wanted to become the best of the best, and it'd be meaningless not to. I don't really care about what happens in other professions, but at least in this one specific thing, I must become the best there is. I must never lose to anyone. If I can't even do that, I have no value." Park Yu-Min paused there and shrugged his shoulders. "I was even worse off than you, Hyeon-Tae. Don't forget that I have a physical disability. If I can't become the best in e-sports, I'd never be able to escape the label of being one of the weakest in our society. That's what I used to think. And that's what made me obsessively play games and get better at them. Eventually, I managed to get the results I wanted... But what about now? What have I earned after all that?"

Gwok Hyeon-Tae tilted his head. "You became the best of the best, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did. In the past, though. Am I still the best now?"

"..."

"Of course not," Park Yu-Min resolutely shook his head. "No one maintains their position as the best of the best forever, Hyeon-Tae. Eventually, you'd fall from the top someday. That is what you've been wishing to reach all this time. To become the best. To reach the pinnacle that you can't stay forever and will become nothing more than a momentary glory for you. So, tell me, Hyeon-Tae. Let's say you did reach that position but couldn't hold on to it. Can you tell me what has changed in your life?"

Gwok Hyeon-Tae dazedly stared at Park Yu-Min. If someone else said all those things, Gwok Hyeon-Tae would've dismissed them as a whole lot of hot air and not much more. However, Park Yu-Min had already climbed to the top before. The weight carried in his words was much heavier as a result.

"Maybe it's still too early for me to say this. I'm still young, after all. However, at the risk of sounding like an insolent little brat... I believe life is about building your mountain."

"Building... a mountain?" Gwok Hyeon-Tae looked genuinely confused.

"Yup, a mountain. You're not climbing to reach its peak but steadily building toward it. You're not supposed to race toward the summit to plant your flag and then hurriedly descend to the ground. No, I believe you're supposed to combine and layer all these small moments into a foundation and building blocks."

"I... see. Building a mountain..."

"Mountains different people build in their lifetime would never be exact replicas of each other. We have different talents and methods of going about achieving our goals, after all. So, don't get discouraged or disappointed even if you're not the best right now. You're still steadily building your mountain even now. And you might get to build an even taller mountain later. What if you stop because your mountain is smaller than the one built by a person next to you?"

"It won't get built anymore?"

"Yup. You got it," Park Yu-Min smiled brightly. "From your perspective, it must look like I've fallen from the top and am trying desperately to climb back up again. But that's not what I think. That part of my life already has become my foundation, my building block. And now, I'm steadily building my mountain to reach higher."

"...Ah!"

"People keep saying doing your best is more important than becoming the best, don't they? I used to think that's a load of rubbish. If you can't become the best or produce the kind of result you want to see, who cares about trying your best and whatnot? But I know now that that saying shouldn't be interpreted that way. Even if you become the best, you'll still fall behind when you rest on your laurels. Even if you can't see anything before you right now, keep trying your best and you will eventually win. That's what it means."

"I... It's too difficult, senior."

"Yeah, I guess so," Park Yu-Min gently chuckled. "How about this? I'm sure it's tough for you. And you must be agonizing over so many things. And deeply worried, too. However, no one can resolve those things for you. Only you can decide which road you want to walk on."

Gwok Hyeon-Tae slowly nodded. "...Yes, that's true."

"Keep agonizing over it. Think long and hard until you find your answer. In the meantime..." Park Yu-Min sucked in a deep breath before finishing the rest of his advice. "Don't stop walking forward, okay? Even if you're forced to walk back one day, the fact that you got to take one more step forward will become an invaluable experience for the rest of your life."

"Even if it's a waste of time?"

"Your experience won't go anywhere, though. Maybe all your hard work won't result in the best outcome for you, at least not right now. Still, wouldn't it be slightly better to have tried your best than not even trying in the first place?"

"...I guess so."

"And you keep building your mountain with those slightly better things. As you keep building and building... Eventually, your mountain will be much taller than before. At least, that's what I believe."

Gwok Hyeon-Tae roughly scratched his head. "It's so hard to understand, senior. But... I think I kinda get it. Sort of, I guess?"

"Sorry about not being much of a help."

"No, senior... hyung. You've been a great help. Also..." Gwok Hyeon-Tae got up, then bowed his head toward Park Yu-Min. "I'm really sorry about acting like an arrogant idiot back then."

"No need to apologize. Because I'm planning to become supremely arrogant from now on."

Gwok Hyeon-Tae's head rose up. "Eh?"

"Just kidding." Park Yu-Min chuckled jovially.

'Yup, it must be difficult...'

Everyone was bound to agonize over something eventually. And no one found living a life a cakewalk either. Even then, they all had to keep walking forward.

Park Yu-Min turned his head to look in a Westerly direction. His friend was probably trying his best to live his life, too.

'If I keep building my mountain everyday, I'll eventually catch up to him. Even if that takes a lifetime...'

Not just receiving help one-sidedly, but creating a relationship of equals where friends could offer help to each other... That was what Park Yu-Min was building toward. That goal was still so far away, though. However, he had zero plans to give up now.

Gwok Hyeon-Tae tilted his head. "Hyung?"

Park Yu-Min looked back at the younger pro gamer. "What's up?"

"Aren't you gonna look at your phone?"

"My phone? Did I... leave it behind or something? Anyway, what happened?"

"I got a Katalk just now, and... I'm supposed to look for you because you are late for a scrim?"[1]

"Hiiieeek?!" Park Yu-Min freaked out and jumped up to his feet. He broke into a full-blooded sprint toward the team's practice hall. "I'm going ahead!"

"W-wait! Hyung!" Gwok Hyeon-Tae watched Park Yu-Min practically leap outside the cafe's exit and could only chuckle hollowly at that scene. "That hyung can be pretty weird sometimes..."

Still, Gwok Hyeon-Tae felt like a load had been taken off his shoulders. Although the path forward was murky and unclear, he still made up his mind to keep forging ahead and see where it'd take him.

1. Katalk is a messaging app developed by Korea's Kakao Corporation, and it's kinda like WhatsApp. It's super popular in Korea and with Korean expats. ☜