Volume 1 - CH 10

Three years ago 3

“C’mon, you asshole.”

He stumbled, almost falling on his butt, and walked backwards. He crossed the corridor and was made to ascend the stairs. From the third floor, the only thing beyond the stairs was the rooftop.

Their voices reverberated on the ceiling. The roof doors, which were supposed to be locked, opened. It seemed that one of the students had stolen the key that was supposed to be kept in the staff room, and that a copy of the key existed. His teeth chattered.

He was rolled on the floor with his hands behind his back. Weeds and dirt from the cracked concrete were in his mouth. Several smiling faces looked down at him.　

Someone spoke up.

“We aren’t gonna tell you to come to practice any more. We don’t care about you any more.”

Shimazu continued for him, wrinkling his brow.

“But where did you think you were going? Idiot. Are you going to cram school now? You’re dirty, you know that? You’re gonna stay here until we’re done. Okay?”

“So why don’t you come to cram school with me?” the boy asked.

His, and the eyes of A and B, who were just outsiders, all became sharply angled. He received a powerful kick to the gut. His insides jumped up and he arched his back, unable to breathe.

“What’d you say? What’d you just say, son of a bitch?”

“This guy doesn’t know shit.”

Many arms outstretched, and with a clattering sound, his belt was undone.

“Stop!”

They took off his pants. He felt the coldness of the outside air on his thighs and thrashed about in fear. Crazy laughter poured out. As he bent his knees and resisted, he heard some part of his garment tear. His top was shucked off. The lower half of his body was left with only his underwear, and he felt unparalleled embarrassment.

Shimazu held up his pants. Viscous hatred spilled out of his face.

“You can’t go home like this, even if you want to. Unless you have the guts to go out on the street like this.”

“Take off his underwear and let’s see his birthday suit!”

“Like I’m touching that, man.” There was a disgusted laugh.

“Let’s go.” With looks of contentment, they turned away.

“Wait-”

They left the rooftop with his trousers in their hands.

He walked aimlessly on the rooftop, away from the door. The May wind was cold on his bare legs. The thought of really being trapped in a place like this for hours filled him with more dread than anger. Nauseous, he leaned against the wire mesh surrounding the rooftop.

Below the building, a number of students were happily leaving school. Getting ready for club activities.

It was as if he were completely alone, stranded in some distant dimension. A terrible thought crossed his mind. Would they be sweating it out at practice, forgetting all about him, and munching on some snacks with their buddies?　

He felt as if his nerves were being burned out.

“Dammit.”

Through the wire netting, the ground seemed awfully close. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, as well as the day after that and the day after that, this humiliation would continue to be inflicted on him.

Thinking of this, the blackness of the hard asphalt seemed very appealing to him. It seemed as if it would welcome him softly and warmly.　His head leaned against the wire mesh. For some reason, he wondered if it would come loose and fall down with him. He shook the wire mesh several times, but it seemed as if it would never come off, strongly refusing to let him lean towards the asphalt.

But that was nothing. The wire mesh separating them was originally only as high as his chest. All he had to do was climb──

He came to himself and backed away, pulling his legs off the floor. An image of himself slamming to the ground and splattering his brains all over the place came into his mind.　Sweat was pouring out of his body as if he were submerged in water, and every time the wind blew, he felt a chill on his back. He wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his uniform. The image of Ogata, who had hanged himself to death, flashed across his mind. It was foolish of him to think that he would follow in his footsteps.

The lock on the door rattled suddenly, startling him.　

Reflexively, he looked for a place to hide. If they came back by any chance, of course he would get beaten up some more. If not, there was no way anyone could see him dressed like this. But there was no place to hide in this large concrete plaza. All he could do was just stand there.

His mouth fell open in a daze.

Standing in front of him was Kanako Fujishima.

Her long, shoulder-length hair swayed in the wind. When she recognized him, she pulled her chin back a little and stopped with a wry look on her face. It looked as if she was tired of seeing him again.

“What are you doing? Up here.”

“Oh, I’m…”

She looked him over nonchalantly from top to bottom. He was so embarrassed that he felt the urge to jump off the roof again.　

Without making any sign of walking away, she searched through the bag she was carrying.

“So this is what you’re into?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, you like being tied up and abandoned?”

Her gaze was fixed on the marks on his wrists.

“No!”

His voice came out so loud even he got second hand embarrassment.

“I’m not… into anything like that.”

“It was a joke.”

She touched her hair, tangling in the wind behind her. In her other hand was a dark bottle. Pulling the cork out of the bottle, she put her mouth on it and drank something down. This sudden action made him feel a bit confused.

“That’s──”

“Since you’re dressed like that, you must be cold, right? Want a sip?”

“…Thanks.”

She handed over the bottle. The sweet aroma of grapes and alcohol rose from the opening of the bottle. Upon taking a sip, he realized it was red wine, and he nearly coughed at the unfamiliar taste of alcohol, though he had smoked a few cigarettes with it before.

A bittersweet taste lingered in his mouth. His stomach was enveloped in warmth and heat.

“Why do you do this? Do you come here often? To drink this.”

“You’re not wrong. No way I could do it in class.”

He handed her the bottle. She took a sip and tilted the bottle again. Her every movement was bewitching, and she drank in a rather sober manner, as if she was drinking it out of thirst, not because she was trying to look tall like the rest of them.

“So, where are your pants?”

Dark thoughts covered his mind once again.

“…I don’t know. They’re probably in the club room, though.”

“Club?”

“Baseball. I used to be on the team.”

“Is there anybody in that room right now?”

He looked down outside. White balls were already flying around on the field.

“I don’t think so. Not right now.”

“Well, then.”

“You don’t mean to go there, do you?”

An unintentionally vulnerable voice burst out.

“What, do you plan on walking around like that?”

He searched frantically for words.

“You… might get mixed up with some trouble.”

“Oh?”

“So… it’s better if you leave me alone.”

“Then, if something happens to me, will you protect me?”

“Huh?”

“Just kidding.”

Pushing the bottle into his hands again, she turned away and walked to the door. As she walked away, he felt a hole in his chest, a sense of loss. Her bag and the bottle of alcohol were still there. But it didn’t surprise him that Fujishima would leave those behind and just walk off.　

His face lit up faintly. Some part of his head felt tingly and numb. Thinking it was risky, he took another swig. It didn’t taste that great, but it was special somehow, like they were sharing a secret.

The door was wide open. At this rate, maybe a teacher patrolling campus would come up the stairs. If so, what kind of punishment would they mete out to him, dressed in underwear and holding a bottle of alcohol?

Although terrified, he decided to leave the door as it was.　Someone was coming up the stairs. With bated breath, he watched the doorway. Finally, Fujishima appeared, holding his pants in hand.

“They were in there.”

She held up the pants cheerfully and showed them to him. Her pale cheeks were pink, maybe from the wine, maybe from excitement.

“But what a dirty clubroom. They were just on the floor, and they’re all dirty like this.”

She brushed the dust from his pants and handed them to him. The scenery around him and her became blurry as a wet film covered his eyes. He bit his lip, looked up, and blinked them back.

“Thanks.”

She lightly lifted her shoulders as if to say he was welcome.

Walking to the edge of the rooftop, he put on his pants to hide from her. Though she had already seen him in his underwear, the idea of putting them on in front of her made him feel unsettled.

“I’ll be here for a little bit.”

She took a paperback book out of her bag. Then she sat down leaning against the wall of the water tower. A bottle of alcohol right next to her. This must have been her usual way of spending her time. As long as the wall sheltered her from the wind, the sun was shining and it was warm and comfortable.

“This is the second time. You saved me.”

“Yeah?”

He cut her off. “Did you save him too?”

She raised her eyebrows slightly and looked at him in wonder. He continued, perplexed by her amber eyes.

“I saw you together, a long time ago in Ikebukuro. You and him. And you seemed to be having a good time.”　

She was looking into the distant landscape. At the end of her gaze, there was a large field on the bank of the Arakawa River. Passingly, he wondered if he’d offended her, but he didn’t stop.

“So I was worried. Ever since then.”

“Worried?”

“About you. After Ogata passed away, I thought you were in shock.”

She gave a little laugh.

“You look at me from all sorts of different angles.”

“…Sorry.”

“It’s fine. That marks the second time I’ve heard that.”

“The second time?”

“The first was coming from my homeroom teacher.”

“Homeroom… you mean Higashi?”

The face of a tanned female teacher came to mind. A gym teacher who oversaw the girls’ tennis team. Students like her and the girls often called her aneki or anego. Boys sometimes made fun of her, calling her an amazoness.

“Higashi did?…”

“This was the place I first met Seiichi.”

“Huh?”

“Same as you. Just as I was about to fly away, Seiichi showed up. He was always getting bullied, so he used to come here and cry by himself.”

“Ha… hang on. Fly away?”

Her casual remark left him at a loss. Fujishima only looked off into the distance and smiled a little.

“Seiichi said, ‘You and I are the same’. He was the one who saved me.”

He was at a loss for words. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her. By flying, did she mean that she intended to die the same way he was? Why would she think to die? What did she mean by ‘the same’? Was she bullied, too?

“You’re the one who sometimes put incense on his grave, aren’t you?”

After hesitating a little, he nodded his head.

“Well… I… yeah.”

“Thank you.”

Her eyes round and narrowed like the waning moon, dimples peeking out, she smiled. It made his heart beat off rhythm.

Then she handed him the bottle.

“Want some more?”

Then he nodded and sat down next to her. It was a strange feeling. Both happy and lonely.

“Do you think I can be like him?”

“Eh?”

The wind swallowed up his words. I must be drunk, he thought.

He was afraid to ask her again, and in the end, he still didn’t understand her any more than before. Still, there was one thing he did understand. She was still looking back at Ogata, whose time had already come and gone. That skinny, girly guy.

Stealing a glance at her profile, he mumbled softly once again. How could I be like him?

He wished she would smile at him the way she had smiled at Ogata. This thought kept running through his mind as he sipped the wine, that had already been depleted considerably.

T/N

Kanako is making a play on words when she says he’s stale, she says 寒い which actually means cold but is sometimes used to mean lame/corny/stale etc.

Aneki and anego are other terms that mean older sister, kind of in a more serious way