CH 54

When Xia Zhiye comes back, he has to give the other an answer

As soon as he threw a punch, Song Yan realized that something wasn’t right.

It was soft and warm, and a bit different from the cold and hard tactile sensation that he imagined a ghost would have.

Song Yan was dazed at first, then heard the sound of the grieving phrase ‘Yan ge, you’re so ruthless’ from the ground, and lowered his head to see a chubby bundle on the ground, wrongfully hugging himself. Only then did he recall that Xia Zhiye had already left to participate in the training camp, and now little fatty was sleeping on the top bunk.

Wait.

Little fatty?!

Song Yan whispered a ‘fuck’, then hurriedly turned over and got off the bed, helped little fatty up, then lowly said: “Are you okay?”

It wasn’t hard to hear the dense worry and shame in the other’s voice.

Little fatty was fine, after all, people usually have no strength when half asleep, and his stomach was enough to cushion himself from the other’s strength, so it wasn’t that painful. He just felt very humiliated.

He used Song Yan’s arms to support himself as he sluggishly stood up, sat back onto his bed, then waved his hand: “It’s not a big problem, just that you did it so suddenly I felt a bit dazed.”

Song Yan guiltily rubbed the tip of his nose: “Well, I forgot you were here, and I didn’t realize it fast enough……Sorry.”

“No problem, I already guessed it.” Little fatty sat on the edge of his bed, his face relieved, “When you kept calling Ye ge’s name down there, I just knew that I was going to be the sacrificial victim for your romantic love.”

“Who’s in a relationship with him?”

Song Yan immediately refuted.

Little fatty thought that Song Yan didn’t dare admit it, so simply patted the other’s shoulder: “Don’t worry, Yan ge, I know that your situation is special and you don’t want to admit it. But in front of me, you can fearlessly be yourself. I am all-knowing and understanding.”

Song Yan: “?”

“So you and Ye ge have to be happy, or else it won’t be deserving of the amount of sacrifices I’ve made for you guys.”

Song Yan: “??”

“No, exactly what do you know?” Song Yan couldn’t stop his temper, and he emphasized, “Right now, Xia Zhiye and I have the most normal roommate and desk mate relationship.”

“You and Ye ge have the most normal roommate and desk mate relationship? Haha.” Little fatty originally felt that he had just heard a joke.

But Song Yan furrowed his brow: “Or else?”

His expression was serious, not like he was joking or as if he was concealing something, and in a flash, little fatty felt that something wasn’t right: “Wait, Yan ge, you’re serious?”

“No kidding.”

Song Yan succinctly expressed his own attitude.

Little fatty: “……?’’

Song Yan actually really thinks this?!

Is this even rational?!

“No, Yan ge, you guys are like that, can you say that it’s a normal roommate and desk mate relationship?” Little fatty felt that his outlook on life had suffered an attack, “I won’t say anything about Ye ge treating you like that, you probably already know in your heart. But are you unclear about the way you treat Ye ge?”

It seems as if Song Yan really was unclear: “How do I treat him?”

Isn’t it just very normal poverty alleviation in addition to the occasional heart palpitations?

Seeing Song Yan, who was usually smarter than everyone in the room, with a thick headed appearance, little fatty laughed with anger for Xia Zhiye: “You tell me how you treat him. Every time a girl wants to give him something, your face collapses, have you not seen your face in the mirror?”

Song Yan: “……”

“Ye ge has completed a marathon before. This time, he ran a 3,000 meter race and a 1,000 meter race, but you were so anxious that you nearly brought the entirety of a hospital’s pharmacy over. Don’t you think you were excessively concerned?”

Song Yan: “……”

“Also, just now, you were sleeping and felt thirsty, and wanted to call Ye ge’s name. Normal roommates and desk mates don’t act like that.”

While Song Yan was feeling guilty about punching him, little fatty used this time to strike an orchid finger pose1, shaking his head mystifyingly, looking like a treacherous court official who was admonishing his false charges.

Meanwhile, Song Yan was actually left speechless by the other’s words. After a short period of silence, he wanly tried to explain: “It’s just a habit.”

“Oh……” Little fatty raised his orchid finger pose, and lightly tapped his fingers, “We’ve known Lord Xia for so long, how come we’ve never developed such a habit?”

His tone was extremely peculiar, and if it were any other time, little fatty might have already reincarnated a hundred times.

But because of guilt, Song Yan could only stand there silently.

His sleep tousled, black, soft hair fell between his eyebrows. His head hung low, and he pursed his lips slightly, actually looking as if he was a bit dazed.

Little fatty who originally had a peculiar tone of voice turned to look at him like that, and paused for a moment.

Wait, Song Yan didn’t look as if he was pretending not to know, but actually as if he really didn’t understand?!

No way……

But then he thought of Song Yan’s usual ruthless and emotionless state, and little fatty felt that it seemed that it wasn’t impossible.

After all, it was normal that the Gaoling flower2 did not understand the feelings of mortals like them.

So in an instant, he could no longer continue with his mystifying tone.

Seeing Song Yan standing in the same position for a while, as if he was an elementary school student that did something wrong, little fatty silently dropped his orchid fingers, then resumed his normal tone of voice: “Anyway, you’ll know if it’s a habit or not after you try it. If it is a habit, at most, it’ll just be a bit hard to adapt to at first. If it becomes more and more difficult to adapt to, then it isn’t a habit. But……”

“But what?”

Song Yan asked.

Little fatty sighed, then seriously replied: “But you can’t rely on the fact that Ye ge will treat you well no matter what and drag things on. He really likes you, and will always accommodate you. But truthfully speaking, Yan ge, liking someone with a temperament like yours is quite difficult.”

He wasn’t saying that Song Yan was a bad person.

It was just that it required a lot of courage to get close to someone with Song Yan’s temperament, not to mention developing a deep understanding and bold liking for that person.

After all, everyone was no more than ordinary peers. No one had the duty to stick close to your cold, scowling face to learn more about your inherent quality as kind and soft in reality, then continue on to forgive your poor temper.

A person’s emotions need feedback. If they don’t receive a response, after a while, they will end up feeling exhausted.

Although many people might not necessarily give up due to exhaustion, if you continue to drag things on, then it really is a bit unfair to the person who took the initiative to like you.

Little fatty grew close to Song Yan because of Xia Zhiye, and also knew that Song Yan only appeared indifferent and antisocial. In reality, he wasn’t unreasonable at all, and was even occasionally and inexplicably easy to trick, which was the reason why he dared to take advantage of this special situation to raise up his courage and say so much.

Meanwhile, Song Yan really didn’t get angry and beat him up, simply standing in the same spot with his eyelashes drooping down. Then, he gloomily said: “Oh, got it, thanks.”

Hearing this, little fatty, who had broken his own heart for other people’s love, stood up with satisfaction: “It’s fine now that you know, then I’ll head up and continue sleeping.”

“Okay.”

Soon after, the deafening and rhythmical sound of little fatty’s undulating snores could be heard from the top bunk. Meanwhile, Song Yan had also forgotten the fact that he was thirty, simply laying on the bed, dazedly staring at the little sago palm on the table that was peacefully drenched in the moonlight.

He didn’t think so in the past, but after hearing little fatty say all that, he realized that he was really very selfish.

He didn’t trust emotions, didn’t trust the foundations of their relationship, and didn’t even believe that Xia Zhiye really liked him. Then, despite clearly liking the other, he refused to admit it to save face, clearly couldn’t bear to, yet was still unwilling to admit it, and was clearly worried for the other, but was still unwilling to admit it.

Yet he never thought that if Xia Zhiye really liked him, how would Xia Zhiye feel about him dragging things on in such a way, and if Xia Zhiye would feel disappointed and hurt when he made such sarcastic comments.

What would he do if Xia Zhiye really was disappointed and hurt.

Thinking this, Song Yan lost all sleepiness, pulled out his phone, and opened up Xia Zhiye’s WeChat. He was just about to send over a sentence of concern, when he saw the messages that Xia Zhiye had sent two hours ago:

[Wild]: I’ve arrived at the training venue. We have to hand in our cellphones, so don’t worry if you can’t contact me. Sleep well, wait for me to come back.

[Wild]: Although you said you won’t miss me, I’ll still miss you

[Wild]: Good night, my future boyfriend

Although you said you won’t miss me, I’ll still miss you.

Song Yan’s finger gently caressed this line of words, as a slow-moving forlorn warmth passed across the corner of his eyes and the tip of his nose.

No wonder Song Minghai would give him the name ‘Yan’, it seems that he really wasn’t deserving of being loved by others.

He really was a child with a horrible disposition and a terrible temper, and only Xia Zhiye with his strange aesthetics would inexplicably like him.

But Xia Zhiye was so good, what would he do if Xia Zhiye discovered that he actually was a child that was not deserving of love in the future.

Song Yan shut his phone off, shrank into his blanket and closed his eyes.

He made a decision. When Xia Zhiye came back, he had to give the other an answer.

The second day after Xia Zhiye left, an overcast rain fell over NanWu for several days, and the temperature dropped quickly. And so the entirety of NanWu thoroughly entered winter.

The winter in the south is different from that in the north. There was no howling and terribly cold wind, nor the extremely low temperature that suddenly drops below zero. Instead, it was extremely wet and cold. The cold and damp weather seeps into the body along one’s bones, and there was no way to avoid it.

Song Yan had also changed into thick, warm sweaters, as well as down-filled garments.

Ever since little fatty said those words, he began trying to break away from a few bad habits that Xia Zhiye had cultivated.

For example, every morning, he would no longer throw a tantrum and wait for Xia Zhiye to half coax, half hug him out of bed, and would instead get out of bed immediately after his alarm rang the first time.

For example, every morning, night, and between classes, he wouldn’t just sit there waiting for someone to bring him water to drink. Instead, he would set a time and remind himself to get warm water, and place his thermos onto his table.

For example, he would eat with little fatty and the others everyday on schedule. He would quietly pick out the things he didn’t like to eat, and would even hang out with others before and after school, and wasn’t as antisocial and reclusive as before.

At first, he wasn’t used to it, and always wanted to call Xia Zhiye. But in the middle of calling the other’s name, he realized that the other wasn’t there, and he would always turn back around with a sense of loss.

And without Xia Zhiye there to handle his everyday matters, he completed all his daily chores with great difficulty. He was so upset that he wanted to drag Xia Zhiye back from the training ground, but every time he opened WeChat, he saw Xia Zhiye’s words, ‘I’ll still miss you’, and calmed down again.

So after a long while, he gradually became used to it.

Only then did Song Yan realize that it actually wasn’t as hard to change his habits as he had imagined. Just as little fatty said, at first it would be a bit hard to adapt, and later it would be fine.

Yet not all habits were as easy to change as the habits of his daily living, and as time went on, he found it harder and harder to adapt, it became more and more intense, and more and more like an incurable disease.

For example, everyday, he would unconsciously open his phone, open the calendar, and see how many days there were until December 21st.

When there was just one day left before December 21st, Song Yan went to ShiWai with Ruan Tian.

The ‘Youth Talent Cup’ of the English speech contest was hosted by several universities in Beijing, who invited a few key high schools from various provinces throughout the nation to participate. It was held by alternate cities every year, and this year it just happened to be NanWu’s turn.

And from every single aspect, the best high school in NanWu was ShiWai, so the location for the competition automatically fell on ShiWai’s head.

In the afternoon of December 20th, the students will participate in the preliminary contest with a prepared manuscript, then will be assigned a topic on the spot. On the 21st, the students are to study and prepare their speech, then the finals are to be held on the 22nd. During this period, the accommodation and food of the contestants will be arranged by ShiWai.

As the guidance counselor of No.3 Middle High, Ruan Tian also had to accompany them from beginning to end.

So early in the morning on Sunday, the 20th, Ruan Tian gave him a call: “Song Yan, are you up?”

Song Yan didn’t know who would be picking up Ruan Tian’s call if he wasn’t up, but still replied: “I’m up.”

“That’s good, that’s good. Xia Zhiye told me before that it’s hard for you to wake up, you can’t hear the alarm clock, and love to throw tantrums, so he told me that I had to call you multiple times on the day of the contest. Who would have thought that you’d be quite conscientious.” Ruan Tian happily commended.

The fingers holding Song Yan’s phone immediately became suffused with vigor.

Fuck, Xia Zhiye that huge idiot. Could it be that his morning temper was so glorious?! Was there a need to tell people?! Does he have no sense of shame?!

Song Yan lowered his head to stare at the glass cabinet in front of him, ferociously grit his teeth, thinking that he had to settle accounts with Xia Zhiye once the other came back.

Meanwhile Ruan Tian on the other end of the phone had finished prattling away about a number of important things, and finally asked: “Oh, that’s right. Do you have business clothes? If not, then I’ll bring my boyfriend’s clothes for you.”

“No need, I have.”

The finals of the Youth Talent Cup required students to wear formal attire, but when Song Yan came to NanWu from Beijing this time, he didn’t bring any, so he had gotten out of bed early to go to the shopping center and purchase formal wear.

Ruan Tian also felt at ease: “Great, then at noon I’ll drive over to the dorms and pick you and another female student up, then we’ll head to ShiWai.”

“Okay.”

Song Yan hung up the phone, then pointed at a wrist watch on the glass cabinet, “Can I please see this one?”

“Yes, sir.”

A brown band with blue plating, as well as an engraved design of a little prince.

It was the limited edition Little Prince watch from the IWC Universal Watch pilot series.

The first time he saw this watch, Song Yan inexplicably thought of Xia Zhiye.

Perhaps because the other was just like the Little Prince, both raising a particularly bad-tempered, particularly finicky, particularly unreasonable rose.

And this watch was the answer that Song Yan wanted to give Xia Zhiye.

It just so happens that December 24 was Xia Zhiye’s birthday, and everything just happened to fit.

It was just that this watch was about 40,000 yuan. If he just sent a watch, would it look like he didn’t value the other as much? Would Xia Zhiye like it?

Song Yan lowered his head, and was just considering whether this watch matched Xia Zhiye, when he suddenly heard someone behind him call out: “Song Yan, what are you doing here?”

When he turned his head in the direction of that sound, Song Yan’s nervous expectation and hesitation immediately disappeared. Compared with his usual cold indifference, there was the addition of a kind of malicious disgust. As his gaze swept across the area, an extraordinary sense of oppression lingered.

And after glancing over, Song Yan coldly looked away, and said to the employee: “Please wrap this up for me.”

Then he accepted the bag, turned around and left. He didn’t look back, nor did he say another word.

Arrogantly indifferent and unreasonable.

Someone he didn’t recognize also couldn’t help but ask: “Shang Wei, who’s that? How can he be so arrogant, having no manners at all?”

A tall male student wearing a down-filled jacket stood beside them with a gentle and delicate appearance. There was a shallow scar over his right brow bone, and upon hearing this, he good-naturedly smiled: “Don’t say that, he’s just an old classmate of mine. He quit school and transferred to NanWu, who would have thought we would be able to meet by chance here.”

“Ah, he quit school? Then this person definitely has some kind of problem with his moral character.” Birds of a feather flock together, and they all excessively agreed with one another.

Another student from Huiying Middle High who came to NanWu to participate in the competition sniffed: “Not only that, but he’s really too inferior. No one in our class liked him, and even that scar on Shang Wei’s forehead was caused by him, just because……”

“It’s fine.” Shang Wei softly interrupted, “Let’s not talk about it, it’s all in the past.”

That person curled his lips: “Shang Wei, you’re just too good. But also people like Song Yan, they’re just like their names. No one likes them and you’re disinclined to bother about them.”

The people behind him didn’t lower their voices, so everything they said fell into Song Yan’s ears.

And Song Yan simply put his earbuds in with a cold face.

He really wasn’t a charming person, but at least he wasn’t part of that group of idiots gesticulating about.

He didn’t care in the past, so he indifferently abandoned himself in despair, but now, he had someone that cared about him, so he wanted that person to know that he wasn’t inferior, and at the very least, was deserving of that tiny bit of love.

1. A typical woman’s pose, wherein the middle finger and thumb are joined while the rest of the fingers are raised

2. Gaoling flower = a metaphor to describe someone that can only be seen from a distance and cannot be touched, that is, something that can only be longed for but out of reach to oneself