CH 172

“Actually, it wasn’t because of any particular incident. It’s even hard to say which day or which year things went south. If I had to put a finger to it…”

The landlord seemed to be seriously poring over his memories. A long moment passed, and he said, “After taking on a research project at the institute, I had a period where I was completely slammed. I was very worried that it would be too cheerless at home, causing Jacques to overthink things.” 

He smiled. “You know. Kiddos all have that awkward phase. Mine lasted exceptionally long, from ten to my early twenties, persisting for hatefully long. I worried that Jack would be the same, so I got him some cats and dogs to keep him company. He liked them a lot.”

It wasn’t just Jack; Mervyn White liked those tiny ones a lot too, and they did their best to take good care of them.

So later, influenced by his lab work with the research institute, when he started to develop a psychological shadow towards those little animals, it pained him more than anyone else.

He liked them so much he regarded them as important members of the family, but for the same reason, he had to stay far away from them. 

Or he feared that, in the protracted mental suffering, those gentle and beautiful emotions would be whittled to nothing.

“Did he get angry at you for sending the pets away?” Yan Suizhi speculated.

To their surprise, the landlord shook his head. “He indeed wasn’t happy, but he didn’t get angry at me.”

Back then, Mervyn White had steeled his heart. He believed that Jack would surely be livid for a long time, and was even prepared to be rebuffed as a result of this. It would possibly last many years, until one day that the boy could understand his helplessness, then would the antagonism from those teenage years slowly dispel.

However, Jack didn’t make a scene. This surprised even Mervyn White at that time.

While Jack, who was in his early teens at that time, was upset, he didn’t make a scene as he stubbornly trusted that Mervyn White must have had his reasons for doing so.

In a sense, he was actually a very sensible child. Or better put, he had absolute trust in his foster dad, and knew that it couldn’t have been easy for the other to send away what he dearly loved, that there must have been no other alternative.

“But that kid was very inquisitive.” The landlord was exasperated but fond. “Maybe it’s an intrinsic part of being a genius? Actually, he shouldn’t be reprimanded for this strength, but I really didn’t want him to know the reason at that time.” 

The hysteria of those lab animals definitely didn’t make for good conversation. It was depressing. Furthermore, those weren’t images appropriate for an eleven- going on twelve-years-old to see. So, Mervyn White found other reasons to brush over it.

“Not long later, I resigned from the research institute.” The landlord was a little helpless. “My behaviour seemed very abrupt to the boy, piquing his inquisitiveness. But I couldn’t explain it; my revulsion towards the research institute back then was based on gut feeling. I didn’t have any concrete evidence. I couldn’t even tell what the purpose of the research institute was at that time.”

Therefore, when Jack asked, Mervyn White chose to brush over it again.

On one hand, he didn’t want to remind himself of that experience, and on the other hand, he hoped that Jack wouldn’t be exposed to those things. 

During his teens, Jack White discreetly asked about it time and time again, and Mervyn White fed him superficial reasons every time.

“Actually, in retrospect, I suspect that the estrangement should have been a result of this.” The landlord said, “He offered me absolute trust, yet I never told him the truth, using jokes and excuses to counter him. Whatever the intention, I let down his trust.”

The landlord contemplated. “After that, he wasn’t as close to me as he was before. Or maybe he had reached his true rebellious phase? Sometimes his remarks would come out of the blue like soft knives. You can’t find a single thing wrong with what he said, but listening to it would make you want to puke blood.”

“But I didn’t realise it then. I still thought the hateful age of puberty had come, though it lasted far longer than I expected. During that half-year, we would often argue over very minor things. While it wasn’t intense and neither of us raised our voices, we were still beyond mad. It was as if we had suddenly gone from being family members completely in tune with each other to shared tenants completely out of tune with each other.” 

Hearing the descriptor ‘shared tenants’, Yan Suizhi consoled, “It couldn’t have gotten bad enough to call it that; you’re father and son, after all.”

“Yeah,” the landlord said. “That’s what I’d think too, when I’m calm. But this notion would spring up when the anger rushes to my head; it’s pretty unpleasant. He had just been admitted to university at that time and didn’t come home often. I overheard that his real parents had been quietly looking for him, expressing remorse and warmth to him, trying to reconcile with him. To be honest, I’m quite confident in myself, but when we argue I’d always feel that I’m still missing that bit of blood connection.”

“Following that, in the second half of his first year, he came back once during the holidays, and I accidentally came across one of his folders…”

Coming to this, his brows furrowed again. It seemed that his heart was still unable to remain unaffected when revisiting that moment. 

“I could tell at a glance what those figures and numbers were about. They were all stuff that I previously touched in the research institute! My first thought was that he had some gall, actually secretly going through my old stuff. But when I took a closer look, I noticed a lot of differences in the details of the research data. How do I put it… it was very immature. It was obviously the work of a prodigy wet behind the ears who cobbled it together on their own.”

The landlord sighed. “I was downright pissed. Compared to secretly going through my past, plunging himself into the research gave me more post-trauma. You can’t even imagine the consequences if he went down the wrong path with a genius like his. That was probably the worst argument that ever erupted between us, and the last.”

Mervyn White never expected that his stonewalling would lead to this. Jack didn’t only not give up, but he’d even investigated it in person.

During that argument, Jack deleted all that information in front of Mervyn White, shredding it permanently. Then, he packed his bags and returned to school, never to return. 

“I originally thought that this argument was no different from before, maybe just that this tantrum dragged out for more time. Maybe he’d be back with his bags the next semester break, appearing at my door without a word. But it wasn’t long before I heard that he had gone to stay with his biological parents for the time being.”

Silence passed, and then the landlord added, “I was quite angry at that time. I almost blew my top. It felt as if I’d spent twenty years raising an ingrate that bit the hand that fed him. And it was when I was boiling with anger that I told Lin Yuan not to mention that kiddo in front of me. Not a single word. For some time, I comforted myself with this—the boy is a deep thinker; maybe he misunderstood the words said in the heat of the moment, and was deliberately trying to aggravate me. But alas, the Manson brothers were watching me like a hawk at that time.”

And so Mervyn White suddenly felt that Jack’s estrangement and his return to his blood kin wasn’t a bad thing. At least he wouldn’t get tangled up into this.

So, against his will, Mervyn White put on an act, pushing his foster son increasingly further away from him. 

The deep gulf split into a heavenly moat, which, with the lapse of time, was irremediable.

“I worried for a period that he hadn’t stopped that research, that he would follow in my steps and become tangled up with all that messy stuff.” The landlord said, “Luckily…”

Listening to this, Yan Suizhi’s eyes flickered. He suddenly dropped his gaze, fiddling with the mint leaves on his dinner plate.

He had wanted to warn the landlord about seeing Jack White at the rest stop, but now he abruptly changed his mind, swallowing down those tentative questions. 

The landlord didn’t notice his expression, lost in his own thoughts. After a while, he said, “Luckily he entered Spring Ivy after he graduated. That’s probably my one relief.”

He suddenly recalled an afternoon many, many years ago.

He was carving a tree root out in the courtyard, and the floor-to-ceiling windows of the study on the second floor were sparkling clean. as he loosened his muscles, he happened to look up and saw Jack reclining in his chair with his earpieces plugged in, sheets of electronic material in front of him.

It was Jack’s last holiday break in high school. Soon, he would be enrolling in university. 

It was when Mervyn White watched him through the window that it abruptly hit him—a long time seemed to have passed since Jack asked about his lab work and his resignation.

The little boy had already, unnoticed by him, grown out of his inquisitiveness and talkativeness into a man much more mature, and much more introspective.

At least, the Mervyn White of before couldn’t tell what was on his mind.

It should have been gratifying to see him come to age, but at that time, Mervyn White suddenly had a feeling… 

It was as if there would come a day that the little boy he watched grow up would move further and further away from him, becoming even more like a stranger. Maybe one day, never to return home again.