CH 24

Monday morning, I did something I would never normally do. I woke up 30 minutes earlier than usual, ate breakfast, and dashed to work. The train, which would usually be packed, was empty. On an empty train, I sat in a neat posture. My hands were on my knees.

I’m just fiddling around with my phone. Going in and out of the internet repeatedly. Slowly, sleepiness returned. My eyes gradually close and then reopen. I thought of Director Lee. We’ll meet up today. Let’s meet, say hello, and…

There is nothing to do but say hello.

I felt I had been too comfortable with Director Lee. I began looking for something special about Director Lee. I need to know how I ended up evaluating Director Lee positively.

First of all, Director Lee is a friendly person. He is kind. And sweet.

Ki-do is also kind. To be honest, there are many kind people on the market. There are many shops that offer discounts, and some owners offer a slice of chicken gangjeong to try. Kindness cannot be a personality trait.

Then what kind of person is Director Lee to me? He’s the director. A handsome director. What’s the point of being a handsome director? It was nice to be handsome. He backed up his appearance with a gentle tone of voice, so all he had to do was work hard. He is an Alpha. The advantages Alphas have in society are indescribable.

So…

I arrived at my station to get off, stood up, and walked out. No matter how hard I tried, I kept getting off track. The same way greased pottery slides out of your hand. I couldn’t keep the objects inside the pottery in place. I stepped off the train and stood there for a few moments. I keep running away. It’s because I’m being swept away by the atmosphere, which will only lead to excuses.

I don’t want to be in a relationship. Love is scary. In this society, I did not have the confidence to be in a relationship. It is difficult to care for and to be loved. Even love demands too much passion. Even with a strong desire to save, it is difficult to live. Betas don’t even have instincts to drive affection like Alphas and Omegas. It takes effort. Love is effort.

I had to make a choice. I shouldn’t have gone any further if I was not going to be in a relationship. I’m easily excited. My heart softened when I saw Director Lee’s face. I’m having trouble getting past Director Lee’s beauty. But before that, I needed to solve one problem.

Do I like Director Lee?

I keep walking. This is the issue of the situation.

I don’t like Director Lee. In the first place, what does it mean to like someone? I like soccer, potato chips, meat, and especially beef; in fact, when I get home from work, I’ll buy one kilo. And Kim Joo-young. Even though Kim Joo-young was raised incorrectly. I liked Seol Ki-do, and…

It was at that moment I realized how limited my personal relationships were. I’d like to start a hobby.

Returning to the subject of Director Lee, do I dislike him? That is not the case. Simply put, there is no reason to dislike Director Lee. There aren’t many complaints about society that make me dislike kind and handsome people. If that’s the case, can Director Lee and I become lovers? Will I like Director Lee?

I was trapped in my thoughts as I trudged to the office. My head is spinning. Will I like Director Lee? Love has many meanings. You have to hold hands, kiss, and eventually have sex. Then, if he wants to marry, you must marry as well. We can’t have children because both Director Lee and I are men. Then we must adopt.

Adoption is not a problem, but I couldn’t imagine kissing Director Lee. I just can’t imagine it. My brow furrowed on its own. Should Director Lee hold my shoulder or should I hold his shoulder? Will we kiss each other? Then after a kiss comes…

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

I tensed my face and raised my voice. People passing by kept staring at me. In many ways, I’m embarrassed.

I hardened my heart to not give in. I had to think rationally. To be in a relationship, you have to spend money, time, and your heart. First and foremost, I needed to save money. I have to go to Hawaii. Flights to Hawaii are expensive. If you add up the costs of airfare, lodging, and meals, the total will be far beyond your imagination. Future jobless workers should be responsible for their current job.

As expected, a relationship is not the answer. In fact, the very reason I made this decision is stupid. It’s because I despised the world in which Alphas and Omegas were madly in love.

Now things are a little different. A society that is still centered on Alpha-Omega pairs is boring. But I didn’t have to let them rule my life. Anyway, I have to live my life. It’s just a side issue that I’m not an Alpha or an Omega.

I’m not going to be in a relationship. It’s because I don’t have someone I like, and I can’t afford to date. The reason I don’t date is because of myself. Because I don’t want to.

It also meant that if I wanted to be in a relationship, I could do so whenever I wanted. A sigh escapes me. In the end, I’m stuck in the shackles of love. It would have been easier for me to accept Director Lee if I had been an Omega. No, that’s also weird. Do I have to accept it?

I’ve turned down a lot of Omegas who were interested in me. I didn’t like them, so I didn’t date them. They were only attracted to the inhibitors I provided. There is nothing special about Director Lee. No matter what part of me he liked, what matters is my heart. Director Lee is not special to me. Director Lee is not special to me. I murmured to myself as if memorizing a spell. Director Lee is not special to me.

Except for the fact that I cared so much about him, he was nothing special. I wiped my dry face. Annoying.

It’s not that I disliked Director Lee. But I was being swayed. It’s not that I really like him, it’s the fact that he likes me that moved me. An Alpha likes a Beta. I’m just as excited as a child who has found a strange animal. It’s not good for either Director Lee or me.

Furthermore, the relationship with Director Lee will be difficult. He’s a successful director with a lot of money. It is obvious that the dating gap is different.

‘Wow, Director, shall we watch soccer while drinking beer?’

‘That’s a really good idea. Let’s go to Germany.’

Who would buy tickets to Germany? Who spoke German? What about going to work the following day? Once there, I’ll have to live on a tight budget for three months. So, where should we go on our next date? Kimbap Heaven? That’s ridiculous.

I will be in a relationship when I want to. And that’s not right now. Don’t be a wimp. I need to gather my thoughts. There will be no more calls. I need to stop imagining Director Lee walking Doori. Let’s stop. Let’s stop. Stop thinking.

I recognize Director Lee’s black sedan as I walk to the company lobby. I’m debating whether or not to say hello. There’s no need to be concerned. My feet naturally led me to the sedan. It was a little far from the building’s exit. Many of the thoughts that had exhausted me earlier flew out the window.

Ha Won came out of the driver’s seat. Ha Won swung the key on his finger and shut the door behind him. Director Lee got out of the back seat. Director Lee violently shook his head. He also pressed the palm of his hand against his brow.

“Even the back seat is not safe.”

“What did I do?”

“You shouldn’t have joined the company, you should have entered the F1 Championship.”

“What? Deputy Kim!”

Ha Won saw me and waved his hand. I bowed my head and greeted them both. Director Lee’s face visibly brightened. I unintentionally smiled. Ha Won hurried over to me.

“Good morning! I heard you met my father while looking for my brother. My father came home and complimented you a lot. He’s handsome, smart, and polite, he said.”

“Thank you. However, I didn’t do anything.”

Ha Won smiled sweetly. His eyelashes are the same light brown color as his hair. My hand rose slightly and then fell. I was about to pat his head. If I only looked at his face, if it was his face, Ha Won was almost my ideal type. Smaller than me, cute and pretty.

“If I had known that Deputy Kim was going, I would have gone too…”

“I see, I wish I had met you, but it’s a pity. Uh, Won-ssi on your arm…”

There’s something on Ha Won’s arm. I brushed Ha Won’s arm. Dust began to fall off. I felt a rough touch when I rubbed my fingers. It’s sand. It looked like dust.

“Did you fall on your way?”

“What?”

Ha Won raised his head in surprise. Ha Won, who quickly spread his arms, took a step back.

“Oh, how did that get there? I must have caught it from a tree earlier.”

Director Lee came to us. He casually patted Ha Won on the back.

“There’s a lot of dust on your back too.”

Ha Won appears embarrassed and takes a step back. The hand that is holding the car key turned white.

“Hyung, didn’t you say earlier that we should leave early? You said you had to go to the meeting right away.”

“Ah, I was only coming early to see Joo-hyuk-ssi’s face.”

Director Lee turned to me. His smile resembles Ha Won a little.

“Would you like to leave today and play with me?”

What Director Lee said sounded sincere. I wonder if it was a joke or the truth. It had to be a joke. There is no way that a sudden leave will be approved.

“Aren’t you busy?”

“Si-hyun hyung, you said you were busy. Hurry up and go.”

Ha Won pushes Director Lee’s arm. Director Lee took Ha Won’s hand and lowered it. Then a police car pulled up close in front of me. It’s the first time I’ve seen a police car in front of the company. I guess it’s because I came early. There are patrols at this time of day.

“Joo-hyuk-ssi, I’m not joking. Shall we call Director Lee and go play right now? Well, my meeting is over in an hour. No, I can finish it early. If you wait, I think it would be nice for us to go to the sea.”

“Are you crazy? Hyung, you’re Director Lee. Wake up. And why would you take Deputy Kim?”

Ha Won is perplexed. While I was saying I was fine, the police got out of the car. The police are approaching us. I look around. There is only us in this sloppily maintained city garden. I was going to smoke, but the police really walked straight for us.

“I’m going up to the third floor now…”

“Are you from Hanmaeum Education Consulting?”

Suddenly, the police officer asked us a question. Director Lee hardened his expression.

“I’m in charge. What’s the matter?”

“There has been a report of an assault. Well, Ha Won-ssi works here, so please cooperate.”

“Ha Won?”

Director Lee asked. My gaze, as well as Director Lee’s, goes to Ha Won. Ha Won is holding one of his arms. Ha Won bit his lip and said,

“I’m Ha Won.”

“What?”

The policeman took off his hat and asked. I took a step between Ha Won and the police.

“What’s the matter?”

“Uhh, this is, that, that is…” the police murmured and looked at Ha Won.

“Perhaps I am mistaken. Were you in Samseong-dong earlier?”

Ha Won nodded. Director Lee pushed Ha Won behind him. It’s like me and Director Lee were protecting Ha Won. Ha Won looks anxious. Maybe the dust on his arm wasn’t just because he fell.

“May I ask what’s going on?”

Director Lee’s voice becomes serious. When the police saw Director Lee, he scratched his nose and answered.

“No, well, this morning, a man came to the police box. He knew Ha Won-ssi, but after Ha Won-ssi knocked him down with an arm bar move, he ran away and came to us.”

My gaze, as well as Director Lee’s, went straight to Ha Won’s beautiful face. Ha Won gave an awkward smile. Director Lee pressed his palm against his forehead.

“With an arm bar?”

The average person can anticipate many situations in life. It is not uncommon to run into coworkers while driving. You might even run into the police. But it’s not every day that I’m approached by both a coworker and the police. And it’s not easy to hear the words “arm bar” from your boss. Two unusual events seem to have happened now.

The police spoke as if to appease us.

“It doesn’t look like he was seriously injured, but he is refusing to return until Ha Won-ssi arrives. He also no longer wishes to punish Ha Won-ssi, but instead to see his face. I’m here because it’s close, and… It’s difficult for them to be charged with assault on each other. If you know each other, let’s get you two to reconcile with each other and move on.”

Ha Won’s face became tense. Director Lee stated that he was at Ha Won’s house yesterday. Then Ha Won and Director would have gone to work from home together. There was only one explanation for this situation.

“It’s the stalker, Won-ssi.”

Ha Won nodded. The eyes looking at me seemed to waver. I don’t know how to react. It’s difficult to say that he did well. But it’s a good thing. He shouldn’t have run away, maybe he should have called the police. No, that’s too… I’ve heard before that the police can’t catch a stalker.

Director Lee looked at Ha Won and said,

“As long as you’re not hurt. I’ll tell the general affairs department, so go ahead.”

Ha Won gave a nod. The cops led Ha Won to the police car. The car key was handed over to Director Lee. I’m concerned about sending him in this situation. Ha Won is petite and appears to be younger than Kim Joo-young. Kim Joo-young appears to be weak, but she is not. She is a gorilla. I grabbed Ha Won’s wrist, who was being dragged.

“Won-ssi!”

“Yes?”

“Call me. Call me when you come out. I will pick you up.”

“It’s okay.”

Ha Won burst into laughter. I don’t know what’s okay about being arrested by the police. If he was going to be caught by the police, he should have used a pile driver move, instead of giving him an arm bar. Director Lee put his hand on my shoulder.

“Come in, Joo-hyuk-ssi.”

I pushed away Director Lee’s hand. I looked through my wallet and found one of my business cards. I handed the business card to Ha Won’s pale hand.

“Call me when you come out.”

Ha Won brought the business card to his lips.

“Thank you.”

The police looked at us with strange eyes one by one and took Ha Won away.

After Director Lee swept his hair, he took out his phone. I got close to Director Lee. I’m curious as to what is going on. Director Lee speaks in a calm voice.

“This is Lee Si-hyun. Replace all the bodyguards deployed in Samseong-dong. Please complete the report within an hour. Tell the lawyer Yang to contact me.”

Director Lee also gave instructions on other matters. Director Lee beckoned me. I followed Director Lee into the company building. Director Lee’s phone call ended quickly. He appeared to be irritated, but his tone was calm. Director Lee looked at me with a relaxed expression.

“I’m sorry for bothering you this morning.”

“No, it was a big deal. In the end, the stalker was not caught.”

“Actually, this is what I was worried about. Because Won is the type of person who uses his fists first when he gets angry… It can be a problem when a kid who used to be an athlete hits someone. So I’ve always been careful….”

“Oh, not safety, but the red line…”

Director Lee awkwardly raised both hands. And then put them down, then he raised them again. He even grabs his hand. It’s like his hands had a consciousness of their own. Director Lee seems a little hesitant and said,

“Would you like to go to the sea with me? Or other places. Amusement park. If you want to go to an amusement park, it’s okay. So, is there anywhere you want to go today?”

Director Lee’s eyes lit up. I kept biting my lip because I’m nervous. Director Lee’s dimple appeared and disappeared.

“What about Won-ssi?”

“Dongwoo Foods will take care of that. Because I’m his older cousin and not Won’s secretary.”

“We have to work. Me and Director.”

“Let’s play a little bit, and let’s play without anyone knowing. I’ll give you permission. I can pay for it. A special vacation.”

“No, you can’t.”

The elevator arrives. Director Lee made eye contact with me. I can’t take my eyes off Director Lee’s face. It seems like his hair is turning white. I also want to say something more. Director Lee comes one step closer to me. I get into the elevator as if being chased. The two of us got on and the elevator door closed. We are silent. We quietly look at each other’s faces.

“Joo-hyuk-ssi, you still like my face.”

I didn’t answer. I don’t hate it.

“I can see it little by little. Joo-hyuk-ssi is being swayed. Do you know that you’re getting softer with me these days? I’m really glad there’s at least one thing you like about me. Now I think we can increase it one by one.”

Director Lee’s neck shifted slightly. The director’s smile is awkward. I’m nervous. Director Lee is wary. So am I. If I make the wrong move, I’ll almost certainly step on a landmine. There is some tension. So this is what that felt like. I’m about to blow up. Something is on the verge of bursting. For example, I feel like I’m going to explode. Director Lee’s face appears to spin. Why is the elevator so quiet? Oh.

I stretched my arm over Director Lee’s shoulder. I brought my body a little closer. Director Lee widened his eyes.

“Joo, Joo-hyuk-ssi?”

“Are you going upstairs? I will press it.”

Director Lee’s shoulder is covered with a pad. I brought my body closer and pressed the 9th-floor button. The button for the 3rd floor where I have to get off is hard to see. Wait. I pushed Director Lee’s shoulder to the side. When I pressed the 3rd floor, Director Lee was staring blankly at my hand.

“Oh.”

Director Lee sighed briefly. When Director Lee looked at me, his face darkened slightly.

“You really…”

“Yes?”

“Joo-hyuk-ssi, sometimes I think you’re being too much.”

The door opened. I quickly got out. Director Lee waves weakly with his hand. I also raise my hand and waved, then said,

“I know.”

The elevator door closed.