Chapter 138-140 — End of Book 2 — Epilogues 3, 4, & 5

Chapter 138-140 — End of Book 2 — Epilogues 3, 4, & 5

Epilogue 3 - Loneliness

"I not stay with you."

I've dreaded hearing these words from Tarin, although I think on some level, I knew it was coming.

"You find way for me to stop looping," Tarin says. "I... please."

"It's not because you want to forget, is it?" I ask tiredly. I don't think I can make him forget, even if I wanted to.

"No," Tarin says. "I not forget. I not want to forget. But..."

Tarin makes a frustrated sound in his throat, stomping on the ground; electricity crackles as his Firmament flares around him. "You good Trialgoer!" he declares. "You strong. You still need training, but you strong. You keep training, yes?"

"Of course," I say. He sags a little, some combination of relief and sadness warring within him.

"Good!" he says. "You not make me follow you. If I see you not train, I find you."

I snort a bit. "Are you in a position to threaten me?" I ask, unable to help the slight grin tthat steals across my expression. Tarin just gives me a disbelieving look.

"I not care how strong you are," he declares. "You fight too many strong things! So keep training. Smack Naru for me."

"I'll be sure to do that." My grin resolves into a smile—one that's surprisingly real, even if I don't like the thought of Tarin no longer traveling with me. He's been reliable. Frustrating at times, but the energy he has... It always manages to bring me back when things get too serious.

I can't help but notice how he's avoiding explaining why he wants to leave, though. I'm pretty sure I know already, but I want to hear him say it. "It's Mari, isn't it?"

Tarin freezes, and then he deflates, sighing. "...Yes. I not stupid. I see... Mari sad when she knows, yes? And I help, but..."

A pause. He struggles to find the words. "I see too many things," he eventually says. "I grow older. She... not grow old. You understand? I stay with you..."

"You'll drift apart, because you'll accumulate so many more experiences than she will," I say. I offer him a wry grin. "I wanted to try to figure out how to bring her into the loop too, you know. So you can both travel with me."

Tarin narrows his eyes at me. "You want torture us both?" he asks, faking outrage.

I snort. "No," I say. "You two just... you helped me a lot. It's hard to say goodbye, you know?"

"It not goodbye," Tarin huffs. "You come back. Say hi."

"I'll be sure to do that," I say. I hesitate. "...I think I can remove the piece of the Interface within you. It should stabilize you. Prevent you from looping again."

"Not now," Tarin says, crossing his wings. "After you reset. I... not want to forget what happen to Miktik."

"Yeah, I figured," I say quietly. "I'll... come say goodbye. In the next loop."

"I'm gonna miss you!" Ahkelios says. He leaps down from my shoulder and hops up to give Tarin a hug—Tarin squawks, then immediately drags us both into a hug.

"I miss you two too," he says. "Be good! Be not like Naru. He idiot."

"If you will recall, you left me dying within the Fracture in one of your loops." He-Who-Guards says it matter-of-factly, but it still makes me wince. "...I don't blame you, by the way. Besides, I let you push me in."

"Did you?"

Guard chuckles. "I'm actually unsure," he admits, glancing away. "I did not... have much control over myself then. And my memories of my time under Whisper's control are fragmented."

I open my mouth.

"I do not want those memories restored," Guard says, before I can say anything. I shut my mouth. "Do you know what you wish to do next?" he asks, changing the subject.

I glance away. "...Do you know what killed Miktik?" I ask quietly.

"I do not."

"An Integrator died there," I say. "Or at least, his corpse was dumped there. He is... he was my friend."

"An Integrator?" Guard looks at me, his tone carefully neutral, and I sigh.

"I know how it sounds. But he was trying to help me, trying to go against the other Integrators, and he got killed for it." I stare into the depths of the Fracture. "But Integrator corpses are dangerous too, apparently. They rot the universe around them. Bimar and Miktik got hit by that rot."

"I see." A pause. "I assume there is more to the story."

"He killed them, but he was trying not to kill them." It sounds a little ridiculous when I say it out loud. "It's why he carried them out. I don't think he has much control over what's happening around him, since he's dead and all, but... I think he was trying. I wouldn't have been able to save Isthanok without him."

Guard regards me thoughtfully. There's a surprising lack of judgement in his gaze, which I appreciate. "You speak as though he is still alive. As though he has will and intent."

"It's not the same, but he does. Or he did." I frown. I did try visiting the Intermediary once more before leaving for the Fracture, but whatever presence Gheraa had there seemed weaker, somehow. Less aware of itself, less capable of action. "When I went there again he didn't really seem to anymore. But..."

I hesitate. Guard tilts his head. "But?"

"The Intermediary was transformed," I say. "I don't know what it is about Integrator deaths, but it changed the whole place. There are corridors there now. Walls. It's like there's an entire structure being created from the event of his death."

"You wish to explore that structure?"

"I think I might be able to help him if I do," I say. I feel for that small piece of Firmament within my core—the little piece of Gheraa that I was able to save. "Maybe. It might be a long shot."

"You seem to enjoy impossible odds," Guard says, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I don't know enough about Integrator deaths to be comfortable exploring it just yet," I say. "I like impossible odds, but I also like pushing them in my favor, you know? And those structures... they reminded me of something."

I reach for the Interface. "I earned access to something called The Empty City through the Interface once, in one of my earlier loops," I say. "I've been using it to store things, mostly. I haven't actually been inside it. But the rot I feel there... it feels like Gheraa's death."

"You think it was created by the death of another Integrator." Guard sounds intrigued. I nod.

"Yeah," I say. "And I think if I want to save Gheraa... I'm going to need to go in there first."