CH 64

translator: baumkuchen

Thinking about it now, it had already been a very long time since Lu Qingjiu had properly celebrated his birthday. Even though the company would keep track of employee birthdays and hold a celebration, it wouldn’t be more than sending a small gift and having everyone cut a cake together. Because of how busy he was with work, every time, by the time Lu Qingjiu would remember his birthday, it wouldn’t be that his birthday hadn’t arrived yet, but rather his birthday would already be over. 

Breakfast that morning had been prepared by the three of them. It was a bowl of longevity noodles. From how it looked, it seemed to be no different than other such noodles. There were even three shiny, golden fried eggs draped across it.

Lu Qingjiu sat down at the table, across from him Zhu Miaomiao and Yin Xun’s expectant gazes.

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“Happy birthday Jiu-er,” Yin Xun smiled and said, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve celebrated your birthday with you. I remember that when your grandma was still around, she would always make you a bowl of noodles, so today you’ll be having a taste of my personal handiwork. I made you a bowl of the legendary delicious longevity noodles in chicken soup!”

Zhu Miaomiao said, “Give it a try!” 

Lu Qingjiu, “……” Even though he was suspicious of Yin Xun’s culinary skills, it had to be said, the bowl of noodles before him at least looked incredibly alluring. Atop the clear soup were scattered emerald green chopped onions, and the bowl was emitting the rich fragrance of chicken soup. No matter how he looked at it, it looked like an incredibly normal bowl of noodles.

Adding on their expectant gazes, Lu Qingjiu didn’t say anything in the end, simply eating the bowl of noodles before him. It had to be said, this bowl of chicken noodle soup really tasted quite good. The yolks of the fried eggs were even still runny. After eating it, Lu Qingjiu felt as if his entire body had warmed up.

“It’s delicious, thank you all,” Lu Qingjiu said with a smile.

“We’ll be responsible for all of today’s meals, you can just rest for the entire day today.” This was what Zhu Miaomiao had planned. She said, “It looks like the weather outside is pretty good, how about you take Bai Yuehu with you on a trip up the mountain?”

Lu Qingjiu smiled and said, “No need, I can do it. After all, it’s my birthday, I want to treat you guys to a meal.”

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However, Zhu Miaomiao couldn’t be persuaded otherwise no matter what. In the end, Lu Qingjiu could only give in out of helplessness, taking Bai Yuehu with him to the fields and leaving the kitchen to the three of them. Of course, before he left, he didn’t forget to remind them to put safety first, and to please not set the kitchen on fire.

In the fields, Lu Qingjiu and Bai Yuehu chatted about the past. Lu Qingjiu told Bai Yuehu about some of his childhood memories. Bai Yuehu was a very good listener, and he didn’t need to worry about him telling anyone else about what he heard, after all, most of the time, he was too lazy to even open his mouth to speak.

Their field was lush green and full of life. The recently-planted pumpkins had grown as well. This was their first batch of pumpkins ever, and each one of them was especially big. Picking them up to roughly weigh them, he found that they were about twenty to thirty jin. Lu Qingjiu brought one back with him, planning on making a few desserts with the pumpkin. 

It was just that halfway back, he felt something wrong with his stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Bai Yuehu asked Lu Qingjiu.

“My…… stomach hurts a little.” Lu Qingjiu’s face was deathly pale. “Take this, I’ll be heading back first!” After saying that, he put down the pumpkin and picked up his legs and ran, leaving behind a stunned Bai Yuehu.

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“What’s wrong with you?” Upon seeing how Lu Qingjiu looked, Bai Yuehu, who’d just sat down in the courtyard, asked doubtfully.

“I…… I ate Yin Xun’s cooking,” Lu Qingjiu said in a trembling voice.

Bai Yuehu, “……” His expression told Lu Qingjiu, why hadn’t he been able to think it through. 

Lu Qingjiu said, “But I clearly looked pretty good!”

Bai Yuehu said, “That’s what you said last time too.”

Lu Qingjiu was in so much pain that he was yearning for death, but the most terrifying thing wasn’t this, rather, it was the fact that at that very moment, Yin Xun was still in the kitchen using his culinary talents with Zhu Miaomiao. Before Lu Qingjiu was able to say anything, he was forced back into the toilet. As he squatted in the toilet, he even began to resent that his house didn’t use toilet bowls, he felt like he’d been squatting for so long that he was going to need to amputate his legs…… 

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

By the time Lu Qingjiu started feeling a little better and left the toilet, he looked utterly dehydrated. Bai Yuehu passed him a cup of hot tea, pity evident in his gaze. He said, “They made you another table of good dishes.” 

Lu Qingjiu, “……” His hand holding the tea was trembling slightly.

Bai Yuehu, “Drink the tea.”

Lu Qingjiu, “……Okay.” 

Who knew Bai Yuehu’s next line would be: “Hurry on to your death.” 

Lu Qingjiu almost choked to death. After finishing the cup of tea, he dragged his heavy body into the house and saw the table of dishes Yin Xun and Zhu Miaomiao had prepared for him. It had to be said, if not for the fact that his butt still hurt, this table of dishes would really be incredibly alluring. There was a mix of meat and vegetable dishes, as well as a huge pot of steaming chicken soup. In the centre, there was even an extremely beautiful squirrel fish.

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Zhu Miaomiao praised off to the side, “Yin Xun, your cooking is really pretty good.”

Yin Xun’s bashful response: “I’ve just had a lot of practice at home. I didn’t used to be this good before. Jiu-er, you’re back? Why’d you stay out in the fields for so long today?” 

Lu Qingjiu thought, what do you mean I just came back, I’ve clearly been in the toilet for an entire afternoon. It was just a pity that the few of them were too busy to notice the person dying in the toilet.

Lu Qingjiu said, “Yin Xun…… I have something……”

Zhu Miaomiao didn’t know anything about this. She enthusiastically rushed over to Lu Qingjiu, beckoning him over, “What are you saying, hurry and eat. We can talk after you eat, the food’s getting cold.”

Lu Qingjiu knew that he had to say something, but faced with Yin Xun’s expectant eyes, he actually felt like he couldn’t say the words that were pressing up against his lips. Yin Xun knew that his grandmother would always make him a bowl of noodles for his birthday, so he’d gotten up early to make a fresh bowl of chicken soup to cook a bowl of noodles for him. He also knew that Lu Qingjiu hadn’t celebrated his birthday in a very long time, so he’d specially made him a table full of dishes. He didn’t have any special birthday presents he could give Lu Qingjiu, so he could only do his best…… Having met this kind of friend, Lu Qingjiu found that he didn’t quite have the heart to say that this food couldn’t be eaten. 

“What’s wrong, Qingjiu?” Seeing Lu Qingjiu remain still, Yin Xun asked blankly.

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Lu Qingjiu let out a deep sigh. In the end, he didn’t say anything. With a benevolent fatherly look in his eyes, he sat down at the table and said, “Let’s eat.”

“I’ll go get Bai Yuehu.” Zhu Miaomiao happily left.

After being called in and seeing Lu Qingjiu sitting at the table once more, even holding chopsticks in his hand, Bai Yuehu raised his eyebrow slightly, sending a questioning gaze towards Lu Qingjiu. 

Lu Qingjiu couldn’t say it to Yin Xun’s face, so he simply pulled out his phone and messaged Bai Yuehu, saying that not matter what, this was the rest of Yin Xun and Zhu Miaomiao working for an entire afternoon, if he said that he couldn’t eat it, they would be disappointed.

Bai Yuehu was silent for a moment. After a long time, he sent back one line: You really don’t fear death.

Lu Qingjiu shut off his phone, pretending he hadn’t seen it.

He picked up his chopsticks and began to eat. 

The food actually tasted rather good. It could even be said that for Yin Xun, who rarely cooked, he’d already done extremely well. As everyone drank wine and chatted, the atmosphere was actually rather pleasant. It was just that thinking about how he’d be spending the next few hours after this meal, Lu Qingjiu felt like that there was a knife being twisted in his heart. He even began to consider if he should go next door to borrow their toilet.

The process of eating itself was wonderful as they filled their stomachs with food and wine. Zhu Miaomiao even brought out that rather flat cake, carrying it to the table with pomp and circumstance, even taking out some candles which Lu Qingjiu had no idea where she could have gotten them from, and lighting them for him.

“Qingjiu, happy birthday!” Zhu Miaomiao’s smile was incandescent. “We all made the cake together, it doesn’t look very good, but it still tastes alright!”

When Lu Qingjiu saw the cake, he felt a throb of pain in his heart, thinking that there was a possibility he’d have to sleep in the toilet tonight, but it was still alright, after all, he’d have a few people to accompany him. Thinking about it like that, he instantly felt relieved, letting out a kindly smile. 

Seeing Lu Qingjiu’s smile, Zhu Miaomiao asked, “Jiu-er, why does your smile look so much like the Buddha’s?”

Lu Qingjiu, “Does it?”

Zhu Miaomiao, “It does.”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Lu Qingjiu thought, that might be because I know that I’m about to ascend and become one. Sitting next to them, as Bai Yuehu watched the two interact, a hint of laughter appeared in his eyes when he heard that exchange. 

Zhu Miaomiao still didn’t know what she’d done, but seeing that Lu Qingjiu wasn’t going to explain, she placed all her attention on the cake as she lit the candles and even sang Lu Qingjiu the Happy Birthday song. Lu Qingjiu made three wishes to the cake, then blew out all the candles in one breath.

They cut up the cake and split it amongst everyone. Even though now matter how you looked at it, this cake looked like a lump of white baba, it actually didn’t taste bad, at least tasting like a dessert. Lu Qingjiu swiftly polished off his share of the cake, then instantly turned and left. Seeing the determined set of his back, Zhu Miaomiao asked, confused, “Jiu-er, where are you going?”

Lu Qingjiu said, “I’m going to the toilet.”

Zhu Miaomiao, “What are you going to the toilet for?” 

Lu Qingjiu, “You’ll know in a while.” He stopped for a moment, and gave this group of three idiots who still didn’t know what had happened a tip, “I honestly advise that you all go out right now and find yourself a toilet in the village. After you go in, don’t come out……”

The three all had looks of incomprehension on their faces, but very quickly, they understood the meaning of Lu Qingjiu’s words.

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“Fuck, fuck, Lu Qingjiu get out of there, I can’t hold it in any longer——” Yin Xun shrieked like a chicken that was being strangled.

However, Lu Qingjiu who’d already used up all of his fatherly compassion just now had a heart of stone. “I can’t come out, I’ll be living here from today onwards.” 

“Lu-ge, Lu-ge, please, I’m begging you, give me a chance.” Zhu Miaomiao decided to go with the soft approach. “I’ll let you back in after I’m done.”

“Not possible,” Lu Qingjiu said, “Don’t even think about it.” He knew Zhu Miaomiao, this thing, all too well. Don’t be fooled by her sweet words, if he really let her in, this toilet would be surnamed Zhu.

Jiang Buhuan didn’t have the nerve to fight with Lu Qingjiu. With a red face, he went off next door to ask to borrow their toilet.

Seeing that their plans had failed, Yin Xun and Zhu Miaomiao both let out a few curses, before going off elsewhere to look for toilets. Lu Qingjiu had finally become the king of the toilet, but he wasn’t at all happy about it.