CH 72

Chapter 72 – Hard Being Alone

Not fully prepared yet

Pei Tingsong was left standing there, pondering the sentence Fang Juexia had left behind for him within his heart. Each syllable was disassembled, fluttering around in his chest like a butterfly revolving around his heart. 

He had never liked a person so much before.

Pei Tingsong, who had been immersed in the reveries of humanities since childhood, always had a big ego because he was good at playing with words. Only after meeting Fang Juexia did he really see a new world. A world totally different from that seen through a cage.

Because only after the proposition appeared did the conditions for “liking someone” appear.

Fang Juexia was actually the one who was a romantic at heart, a born poet.

He satisfied all of one’s fantasies about first love.

He Ziyan and Lu Yuan hadn’t played enough even by the time they got back to the dormitory, so they occupied the gaming console in the living room and put on VR glasses to play duo. Fang Juexia helped Pei Tingsong remove his sling; his hand was much better, and it wasn’t as inconvenient as before.

“I’ll just casually take a shower myself.”

Fang Juexia was actually a little surprised. “You don’t need me to help you?”

He had just finished playing basketball, and his pale face was flushed red after all the exercise. Under the light of the bathroom, it looked like a ripe, juicy peach, with every tiny hair becoming translucent. When he spoke, his red lips opened slightly and moved vividly, and Pei Tingsong could vaguely see the tip of his tongue hidden inside.

“If you really helped me,” Pei Tingsong’s gaze unconsciously fixed on his lips, and he lowered his head slightly to draw closer to Fang Juexia, “it might not be something that can be resolved just by casually taking a shower.”

Maybe it was because he had spoken a lot during the day, but Pei Tingsong’s voice sounded a little hoarse.

What did that mean?

Fang Juexia was already used to pondering on the implications behind Pei Tingsong’s words. Before, it was okay, but if he did it again now, it seemed that he would very easily fall into R-rated territory. He licked his lips subconsciously, then curled in his lower lip and puckered it a few times. This was his habitual little action that happened whenever he was embarrassed, but it made Pei Tingsong’s heart even more itchy.

Outside the bathroom, a fierce battle situation was being waged, where their bandmates were playing games, and kept talking back and forth, with their in-game situation seeming urgent. Just beyond a door, the situation inside seemed to be somewhat similar.

“Why aren’t you talking now?” Pei Tingsong moved a step closer, and Fang Juexia subconsciously stepped back, backing up just like that into the cold tiles of the bathroom wall. 

He had been coerced into falling into a tango with no escape.

“If you don’t need any help, I’ll leave first.”

Seeing him forced this far, Pei Tingsong let out a light laugh, which pulled Fang Juexia’s heart, that was preparing to escape, back. Not long ago, his emotions towards this boy were closer to tender affection, but once he started taking the initiative again, he seemed to return to the Fang Juexia who couldn’t resist him.

Pei Tingsong encircled him between the wall and his body, bracing up the small space and asking, “Are you thinking right now that this proposition is established, but you don’t like all the conditions?”

Pei Tingsong sort of said this as a joke, but these were really his inner thoughts. He sometimes worried that his too-straightforward heart would frighten Fang Juexia away. Fang Juexia was so gentle, so introverted, maybe he wouldn’t be able to accept such overly frank desire.

Which is why most of the time he would choose to hide.

Fang Juexia, who had originally still been hesitating over whether to take the initiative or not, raised his head when he heard this sentence. His eyes were open and decisive. “No, it’s all the conditions.”

Pei Tingsong stiffened for a moment.

Fang Juexia was even more honest than he had imagined he would be. “I may not be fully prepared, but I like them all.”

Looking at him being so honest, Pei Tingsong’s face showed an expression of surrender. How could there be someone who grasped his soul so well, on one hand confessing that he wasn’t ready yet, and on the other hand, saying that he liked all of him, that too with such pure and clean expression?

While arousing your desire to destroy, it also aroused your desire to protect.

“Okay ba, then I’ll just give you one kiss in advance.”

With that, Pei Tingsong pressed onto Fang Juexia’s lips and stretched out a hand to draw him into his chest, pressing him tight. The compressed air seemed to have turned into some kind of glue, causing them to stick to each other. All of their love hovered on the edge of the cliff, and after they jumped down, all they would see was an abyss of lust and desire. 

Fang Juexia raised his head slightly and didn’t resist. He even indulged himself in it a little more than before, raising his hand and gently hugging Pei Tingsong’s waist. At this moment, Pei Tingsong pried open his soft lips and delved deep into them.

His hand crept up under Fang Juexia’s shirt, going inside to press against the back of his waist, thereby tightening the embrace. The tip of his tongue was soft, and so was his waist. Fang Juexia’s skin was now covered in a thin layer of sweat, which made Pei Tingsong’s palm heat up. As a result, he grew even more feverish, every vein pumping blood starting to burn, heating up uncontrollably as these fuzzy boundaries blended into each other.

Not quite melted ice cream was the sweetest, being both moist and soft, and then melting with just a tiny sip, permeating in every corner of one’s mouth. It flowed down the throat with one’s saliva and buried itself in the body.

One kiss could fill an entire outer shell.

Pei Tingsong had a clear perception of himself and knew his willpower’s bottom line, so he didn’t continue with this and let go of Fang Juexia.

Spring retreated from the cold winter, dragging with it just a trace of melted snow.

At last, Pei Tingsong pressed a long kiss to Fang Juexia’s lips, and then he reluctantly lowered his head and placed his forehead against the hollow of Fang Juexia’s shoulder. He really liked Fang Juexia, he liked him so much that he didn’t want to leave him with any speck of regret towards his first experience with love. The best thing was that everything went smoothly in stages, and the two of them were deeply attracted and attached to each other. The best thing would be that no matter how he thought back on this much later on in his life, everything would still look just as wonderful.

It was because he had already missed so much and had started so badly that he was desperate to do well in every step afterwards.

But his deep-rooted bad habits were clamoring once again, egging him on to possess, to ravage, to wreck Fang Juexia under his body. 

Love just made people contradictory.

“I’ll inoculate you first.” Pei Tingsong’s voice was still a little hoarse, and his tone was childish as he whispered, “Some of the implied conditions may be more exciting than you imagined; they’re very frightening, very bad.”

Fang Juexia had not completely pulled away from the lingering kiss just now. His chest was slightly undulating, and his legs were soft, but when he heard Pei Tingsong’s half-menacing words, he couldn’t help laughing.

“I’m not as fragile as you think.” Saying that, he turned his head, kissed the top of Pei Tingsong’s hair, and said in a low voice, “What’s more, I’ve been seeing your bad side for a long time.”

Just then, the sound of a door closing came from outside, followed up by Ling Yi’s voice. Fang Juexia grew a bit alert, and Pei Tingsong also stopped leaning against him, half-pushing him out. “You go to the next room to take a bath ba.”

Fang Juexia was about to leave from this push, but before leaving the bathroom, he quickly turned around and kissed Pei Tingsong’s chin.

Then he left briskly, flying away like a little skylark.

Pei Tingsong’s heart also left with him. He himself went back into the bathroom, where he poured over the Neo Confucianism of the Song and Ming Dynasties and then Kantian moral philosophies in turn, and accompanied by the cold water from the shower, he finally managed to extinguish the fire that Fang Juexia had lit. 

The theory of eliminating human desire couldn’t actually eliminate human desire. Being a 20-year-old male was really suffering.

The days sped by due to their busy schedule, and in the blink of an eye, it was time for the whole group to record a variety show.

This variety show was already an old satellite TV variety show that boasted of high national popularity, with there being many families who spent their Fridays watching it on TV. One could imagine how difficult it was to obtain this job, and one should also remember that before, Seven Luminaries variety show debut happened with “Happy Friday”. After being broadcasted on this show, they gained countless fans and smoothly and easily became popular. But for the Kaleido from before, they hadn’t even dared to imagine attaining such resources. 

The filming location wasn’t in Beijing, so they flew one night in advance and stayed in the hotel arranged by the program team. In view of Pei Tingsong’s hand injury, they went directly through the VIP terminal at the airport. Cheng Qiang worried that things would be hard for him, so he took special care of him when he divided up the rooms. “Jiang Miao and Lu Yuan, Ziyan and Ling Yi, take your room cards, and Fang Juexia will live alone.”

Ling Yi flipped the room card around in his hand. “Yi? Juexia’s staying by himself? Very refreshing ah.”

Fang Juexia also didn’t expect something like this. He took hold of the room card and asked Cheng Qiang, “Then what about Xiao Pei?”

“Xiao Pei will stay with me,” said Cheng Qiang, patting Pei Tingsong on the shoulder with a big-hearted, kind expression on his face. “If anything comes up, I can take care of you.”

“I don’t want that.” Pei Tingsong grumbled, “You can’t even take care of yourself, and you want to take care of me.”

Cheng Qiang rolled his eyes. “Then who do you want to go with, your guys’ group leader should be fine at least ba? He’s basically become the group mother.”

Jiang Miao laughed awkwardly and refused, “I can’t. My arms have been a little sore from practicing the guzheng recently, so how about…” He pushed Fang Juexia over to Pei Tingsong, suggesting, “It should still be Fang Juexia ba.”

Of course, Fang Juexia was willing to take care of Pei Tingsong, and it wasn’t the first time they had stayed in a hotel together, so it should be fine. Also, it would be a very nice feeling to have the first person you see in the morning be the person you like. 

But Pei Tingsong refused, “Forget it, I’ll just go with Qiang Ge ba. I was just kidding around just now.”

“You little brat, no one can clean you up.”

Fang Juexia was a little confused; he didn’t expect his little fantasy to be extinguished just like that. They went to the elevator, and Pei Tingsong was beside him. His right arm rubbed against Fang Juexia’s left arm, swinging back and forth, and the backs of their hands rubbed against one another from time to time. 

“Sleep on your own ba,” Pei Tingsong said in a low voice. “Sleeping by yourself will be more comfortable for you.”

“En.” Fang Juexia nodded and went to the very back of the elevator with him. Cheng Qiang and Jiang Miao exhorted them about the filming process for the show, and blocked them from the front. As the elevator rose up, Fang Juexia lowered his eyes and caught a glimpse of Pei Tingsong’s right half-folded cuff, so he reached over, unfolded the cuff, and pulled it down. 

The feeling of Fang Juexia’s fingers touching his wrist was very strange, like something scratching at his heart. Pei Tingsong drew in a breath silently, holding back the thought of taking the opportunity to hold hands.

In order to be in better shape for the filming session, they didn’t stay up too late and went ahead and rested. Fang Juexia had almost never stayed alone in a hotel before. Most of the time, he would room with Ling Yi, and occasionally, he would also switch and stay with someone else. To be honest, him being alone suited his personality more. Quiet and lonely spaces were actually a kind of comfort zone for him.

He opened his suitcase, took out the clothes he’d change into after washing up, washed up, then blow-dried his hair, and finally sat on the bed to reply to his unanswered messages. He called his mother, and all these tasks were carried out in an orderly fashion. One by one they were finished, and then it was time to rest.

It was very strange; plainly, this was a rare occasion where he got time to be alone, but Fang Juexia couldn’t really fall asleep. He lay in bed, tossing and turning, and looked out of the hotel window at the moonlight.

He didn’t say it in the lobby of the hotel, nor did he say it when they were in the elevator. Yet, at this moment, Fang Juexia had to admit that he had kind of wanted to share the same room with Pei Tingsong.

He was very smart and had guessed why Pei Tingsong didn’t choose to stay in the same room as him. But this reason, on the contrary, made him more perturbed, and also made him experience some kind of ambiguous reverie in the middle of the night.

Fang Juexia sat up, took the laptop he had brought with him, and went back to bed with his quilt neatly covering him. His fingers lingered indecisively on the keyboard, and his eyes rested on the blank search bar.

He was a good student and had received a good physiological education, but boys with boys had never appeared in his scope of studies. So, he thought that maybe he should learn a bit.

In another room right across the hall, Cheng Qiang helped Pei Tingsong remove the sling from his body, and then helped him take off his coat.

“When will the cast on my hand be removed?” Pei Tingsong asked. 

Cheng Qiang used great effort to help a guy taller than him take off his shirt. He recalled what the doctor had said before and rehashed, “Last time, the doctor said that for a hand or wrist fracture, the cast can be removed in about two weeks. But to understand the particulars, we still need to go to the hospital and get an X-Ray taken to see how much it has healed up. When we go back to Beijing, I’ll take you again for a follow-up visit ba.”

Pei Tingsong nodded, sat back on the bed, stared at the heavy cast on his hand, and sighed. In the beginning, he had thought it was good to be injured, since he could use it to coerce Fang Juexia into taking care of him, but now, he felt that it had become increasingly cumbersome and was affecting his performance.

“Hey right, have you received Miss Pei’s email?”

Pei Tingsong found that even more funny. “I never read emails. If President Pei still has her Didi in mind, she can call me.”

This brother-sister pair was really too much. Cheng Qiang sat down and said, “You really are blood related siblings, both of you more stubborn than the one before, trapping me in the middle and pressing me until I’m not worthy of being called a human. Every time you ignore her, she sends me an email. Every time I see her English name, I start trembling with fear.”

“I don’t care about that, and she can’t control me,” said Pei Tingsong and lay down on his back.

Cheng Qiang shook his head. “I find that it’s that way too, who can control you?”

“Who…” Pei Tingsong looked at the snow-white ceiling, his head full of Fang Juexia’s face. 

When he was a child, he had thought it absurd when his grandfather had read ‘Journey to the West’ to him. In the beginning of the story, it had described the Monkey King as such a fierce character that he was omnipotent in both the heavens and the earth; if he didn’t want to die, then he wouldn’t die, and in the spheres of the heavens, if he wanted to fight, then he would fight. But later on, he was actually held down by one hand for an entire 500 years.

Pei Tingsong thought about it now, and he didn’t find it absurd anymore. It was written very realistically. 

He was also being held down with one hand, one that wrapped around him very gently, incapable of turning over under its influence, and also incapable of escaping it no matter what.

The night passed the same as it usually did, but everyone’s sleep was not the same. He Ziyan got up early in the morning and complained that Ling Yi kept waking him up at night with his constant sleep-talking. He even pulled Fang Juexia into the conversation by asking him how he usually put up with it.

Ling Yi defended himself, “It was just last night! I was too tired from the flight!”

Hearing the two words “last night”, Fang Juexia thought of his own “research and study” and said a little guiltily, “Yes ah…. Usually, Ling Yi doesn’t talk in his sleep.”

These few people kept the car noisy while Fang Juexia looked out of the window. The weather here was more like that of the South, and the slightly cool air was moist. 

In many cities, spring was the same as it was here, composed of endless rain, but spring in Beijing was filled with clouds of white drifting about the sky. Once the flying and dancing poplar seed pods stopped roaming about, spring would also soon be over.

Fang Juexia didn’t like poplar seed pods in the past; they  would make his nose uncomfortable and even affect his vocal cords, which wasn’t good for stage performances. However, after falling in love with spring, these soft white things also seemed to be lovely, the love that he had for spring extending towards them. He didn’t find them annoying any more, and he was even willing to wear masks to stay around them for a while longer.

Let Spring stay a little longer.

As they approached the satellite TV station building where the filming would take place, Fang Juexia suddenly received a message from Pei Tingsong—

[Injured Guide Dog: I missed you last night.]

Just these five words stirred Fang Juexia’s heart into a mess. Clearly speaking, Pei Tingsong was sitting next to him, and maybe he was even watching him open and read the message, but he was so quiet that Fang Juexia’s heart beat wildly.

He decided not to reply.

Watching as Fang Juexia put his cellphone back in his pocket, and everyone got ready to get out of the car, Pei Tingsong felt a little disappointed. He had thought that Fang Juexia would take the opportunity to reply to him. 

“Xiao Wen already called them and informed them of our arrival.”

“Okay!”

Pei Tingsong also got ready to get up. At this moment, Fang Juexia held his hand and drew close to his ear, to whisper amidst the confines of the noisy car— 

“I didn’t miss you.”

After holding on for just a short while, he let go again. The six boys jumped out of the car one by one like boiling tangyuan. Pei Tingsong followed behind Fang Juexia, his heart also stuck to this person.

The public’s acceptance of long hair wasn’t high, so Star Chart’s stylist had specially cut off all the hair Fang Juexia had grown out before the show, and had then styled it to make for a more refreshing look.

When filming for the variety show, they switched to using the program group’s stylist, who styled them in a fashion more in line with the public. The style of the six people this time went the big boy route, and there would be no problems with that.

Pei Tingsong wore a dark blue suede baseball cap on his head, showing off his fine and well-defined features. He was also wearing a loose avocado green jacket, with his sling still draped around it. Fang Juexia was wearing a simple black t-shirt slightly tucked into his waist and loose camouflage jeans underneath it. The hairstylist blow-dried his bangs so that they had a curve, revealing his smooth forehead and superior features.

Ling Yi went with the consistent cute Didi route, wearing a purple tracksuit and with his hair permed into teddy bear curls. Jiang Miao, the group leader, wore a loose striped shirt with dark gray jeans and a long black ribbon around his neck. He Ziyan was given a perm by the stylist, getting a slag man’s tin-foil perm, and wore a lake blue coat with long black sports pants. Lu Yuan was styled into giving off a rare calm look, coupled with a white t-shirt and brown trousers. When the lead dancer pair stood together, they just looked like yin and yang.  

Before the show officially started filming this episode, the boys met the host team and bowed in greeting. Chen Mo, the lead host, was the most famous entertainment host in the circle. He had a high status but was friendly. Because of the previous live audio incident, he had always carried a very good impression of Kaleido.

“You guys have really gotten especially popular recently. The satellite TV building has been encircled by all your fans from the outside, and they’re all waiting below my Weibo as well, everyone begging me to please take care of you guys.”

Cheng Qiang said with a smile, “We really do need to be taken care of by Mr. Chen.”

Only when the director informed them that filming was about to begin did they wrap up their conversation. The several hosts went on stage first, and after a little warm up intro, Kaleido, who were standing backstage, heard the host’s voice—

“Let’s give our warmest applause to welcome today’s special guests, the super popular boyband—Kaleido!”

The fans’ cheers surged like a wave. The six Kaleido members went onto the stage as per the staff’s instructions, and then began their opening performance, which was joined into the intro part of ‘Break Through.’ Kaleido’s performance was as explosive as ever, and soon gave the stage performance a concert-like atmosphere. The fans under the stage held up their support banners, and the chorus being sung by the entire venue was a very spectacular view.

At the end of the song, the six of them got up from their ending poses and gathered at the center of the stage. Chen Mo brought the other hosts onto the stage, while making sure Kaleido stood in the middle.

“Wow, I finally saw the performance of ‘Break Through.’”

“Yes, it’s more shocking than I thought. No wonder it has managed to sweep up all the major music websites until now.”

Chen Mo leaned forward, looked at Jiang Miao, and asked, “Then let’s ask Kaleido to greet our long-awaited audience below?”

Jiang Miao nodded, looked left and right at the other members, and then whispered, “One, two, three.”

The six people raised their hands together, their right hands making a ‘K.’ “Hello everyone, we are Kaleido!”

Another burst of cheers came from below the stage. Their fans hadn’t had such an opportunity in a long time, and their expectations and thoughts all turned into shouts. From the screams in the beginning, they all turned into a chant of “Kaleido, Kaleido…” This was the real embodiment of popularity.

Chen Mo took the microphone and said, “Today we are very happy to invite Kaleido to take part in the recording of this episode of ‘Happy Friday.’ I heard that they made a special trip for our program group, thank you guys very much.”

Jiang Miao shook his head. “No, no.”

Ling Yi also shook his head. “No, no, we are not very busy.”

Below the stage, a fan yelled, “They really were very idle before!”

He Ziyan picked up the microphone and said, “I can immediately tell that that’s an old fan.”

The fans all laughed. The hostess thought it was particularly interesting and commented, “I find that your group isn’t shy with strangers at all.”

Chen Mo also asked, “Yes ah, how come if they say you were idle before, they just have to be an old fan?”

Pei Tingsong took over. “This kind of loving each other and stabbing each other is all done by old fans; new fans all go—whatever Gege does is good.”

There was another burst of laughter from below.

“We really did used to be pretty idle, we didn’t have a lot of activities.” As soon as Lu Yuan’s turn came up, he took the lead in selling out his bandmates. He pointed to Fang Juexia beside him and said, “For example, Juexia, he was so idle that he went to test for a teacher’s qualification certificate.”

“Hahahahahahaha!”

Chen Mo was a little surprised. “Really? What subject did you test for? Was it for junior high or senior high?”

Having been cued so animatedly, and on top of that, even on such a topic, Fang Juexia was a bit embarrassed. “….High school mathematics. I studied mathematics in University. At that time, we really didn’t have many activities, and everyone was taking the exam, so I also went along and got a certificate.”

Ling Yi added, “He was at Beijing Normal University.”

Another host joked, “So what Juexia was thinking was that if they couldn’t get popular, he would go back to teach, right?”

“Hahahaha!”

“Gege, go back and coach me on the five-three study method!”

Pei Tingsong saw that his ears had turned red, and teased with the microphone in his hand, “Who doesn’t want to be taught by Teacher Fang?”