CH 45

“Hmm?” Jiang Heng raised an eyebrow, smirking as he asked, “practice and pretend boyfriend, do those two words have the same meaning?”

Ji Yao also realized that playing word games with a lawyer was a bit demeaning, so he chuckled without saying anything. He simply moved a bit closer to Jiang Heng, lightly touching his hand.

While Jiang Heng didn’t spare any words in exposing Ji Yao’s little intentions, he still didn’t avoid them.

His hand rested on the old railing, chilled by the night breeze, and Ji Yao’s body temperature was slightly higher than his, which became even more noticeable in the biting cold.

He allowed Ji Yao to get closer and even turned slightly to the side, tilting his head down to look at him.

Ji Yao knew that this was his approval, so he slowly took a step forward, reaching his hand around Jiang Heng’s waist, and lightly embraced him.

He held him carefully, not using much strength at all. It wasn’t so much an “embrace” as it was an encircling of Jiang Heng, a social distancing that could be withdrawn from at any moment.

Jiang Heng’s hand gripping the railing tightened slightly, as if he wanted to lift his hand to hug Ji Yao back, but for some reason, he restrained himself.

Ji Yao took a deep breath, the cool and slightly bitter aroma of tobacco filtering into his nostrils and then settling as a long exhale, filled with years of memories.

Familiar, Ji Yao thought, yet also unfamiliar.

Jiang Heng had lost a bit of weight compared to a few years ago, but he stood straight, his back taut. Ji Yao’s hand, separated by a thick coat, was on his back, making it seem like he was a bit nervous.

Just as he could recognize Jiang Heng by his back after three years, this embrace also left a lasting impression on him.

“What do you like about me?” Ji Yao suddenly asked.

His voice was soft, as if he was asking Jiang Heng, yet as if he was asking himself. This question seemed like a product of impulsive words triggered by alcohol, and it came from his mouth without warning.

But after saying it, Ji Yao didn’t regret it.

Because he really didn’t understand.

He had thought that, according to Jiang Heng’s personality, breaking up should be a clean-cut forgetting about this “tainted ex-boyfriend,” and searching to find a more suitable partner according to his preferences.

However, Jiang Heng hadn’t. He hadn’t found anyone else, and for three years, he hadn’t even changed his bank card password.

Just as with Li Linghua’s case, if Jiang Heng wanted revenge through the case, he would have and Ji Yao would feel wronged, feel indignant at most. But Jiang Heng hadn’t done that. Not only did he help, but he also cleared Ji Yao’s name in a splendid manner.

As a result, Ji Yao couldn’t help feeling guilty and feeling somewhat inexplicably sad.

He felt as if he wasn’t worth it, yet at the same time, he couldn’t control the hidden joy welling up from his heart.

“There are plenty of people who like you,” Ji Yao continued to hold the position of hugging, as if this distance allowed him to gather the courage to continue speaking, “There should be many who are better than me.”

“To be honest, there’s no specific reason,” Jiang Heng said nonchalantly, “If I had to pick just one, it would be the time when I was working overtime and came home to find you waiting on the couch, with a meal prepared.”

Ji Yao wasn’t a very good partner in a relationship, and Jiang Heng had always known that.

He was cowardly, uneasy, burdened by  family chains and commitment phobic. All these things indicated that he wasn’t a suitable match, and anyone smart would have broken free early on.

But for Jiang Heng, Ji Yao had a unique, irreplaceable place.

The “late-night incident” that Jiang Heng mentioned was something Ji Yao had forgotten long ago. He furrowed his brows, trying to recall the details in his memory, but he couldn’t remember the specifics

However, Jiang Heng remembered it very clearly.

At that time, they had just moved in together for a few months. Winter was approaching in Beijing, and a strong cold snap had just hit the northern regions.

Jiang Heng had just started taking on more significant cases, and the first case he received was from legal aid. It was a complicated case, involving complex relationships among the parties, making it quite a mess.

He worked overtime until past ten at night before finally sorting out the case. On his way home, wrapped in a coat, he was nearly frozen into a living icicle by the cold wind.

The night was terribly cold, taxis were hard to find on the road, and by the time Jiang Heng got home, it was close to midnight. Afraid of waking Ji Yao, he didn’t even dare to use the keypad lock. He opened the door gently with a spare key.

But as soon as he pushed the door open, a warm glow spilled out through the crack, falling on his feet.

The warm light from the ceiling of the living room was on. Ji Yao was resting on the couch, lazily holding a tablet and reading materials. He was clearly tired with the tablet almost tilting into the gap between the couch cushions.

The noise from opening the door startled Ji Yao, and he rolled over to sit up, rubbing his eyes. He asked, “Why did you come back this late?”

“I was working Overtime,” Jiang Heng said. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Waiting for you,” Ji Yao said casually. He pulled the tablet out from between the couch cushions, ruffled his hair absentmindedly, and gestured to the nearby dining area. “Have you eaten? The food is warming in the steamer. If you haven’t eaten, grab yourself some chopsticks.”

He was obviously quite tired, his eyes were fighting to stay open, and his voice was accompanied by a strong nasal sound.

Ji Yao had turned on the air conditioning. The moist warmth in the room met Jiang Heng, enveloping him, drawing him from the icy winter into a warm nest.

With his fingertips holding the key, Jiang Heng stood at the threshold of light and shadow, gazing at Ji Yao in his pajamas. In that instant, Jiang Heng suddenly realized that these were the things he wanted, that’s all.

Perhaps Ji Yao himself hadn’t realized. Despite his fear of commitment, subconsciously, he was building a home for both of them.

For Jiang Heng, that day was an important turning point for him to truly envision the future. But for Ji Yao, it was just an ordinary day. He didn’t know what kind of changes he had brought to Jiang Heng, so his memory of that day was extremely faint.

He had racked his brain, but he hadn’t figured out the specifics of what, when, and how. Yet, Jiang Heng didn’t seem inclined to explain any further.

Jiang Heng looked at Ji Yao silently, not saying anything.

After a moment, he gently pressed Ji Yao’s lips with his thumb, then lowered his head slightly and placed a kiss on his own fingertip.

He didn’t give Ji Yao an answer, but he gave him a kiss separated by warmth.