Chapter 83X - Book of the Dead - Random Prayers

Chapter 83X - Book of the Dead - Random Prayers

The Following are Fan Creations Set During the Third Phasic War

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Worker Gibbons hate cube life. He just wanted to lie flat and die. But if he did so, his boss would probably fine him one day's credits.

"Say... you wouldn't happen to have those TPS reports done, would you Gibbons?" his boss said from behind him, making him jump as he always did.

"Um, no sir," Gibbons said wearily. "No way I get them done by five. At least four hours worth of them. And what with the current emergency-"

"Pish tosh, Gibbons, be a team player. Get those reports done or I dock your pay. I know you can do it."

"But the emergency - radio's telling everybody-"

"I don't care, man. Get me those TPS reports or else!" He stomped off.

Gibbons glanced at the news report printout.

- ALERT ALERT ALERT - TERRAN PHASIC SHADE (TPS) EVENT - ALERT ALERT ALERT

-DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE VIDEO RECORDINGS. TPS CAN BE STORED, TRANSMITTED, AND TRAVEL VIA AUDIOVISUAL MEDIUM. USE TEXT ONLY. ANISIBLE STATIONS WILL BE DESTROYED SHORTLY. THEY FEAR SALT, THE COLOR RED, AND IRON. BE STRONG AND WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS.-

- ALERT ALERT ALERT - TERRAN PHASIC SHADE (TPS) EVENT - ALERT ALERT ALERT

(MESSAGE REPEATS)

"GIBBONS! I don't hear that keyboard clacking! Where are my TPS reports?!"

Gibbons stared at his boss' office, the back down at the all-channels text alert. Then back at his boss' office. Resolved, he quickly acted. He unplugged his monitor, then typed by memory a string of commands going back to his teenage years as a wannabe hacker. He slotted an optical chip into his computer and began typing.

>COMMAND PROMPT MODE

- remote access .local

- search: /mostpopular /filesizecorrupted /suspectmalware

- download tagged file destination d:/optical /readonly filename: TPS.rpt.exe

His computer began whirring, the cooling fan running as the computer struggled to download some massive file. Meanwhile he stood up and started disconnecting all monitors, displays, and readouts in the office. He swore he saw a flicker in the coffee maker's screen before hi unplugged it, and he shivered. Then he heard his OD pop open. He grabbed the optical chip, walked into his boss' office, and tossed it on the desk.

"There's the first one. I need to run out to get some more Valley Moisture soda if I'm to get the rest done. Be back in ten."

Gibbons' boss grunted at his worker's departing back. "That was fast," he replied. "Maybe you'll get it all done by seven after all!" he called after his departing subordinate.

Gibbons ignored him. He grabbed a old, raw iron crowbar from the maintenance closet, and smashed the office's locking mechanism from the outside so the door could not be opened. He didn't know if he'd make it home, but as he turned away a short scream from behind the jammed door put a smile onto his face that lasted him the rest of his life.

(As transcribed by LateralThinker13)

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"Listen up, you got two shitty choices. You stay in this room, holed up hoping someone comes along that is going to help before the shades get you or the hunger and thirst does.

Or you pick up a gun, a knife and a can of spray paint and walk through that door with me. Once you do though, you become "that guy" the one everyone's going to look to for help, and blame if it all goes wrong. The one it is going to feel like the Malevolent Universe is taking a personal interest in screwing with.

So what is it gonna be? Hope for the angels to come down and rescue you, or walk through that door into hell with me, and see if we can do some good before Armageddon arrives?" - Transcribed record fragment recovered from the Third Phasic War.

(As transcribed by Bergusia)

"If this record is ever found, let the future be certain that in this war, I may have been killed, but I never knew defeat. The fact you are listening to it is proof of that. You, now hearing my voice, are the spoils of victory for which I now pledge to win, or die in the attempt.

"Heh. Hahahahahaha! HAH!"

[ VFX: nearly a quarter-hand of laughter - ranging from joyous, to terrified, hysterical, to sobbing, breathless, to gasping - interspersed with attempts to say a word starting with 'vvv'; it eventually settles down into labored, gasping breathing punctuated by snorted bursts of laughter ]

"Hoooo. Damn. 'Victory or death, either is fine!' HAH! Sorry... sorry about that. Absurdity attack. 'Victory or death, either is fine.' How profoundly simple and profanely complex six words can be. Fitting that this ancient battle mantra, which served the Lemurs for millennia, will now serve me in this war against them.

"I understand now. I understand everything. This whole... insane, impossible, irrational, illogical... THING! is the punch line to a joke that very, very few will ever hear or understand. But I did. I heard it. I get it. Which probably means I've gone pants-on-head bugfuck insane. That might actually come in handy. To handle crazy shit happening, being crazy is probably the only way to stand a chance against it.

"But time is running out. Remember me, my many-times-great-grandchildren. Remember us all. And know you were loved by the trillions who gave everything they had, so that you could have your today, and its tomorrow, and every day after until the Heat Death takes the last of everything.

"I'm putting this record somewhere safe. The future we save MUST know of the past that saved it. It MUST know that we... the ones who came before... knew very well what it would cost to ensure a future where life once again flourishes. And so you know that we paid that price gladly.

"You're worth every single bit of that price, and so much more. If you remember nothing else of what is in this record, just remember that single statement. The idea of you is worth everything to us, and so we now pay that price in order to receive you in the fullness of time.

"My people believe that, so long as a name is spoken, the named is never truly gone. Whatever you are, wherever you are... if a J'tar'ka of questionably sound mind may ask a boon of you... please speak my name sometimes, that I may continue to be long after I am gone. Speak it wherever and whenever you are, so that, wherever or whenever I am, I will receive the strength to ensure your future.

"My name is Wuugndra Ax'mnev, and I love you."

--Combat telemetry voice recording, discovered in rubble during reconstruction following the final TPS Breakout Event in System RH-8162. Dated to the last fifth of the Third Phasic War (confidence: 85%) Fate of either speaker has not been determined.

(As transcribed by daviskendall)

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To the port of [REDACTED] rode a stranger one fine day Hardly spoke to folks around him didn't have too much to say No one dared to ask his business no one dared to make a slip For the stranger there among them had a magac on his hip Magac on his hip

It was early in the morning when he strode into the port He came walking from arrivials slowly lookin' all around He's an outlaw loose and running came the whisper from each lip And he's here to do some business with the magac on his hip Magac on his hip

On this planet there was an outlaw by the name of Dee Tanie Many men had tried to take her and that many men were dead She was vicious and a killer though a youth of [REDACTED] And the notches on her pistol numbered one and nineteen hundred more One and nineteen hundred more

Now the stranger started talking made it plain to folks around Was an Earthling wouldn't be too long in town He came here to take the Devil back alive or maybe dead And he said it didn't matter he was after Dee Tanie After Dee Taniee

Wasn't long before the story was relayed to Dee Tanie But the Devil didn't worry men that tried before were dead Twenty thousand men had tried to take him twenty thousand men had made a slip Twenty and one would be the Earthling with the Magac on his hip Magac on his hip

The morning passed so quickly it was time for them to meet It was twenty past eleven when they walked out in the street Shades were watching from the vidscreens every-body held their breath They knew this scary Earthling was about to meet his death About to meet his death

There was forty feet between them when they stopped to make their play And the swiftness of the Earthling is still talked about today Dee had not cleared leather fore a bullet fairly ripped And the Earthling's aim was deadly with the Magac on his hip Magac on his hip

It was over in a moment and the shades had gathered round There before them lay the body of the Devil on the ground Oh she might have went on living but he made one fatal slip When he tried to match the Earthling with the Magac on his hip Magac on his hip

Magac Magac

When she tried to match the Earthling with the Magac on his hip

Magac on his hip

--- Audio file found after the 3rd Phasic war during cleanup of a Free Servitor panet.

---WARNING DO NOT PLAY THIS AUDIO FILE WHERE THE DEVIL MIGHT HEAR--- DEE MAY TAKE A PERSONAL INTREST IN YOU---

(Transcribed by TheOtherGUY63)

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Thank you to everyone who contributed to this.