#021 – This new helper fairy sucks, I want a refund

#021 – This new helper fairy sucks, I want a refund

When my eyes fluttered open, I was greeted by an unfamiliar sight. Ceiling that felt way too far away, and rows of lockers on both sides that looked stretched to crazy lengths.

I blinked several times, trying to make sense of this odd optical illusion. Before I could though, two blue windows appeared in my field of view.

‘Sweet dreams’ achievement unlocked!

+1 Skill point

‘Hermit’ achievement unlocked!

+1 Skill point

It only took a second for me to remember where I was and what I had been doing from there.

“Oh...” I groaned. “Good morning chat...”

Like yesterday, chat flooded with countless messages that I had no chance of ever reading all, but luckily, I also had the group chat right with my regulars next to it now. Although, it seemed like there was just one person around...

JamieWasTaken3: sup

“Hey, Jamie...” I said with a lazy yawn.

I sat up and rubbed my back. It felt pretty sore from sleeping on the hard floor. Sure, the cave and the grass outside weren’t that much better but still...

I carefully looked around the dead end of the maze I was still in and felt relieved that nothing had attacked me in my sleep. I was probably right about the monsters in this dungeon all being ambush predators rather than seeking out the dungeoneers.

I stretched with a groan just to help with the sore muscles and stood up, taking stock of my situation and trying to figure out my next move.

Then I glanced at the group chat.

JamieWasTaken3: yo nana message from jeoff

I hummed questioningly.

JamieWasTaken3: do ten squats and pushups every morning

I blinked and then groaned in disgust.

“To slowly work toward those achievements, right? Ugh, I mean, that’s the smart thing to do but... I feel like I’m being conned into regularly exercising by the system,” I grumbled with a pout.

JamieWasTaken3: yea thats the point lol

JamieWasTaken3: isnt it good anyway?

JamieWasTaken3: since u have to fight n stuff?

“I guess so... Fine, here I go...”

With great effort, I dropped to all fours and began doing pushups. While I did that, I checked the two achievements I’d gotten. I knew one of them. It had been the entire reason why I’d slept here, after all. The other one though?

Sweet dreams - Sleep inside a dungeon.

Hermit - Sleep inside a Tempor-based dungeon.

I blinked in surprise. It was exactly the same achievement... except it specified a type of the dungeon?

What the heck was a Tempor-based dungeon anyway? And why was it called ‘Hermit’ of all things? Was it trying to imply that I was trying to live here?

While my thoughts churned, I managed the ten pushups but decided to keep going since I wasn’t tired yet.

“Chat...” I gasped between pushups. “What... does... that mean?”

JamieWasTaken3: tempor is one of the three manas right?

JamieWasTaken3: hold on lemee check the wiki

“The... wiki? What... wiki?”

Twenty-one... Twenty-two...

JamieWasTaken3: your wiki

I let myself drop after the twenty-fourth pushup with a gasp as my eyes widened.

“I have a wiki?! Like... a wiki about me?!”

JamieWasTaken3: yea irid made it yesteday

I rolled on my back and stared at the faraway ceiling in a slight daze.

Sure, I’d known that my stream had exploded in the number of viewers the other day, but to have someone create a wiki dedicated to me...?

I guess the reality of my new popularity hadn’t sunk in just yet.

“I mean... I would agree with you and just go with whatever chat decides if I wasn’t lost in a deadly dungeon that wants me dead,” I said, a little snarkily. “It’s kinda slightly important that I spend these skill points wisely so I... you know, don’t die and stuff.”

JamieWasTaken3: ok jeez I get it

With the poll running in the background, I began gathering all my stuff to prepare for another day of dungeoneering.

But then I realized that I couldn’t exactly stuff my pockets with all the loot like always. The shower head was too big to fit and I kept on accidentally giving the soap a tiny bit of Ether when I touched it, making it foam all the time. Putting that in my pockets would just be gross.

So instead, I put them both inside the bucket. Neither could be pushed into its pocket dimension since they weren’t liquids, but hey, the bucket still worked as a container. Might as well make use of it.

With everything gathered, I set off from my little dead end back in the direction where I’d come from yesterday. I sort of remembered the way, but not completely. This was a non-euclidian nightmare, after all.

“So, uh... Do you happen to remember which way I went, Jamie? I wanna try get back to that opened locker.”

JamieWasTaken3: uhhhhh

JamieWasTaken3: I think someone made a map

JamieWasTaken3: sec

I hummed and checked the poll in the meantime.

Poll: ‘What should I get next?’

Upgrade Streamer: 9.0%(1263)

Flame bullet: 24.6% (3456)

Extreme temperature: 32.2% (4532)

Flameguard: 6.1% (855)

Save up points for Fusion: 28.1% (3956)

Close poll

I raised an eyebrow despite knowing nobody would see that.

“You guys want me to blow all my points on upgrading Fire breath? I mean, I guess having a high damage attack would be nice but it just feels like putting all my eggs in one basket, you know...?” I reasoned. “I would rather get fusion and experiment with fusing different things. Like, what would happen if I fused the sword with my clothes? Would I get lightning armor?”

Or maybe that would just kill me. I probably shouldn’t try fusing those. The point still stood, though. I could try fusing other things together to see what I got, since the skill also allowed me to separate them again.

After my short monologue, the last poll option suddenly got more votes and overtook Extreme temperature, cementing itself as the winner of the poll.

I shrugged and closed the poll. Not like I was going to blindly follow the poll’s results but hey. Good to know that I could manipulate the results.

JamieWasTaken3: okay

JamieWasTaken3: fuck this is hard

I smirked.

“Oh no, my helpful fairy of the day can’t read maps,” I teased.

JamieWasTaken3: go left

JamieWasTaken3: how dare you im great at maps

I chuckled and followed Jamie’s instructions. As I did, it randomly occurred to me just how insanely useful Streamer was as a skill. I’d never really thought to compare it to any of the other skills, but that was mainly because they were simply incomparable. Chat was the thing keeping me sane in here, I could freely admit that. But even beyond helping with my sanity, the skill indirectly gave me a massive treasure trove of information and useful advice via all the chatters.

A bit weird to think about it that way, but still.

Speaking of which, since it was a racial skill, were all humans in this world supposed to get it? No, that couldn’t be right. The system had had to generate the skill when I’d first made it out of the spaceship dungeon, so I had to assume that everyone had a different racial skill. Were the others just as useful as Streamer?

Not like I had much hope in meeting more humans in this world but still...

With these idle thoughts, I made it back to the open locker. Luckily, it was still open, despite Irid’s worries yesterday and ripe for exploring.

I stepped closer to it and looked inside the pitch black darkness... before backing up and thinking that it would be better to leave it alone.

“Ugh, chat... Now I don’t know about this. This looks like the prelude to a horror movie,” I whined. “Except I’m the only schmuck in the party so I will definitely be the first one to die!”

JamieWasTaken3: do it you pussy

“Wha–” I blinked in surprise before narrowing my eyes. “Are you channeling your inner George, Jamie?”

JamieWasTaken3: yea im your whole chat at once

I snorted. “Right...” Then I looked back into the darkness and cringed.

God, I hated pitch-black rooms. Especially if there were facehugging towels waiting to suffocate me inside.

JamieWasTaken3: cmon dude

JamieWasTaken3: not like you have other options

“I could just... keep wandering,” I argued.

JamieWasTaken3: yea and get even more lost

JamieWasTaken3: cmon I thought u were starving

JamieWasTaken3: hurry up

I groaned and rubbed my forehead.

“You are the absolute worst helper fairy. I want Ebi to come back,” I said before pulling out my sword, pouring just enough Ether to light it up just like back when I’d spilled the refined ooze on it, and then stepped inside the stupid locker.