#071 – I think I had enough internet for the day

#071 – I think I had enough internet for the day

I took deep breaths as I sat on the grass.

Happy thoughts. Calm thoughts. No violence. No head smashing.

Everything was fine.

I was safe.

The dungeon monsters here didn’t respawn unless the dungeon reset and even then, one only spawned when I entered a new room.

It was fine.

I was safe.

Deep exhale.

By the time I opened my eyes again I was relatively calm.

Chat was also exploding with all sorts of messages, but I wasn’t reading any of them right now. I couldn’t, lest something push me over the edge again.

“Chat... I... I need a therapist,” I suddenly announced, even if I internally cringed at my own words. “I... can’t keep going like this.”

I knew that I couldn’t. I could grin and cheer for the camera like a proper Vcuber, even when going through life or death situations once or twice... But there was a limit. I couldn’t do it indefinitely. And even though I could now use voice calls, I still felt so, so alone.

I didn’t want to go off the deep end completely. I didn’t want to murder the first actual person I met when I actually got back to Earth.

And I was going to get back.

“I never told you guys, but Officer Stew suggested I speak to one, but... He said he would send some to watch the stream. But, well...” I glanced over to the actual stream chat from which one would probably get a seizure just by looking at all the messages coming through. “...Yeah. Hard to communicate like this.”

I took another breath.

“So! I need you guys’ help. I want you to find a therapist who would be willing to have actual therapy sessions with me... for basically free, since I can’t exactly pay them from here.” I grimaced. “Well, I would pay them once I got back to Earth, but anyway... Yeah. Someone who’s an actual professional and not just someone who would want clout, you know?”

That was the whole pain point of it all. There would inevitably be people wanting to be my ‘therapists’ just for the fame and wouldn’t even have the qualifications.

And I couldn’t realistically pick out individual people in chat and vet them myself.

I stopped and frowned.

...Actually, I could. I just had to spend five skill points.

Stream overseer - Reserve half of your Intra to become capable of reading and processing everything happening in the stream’s chat.

...Should I? Was it worth it? Turning myself into some kind of supercomputer still felt kind of disturbing, though.

Who was I kidding? I was going to get that skill eventually anyway, wasn’t I? I had plenty of points right now, so might as well just get it now to start getting used to it as soon as possible.

Speaking of skill points, I’d gotten an achievement before the whole... murder rage thing happened, hadn’t I?

What was it again...? Oh, this one.

Meh, don’t need it - Completely ignore a floor reward chest. [COMPLETE]

Right, yeah. I had done that. Kind of forgotten there was an achievement for that.

Aaand I was distracting myself again.

“So yeah. Need a therapist, chat,” I concluded lamely. “I might actually get the Stream overseer just to chat with different people, actually.”

KaiEbikoOfficial: don’t know about that Nana

KaiEbikoOfficial: I thought you didn’t want to become a supercomputer

bloopbooper: boop... (づ•́ ᴖ •̀)づ

uptonMIKE: that really doesn’t sound like a good idea

trelipideliberitation: meh shrinks are overrated

Jeofffff: oh hell yeah galaxy brain time

SunOfABeach: you do need a therapist I agree

“I mean... I probably need to get all tier two Streamer upgrades to unlock the next tier again, right?” I explained. “And... Well, since tier two allows calls, the higher tiers might have stuff like video calls...” I trailed off as I thought about it. “...Which would mean that I could at least see back to Earth. Heck, maybe I’ll even end up getting something that lets me summon people here! So... Yeah. If I want that, I’m gonna need to get the overseer at some point anyway.”

KaiEbikoOfficial: I don’t like how that logic makes sense

KaiEbikoOfficial: I don’t wanna stop you from keeping yourself sane though...

uptonMIKE: it could be a trap though

uptonMIKE: you don’t need to get all the upgrades

uptonMIKE: it wants you to think you do

I groaned.

“I mean, you’re right, Mike. It could be a trap but... I just... I still need a therapist. And having Stream Overseer will help me find one. That ought to offset this, right?”

uptonMIKE: becoming less human isn’t

KaiEbikoOfficial: could you turn it off later?

uptonMIKE: we can find you one

I grimaced at Mike’s comment.

“Being human is overrated,” I murmured before raising my voice. “I’m already part phoenix or something, right? It’s gonna be fine! And, no. I don’t think I can, Ebi. It’s like the stream itself. Can’t turn it off... except for when I play ads, I guess.”

Purchase the [Streamer] skill upgrade [Stream Overseer] for 5 skill points?

Y/N

uptonMIKE: please reconsider

bloopbooper: b-bloop (。Ó_Ò。)

Once again, I forced myself to stop paying attention to chat and walked over to the door as the chest vanished into smoke.

“Okay, door. I really hope you didn’t lock me in for the funzies. That would suck... Mm, yeah it could be that the dungeon reset, we’ll have to see...”

I was about to reply to yet another chatter when I once again reminded myself to stop getting distracted.

I slowly approached the door, wary of something jumping – ugh, I hoped the archer didn’t respawn – placed my hand on the handle, and then opened it.

It led back into the city.

I frowned.

Listening to an errant suggestion from a chatter – and ignoring the others – I closed the door again, thought about continuing the dungeon, and opened it again.

The dining room greeted me on the other side of the door this time.

I stared at it for a second and then sighed.

“Looks like the dungeon really did reset,” I murmured as a flood of disappointment and cussing me out for missing it flooded chat.

I tuned it out.

“Okay, so... In other words. This dungeon is a timed boss rush gauntlet of sorts. I have to beat one boss after the other without leaving the dungeon and without taking too long.”

I groaned and shook my head.

“Yeah, I’m not doing this right now, chat. That’s way too dangerous. Especially because I get locked into the fights and can’t run from them. I don’t even know how long it is. It could be five fights or it could be fifty.”

I ignored all the complainers and instead focused back on my good old group chats.

uptonMIKE: yeah this dungeon is a terrible trap

KaiEbikoOfficial: are you sure you’re okay?

KaiEbikoOfficial: you’re spacing out

“Yeah, I’m fine! Don’t worry, Ebi!” I said as I closed the door and reopened it back into the city again. I walked through. “There’s just a lot I can perceive now, you know? It’s... very distracting. But I’m learning how to manage it!”

KaiEbikoOfficial: if you say so...

I bopped my head as I made my way out of the dungeon. Some people were asking how exactly the Stream Overseer worked and although I was still trying to figure it out, I had a general idea.

“Yeah, so... It’s like I have hundreds... or even thousands of thought processes going on at the same time now. It constantly changes and is pretty hard to tell how many it is...” I paused and frowned. “Actually, I would have thought I would have a lot more... Oh, yeah, you’re right PigMe, it’s probably because my Intra is limited.”

Aaand I was getting distracted again, great.

I shook my head.

“Anyway,” I said as I stepped out of the dungeon and felt the relief wash over me. “One of these thought processes is the main one. The one I always had, right? Me, basically. It’s more advanced than all the other ones. And then the other ones each attach themselves to an individual message from chat, analyze it, and think about it, before sending that info back to my main thought process.”

Which... really did sound like some kind of computer system, didn’t it? Like I was some kind of server.

Well, I shouldn’t think too hard about that.

“So like, at first, they sent everything back and my main thought process got completely overwhelmed by all the information. That’s why I froze up like that,” I said with a grimace as I slowly made my way back to my base.

“Which is obviously super dangerous since only my main thought process can pay attention to my surroundings. So I figured out how to... decline the information they send...? Or rather, I tell them what information they should send and what they should keep to themselves.”

Oh fuck, now I was talking about the other thought branches like they were different people. Was I going to get some kind of split personality syndrome?

Dammit, which chatter had said that? Now I was concerned.

I took a deep breath and once again blocked it all.

“But... apparently, sometimes they think some information is very important or too shocking not to know, so they send me that information anyway even if I told them not to.”

I opened my crappy door and shuffled inside my shelter.

“So... I’m going to need to learn how to... Err, manage my own thoughts? Manage my thought branches? Whatever you wanna call it.” I grimaced. “Don’t call them my kids! Or brain cells. Mini-mes? Eh, I guess...?”

I shook my head.

“Anyway! Chat! You’ve been... seriously nasty! I had a way to ban people for a while now, but I couldn’t do much since there was so much going on, but–” I summoned John and had him look at my evil grin shaded by my shelter. “–now I can.”

I let out an evil chuckle as some chatters began to panic.

“And guess what? My thought processes have access to the banning function, so this is going to go very quickly!” I grinned wider. “It’s banning time, chat! Thank you for volunteering to serve as a training ground for managing my thought branches!” I paused and hummed. “Forks is a good name for them, I guess... Wait, that’s a programming term? Dammit, don’t compare me to an AI!”

I spent the rest of the day moderating my chat and learning how to... exist now.

At some point, I inevitably realized that in the span of a mere hour, I had probably changed more than in all of my other days in this world just from the sheer amount of information I’d absorbed.

I didn’t dwell on it toomuch.