CH 63

Chapter 63 – Fearing Being Bewitched

He was afraid that spring was short-lived.

The author has something to say:

In the article, Juexia’s cover song is Faye Wong’s “Bewitchment“, which is a song I love very much. I hope every comment you send out comes from the appreciation of the music itself. Please respect the work itself. Thank you.

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Under Fang Juexia’s influence, Pei Tingsong had really started to love this idol identity, and had really integrated into the Kaleido group. He no longer felt the strain of his different identities clashing together, and he no longer thought that being a hip-hop artist was the only possible manifestation of his dream. 

He remembered what Fang Juexia had said to him when they were still clashing against each other like water and fire. 

[Dreams are the sort of things that can’t be divided into high or low, but only realized or unrealized.]

Its forms were diverse, but the unchanging core was the truth.

He also had to admit that it was really wonderful to express himself on stage, especially with such a group of loving bandmates standing beside him.

“That’s right,” Pei Tingsong raised his microphone. “Now I can proudly declare to myself and to everyone else that I am a member of an idol group and am an idol.”

The host gave them a look of approval. He nodded and smiled, and then told the fans, “I have to reveal a little something to everyone. In fact, I am also a person they got to come at the last minute to save the show. You guys know that stars have schedules, but hosts do so as well. Originally, this meetup was going to be held in early April, and the schedule had been decided very early on. Then, suddenly, a staff member from Star Chart called me several times and asked if I could come in early, which was actually very difficult, because I was already scheduled to be at another activity tonight, but after I heard the ins and outs of the situation, I immediately agreed.

“It’s very hard for everyone to imagine how these boys have spent these past few days. They don’t even have time to eat or sleep, and they had to try their utmost to present this completed album to you and everyone.” The host said with a smile, “So let’s give Kaleido a little applause, OK?”

The fans below the stage used their greatest enthusiasm to give back to them, and many girls even cried. He Ziyan and Lu Yuan once again came to the rescue by joking around, thereby dragging the atmosphere back up. The six people performed the album’s second main hit song for everyone, which was a very light style dance music.

They also showed a highlight and gag reel taken of them when they were filming their MV. This video started with Jiang Miao playing the guzheng. The cameraman asked him if the ebony guzheng was expensive, and Jiang Miao raised his head and laughed, replying that it was a bit expensive.

Jiang Miao, sitting on the stage, watched and looked at the video, then picked up the microphone. “This was the first guzheng that I saved money to buy after my debut. It took me a long time to save enough money to buy it.”

The fans below yelled his name, and Lu Yuan said with a smile, “Miao Ge takes care to maintain this guzheng every morning, it’s like his treasured baby.”

Soon, the image on the screen changed, and they came to the desert park. He Ziyan pointed at the big screen with a smile and asked, “Does this look very much like a desert?”

“Yes!”

“But it’s actually a desert park,” Ling Yi pretended to be angry, complaining, “Hmph, we didn’t get to go to Xinjiang like we planned.”

The highlight reel showed He Ziyan and Lu Yuan fighting each other with two fake swords in the middle of the desert. Originally, their handsomeness was enough to prompt the fans into screaming, but suddenly, when Ling Yi was heard shouting madly from outside the picture, everyone couldn’t help but start laughing.

“Ling Yi,” He Ziyan pressed his head. “Time-out warning.”

“Hahahahaha!”

While laughing, Pei Tingsong’s highlight reel appeared on the big screen, the one showing him doing the promotional photo shoot for the album, which immediately triggered screams from below.

“Ah, Xiao Pei! Xiao Pei is so hot!”

“Oh, my God, how is Pinot Tree Supreme this hot?”

Pei Tingsong shamelessly accepted the praise, then turned around halfway while stretching out a hand to make a gesture for them to quiet down, “Alright, alright, I know I’m very hot.”

Who knew that suddenly the screams would grow louder, nearly overturning the roof of the hall. Only then did Pei Tingsong turn his head to look at the scene currently on the screen, which was him half-embracing Fang Juexia while performing archery on the horse. There was also a line printed below — this picture was taken by a staff member’s cellphone.

Fang Juexia, who was shocked by the screams, turned around to see the scene of Pei Tingsong teaching him archery from another perspective. He fell into a trance after seeing that, uneasily licked his lips, then turned his head away, just to exactly collide with Pei Tingsong’s gaze.

He saw the light and shadows on Pei Tingsong’s face, and the corner of his mouth that was quirked up.

The tide boiling around them were actually unaware of the truth. As he fell into this frothy whirlpool, Fang Juexia became more and more aware that he could only be a performer on the stage; he wasn’t a good actor. Clearly, this was a play being staged for everyone, and both sides were standing beside each other either for their own or the group’s interests, and even if they were standing shoulder to shoulder, their hearts were so very far away. Thus, they had to camouflage themselves, had to appear to be hand in glove with each other, and at worst, had to look like a pair of bros who had never been estranged.

However, by the end of performing this play, who had actually entered this play.

Fang Juexia was really confused.

When the highlight reel on the screen ended, the host told the fans who were still excited, “Kaleido recorded a lot of wonderful highlight clips and gags in the process of preparing the album. This was only a small part, and the rest of it can be seen by everyone on the ensemble show.”

Lu Yuan couldn’t help but give him a thumb’s up. “The host is too on track.”

The host laughed. “Okay, so next is the performance time. For this meetup for the new album that they have been working on for a year, each of the six members of Kaleido have specially prepared solo performances for you all. Taking the lead, the first one to bring us a performance is Captain Jiang Miao, who will play ‘Spring on Snow Mountain’ for everyone.”

Everyone exited the stage together, and the closer they got to the backstage, the darker the area became. Pei Tingsong was originally walking behind Fang Juexia, but he deliberately quickened his pace to come to position in front of him, with his back very close to him. In this way, he could help Fang Juexia by leading the way.

Only when they had completely left the stage and couldn’t see anything below it anymore did Pei Tingsong grab his arm. He had changed. Originally, he could recklessly act out intimate scenes in front of the audience, but now that he knew he really liked Fang Juexia, he felt guilty about this dazzling fanservice play. He would rather hide it from public view than treat it more carefully and sincerely.

“I’ll be fine.” Fang Juexia said in a low voice, “You’re being a little obvious like this.”

“Obvious about what?” Pei Tingsong leaned close to his ear. “Obvious that I’m afraid you’ll fall, or obvious that I like you?”

Fang Juexia’s heart beat so fast it felt like it was flying, but he still stared straight right back at him, looking a little surprised and also a little angry. Pei Tingsong thought he looked cute like this, but he didn’t dare to engage with him anymore. He could only just adjust the proper limits of his speech and say, “I’m kidding.”

But Fang Juexia wasn’t angry, and he didn’t feel angry. Listening to the song being played on the stage, he felt like he was some kind of hibernating and dormant creature living in the snow, his rigid body wrapped in cold scales. This was the norm for him, and it conformed with the rules. Yet now, before the snow could melt away, he had changed first.

He couldn’t change, he had to be that cold-blooded animal, otherwise, how could he continue living?

Spring was short-lived.

He was afraid that spring was short-lived.

The sounds of the guzheng were like melting snow, and the strings vibrated slightly as they were teased. Pei Tingsong quietly changed the topic. “You’re going to be on stage soon? I heard you changed your song.”

“En.” Fang Juexia’s eyes drifted down, and he looked at the floor, at the boundary of shadows between the stage and the backstage.

“What song did you switch to?” Pei Tingsong asked.

Fang Juexia lowered his head and only upon seeing that several staff members had moved a white piano to the corner of the stage did he say, “You’ll hear it soon.”

The strings of the guzheng fell on the last note, and amidst the cheers, the host called out Fang Juexia’s name.

“Then I… will pretend that you’re singing it for me.” Right before Fang Juexia stepped onto the stage, Pei Tingsong whispered such a sentence to him.

Fang Juexia inhaled deeply, then walked towards the stage without looking back. He sat in front of the piano, adjusted the microphone, looked at the fans, and his voice was gentle as he spoke, “I heard you guys really wanted to hear me sing a Cantonese song.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!”

“A Cantonese song!! It’s really a Cantonese song!”

Listening to the cries of the fans, Fang Juexia smiled, placed his slender fingers on top of the piano keys, and drew in a deep breath.

“This song, ‘Bewitchment’, is for you all.”

The sound of the piano was as gentle as water, and Fang Juexia lowered his head slightly, getting close to the microphone. “Don’t call me too grateful to you, the color of this medicine is exquisite beyond compare.” His voice was still special, but had been infected with more emotions than usual, and now, he no longer was someone who broke away to tell someone else’s story. “Don’t let me taste this fare, numb with pleasure through.”

Fang Juexia was an established skilled singer, but this was the first time everyone had heard him sing a Cantonese song. It was just that it wasn’t clear to everyone that he wasn’t using any skills to sing this song, for this wasn’t him singing a song, it was practically his own inner monologue.

Last night’s coincidence had allowed this song to pop up, and every word beat against his heart.

“Why move me? It’s hard for me to get used to, and waiting for me is minimal pain.” The ending note, held for a long moment, trembled a bit, carrying within it a fragility that Fang Juexia had never had before. Every time he sang a line, it was like he was asking him.

“Fear what? Fearing loving someone. Holding on to my emotions, always sensitive when I receive a gift.

“Fear what? Fearing getting used to risking everything to love someone. But I don’t know how to go on, so that after this vacation it’ll become true.”

Hearing this, Pei Tingsong, who was standing at the side of the stage, was stunned.

The accompaniment music started to play on the stage, and Fang Juexia took the microphone off the stand, stood up, left the piano, and walked to the center of the stage, closer to the fans. His voice was shaking a bit, which was very abnormal for him, a professional idol who had been training for many years.

Fang Juexia adjusted his breath, then opened his mouth and began to sing the song again.

Pei Tingsong had heard this song before. He liked to study  lyrics, and he had listened to many famous Chinese works, among which ‘Bewitchment’ was also one. When he heard Fang Juexia sing, “Afraid of getting used to risking everything to love someone,” his first reaction was heartache.

He knew how hard it was for Fang Juexia to accept a relationship. Fang Juexia lived by rules, and refusing love was one of the rules he abided by.

What a struggle it was to overthrow the rules established by oneself.

“Fear what? Fearing being bewitched. Holding on to my emotions, have to be careful, afraid of losing my heart.”

Standing in the center of the stage, Fang Juexia really peeled off his shell for the first time, and it was not the shell that resisted the outside world, but the one that was wrapped around all his emotions.

“Love what?”

He pierced himself, letting his emotions flow out into the song, “Love makes me dare to repay too many people.

“But I don’t know how to escape with my life.”